That's a very timely article for me, Will. Thanks.
What is interesting to me is my double standard. I am an excellent trainer (toot-toot) for adults and kids. I am patient, nurturing, but also motivating and tough. I do a lot of encouraging and don't even unconsciously display disappointment.
With my oldest child though I don't think I have the same standard. Perhaps I just wish that on some level he were as athletic as I was as a child, but I catch myself expressing disappointment that he won't push himself. Part of my frustration is that he has unbelievable genetic potential, but he seems to be lazy or unwilling to push himself. He's naturally built for speed, but on field day he trails in dead last behind the fat kids who have trouble walking.
My recognition of this has made me hypersensitive to my bodylanguage and communications with him. I try shower him with praise when he does well, and encourage him to try harder when he does not.
We have had some breakthroughs. I also just realized that he is a very late bloomer, but when he does finally decide to try, he actually isn't behind those who were competitive right from the start. In fact, in some ways he's even better than others, probably due to his natural athletic genes.
He was slow to start swimming, for example, but this summer he just started - out of the blue - to start diving off the diving board, and swimming to the bottom of the pool (13 ft) to attempt to retrieve "treasure" (stuff that I place down there to be discovered by him or his sister) and/or an 8 pound rubber coated diving block. I think that part of what made him take off so quickly is that I showed him a few things, but then backed waaaaay off and let him work up the nerve on his own with no "help" from me.
I don't think I've done any permanent damage (I hope), but I do fear that I screwed up quite a bit with him early on. I got pretty mad at him for his attitude on field day. Mad enough to make him almost cry, which caught me off guard, and I spent the rest of the time trying to make him feel better.
My other kids are naturally pretty competitive, so I don't really need to push them. Plus, they like seeing how excited I get when they do well at the pool, or make a basket, so they keep doing it over and over again, getting better skills every day.
Point is, as parents and coaches, we have to make sure that our "product" is consistent, and not hold our own children to a different standard than we would for any other child.
Thanks for bringing up this issue, Will.
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Jean-Paul Francoeur
www.jpfitness.com
http://forums.jpfitness.com
"Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Mark Twain
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