Activity:
Resistance Training Day #2
Warmup - Non-specific warmup from NROL4W
Squats 15/20s 15/20s 15/20s (increase to 22.5s if at home, stay if at gym as 25s too much)
Neutral-grip Shoulder Press 15/10s 15/10s 15/10s (stay)
Swiss Ball Jacknifes 15 15 15
DB Pullover 15/15 15/15 15/15 (increase to 17.5s if at home, stay if at gym, 20s too much)
Reverse Lunge 15/15s 15/15s 15/15s (increase to 17.5s if at home, stay if at gym, 20s too much)
DB Bench Press 15/10s 15/10s 15/12s (stay at 12s at gym, 12.5s if at home)
Reverse Crunch 15 15 15
Stretching, light yoga, and foam rolling done later that night.
Thoughts:
*I held a medicine ball in between my legs for the reverse crunch and felt it a lot more
*Jacknifes are getting easier; my muscles in my arms tire before my core, probably because I'm doing it after the shoulder press. Might try moving it up to after the squats
Food:
Lisa is a genius. These numbers represent 6pm yesterday to 6pm today.
2145 calories
50g fat
310g carbs/42g fiber (corn, pita, bread, banana for starch)
140g protein
Sleep: About 7.5 hours. Ditched rozerum last night, downgrading to 3mg melatonin. I'll try a week at that and then go down to 1mg or 2mg and see how it goes.
Water/Potassium/sodium: I think all good. Perhaps a bit high on the water.
Probiotics/enzymes/fish oil/multivitamin/BCAAs: Forgot BCAAs and vitamin.
Emotionally: Okay, I'm going to blather a bit here.
This week, the ghosts of the eating disorder are all up in my business. I am ignoring them and/or telling them to fuck off, but I can see them and hear them.
All right, now I am imagining my house being like Hogwarts, so I'll stop the ghost analogy.
I am having a really hard time eating at "maintenance," if that's what this is. Here's the thing: as a former fat person, I'm terrified of gaining weight, so I would prefer to eat in a deficit because that way I *know* I won't gain weight. The easiest week of this program for me, by far, has been Activity, because it was a slight deficit, but still reasonable food and reasonable exercise. I got to eat but knew that I wasn't going to get fat. It was easy.
This week, I'm obsessed with how much I'm eating and how much I'm moving. I'm constantly second guessing the activity multiplier I assigned myself, wondering if now I'm eating too much. And if I'm moving less now that MIL is here and she does most of the housecleaning and dog walking. Wondering if I should go for an extra walk or something. (I haven't, BTW.)
This is exactly how I felt during my 2-year-long "maintenance" period that spectactularly devolved into secret exercising, walking miles and miles before and after work on injured feet, pretending to eat food I didn't, and weird food rituals. Basically what I did was exercise like it was nobody's business and try to live in a slight deficit, so that I would know I wasn't gaining weight.
And that got me amenorrhea, a low body temperature, serious digestive issues, headaches, inability to concentrate, injuries, and obviously, problems enjoying life.
So obviously living in a deficit is not an option. I have to be okay psychologically with maybe being in a surplus some days, maybe being in a deficit other days, and if I gain a few pounds, just taking care of it before it gets out of hand. My obsessive, perfectionistic streak makes that difficult, but I'm trying. I am telling the ghosts to fuck off, and not starting to take extra walks or exercise more or eat less than the REPAIR program tells me to. It's just hard.
Okay blather over.
