How bad do I want it?

[Tawny38]

Originally Posted by Gen

Looks like you're getting into the swing of things! It's great when you can get there!

I'm with you on the scale thing. I weight sporadically now. I used to do once a week and when I've been really good all week and find NO loss it completely ruins my mood for days on end! Everyday works for me because I can see the trends better and try not to let it affect my moods, but sometimes I just forget to

Love the rewards program you've got!

Thanks!

Workout from Wed 10/28

Deadlifts
45 x 5
65 x 5
85 x 5
95 x 5
95 x 5
105 x 5

DB Clean & Press
25 x 5
25 x 5
30 x 5 x 4 sets

RDL/Row
45 x 5
45 x 5
65 x 5 x 4 sets

Good Mornings
45 (barbell only) x 5 x 6 sets

Side Planks
30" each side x 1 x 6 sets

Was going to run, but only did one lap. Decided to row instead - 3 min w/u, 10 x 30" sprints with 60" slow, 2 min c/d


I made an appointment with an orthopod and was able to get in to see him yesterday. Apparently, I have chondromalacia and so now I'm scheduled for an MRI to see if they need to do anything with the cartiledge in my knee. He was not at all concerned about my most recent injury, and felt that it was healing well with what I was doing, but I needed to realize that healing takes time. With regard to the chronic issues, I told him that I was basically managing my pain well, but wanted to know if I had any muscular imbalances or flexibility issues that I could address and just wanted to know if I was going to make things worse by continuing with activity when I couldn't easily predict when I was going to have swelling and pain. His response was that we had already tried physical therapy, so it was time to think about the next step. I'm going to do the MRI, but it's going to take some convincing that I need more than a "booster" with a physical therapist. I wonder if I can see a PT without a doctor's order? Need to check into that...

I did do kettlebell class last night, and could not do windmills with a completely straight left leg, nor could I do lunges, so I subbed in squats. There's another question for a PT, why can I do squats, BSS, and static lunges, but I can't always do activities that require one-leg or switching legs. I didn't stay for jiu jitsu - decided I wasn't going to push the knee.

I had a typical level of swelling and achiness last evening and today, which I can easily live with. I may run today. I've decided that I'm not doing my trail race on Sunday, though. "sigh"

[Tawny38]

Friday 10/30
I left my workout log at work, so decided to do interval work instead.
Jog 1 mile warm-up
Sprint 200 m/walk 100 m x 5
Jog 1 mile cool-down
Walked around track for 15 minutes, didn't track mileage

Saturday 10/31
Kettlebell class

Sunday 11/1 -Planned to run in a.m. with a friend, but friend cancelled due to weather (rainy and cold) and I was too lazy to go by myself. Decided to take a rest day.

Re: intake - I did really well with the Halloween candy until Saturday, then dived into the tootsie rolls. Fasted until dinner last night, then a high-protein dinner. Ready to start anew this morning. The fasting was not as difficult as I thought it would be, and helped me get back on track.

Weight this a.m. I am up 2.2 pounds . I have had a good 3 weeks with few exceptions, and really expected a fairly significant loss (at least 5 pounds). Well, I can only move forward.

Yesterday, I decided to take pictures and measurements, which were quite enlightening. Even though I knew I had gained weight and my favorite jeans are too tight, most of my other clothes still fit and so I thought I still looked fine. Pictures do not lie as easily as the mirror does!

I'm a little unsure what to do with that gain - I really thought I was doing well with weighing my food and planning my meals. I'm going to go back and read through my log in a little while - maybe I had more extra cheats than I thought I did. I feel like I've made some good changes to my diet, though, and I have not had any binges for weeks (Saturday's tootsie roll fest excepted). I have also been able to manage the changes without signifcant hunger, which was my downfall before getting more on top of my eating. I'll go back through my log...

[Gen]

Originally Posted by Tawny38

Weight this a.m. I am up 2.2 pounds . I have had a good 3 weeks with few exceptions, and really expected a fairly significant loss (at least 5 pounds). Well, I can only move forward.

Yesterday, I decided to take pictures and measurements, which were quite enlightening. Even though I knew I had gained weight and my favorite jeans are too tight, most of my other clothes still fit and so I thought I still looked fine. Pictures do not lie as easily as the mirror does!

I'm a little unsure what to do with that gain - I really thought I was doing well with weighing my food and planning my meals. I'm going to go back and read through my log in a little while - maybe I had more extra cheats than I thought I did. I feel like I've made some good changes to my diet, though, and I have not had any binges for weeks (Saturday's tootsie roll fest excepted). I have also been able to manage the changes without signifcant hunger, which was my downfall before getting more on top of my eating. I'll go back through my log...

Try not to be too hard on yourself. That's rich coming from me; a bad weigh-in ruins not just my day but my week! Objectively though, it really could be anything. You're up 2.2 lbs from when? Last week or three weeks ago? Could it be hormonal maybe? Your weigh in this morning is a snap shot; if you feel you're doing well I'd give it at least another week or two before you change anything. That said, I understand how hard it is to decide to do the same thing for two more weeks when it looks like it may not be working. It's like potentially losing time.

[Tawny38]

I reviewed my log and found that:
I lost 3.2 pounds from 9/29 to 10/12 (with minimal weight training)
I added weight training back in on 10/13
I injured my knee on 10/15 and again on 10/18
I have significantly decreased running since 10/18, and have not attended BJJ
since 10/15
I was off plan 4/20 days, since 10/12
On 10/27, I commented that my clothes are fitting better, so some of the weight gain may be due to water retention.

I seriously doubt that I ate enough extra calories those 4 days to result in the weight gain, especially over the course of 20 days. And, while those 4 days certainly did not help my efforts, it was not a free-for-all the entire day! Either I have not been accurate with my intake, or I am retaining a boat load of water.

I re-calculated my BMR - it's 1500. I'm going to plan to eat 1400 calories/day. On weight training days, I'm going to shoot for 1400 over the next two training days, then re-assess whether or not I need more cals on those days. I'm not sure how much I'm burning with activity, but I'm certainly burning less now than I was a few weeks ago.

I'm also going to focus on increasing NEAT. I suspect this has declined a lot, since I seem to spend a lot of time on the sofa or at my computer with my foot propped up because my knee hurts. I need a pedometer.

I'm going to also try weighing daily so I can get a handle on any water retention trends.

This is very frustrating, especially since I was feeling like I had things under control.
I was really expecting a good loss. I can't get too upset about it though - there has to be a reason, I just need to adjust and move on. I'm going to keep telling myself that my clothes fit better. Plus, I have the pictures and measurements now, so that will have to take the place of my weight in monitoring progress.

[Tawny38]

Originally Posted by Gen

Try not to be too hard on yourself. That's rich coming from me; a bad weigh-in ruins not just my day but my week! Objectively though, it really could be anything. You're up 2.2 lbs from when? Last week or three weeks ago? Could it be hormonal maybe? Your weigh in this morning is a snap shot; if you feel you're doing well I'd give it at least another week or two before you change anything. That said, I understand how hard it is to decide to do the same thing for two more weeks when it looks like it may not be working. It's like potentially losing time.

It's really hard not to let it ruin my plan and just say, "WTH, I can't do this" - especially since today is birthday cake day at work. I don't have a really good understanding of how my body handles excess sugar, protein, etc. I just know that sometimes I can retain a lot of water. I have learned a lot about my eating habits over the last month, so maybe if I track me weight daily I can figure all that out....

It does help to know that others struggle just as I do - thanks for the support.

[JennyR]

Hi Tawny, Thanks for posting in my log. Don't let the scale mess you up too much. I have found when weighing myself that it fluctuates a few pounds regularly and that seems normal for me.
You are doing a fantastic job of trying to sort it all out.

[Tawny38]

The scale was down 1.5 this morning, and I ate soup twice yesterday, so more sodium than I'm used to. My intake was 1283 calories. I weight-trained last night, but did not feel that I needed more to eat. I was hungry when I woke up this morning, but not ravenous. It usually takes a few days to catch up to me, though. Thursday will be the real test as to how I do on lower calories.

Got up early and walked my dog this morning. This will help increase my burn through the day, too. This is the time of year I usually return to morning running, but I can walk for now. Still need to get a pedometer, but I'll concentrate on getting up and moving around more.

Last night's workout:
Kettlebell class - my husband dropped my daughter off at swim practice, which gave me the opportunity to get back to the dojo. We worked legs hard last night, so I actually ended up doing a lot of swings instead of squats just because I was feeling it in my knee about half-way through class. We also did a number of turkish get-ups, my favorite. Great class, even with my modifications. Typically, I would go to BJJ afterward, but I'm still off for hopefully just one more week.

After class, I went over to the Y and did a strength and cardio workout while waiting for my daughter to finish swimming.

Barbell Bench Press
45 x 5
55 x 5
65 x 5
65 x 5
65 x 10

Push-ups
BW x 5 x 4 sets
BW x 10 x 1 set
These have been feeling really hard lately. I'm not sure why that is - maybe I need to increase my reps per set. I've been trying to work on form and get lower to the ground, but it's hard to judge if I am lower or not since I'm not yet able to touch.

DB Shoulder Press
20 @ side x 5 x 4 sets
20 @ side x 7 x 1 set

1 Leg DB Row
20 @ side x 5 @ leg x 2 sets
25 @ side x 5 @ leg x 2 sets
25 @ side x 10 @ leg x 1 set

Planks
70" x 1 x 5 sets

Elliptical trainer, 30 minutes. Steady state through 20 minutes, then 4 min Tabata-like intervals, steady state/cool-down for final 6 minutes.

[Tawny38]

Originally Posted by JennyR

Hi Tawny, Thanks for posting in my log. Don't let the scale mess you up too much. I have found when weighing myself that it fluctuates a few pounds regularly and that seems normal for me.
You are doing a fantastic job of trying to sort it all out.

Thanks, Jenny!

[Tawny38]

Interesting - the scale was down 1.8 this morning. Intake was 1475 yesterday.

Yesterday's workout consisted of the a.m. dog walk (25 minutes, easy pace) and then a lunch time power walk (2.5 miles, 33 minutes). Tonight is at the Y, workout TBD. Knee is very achy today, given yesterday's walks. Walked again this morning, planning on walking at lunch, but maybe I should just rest? It's hard to pass up such a beautiful day, though. I'm constantly going back and forth, trying to decide should I rest or not - probably, if I would just take time off and do nothing for a week, I would be ok. However, I usually feel better after I get warmed up and then for an hour or two after a workout.

[Gen]

Originally Posted by Tawny38

The scale was down 1.5 this morning,...

Originally Posted by Tawny38

Interesting - the scale was down 1.8 this morning.

Nice!

[Tawny38]

Thanks, Gen! This morning weight was unchanged. Intake yesterday was 1793 - I "found" some more tootsie rolls and ate 20 of them (at least I counted them! ), which added 260 calories to my day. I was feeling kinda sorry for myself with the whole knee thing, didn't feel like going to the gym, I know, I know, I'm puncturing my other tires...Today is the MRI.

Yesterday's activity was a brisk dog walk in the am (20 minutes, 1.25 miles) and another brisk walk at lunch (35 minutes, 2.5 miles). Should be the same activity today.

Looking back at yesterday's post, I realize that I was debating whether to walk or not yesterday. Since I did walk, I was too achy to go to gym.

[Gen]

As long as you keep your activity levels up you'll be fine. You seem to do largely well with your intake so just keep it up and you'll get there! Not bad about the tootsie rolls; too bad you can't have 20 reese's pb cups for that few cals!

I'm jealous of you with your running by the way. I've been trying for a year and a half and keep injuring myself! I'm just about able to run 3 x a week now though.

*Cheering for you*

[Tawny38]

Originally Posted by Gen

I'm jealous of you with your running by the way. I've been trying for a year and a half and keep injuring myself! I'm just about able to run 3 x a week now though.

*Cheering for you*

Thanks! I keep injuring myself, too. You are doing fantastic getting out there 3 days a week. I've done a few half marathons and thought maybe I'd do a full for my 40th birthday (which is next year) but I can't seem to sustain the longer mileage without injury. Guess my body isn't built for distance - it's not built for speed, either . We'll just keep cheering each other on to do whatever we can!

The scale was the same again this morning - I was expecting an increase, as my carb intake was higher yesterday, and I had Chinese for dinner last night. Worries about my MRI led to eating comfort foods (bagel with chicken salad and a brownie for lunch yesterday), but all in all I wanted to eat much more than I did, so that's a minor victory. I did not count my calories yesterday - that will just be my off day for the week.

The MRI was ok - I was a little panicky sliding into the tube, but it only went to my shoulders, so I was able to relax a little. Until the noises started, anyway. I had read that it was noisy, but it was much louder than I expected-sometimes it sounded like machine guns, other times like a giant can opener. Anyway it's over. I won't know the results until the week after next.

Yesterday's activity was only the am dog walk - I didn't go at lunch because I wanted to eat bad stuff (I can't do something good and something bad at the same time ). I walked the dog again this morning, plan to walk at lunch, and then tonight I'll be in the gym for a strength workout.

On a slightly different note, several of my co-workers have been going to kettlebell class with me on Thursday nights. Yesterday we decided to start doing our own training together after work twice a week. We are looking into purchasing our own bells and plan to start next week. I'm looking forward to it - they are a fun group of people, and at the very least we should be able to keep it up long enough to get us through the holidays .

Back on plan today. It's a beautiful day, looking forward to my lunch walk, though wishing it was a run.

[NYC_Native]

Glad to hear your MRI experience wasn't bad. I did mine a few months ago, and it was so helpful to have an employee there who was competent, and explained everything that was going on. Hope the results also check out OK.

And I'm jealous that your co-workers have started going to kb class with you! That's a great motivator to have.

[Gen]

Your off day sounds wonderful! I haven't had a bagel in months! Kettlebell classes seems kind of cool. I've never even picked one up but it looks like fun. Hope the MRI turns out ok, sounded slightly frightening.

[Tawny38]

Originally Posted by NYC_Native

Glad to hear your MRI experience wasn't bad. I did mine a few months ago, and it was so helpful to have an employee there who was competent, and explained everything that was going on. Hope the results also check out OK.

And I'm jealous that your co-workers have started going to kb class with you! That's a great motivator to have.

Thanks-I do wish the technician had been able to tell me something, but she was really nice and explained the process to me. I go back next Tuesday for results, which seems like a long time!

It really is a lot of fun having my co-workers there - there have been several times one of us (including me!) have not felt like going, but we got ourselves there. We are supposed to start our afterwork group tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it!

Originally Posted by Gen

Your off day sounds wonderful! I haven't had a bagel in months! Kettlebell classes seems kind of cool. I've never even picked one up but it looks like fun. Hope the MRI turns out ok, sounded slightly frightening.

Thanks-it was a little frightening, but I can be a big scaredy cat .
Bagels tend to be my go-to comfort food, weird, but I think I have this mindset that they are only semi-unhealthy. Oh well.


I am glad to have this log to come back to, because it has been a tough weekend + Monday and I was feeling a complete failure. But, I can see that I actually had a good week last week, so all is not lost.

I don't understand why I have these fits and starts of doing really well and then completely crashing. If I could strangle myself, I think I would. What would equal a good steady weight loss ends up being maintenance because I completely undo my good work. I have lost and gained the same ten pounds countless times. I know what works for me, but I don't do it long enough to have lasting results. Why can't I let myself be successful?

So here we go again, re-start, I'm going to do it this time. Maybe this is part of my failure, I get tired of playing the same tape in my brain, or maybe I actually like playing that tape. I think I need to change the tape.

I would like to set a goal for myself, but I'm hanging in the balance because of my knee issues. I'd love to do the Shamrock Half in Virginia Beach in March, but I'm afraid I won't be able to train for it. I've actually been looking into the Galloway method after reading some of the other posters in this forum. That might help with my tendency toward injury over long distances.

After researching Galloway yesterday, I decided to try it out on the treadmill. I haven't run for about two weeks now. I did 4 min run at an 11:30 pace with 1 min walk breaks. Despite the slow speed and with the breaks, I stopped running after 36 min. because I was feeling pain. After walking for 6 more mins I had to stop altogether. I actually have to wonder if the walk breaks contributed to the pain due to the pace change, as I haven't had this particular problem recently. Though it could have been the treadmill surface, too, as all of my running since my injury has been on trails. And the trails have been nicely padded with fallen leaves over the last month or so.

My downfall in eating yesterday occurred after this failed attempt, so obviously I was having an emotional response to this. So much of my "new" identity as a fit person is tied up in running. Running is what helped me lose weight, and I'm realizing that I keep telling myself that as soon as I can get back to running like I was I will get the extra weight off. I'm going to have to ponder that for a while.

Anyway, walked the dog this morning, slow pace for 29 minutes. Plan to walk over lunch - may try running on the trails wearing a knee brace. Will have to see how it goes.

[JennyR]

Hi Tawny, it's great to have co-workers ready to go workout. Good motivation.
MRI's are not so fun. I didn't realize just how much I didn't like small spaces until I was in there.
Hope you had a nice walk at lunch. Have a good day.

[NYC_Native]

Originally Posted by Tawny38

Thanks-it was a little frightening, but I can be a big scaredy cat .
Bagels tend to be my go-to comfort food, weird, but I think I have this mindset that they are only semi-unhealthy. Oh well.

Well, depending on your fitness and nutrition goals, bagels may have a place in it. That's why setting a very detailed eating plan is so important. It helped me see beyond the "healthy" vs. "unhealthy" mindset about certain foods. There are times where carbs (such as the bagels) aren't off-limits, such as now. The nutrition program that my coach has set up for me incl. them. Later on, after I do the HM, I probably will go on a low-carb one to help me shed some weight. The bagels will then disappear. I guess what I'm trying to say is that food are simply tools, and saying that one item is "bad" and another is "good" is not always the best approach to health, KWIM?

So here we go again, re-start, I'm going to do it this time. Maybe this is part of my failure, I get tired of playing the same tape in my brain, or maybe I actually like playing that tape. I think I need to change the tape.

Don't beat yourself up too badly about it. It's rare that any of us has constantly been on the good exercise and food bandwagon. We all have our hiccups there.

[Tawny38]

Thanks for the support, guys. I "know" no food is really bad, it's all about my behavior. Someone had said to me earlier that I seem to have "all-or-nothing" thinking about my own actions, I guess I have it about food, too. Anyone have any tricks they use/things they say to themselves to help keep them from seeing foods and behaviors as good or evil?

So at lunch yesterday, I decided to do the Galloway method again on the trail, wearing my knee brace. I like that I can go faster over the 4 minutes, but that seems to make it more of a speed workout than anything. Anyway, exhilarating run, no pain until later. I think part of that is the cushiony trail, but also that I walked slower during my breaks than I was doing on the treadmill.

Later in the evening, I used the foam roller and stretched. I just bought the roller last weekend, and hadn't given it more than a cursory try. A little tightness in the hamstrings, none in the quads. It really hurt rolling over my IT band, and after I was done my knee did not hurt at all. Now I wonder if what I have is an ITB issue...researching that later today. Anyway, the rolling was nothing short of miraculous. I will definitely be incorporating that into my day.

Today is kettlebells after work, then the gym tonight while my daughter swims.

Good intake yesterday, stayed on plan - 1632 calories. I made pumpkin mousse, the recipe in the most recent Clean Eating magazine. It uses canned pumpkin, silken tofu, and maple syrup. Delicious! That will be my dessert for the rest of the week.

Doing well so far today-there is birthday cake in the kitchen, but I'm not tempted. Weight was up 0.4 pounds, but I think it's a normal fluctuation.

[tattooed phat man]

Originally Posted by NYC_Native

Well, depending on your fitness and nutrition goals, bagels may have a place in it. That's why setting a very detailed eating plan is so important. It helped me see beyond the "healthy" vs. "unhealthy" mindset about certain foods. There are times where carbs (such as the bagels) aren't off-limits, such as now. The nutrition program that my coach has set up for me incl. them. Later on, after I do the HM, I probably will go on a low-carb one to help me shed some weight. The bagels will then disappear. I guess what I'm trying to say is that food are simply tools, and saying that one item is "bad" and another is "good" is not always the best approach to health, KWIM?



Don't beat yourself up too badly about it. It's rare that any of us has constantly been on the good exercise and food bandwagon. We all have our hiccups there.

+1. Specific foods aren't the problem. The probem is eating them when you have "decided" not to.

[Gen]

I think when you get stuck in one mode for a while though, it's natural to just tick them off in the "NO" box.

Tawny have you read Lyle McDonalds Guide to Flexible Dieting? It's great actually if you find yourself being very black or white about things. My problem tends to be too much flexibility but its a good read.

You are doing really well though. I hear you about gaining and losing the same few pounds over and over too! We can do it this time!!!

[stingo]

I'd suggest visualizing yourself in the body you want/getting the performance you want. And before putting anything in your mouth, ask yourself, WHY am I eating this?

[JennyR]

Hey Tawny, you haven't posted in a while. How are you doing?