Chloe - great post. I absolutely relate to having an identity, and wondering if you're selfish or shallow for putting time in on your own goals. I'm not lean and doubt I'll ever look like you, but still...
FWIW, I had an identity / career plan. Then I had my DD and things changed (LONG story). After my DS I didn't work at about 8 years, then I went back to school for a new career. I just lost my job after almost 5 years in that area (3 with that company). So... now I'm at a turning point - do I want to continue in the same direction or find yet another new path? And who am I now that I'm at home (at least for the near future)?
Bytsi thanks for stopping in and sharing your thoughts. I never thought I would be as lean as I am now. I am working very hard on visioning MY best, leanest body which will look different from how others will look at the same degree of bodyfat.
Ginger! I loved what you said about catching yourself in motion- that is happening to me too! Sometimes I catch the way my quads stick out or the delts and I likewhat I see!
Hi Wendy. It's GENTHEA from the WW Triers board. I followed you here after reading about all of your success with NROL4W. In some ways I feel like we are on parallel paths, although I think you're further ahead on yours (and far more eloquent ). Anyway, I wanted to say hi, since I referenced you in my training log.
Take care
Wendy, I've been thinking about this all day. I am already lean, probably leaner than most women will ever see but I continue on this journey. Like Jane, my sister asked me what my ultimate goal is/why am I working so hard/for what? I really didn't know how to answer her.
Before I gave up my career as an intensive care nurse (after having my second child), I would have defined myself as a nurse. Then when my kids were small, I devoted everything to raising them. I was a mom. Now that my boys will soon be 10, 12 and 14 they don't need me in the same way that they needed me when they were little. I don't feel like "I'm a mom" anymore. But who am I. My husband's wife? I want to be ME. I feel like if I can reach my fitness goals, I will be successful at something just for me. I can't quite express my feelings out loud to my sister or even dh because sometimes I think it sounds selfish. But reaching my goal (even if that goal changes over time) will help me define myself as a strong woman, an athlete or even a beautiful buff muscled individual.
I'm not competitive. I'm way too shy to be on stage and I really have no athletic abilities like running or swimming so I don't have any major performance goals but I really want to look good. I want to feel good in a bathing suit. I want others to see me and think "wow, she looks awesome". Is that shallow? I hope not because as a trudge along trying to look better, I see positive changes happening in all aspects of my life.
I know you have your career so maybe you can't relate but I just wanted to share my feelings.
Having said all that, sometimes I wonder if I'm having a midlife crisis.
Chloe, I could have written that, but your version is way better. Basically, here's where I'm at with the goal thing (in the least amount of words I can use): after 12+ years of being a SAHM, I want to get ME back. Most of my family thinks I've lost my mind because I'm "fine" where I already am, but I want to do more and be more.
Wendy, your journey into the pain cave has really got me thinking about goals and where I want to be. Thanks again for your thought-inspiring posts.
thanks karen! people around me think I've lost my mind too. even my weight watcher leader, who of course has known me much heavier, can't really understand why I would pursue further levels of leanness. I love my leader, she is full of great tips and and I always learn something from the lessons weekly-especially with the new program being rolled out. She is very enthusiastic, and has walked the walk from morbid obesity to a normal weight. so I hate to sound judgmental here, but truthfully, I know exercise isn't a passion of hers, and it shows in her physique. so I shouldn't expect her to understand why I would want to go through the pain of further fat loss, if she isn't doing the same thing for herself right now. and I support anyone's decision to stop and maintain a weight that is healthy for them. but I just am not looking forward to fielding the unsolicited comments about "stop losing weight you look great" from her or any number of coworkers that knew me heavier.
I really did think I looked awesome when I joined the forum last year, but I have to completely admit to myself that I like how I look now much better. and I suspect when I get down to 23-24% I will really like that look too. and certainly the fat loss has transformed my sports.
speaking of sports, sports med docs are fine with my running and lifting as long as I have no pain (which I haven't). I am forbidden to kneel on that knee for any reason until it heals. I am getting another opinion tomorrow from the sports radiologist who read my MRI. but I think the consensus is no pain=train!!!!
so back into the pain cave for me (lung pain, muscle pain, not knee pain!) my body has really enjoyed the two days off. and rewards me everytime with precipitious scale drops when I res. training hard really keeps the fluid in me!!!
and now I am off to the sleep cave. my gowearfit is teaching me that I have sucky sleep. I am working on it. competitive athletes need rest!!
oh, and I have to brag about my resting heart rate. now it is in the high 40's before I get out of bed!!!!!!! fitness completely and totally rules.
oh, and I have to brag about my resting heart rate. now it is in the high 40's before I get out of bed!!!!!!! fitness completely and totally rules.
so is there a wallet card/ID bracelet for that in case of emergency?
something like "I am an athlete and my normal resting pulse is in the 40s - please treat any anomalies accordingly"
chloe, that was awesome and very well written. I actually relate very well to what you have written, and you are able to articulate some things that I have been feeling but just didn't know how to express. my work involves giving a lot to others, and I think, like you and ginger, I really want to do something for ME. I love that others already perceive me as a strong, fit woman. I love that some guy thought I was the aerobics instructor last month, lol. and I guess part of me just wants to keep pursuing that, because I definitely still have some bodyfat to lose. and I love what you said about your physique goals spilling over into other aspects of your life too. I have certainly found that as I have become leaner, and there is no reason not to expect that this would continue as I get even leaner.
(((ginger))) thanks! I will know more about the knee this afternoon, I see the sports med doc. guess if you and chloe are shallow, so I am I! love my performance goals, but sometimes those get put on hold!! thanks for sharing your thoughts too.
thanks karla, I have my fingers and toes crossed too. really hoping for the best
and today's great news, that dovetails nicely with this discussion!!
weight 150.5!!!!
new scale low! I have one of those beam doctor scales, so very very soon, I will be using the 100 pound one instead of the 150 one for the big part of the number!! that will be thrilling, because I had this very same scale when I had to use the 200 one as the big one.
I suspect that I have been lower for a few weeks now, but lifting really makes me retain fluid. when I take a break, the fluid leaves.
Look at you go on the weightloss, Wendy! Too cool. Good luck at the doctor today and report back when you find out. You are prompting to buckle down and make my appointment today to get the ankle looked at.
I was pondering your question last night, when I should have been sleeping, LOL. I wanted to add that it is most definitely something that is so special to me (this process and chapter in my life), because it is for me. I started putting my goals and dreams out on the table and made going to the gym habit for everyone, even though it wasn't easy.
And, wow to catch a glmipse of a new muscle or see my body in motion and seeing how strong it is and how much it can do - is super cool to me and I want to keep it that way.
I finally went and had my ankle xray done yesterday. It's been "tweaky" for a couple months. Finally went to the doc in mid-December. She said it was most likely tendonitis but wanted me to get the xray just to be sure it wasn't something like arthritis or stress fracture. I decided it was time to get it taken care of so I knew FOR SURE what the issue was - no need to injure myself and be stuck not able to work out at all. I want to get better at my running!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by fengshway
speaking of sports, sports med docs are fine with my running and lifting as long as I have no pain (which I haven't). I am forbidden to kneel on that knee for any reason until it heals. I am getting another opinion tomorrow from the sports radiologist who read my MRI. but I think the consensus is no pain=train!!!!
so back into the pain cave for me (lung pain, muscle pain, not knee pain!) my body has really enjoyed the two days off. and rewards me everytime with precipitious scale drops when I res. training hard really keeps the fluid in me!!!
I really enjoyed reading all of this! You really do have a way with words. I have been following along this forum for about a year now and you are one of the people here who I admire. You always have something worth while and encouraging to say.
I really liked what Chloe said about having an identity. For me, my career is one where it defines you - or at least it should. It's one where you can't just sit back and be a fly on the wall, put in your 40 hours and be done. There is this expectation to be great starting in school. But I struggle with this because I don't know if I feel like I need to be great and award winning. I enjoy what I do but have other passions in my life - one being fitness and learning everything I can about it. The other is my family - my husband of course but our parents, siblings, and friends. Those relationships are important to me and I see some in my field who sacrifice those things to be the great ones. Maybe I am selfish too, because I have always wanted to like what i see in the mirror. I also have performance goals. I like reading about your running Wendy, because at heart I am still a runner. Someday I want to get back into it and maybe run a marathon, but since I have re-discovered my love of lifting, it doesn't seem as important right now.
I will be back often because your words are inspiring!
Keep up the focus and drive - your success thus far has been amazing.
Thanks bree! I hear you on the lifting thing. I am hoping I can maintain some of the lean mass I have built. I am being very diligent on the post workout shake and I take in a good amount of protein every day. We shall see.
So glad you are figuring the career thing out. I also would like to somehow involve fitness and sports in my career! Part of what I want to accomplish this year!
speaking of sports, sports med docs are fine with my running and lifting as long as I have no pain (which I haven't). I am forbidden to kneel on that knee for any reason until it heals. I am getting another opinion tomorrow from the sports radiologist who read my MRI. but I think the consensus is no pain=train!!!!
Yay! I was coming in here just to check on that. Very cool -- congrats!
Wow, what a great conversation has been going on in here! Chloe, I'll try to get back and post something in your log also, but your post was very eloquent and right on where I am as well. Sometimes I question myself as to why I am continuing to strive for improvement, in physique, fat loss and muscular strength. I am in a similar situation in that I have lots of "identities"--I am the mom of my kids, the wife of my husband, the daughter of my parents, even one of the owners of Ski Denton, but does any of that completely define me? I don't think that any of those are unimportant, and I wouldn't be me without them, but who am I including all of those things? I feel that I am an adventurer, whether it be fitness-wise, or the way I love to try new foods, travel different places, meet different people, learn new things, or have new experiences. And one of my greatest and most fun adventures is fitness! I want to be the best that I can possibly be in everything, and though I'm not unhappy with my looks, health, or fitness level now, how exciting to make it better!
Also, Ginger, I love what you said about catching a glimpse of a new muscle or seeing your body in motion and loving what it can do. I do too! And not in a narcissistic kind of way--more like amazement--is that really me?! I recently got a new tank top at WalMart to work out in, and the only style they had was a racerback type. I feel a little bare in the gym, but dh says it looks ok. Anyway, I was doing these db rotations today in front of the mirror and I realized you can actually see ALL of the muscles separately in my arms and shoulder--traps, uh...shoulders...uh... whatever all those muscles are called. But it's so cool to see stuff like that and realize "wow! I AM in shape! I AM a strong woman!" Anyway, long ramble. But I'm with you ladies on this...
well I had a blast at my niece's cheer competition yesterday. also enjoyed some barbecue, some cold stone cookie dough concoction. all in reasonable portions, but the scale is certainly showing the sodium today!
so I have come to the conclusion that cold stone is beneficial for my running. did an easy warmup mile then 4 straight miles at 9:20 pace then a cooldown mile. the 4 miles felt controlled and very far below puke pace. really felt like I could have continued at that pace for a long time. this bodes very very well for my future goals! knees both feel fine!
__________________ It all starts with the mind, but the thoughts, the intention aren't enough. Action needs to come next. Dream it, believe it, plan it, execute it, celebrate it. - Wendy
Funny that was the first thing I thought about, but then was wondering since I wasn't sure if you started Oly lifts.. but those are often done as singles!
I'm sure I could now barely lift that weight, since the last time I did any bb bench pressing was exactly 2 years ago. The funny thing is that I now db (bench) press more weight than I ever did with bb (bench) presses. It just bothers my shoulders too much, and in order to get a reasonably decent bench press, I had to keep triceps close to the body.
Once I dropped the (flat) bb pressing, triceps strength went down the drains.. that's the only regret I have from not doing them anymore, am especially mad for not doing at least 2-3 sets for triceps until much later, when they were only half the original strength.
If you do want to increase your bench, you have got to bring your triceps strength up.. no way around it. And if you want to prevent shoulder injury, pay careful attention to the positioning (distance between hands and angle).
Ever read this? : http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/tra...technique.html
so I just lifted 3 reps of 85 and one rep of 90! And I still have 8 weeks to go! Good times
NICE, Wendy!!! I got 2x70 today and that was all she wrote. I've got my work cut out for me to catch up to you! Maybe I shall try some Coldstone next time. Yum.
thanks pauline!!
((jane)) so the whole gory story goes something like this. have decided to train on my own. last session with my coach is tomorrow. he didn't return my call from friday, so I assume we are still meeting as usual tomorrow am. so after my fabulous run, ed and I went to the gym (he is my new coach and spotter I decided to try 90 pounds. loaded what I thought was 90 and pretty confidently did 3 reps. decided it had to be fake, so I actually weighed it on the scale-holding it, then taking my weight. turns out that bar is 5 pounds light. so I added 5 pounds to it, and damned if I didnt get a rep at a true 90 pounds!! so for my A race, all I have to do is get one rep of 90 (because they round to the nearest 5 and this is 60% of my current weight). to be able to use 85, I need to get to a nekkid scale weight of 142 to be able to weigh in running clothes and shoes at 145. they would round down to 85. now in 8 weeks, I am pretty confident that I can start putting up some reps of 85.
so needless to say, my time with my coach was very well spent. I just feel like 12 weeks with him is plenty, and I want to spend that money on other things.
so athletically, I am just humming right along!!
doing much better nutritionwise today, but damn. running really does bring out the hunger in me. I really am glad I have the gadget to keep me in line. I can truly trick myself into thinking I need way more calories than I do.
I really wish I had more time to just focus on fat loss, because training hard in a deficit is really taxing. but if I want to qualify in nov 09, I really need to be getting into 5k shape right now. the timing of all of this is just right. so at least I am in a deficit during 5k season. NO WAY will I be in a deficit once marathon training starts. wherever I am I am. and I will diligently track this whole year. I am totally committed to it. without tracking a single thing, the last time I trained for a marathon, I had some wonderful body recomposition go on, so am hoping for the same this time.
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