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New Year New Goals! As the first day of 2009 comes to a close, it is natural to look back on the year and reflect on the accomplishments, the celebrations, the challenges, and of course, the disappointments. I must say, I had much to celebrate in 2008.
One of my main athletic goals was to achieve a normal scale weight for someone my height, and I am thrilled to report that I have accomplished that goal and then some! Some of you might not know that I am a lifetime member of Weight Watchers. Finally, for 2009, they have a program that fits an athletic lifestyle, so I returned to my WW at Work meeting to learn their new Momentum program. I am actually 5 pounds below the top of the normal weight watcher range for my height on their scale. And more importantly, the change in scale weight reflects a major change in body composition, going from 33% to probably near 25%-I will know more exactly tomorrow at my monthly caliper visit.
As I set out to do the first and second challenges, I also had some performance goals, which unfortunately I didn’t meet. I wanted to bench 135. well, that is a complete joke. The 105 that I thought I benched in early 08 was not proper form-didn’t touch my chest. Oops. And those squats that I thought I was doing parallel? Ummm no. but the good news, is that I am in week 11 in working with an Olympic weightlifting coach. And I got the form down now, just MUCH lower weights. And now my squats are ATG! I am still working on that first pull-up. But the amazing thing about doing weightlifting correctly?? It absolutely TRANSFORMS your running. I was able to run a 5k PR by more than a minute on very little running fitness. Very cool stuff indeed.
As far as career goals, I have to say, that FEAR was the operative word. I won’t really go into the details on this forum, because after all, it is a FITNESS forum. But I am a firm believer in LIFE following FITNESS. I notice something really interesting when I study how my fitness affects my career. As I take better care of myself, as I get more fit, it translates into more success in other areas of my life. 2008 was about FEAR for me. And I conquered a lot of fitness fears. As a multi-time Body For Life drop out, I am proud to celebrate an entire year of monthly bikini photos!
I also overcame a major fear of feeling hungry. I learned to move toward the hunger. I learned to experience mild hunger as an essential and normal consequence of fat loss. I learned that getting leaner did NOT mean living a Monk-like food existence, subsisting forever on a diet of steamed chicken and green vegetables.
And I suspect that conquering fears in fitness will translate very directly into fears about launching my career in a new and exciting direction. I have definitely held myself back in this regard, which brings me to my goals of 2009.
2009 is all about going into the Pain Cave. Let me explain. My friend Rico is an accomplished runner. I think his best marathon time is something in the range of 2:45. He just completed the Comrades last year, and placed very well. For the endurance neophytes, Comrades is a 56 mile RUN. Last year was UPHILL. This year is DOWNHILL. Needless to say, Rico knows pain. I have confessed my Boston Marathon dream on numerous occasions to Rico. Recently at dinner, he said something that has traveled with me on every run that I have done since. He told me, “Wendy, to do your very best in a sport, you have to go into the Pain Cave”. He went on to explain how the Pain Cave works. The Pain Cave is where you go to improve. It is where your brain begins to welcome the hardest of efforts-the searing burn of your lungs with every breath, the tightness of your leg muscles as they propel you forward, the moment where you are absolutely convinced that you cannot continue at this pace for even a second longer, but you find it within yourself to shift it just one gear higher, that final gear. The one that gives you just enough power to edge out your competitor at the checkered flag.
And I have to be honest, I am a pain wuss. I was always the disruptive med student of my bunch, the annoying one who was urging everyone out of the lab for a caffeine break that could often turn into an alcohol break. Studying hurt my brain. I liked my creature comforts. And lord knows, I love my food. So pushing myself to my limits, whether it be academically or athletically, isn’t something I have a lot of experience with. Sure, I have accomplished a lot. But I have limited myself greatly in so many ways, because of my love of comfort.
2009 is the year of discomfort. The year of pushing myself. In my sport, in my life. I am learning to enter the Pain Cave. And the most amazing transformations are happening as a result. I am actually starting to like it . I am realizing that catastrophic things don’t happen when you embrace your pain. Change happens when you embrace your pain. Transformations happen when you meet your Fears head on, eye to eye, recognize the enemy and kick it in the ass. And in the battle, you might just realize that your Fears were really your Friends all along. They are there to teach you some of life’s most critical lessons. I’m not sure what lessons my fear of pain has to teach me, but I am certain that 2009 will reveal some of them.
I am ready for the challenge. My own personal challenge. So my only goal for 2009 is to learn how to enter the Pain Cave, in all areas of my life.
The title of my log has to do with the running program that I have picked for this year—from a book called Run Less Run Faster, by the exercise physiology geniuses at Furman University. 3 tough runs a week. Into the cave for all. And two crosstraining sessions per week. I have chosen swimming. My swim coach has an impressive background herself, so I have learned that the Pain Cave also exists in a pool!
And of course the lifting. This year I have completely transformed my body with weightlifting, and I will always do some form of it. But now, instead of the focus being on bikini photo transformation, the focus is on athletic performance. My lifting programs are centered around becoming a better runner. I suspect that further bikini transformation might be an interesting side effect of becoming a better runner, but that remains to be seen! I will still be measuring body composition monthly via calipers and posting the results here. Above are my two initial photos for my new log---me completing my first marathon in 2000, and me celebrating a fast 5 miler that I ran today. Today, the first day of 2009, I celebrate running. And I celebrate all of the awesome support I have received on this forum. I would not be in the shape I am today without the support of my JP Fitness forum friends. Here’s to a fantastic 2009 for all of us. And an invitation to all of you to join me in the Pain Cave.
Wow Wendy, what a great start to a new log and a new year.. and a new you! Very inspirational stuff... and I think I needed to read it right now, so thank you.
I will be trying to enter that pain cave with you, the last half of 08 was a little too... loosey-goosey for me. No pain, no gain, right?! Here we go girlfriend! Best of luck!!!
so speaking of the pain cave, I did 5 miles at 9:59 pace despite some monster winds that never seemed to be moving to my advantage. heart rate stayed firmly aerobic, with occasional upward drift with the wind gusts as I gutted it out to keep my pace.
and later I jumped in the ocean with a friend, as a show of support to our runner friend who tragically lost her husband last month. she is doing the same thing today, only in a way colder lake in canada. oh and they have snow instead of beach sand.
Awesome first post Wendy. Stepping out of the comfort zone is haaaard. I'm getting ready to really step out of mine because I realize that I'm in a way different place than I thought as of last night. Now I just need to take those extra few steps outside my comfort zone.
__________________ It all starts with the mind, but the thoughts, the intention aren't enough. Action needs to come next. Dream it, believe it, plan it, execute it, celebrate it. - Wendy
good morning paula! am sipping my protein shake and getting ready for swim practice.
another way I am entering the pain cave is to be diligent about tracking this year. everything I eat is going into the daily plate. and I am committed to wearing my gowearfit this year. SO yesterday I had a deficit of 602 calories. perfect!
Wendy, your initial post gave me goose bumps! Really, you just put things so well. I have to admit that I'm a pain wuss--not so much now as a year ago, but I still have a long way to go. Good luck this year with your goals--I'm excited to follow your accomplishments, of which I'm sure there will be many.
thanks everyone!! glad I have company in the pain weeny department. am getting better at it, today I am experimenting with the pain of feeling just a little hungry!
I am going to start a daily posting of calories burned (gowearfit) and calories eaten (the daily plate), along with my daily scale weight and the calculated deficit.
today, I also had calipers done. my percent body fat went from 26.7 to 26.1% during the month of december and all of the various holiday celebrations. I am thrilled. but it is time to kick it into a higher gear. time to enter the nutrition pain cave.
my A race 5k is on march 8th, and I would like to lose a pound a week. I want to run as close to 23:30 as I can, and 8-10 pounds of weight loss would make it oh so much easier.
I am also committed to posting my bench press progressions. I do these weekly with my coach, who does everything in kilograms. my goal is to be able to do at least one rep of 90 pounds by march 8th. if my fat loss goes well, I would also be happy with 6 reps of 85 pounds by march 8th. unfortunately, what I thought was a rep before I started working with the coach, turns out to be a partial rep. in competition, you actually have to touch the bar to your chest without bouncing it off your chest. unfortunately, I have very long arms and legs, which doesn't make for very effective bench pressing or squatting. I have to get that much stronger because of the physics involved. my coach said I am DEFINITELY not built to be a weightlifter, lol. but he is very impressed with my athleticism and my running, and has no doubt that I will achieve my running goals. what he has helped me build in leg strength and core has been nothing short of phenomenal. I can't tell you how much better I feel on the track now.
I am so glad I am tracking my calories. the daily plate says 1949 and I think I am hungry. I am NOT hungry. without tracking, I would totally be tempted to have another snack to "fuel the 7 miler" I am doing in the morning. bullshit. I have had plenty of calories today. I will not become the best runner I can be with 26.1% body fat.
and in the morning, I have a yummy 110 calorie fruitein shake that I will have prior to my run, and another yummy post run shake that is 230 calories. I am giving my body all of the nutrients it needs to run well and still have a 500 calorie deficit for some nice slow steady fat loss.
my intuitive eating did well by me for the better part of 2008. and my modified protein sparing fast blasted some fat off in a hurry. and luckily, I have maintained the fat I lost during such a drastic move. now back to some nice, happy, slow, steady fat loss to finish up at around 23-24% going into marathon season. life is good!
wooo hooooo! scale weight is 152 back to where it was at the lowest during the protein sparing modified fast, so this is really great news, because I have been eating around 2000 calories a day instead of the 1100 I was doing then. I suspect that the 152 in october was more water weight loss. this is a real 152. I feel it in my clothes and in my running.
stats for yesterday:
burned 2432
eaten 1949
deficit 483
I love your new log! Your enthusiasm and excitement is contagious. I can't wait for you to run that 23:30 5K in March! And btw, you have great legs - love your latest pic.
wooo hooooo! scale weight is 152 back to where it was at the lowest during the protein sparing modified fast, so this is really great news, because I have been eating around 2000 calories a day instead of the 1100 I was doing then. I suspect that the 152 in october was more water weight loss. this is a real 152. I feel it in my clothes and in my running.
thanks leah! My legs keep getting leaner, wish my tummy would too!
Thanks tracey!
Ran 7 miles today, 4 of them at a fast tempo pace! Started running too late and got behind on my nutrition. All better now!
I think that's where tracking does really become important. I know (for me) that I definitely have screwed up hunger cues. So knowing what I've had, and will be having helps me keep on track. Well, usually.
I really admire the way you are able to set your goals for each year. You set a doable goal and then set a plan to reach that goal. I can do that. I just don't do it very well.
As for the pain.. well for events it's easy. Maybe you think about giving up but if it's really important you're going to reach inside and be able to reach your goals and just ignore the pain or discomfort. Unless fear or doubt gets the best of you
anne and espi, yeah, I am learning an unbelievable amount about messed up hunger cures by using this gowearfit and thedaily plate. a 500 calorie deficit really feels like a big deficit!!! yuk!! I have had 1750 calories today and I feel hungry. my burn will be around 2200-2300 because all I did was walk easy today. calorie deficits totally suck!
thanks karla!
greg, I am relatively new at the following through with goals thing. the more I practice the easier it seems to get. thanks for stopping by!
tcoy777, always good to see a fellow runner in here. I am glad you are following along--I need all of the specific running help and advice I can get. I can tell you right now that hard tempo work is really taking it out of me--especially trying to do it with a 500 calorie deficit. the good news is that it has my metabolism totally fired up, and I am dropping fat! I anticipate another new scale low any day now.
in fact, I suspect that the gowearfit might be underestimating my calorie burn somewhat. I am only training for a 5k now, so I am ok with performance suffering right now. fat loss is the priority. I want to be hitting running camp in may at 23-24% body fat. I want an accurate appraisal of my fitness going into marathon season so I can make sure that my fitness predicts a boston qualifying time. I want to give myself the best shot possible.
on thing is for sure, something powerful happened to me when I ran that recent 5k PR. I lost fat over the holidays. that never happens to me. I have some kind of super powerful nutrition focus since that race. I have been able to tolerate hunger better. when I was doing triathlons in an overweight body, I always tried to talk myself into using food as fuel, but it always seemed to backfire. I don't think I ever really believed that I could be "good" at endurance sports until now, whatever that means. so therefore, I never really believed that I needed to fuel my body as an athlete would, since I was really only "posing" anyway. something powerful happened when I put up that 5k time on no running fitness. I really started to believe that I could be a decent runner. and so since that day, which is really going on almost a month, I have been very focused on my goals. which means nutrition necessarily has to be spot on. the calories I eat have to be very nutritious to fuel these ridiculously hard workouts. and I am ok with no wine from now until my A race the first week in march!! wow, what a difference.
I think I have really discarded the chubby triathlete identity. I don't think I need to define myself anymore as the slow, fluffy tri girl who finishes every race with a wave and a smile. many obese people talk about their fat as being a "suit of armor" of sorts. protecting them from unwanted advances from potential suitors, as an example.
for me, my fat protected me from having to really push myself in my sports. If those bridge repeats started to feel hard, I could pull the fat card. "well, I'm slowing down because you skinny people don't have to haul 180 pounds of girth up this effin bridge!" but really, I was scared to push hard. scared of the pain.
my fat protected me from having to face a core, central belief of mine: that I suck at all things athletic. as long as I was fat, fat was the reason I was slow. I wasn't slow because I couldn't push myself hard, or slow because I lacked ability. I was slow because I was fat. so there.
and no doubt, endurance sports (my chosen poison) are clearly easier for EVERYONE in a leaner body. this is true. what wasn't true was the power that I placed on my fat. like people who believe that once you are thin, you will suddenly have the perfect marriage, the perfect career, the perfect children. I believed that if only I were thin, I could be an amazing runner, and just effortlessly glide across the finish with my miss america wave, only this time, I would be a fast chick. no puking required.
turns out, that getting faster requires hard work by everyone, even the skinny chicks. and without my armor of fat, all of my fears are exposed for the world to read. can I really do it? can I really qualify for boston? do I have what it takes to train hard, day in day out? do I have what it takes to put recovery nutrition first and save recreational calories for special occasions? do I have what it takes to put it all on the line and laser focus for a year, and do something extraordinary? can I be the formerly fat chick who qualifies for boston? does it really all matter anyway?
it matters to me. it matters because it is yet another example of how your reality is created by your thoughts, and the actions that your thoughts create become your physical reality. as long as I believed I was the slow, fluffy triathlete, that is how I behaved. and now I believe I am a fit, fast, runner, and that is how I am behaving.
it all starts with the mind, but the thoughts, the intention aren't enough. action needs to come next. dream it, believe it, plan it, execute it, celebrate it. I always had a dream I could run Boston. Finally, I believe it. I found a plan, tweaked it. Now I'm executing the plan. Lots of random things might happen that delay the execution of the plan. like the stupid MRI of my knee that I had friday might come back with bad news. that is life. But I believe that I am supposed to be doing this right now. To prove to myself and to others that dreams are made to be accomplished. that anything you can vision you can manifest.
Life is full of richness just waiting to be experienced, we only have to face our fears, lose the armor, and get after it!
Swim-Lift-Run-Wendy's Journey into the Pain Cave
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