I already posted a lot of my background in another thread, so I'll copy and paste that here. But let me back up a little bit first...
I was of normal weight as a small child. Then by mid-elementary school I was slightly chubby (too inactive and too much junk food). By 5th grade I was dieting, and by junior high I was doing silly 300cal/day diets. In high school I compulsively overate and was over 100lbs overweight. In college I lost all of that extra weight with moderate exercise and my own eating plan which was basically just to eat a reasonable amount of whatever I wanted (pizza for breakfast, taco bell for dinner). Not a healthy plan, altho' it worked. (I now eat "clean" and have been for years.) Got married and gained 6lbs the first year. This should have been no big deal, but for whatever reason it threw me into 2-3hrs/day of exercise and a 1000cal/day diet. I dropped 20lbs quickly, but then got hungry and put it all back on in the blink of an eye. THEN I got pregnant with our first child and put dieting on hold. After the baby was born I dieted and exercised back to "normal" weight. Over the next 10 years I went on to have 4 more children (and am currently 28wks pregnant with number 6). I continually cut calories further and further. And that brings me to what I've already posted before:
"I've been eating in a deficit and overtraining (cardio and strength) for approximately 10 years. My deficits have increased over the years and eventually got to around 60% less than maintenance for the past 4 years (lower carb, but not keto). (I do weigh and measure food.) In spite of this I have never reached a low body weight. The lowest I've gotten to is 156lbs at 5'10". Maybe because of this I've never had any trouble whatsoever with my cycles. Also, I've had hypothyroidism for 10 years (I'm on T4 replacement and my dose has been stable since day 1.) My sleep habits were 5-6hrs/night. And about 3 years ago I was diagnosed with severe chronic autoimmune neutropenia. I may be wrong, but I completely contribute that to my poor lifestyle. I've been feeling worse and worse over the years... then about 18 months ago I just couldn't do it anymore. I had recently had a baby (continued overexercise and undereating throughout the pregnancy as always - gained 45lbs eating 1000cals/day and exercising for 2hrs). I couldn't lose even 1 pound continuing on that regime (at a highter intensity) after the birth (I was at 183 then). And even more importantly I was completely EXHAUSTED. I could get through my workouts but then had NOTHING left for my family and my moods were horrific. I did a home saliva test for cortisol and the numbers came out below the normal ranges (but DHEAS was high, which supposedly put my at stage 6 adrenal fatigue). I knew I needed to change. So, I cut back my workouts to 5 days/wk, 30mins/day, and lightened the intensity a lot with a focus on strength rather than aerobics. I also began trying to sleep 7-8hrs/night. However, I continued with eating 1000 cals/day, because #1 - every time I've tried to increase I've gained fat, and #2 - I wanted to lose the baby weight. Eventually I slowly began to lose the weight after I started taking licorice root (it's supposed to extend the life of the cortisol that you have)."
I'm now halfway through week 2 of working to establish a normal calorie level. I'm at 1600-1650 cals/day and am resting according to the MRM.
I'll write more later, but just wanted to say that anyone who happens to be reading is more than welcome to respond. Any and all feedback is appreciated! :-)
WHOA!!! Are you serious? You may want to check with Leigh to make sure that her calorie recommendations are the same for a pregger person. Sure doesn't seem enough.
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The BIGGER I get the smaller you look
You may want to check with Leigh to make sure that her calorie recommendations are the same for a pregger person. Sure doesn't seem enough.
The MRM doesn't address the issue of pregnancy (unless I missed it somehow). Atho' at this point I'm not following the calorie guidelines in there due to the pregnancy. Yesterday I hit 1700 cals and that's 500 more than I was eating less than 2 weeks ago (and 700 more than a month or so ago), so I think I'm raising at quite a fast pace.... My goal is to hit 2085 in the near future. (That's my BMR+1.2activity+300 extra for the pregnancy). When I add exercise back in I'll raise that further.
My normal pattern is to wake up tired, but yet be completely unable to sleep in. Then by around noon I finally feel awake. Yesterday was weird though - I felt awake in the morning hours, by noon I was dragging, and by 5 I wanted to lie down! Not sure why that was. I did next to nothing on Sunday since it was the sabbath AND we weren't even busy with going to church because 2 of the kids are sick. Yesterday was a normal day - busy (we have 5 kids and I homeschool), but nothing unusual. We'll see what today brings...
What are they being taught in med school? Do they learn about nutrition and EDs???? I can't even tell you the number of doctors I've told my story to and none of them were ANY help whatsoever. Perhaps that's because I don't/didn't look like someone in a severe deficit??????? OR, they thought I was lying and/or underestimating my intake and overestimating my activity? When I would go in there with a situation such as eating 1000cals, exercising 2hrs/day, and weighing 183lbs and unable to drop anything, they would say things like, "It's hard, isn't it?" and move on. Or they'd tell me to just keep plugging away with what I was doing and eventually it would work. Or they'd say that's just how some bodies are and to live with it. ARGH. Could they honestly not see any red flags or problems there???
And then there's the time I decided to put myself in therapy. And this was with a therapist who supposedly specialized in EDs. The problem was, she had NO OPINION ABOUT ANYTHING. PERIOD. She asked a lot of questions and wanted to listen to me talk, but that was IT. No guidance whatsoever. That was a waste of time and didn't help at all. Maybe what I needed was a dietician... but I suppose there is good and awful in that arena, too.
Ok, I just wanted to get that off my chest. I know there are good docs out there, but not in my experience. And I've wasted so much time no thanks to them. HOWEVER, that being said I can't use it as an excuse to not take responsibility - ultimately I am completely responsible for my own actions. And I move forward from there......
I empathize with you on the doctor issue, Michelle. I'm sure a lot of GPs have maybe one course in nutrition, if that, and I bet they really don't get into ED treatment. Add to that that I think a lot of the general nutrition info out there is incorrect (such as not needing much protein), and I think you wind up with a lot of ignorant doctors.
Sorry also you had a bad experience with your therapist. FWIW, I think of lot of them are trained to not give advice--the idea is that they lead you to come to your own conclusions. So yeah, if you want outside advice you might be best off finding a nutritionist who specializes in EDs. But I think you're doing a great job increasing cals--you're a tough lady! Raising 5 kids with a 6th on the way and homeschooling can't be easy.
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They call me Amanda, that being my real name, and "They" being people who know me in person as I don't go around introducing myself in real life as "scribess." 'Cause that would just be strange.
Hey Michelle, good that you're eating more now! What sortof food are you eating?
Breakfast is always the same - 20g old fashioned oatmeal, a scoop of whey, 1/3c blueberries, and 14g walnuts.
The rest of my food varies but revolves around the same basics:
beef, chicken, fish, LOTS of egg whites (1/2 egg yolk per day).
LOTS of veggies (spinach every day and lots of green beans, broccoli, and green pepper, with smaller amounts of other things like carrots, tomatoes, cabbage, peas, mushrooms, onions, garlic, etc, etc), sweet potatoes (small portions), acorn squash....
Small amounts of cheese (30-60 cals worth, depending). Small amounts of whole grain products such as whole wheat tortillas (never more than 1/2 a tortilla per serving) or 1/4c of organic whole grain cereal (no high fructose corn syrup or anything like that). A bit of milk (1/4c-1/2c/day). Almond milk. PB.
And just about every evening I have a low carb yogurt.
Oh, I also have been eating 1/2 of a banana every day for potassium and to combat the calf cramps I get during the night when I'm pregnant.
And I make sure to always combine protein/carb/fat. On the rare occassion that I grab one thing quickly I'll go for protein.
Hmm.... there might be more but that's what comes to mind right now and pretty much covers it.
:-)
Michelle
Last edited by MRMom : 06-09-2009 at 04:57 PM.
Reason: I forgot to add BEANS! I like to make soup with meat, beans, and veggies. :-)
That sounds like a great diet! You're going to bring one healthy baby into the world, but then you have experience with that, it seems
But fess up, no weird cravings?
Oh yes, plenty of cravings! They aren't really weird though - just normal "junky" stuff like chocolate, ice cream, cookies, choc cake, chips.... But when you're eating 1000 cals/day you just can't "waste" them on that stuff because you get WAY too hungry. I do however let myself have something I want every day - such as 1 tblsp of ice cream or 1 square of choc or 1 chip. Yeah, I'm sure that sounds like more ED behavior. Hopefully once I get my calories to where they should be I'll be able to have a treat now and then w/o the guilt outweighing the pleasure....
I hit 1700 cals again yesterday. Man was I full (a good full though). I haven't been in a panic at all about all of these "extra" calories. I'd like to say that that's because it's finally just "time" to heal and become "normal" (I know I'll never be normal like someone who's never had an ED, but as normal as I can get....). However, I think the calm is likely due to the fact that I haven't been gaining at an alarming pace. I have tried to up calories before and have gained 5-10lbs in 1-2wks each time. That was always the end of that. But God has been incredibly merciful to me and that's not happening this time so far....
Tomorrow will be the start of week 3 of rest. So then why I am SOOOOOO tired and sore??! I'm used to being tired and sore, but I was always able to attribute it to my poor habits. Now that I've been resting for 2 weeks I'm *more* tired and *more* sore (almost like DOMS in my legs). What's up with that????
Salt. Are the sodium recommendations in the MRM the maximums I should never go over, or should I really be working at getting that much sodium every day? I eat a lot of unprocessed stuff that has none or little salt, so I haven't been getting 2g/day even though I do drink a glass of salt water every morning (with 1/4t salt in it). (I drink that to get my BP up because it runs low and I tend to get orthostatic hypotension). Now that I am starting week 3 tomorrow I'm supposed to go up to 3g of sodium/day - that's a LOT. What's the reasoning behind that??
Tomorrow will be the start of week 3 of rest. So then why I am SOOOOOO tired and sore??! I'm used to being tired and sore, but I was always able to attribute it to my poor habits. Now that I've been resting for 2 weeks I'm *more* tired and *more* sore (almost like DOMS in my legs). What's up with that????
Michelle
Hi Michelle!
I'm doing REPAIR also, and although I can't answer your question, I can definitely relate! I have been unbelievably sore and tired over the past 2 weeks (I'm currently in Week 2) to the point where I was too exhausted to even walk up a flight of stairs. Daily activites seemed daunting (cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping), and I would be in bed at 9pm, sleep 11-12 hours and STILL be tired in the AM. Luckily though, this is passing and I"m feeling better and more energetic day by day. I hope you'll feel the same soon!
Also, I noticed you're pregnant, so perhaps that's related.....*I have no experience with this
I have read somewhere that training incessantly on low cals/carbs puts the body into a state of stress, which in turn gives the person a sort of 'high' to keep going. I think this is actually mentioned in the manual (maybe under 'adrenal fatigue'?). So (and I'm just throwing this out there), now that you're resting and your system is stabilizing, you've lost that high and are experiencing the true fatigue your body feels. Because really, I've read your history, and I've dealt with the same...and people often ask "how did you keep going"???. And the answer is, I just did. I didn't feel hunger on 800cals, so I didn't eat. I was able to push through my WOs somehow and felt OK most days. My body was screaming, but I couldn't see or feel it.
Anyhoo, you are doing awesome Michelle - you really are. Good for you for taking control of this issue! It's difficult, and I can empathize with that, but in the end, I'm sure you'll be so happy you chose to get better!!
Daily activites seemed daunting (cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping), and I would be in bed at 9pm, sleep 11-12 hours and STILL be tired in the AM.
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Isn't it nuts? I mopped the kitchen this evening and I swear my arms got sore! I envy your sleep though. My body just won't do it for some reason. Hopefully that will come! And yeah, they do say pregnancy makes you more tired - but I should be less tired than before I started resting - LOL.
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I have read somewhere that training incessantly on low cals/carbs puts the body into a state of stress, which in turn gives the person a sort of 'high' to keep going. I think this is actually mentioned in the manual (maybe under 'adrenal fatigue'?). So (and I'm just throwing this out there), now that you're resting and your system is stabilizing, you've lost that high and are experiencing the true fatigue your body feels. Because really, I've read your history, and I've dealt with the same...and people often ask "how did you keep going"???. And the answer is, I just did. I didn't feel hunger on 800cals, so I didn't eat. I was able to push through my WOs somehow and felt OK most days. My body was screaming, but I couldn't see or feel it.
There probably is a lot to that. I can identify with the not being hungry thing, too. Don't get me wrong, some days I was famished, and yet others I was perfectly fine on low cals - some days I wasn't even hungry at all and felt guilty eating the 1000 I was allowing. I suppose that was weird hormone imbalance...
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Anyhoo, you are doing awesome Michelle - you really are. Good for you for taking control of this issue! It's difficult, and I can empathize with that, but in the end, I'm sure you'll be so happy you chose to get better!!
Thanks for the support - it's much appreciated! And it's nice to know that there are others out there who aren't just thinking "she must be making that up" because you've actually been in a similiar situation. I read through your log tonight and it sounds like you're making good progress - I'm going to keep up with reading as you go along! :-)
Whew - the past 2 nights in a row I've gotten extremely irritable around 8pm. I eat dinner at 5 usually (it was 4:30 tonight now that I think of it)... and now I'm thinking maybe I'm having highs/lows from eating and waited to long to have a snack after dinner. Just grasping at straws, but I'll make sure to eat sooner tomorrow night and see how that goes.
Not doing so hot today. Slept poorly, headache, swelling in the lower body (and achy as a result), and the worst thing is ANXIETY. It's hard to explain but it's like a PHYSICAL anxiety that I have no psychological explanation for. It's something that I get regularly, but it used to be a sign that I had REALLY overdone it - I didn't overdo yesterday but it started last night anyhow. I just wish I could figure out what causes it so I could make it STOP.
1800 cals yesterday. Incredible. I am up 1lb today, but I THINK it's water weight because I'm really feeling the retention in my legs (and didn't pee well this morning).
Not doing so hot today. Slept poorly, headache, swelling in the lower body (and achy as a result), and the worst thing is ANXIETY. It's hard to explain but it's like a PHYSICAL anxiety that I have no psychological explanation for. It's something that I get regularly, but it used to be a sign that I had REALLY overdone it - I didn't overdo yesterday but it started last night anyhow. I just wish I could figure out what causes it so I could make it STOP.
1800 cals yesterday. Incredible. I am up 1lb today, but I THINK it's water weight because I'm really feeling the retention in my legs (and didn't pee well this morning).
Michelle
Hey Michelle Girl, I am feeling the SAME way today. Cals have been a bit higher than planned over the past few days (I reached 1800 on Tuesday!), and I feel just awful this morning. Swelling and fluid retention in my stomach, thighs and calves, along with just a tired achy feeling all over (but especially in my legs). I just chugged a bunch of water though, and it perked me up a bit. Must be related to fluid imbalance/hormones/whothehellk nows, etc. I widh I knew exactly what causes this too so it would stop! It's frustrating...
Anyway, great job on upping those cals! Your body is just loving you right now (keep repeating this to yourself )
Hey Michelle Girl, I am feeling the SAME way today. Cals have been a bit higher than planned over the past few days (I reached 1800 on Tuesday!), and I feel just awful this morning. Swelling and fluid retention in my stomach, thighs and calves, along with just a tired achy feeling all over (but especially in my legs). I just chugged a bunch of water though, and it perked me up a bit. Must be related to fluid imbalance/hormones/whothehellk nows, etc. I widh I knew exactly what causes this too so it would stop! It's frustrating...
Anyway, great job on upping those cals! Your body is just loving you right now (keep repeating this to yourself )
Good mantra! LOL. :-) Well shoot, I'm sorry that you're feeling badly, too. No fun! I've had about 24oz of water so far - keeping it there because I'm about to leave the house and don't need several potty breaks. I was SO sore I went and did 10mins of foam rolling (NOT on the plan for this week, but....) - it DID help a lot! Not going to be making a habit of it until week 4 though.
SWEAT
My goodness have I been WARM lately. And normally I'm the one walking around in a sweatshirt when everyone else is wearing tank tops. If I take a walk in 60 degree weather I literally put on a scarf and coat. Well, not anymore. I've been warm AND I've started sweating (another thing I rarely do). I was sweating all over just gently foam rolling for 10mins. Wow.
I think sweat is a good sign, Michelle, as well as the increased body temp. It means your body is starting to get the nutrition it needs and the water it needs, so it's not afraid to release it. We also get rid of some toxins through sweat, that's another plus. Keep at it!
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They call me Amanda, that being my real name, and "They" being people who know me in person as I don't go around introducing myself in real life as "scribess." 'Cause that would just be strange.
I think sweat is a good sign, Michelle, as well as the increased body temp. It means your body is starting to get the nutrition it needs and the water it needs, so it's not afraid to release it. We also get rid of some toxins through sweat, that's another plus. Keep at it!
I'm definitely seeing these things as positive signs!! :-)
Today is Friday and I'm up 2lbs since Monday, 2&1/2lbs since I started this. Considering that I've added 600cals/day in this time that's actually quite good. However, I'd be lying if I said gaining 2lbs from Mon-Fri was not a little concerning. It's not the absolute number as such that's the issue - it's the PACE. My mind starts going to questions like, "How long will I continue gaining at this pace?" and "What if I gain 1/2lb a day for month before things slow down?", blah, blah. I have to settle those thoughts and focus on the bigger picture as much as possible!!
Is it fair or safe to be focusing on MRM when pregnant? It just seems to me that you won't really know the "big picture" in regards to your metabolism until you get thru your pregnancy. How can you focus on weight gained (or lost) during MRM when you are pregnant and it's normal for weight gain? How will you ever know if MRM worked or what?? Just seems counter-intuitive to me.
Is it fair or safe to be focusing on MRM when pregnant? It just seems to me that you won't really know the "big picture" in regards to your metabolism until you get thru your pregnancy. How can you focus on weight gained (or lost) during MRM when you are pregnant and it's normal for weight gain? How will you ever know if MRM worked or what?? Just seems counter-intuitive to me.
It is true that I won't know the big picture during the pregnancy, however that is not a reason to not work at healing. Fair or safe? The time to heal is NOW!!!!! - and that is pregnant or not. It wouldn't be safer to wait until after the baby is born - the baby needs me to heal ASAP - not after he's born. ?? As far as weight gain during pregnancy goes - the standard for someone who begins a pregnancy at normal weight is a total gain of 25-35lbs, and a weekly gain of 3/4lb - 1lb. So yes, of course I am supposed to be gaining. However, a pace of 1/2lb per day is not recommended. Altho' it is not surprising at all given my quick increase of calories.
Is it fair or safe to be focusing on MRM when pregnant? It just seems to me that you won't really know the "big picture" in regards to your metabolism until you get thru your pregnancy. How can you focus on weight gained (or lost) during MRM when you are pregnant and it's normal for weight gain? How will you ever know if MRM worked or what?? Just seems counter-intuitive to me.
I really hope you've discussed this issue with your OB. Your body isn't going to respond the same as it does when you're not pregnant. I think it is really good you are eating more because your body and baby both need it. I would really encourage you to find a good therapist and sort some of this out so you are healthy and happy for the precious children you have.
I really hope you've discussed this issue with your OB.
Yes, I've discussed this with my OB, my hemotologist, and my PCP. None of them have anything remotely useful to say (that's after they look at me like I have 3 heads). All I can assume is that #1 - they are lacking in knowledge and #2 - they think I'm lying. After all, I don't APPEAR to be malnourished whatsoever - I'm no where even close to the bottom of the normal weight range for my height let alone underweight. AND, I always gain approx 50lbs with each pregnancy. So how could I possibly be eating too little? (There are many days when I still ask that question myself - why does a person with AN end up severely underweight, but me with 1000 cals/day can barely lose a pound when not pregnant?) Who knows - if I were them I might respond the same way. You'd think at least the hemo would have a lightbulb go off in his head since my immune system is not working properly. But as Leigh says in the MRM, the sooner you figure out that you're left to fend for yourself the better.
That is not to say that therapy would never be useful, but I simply don't have the energy right now to spend on knocking my head against a wall AGAIN. I know I need to eat and rest and that's what I'm doing, and for at least the short term that's that.
Felt much better yesterday - less sore and not AS agitated in the evening. And last night I slept well (maybe that's thanks to my 3 hour Target shopping trip - LOL). Have a fair amount of soreness this morning in my entire lower body. I wonder if it's a fluid retention type of soreness? There are so many variables to consider that I doubt I'd ever be able to figure it out. I'm in the process of rereading the MRM. It's amazing the the stuff I don't remember from the first time.
Weight holding steady from yesterday. 1800 cals yesterday.
I have to remember that I can't heal myself or control how my body is going to respond to these changes - that is God's territory. My mantra for today: God is my refuge and strength, His praise will continually be in my mouth. :-)
Nice mantra. Sometimes we just have to accept we can't control everything.
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They call me Amanda, that being my real name, and "They" being people who know me in person as I don't go around introducing myself in real life as "scribess." 'Cause that would just be strange.
Repair is really possible! Michelle's Log...
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