Kicking Butt and Taking Names: jesca's NROL4W log

[nutbar]

So what kind of bed did you end up with? I'm starting to window shop them since we're looking to get two new double beds in the next couple of months.

[jesca]

Originally Posted by Bytsi

Awesome on the bed - you'll love it. And also on the day off - we all need that break sometimes!

Emotional stuff... I am so similar to you (sorry - not meant to be an insult to you ). I can get very complain-y and not even realize it until someone hits me over the head. Like once being called in by my boss and asked if I'm unhappy in my job - and I wasn't and had NO idea I was coming across that way . To me it seems like everyone complains about stuff and bitches and moans... but somehow I guess I don't always manage to moderate it with times of being little miss sunshine (sorry Ginger!) too... I dunno - it's one of my many self-improvement projects.

I read a great article in Oprah (yeah, Oprah) a while ago about complaining. Basically, it said that complaining allows us to stay in otherwise intolerable situations - it's like a steam valve. When people were told to not say anything negative or complain for an entire week (or month or whatever), many found that without the outlet, they couldn't handle the bad stuff and were forced to make changes. So people quit crappy jobs and left bad relationships when they could no longer vent and release the pressure... hmmmmm...

/hijack

That is interesting. Now I'm not sure if complaining is good or bad! It's bad for me, tho, so I'm going to try to keep it in check. I think it's different for everyone as to why you do it. I think I just do it to talk and start conversations, which is lame. I just need to think about how I phrase things more. We'll see. Hopefully it will just get better as I start feeling better. I've sort of been going down hill since I started this job as far as my health goes, so I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.

Originally Posted by nutbar

So what kind of bed did you end up with? I'm starting to window shop them since we're looking to get two new double beds in the next couple of months.

We ended up getting the Celebrity model Tempurpedic. They had it at the mattress discounters by our house and we loved it. It's the regular bed plus a pillow top, so it was more comfortable to both of us. In a regular foam bed I feel like you get get a hammock type of effect and it kind of sucks you in, but the pillow top seems to reduce that. I will let you know how it is after a couple of nights. We have 60 days to decide, which is great. I'm sure we will know by then!

[marthand99]

WOO HOO on the bed! I hope it helps you (and your husband!) get some sleep.

That totally blows about the maybe-anemia. I was diagnosed with that last summer and had to go on those enormous iron pills. They bothered my tummy for a couple of days but then it was fine and they allegedly worked. I'm sure that finding out for sure what's going on with relieve a lot of the stress you're feeling, which might make you feel better physically. It's such a downward spiral!

I hear ya on the complaining. It's frustrating to need an outlet for things but feel like you can't talk about it. My therapist keeps telling me to journal stuff but I get a little lazy about it. LOL

Another cyber hug from me!

[jesca]

Originally Posted by marthand99

WOO HOO on the bed! I hope it helps you (and your husband!) get some sleep.

That totally blows about the maybe-anemia. I was diagnosed with that last summer and had to go on those enormous iron pills. They bothered my tummy for a couple of days but then it was fine and they allegedly worked. I'm sure that finding out for sure what's going on with relieve a lot of the stress you're feeling, which might make you feel better physically. It's such a downward spiral!

I hear ya on the complaining. It's frustrating to need an outlet for things but feel like you can't talk about it. My therapist keeps telling me to journal stuff but I get a little lazy about it. LOL

Another cyber hug from me!

Thanks! Hopefully the results will be back quickly and I'll get this sorted out. It would be great if something was conclusive for once!

[jesca]

So I got my blood drawn today. They took 4 vials! I couldn't believe how long it was taking and then I saw all the vials. I don't think they've taken that much since I was 16 or so. I hope they get all their tests done! I hate having blood drawn. I also had to run around trying to get my phone number fixed. Freaking military health care. I think I got it taken care of. I will certainly be down there in two weeks if I don't have a phone call from them!
Also, today was the last day of prepare. I will post thoughts on how I did later.

Mobility work/foam rolling/stretching: Check. I was glad I did it tonight because it definitely felt less painful than it has and I'm taking that as a good sign.

Food numbers: Pretty good. Over on fat, but I was a piggy tonight, so it's not a surprise. I had my first out of control eat fest in a long time. I only went 110 calories over which is fine since I was 150 under yesterday. It all evens out
1992 calories
88gfat
208g carbs (tons of starch. Bread and pasta!)
106g protein (still so low)

Sleep: 7ish hours. Tough night. But new bed is here and I'm in it! So I hope to say this was much better tomorrow!

Water/sodium: Good on both, but man was I just dried out today. I woke up sooo thirsty and stayed like that all day. It was totally weird. My throat is sore from allergies too - I think. I hope I didn't get a cold or something!

Probiotics/enzymes/Fish oil: Check. Check. Check!

Quality of Food: Pretty good. Not so fabulous today, tho.

Emotionally: Ok, had my ups and downs. The bed is here and I'm happy and relieved. We just layed around on it and bought new sheets and got dinner out and relaxed, so it was a good evening. I'm seriously over work right now, but I just have to deal because it's not getting better. July is going to be rough, but my birthday is 8/4, and we're having a big 30th party for me that following weekend, which will be after everyone can make me stay late, so it's what I'm looking forward to. Not the birthday, just the party

I have to say that I am soooo freaked out about this next phase. It's a lot of calories, kids. Almost 2200 I think, and that is blowing my mind. Before this, could have done that one or two days a week, no problem. Now, it's more of an issue. My stomach has totally shrunk, and I'm trying to eat better quality foods. I can get that in with burgers and fries, but blueberries and yogurt is going to be tough without going over in fat, which is my downfall. I'm trying to get enough calories and it's coming from fatty sources. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do. At least I get to move. But about that. I'm not really excited. I was freaked about stopping because of this very thing. I get an aversion to exercise when I don't for a long time. I'm going to lift tomorrow because that's what I miss, but I'm not into cardio. I have to figure out how to get excited about that. Maybe working out will bring it back. It's hard to say. Whatever is wrong with me is making me so tired and so weak, it's going to be hard to get through this. I'm going to do what I can since it's "light" exercise, and just see how it goes. If I'm having a tough time, I might have to stay with not moving and lower calories. I don't know where I should hang out, though. I guess I will try this week and then if I have issues, I can PM Leigh. Any advice in this department is greatly appreciated.

Oh and so we're clear, doing nothing really hasn't helped, so I don't think it's a good idea to keep it up. I just need to figure out what movement is viable without making me worse.
Alright time for a good night's sleep!

Weight: 168.6
Waist: Forgot

[Bytsi]

I gotta say, 2200 kcal would be fun to at least try! Then again, I used to eat a lot more than that on a regular basis in my fat ol' days. I'm hungry now though, so i could give it a shot . What macros are you aiming for? I admit it's a lot easier to get kcals in when you have fat going in... I'm sorry you're not feeling much better though Hope they figure it out soon!

[marthand99]

I wasn't really excited about exercising agin, either. I've gotten back into it, though. It helps that you still have to take two rest days, otherwise I think I would've tried to do to much and just totally overdone it.

If you're really struggling, maybe you should wait and see what else is wrong with you? It sounds like you maybe have issues outside of what REPAIR can fix - maybe it makes sense to wait until that's resolved and see if it makes sense to try REPAIR again? Anyway, just a thought. I hope the doc gets back to you soon!

Woo hoo on the bed!!! And the 30th birthday party! I had a much harder time with 31 than I did with 30, not sure why. I guess 30 was sort of a novelty but 31 just made me feel old. LOL

[jesca]

Originally Posted by Bytsi

I gotta say, 2200 kcal would be fun to at least try! Then again, I used to eat a lot more than that on a regular basis in my fat ol' days. I'm hungry now though, so i could give it a shot . What macros are you aiming for? I admit it's a lot easier to get kcals in when you have fat going in... I'm sorry you're not feeling much better though Hope they figure it out soon!

I'm aiming for 40 carb (30% from starch), 30 protein, 30 fat right now. Once you get a little further in, you move up to 55 carb. That's what Marty's at right now. It's kind of blowing my mind, however I feel I could get that easier, than I can keep my fat down and my protein up. I think it's easy to hit if you could just eat junk food all day, but there is the 85% whole food (I read it as "clean" food) requirement. To Leigh that means foods with 3 ingredients or less. I'm getting up there as I like whole foods a lot, but it's still hard to eat even 1800 cals of whole food without popping. Plus my stomach has shrunk from the earlier levels and I don't like eating until I puke. I'm trying to eat conciously and not stuff my face (like I did last night!), so it's been a hard balance to strike.
I must say that I am frequently second guessing myself. I think that I should have changed my activity multiplier or I should have started at the 1400 calorie level and what not. I wonder if I "really" had a problem to begin with (we call this denial ) and so forth and so on. I think how funny it is that I didn't know that I used to be eating way more than 1700 calories like I thought when I was doing NROL4W and that most days before that program I was in the 1200-1500 calorie range. I wonder if the calorie counting and obsessing is making me mentally better or worse and wonder if I will ever get to the point where I find maintenance and am happy with my weight. So many things run through my mind and hit me at odd times. My biggest hope is that at the end of all this, I can figure out what maintenance is and what level of calories makes me lose weight. I want to be fit and active and healthy. I want to be able to wake up in the morning, get to work on time, have a full day and still want to play with the pets and DH and be happy. I still want to be a super hero too, but I will be happy with "normal". I'm just hoping that the path I'm choosing (and second guessing all the time) is going to get me there. I know there are a lot of paths to get somewhere, I just hope this one is going in the right direction.

[Bytsi]

Originally Posted by jesca

I must say that I am frequently second guessing myself.

I wonder if the calorie counting and obsessing is making me mentally better or worse and wonder if I will ever get to the point where I find maintenance and am happy with my weight. So many things run through my mind and hit me at odd times. My biggest hope is that at the end of all this, I can figure out what maintenance is and what level of calories makes me lose weight. I want to be fit and active and healthy. I want to be able to wake up in the morning, get to work on time, have a full day and still want to play with the pets and DH and be happy. I still want to be a super hero too, but I will be happy with "normal". I'm just hoping that the path I'm choosing (and second guessing all the time) is going to get me there. I know there are a lot of paths to get somewhere, I just hope this one is going in the right direction.

I think we're all (or at least many of us) doing this. Second guessing, hoping to find a balanced place that isn't a struggle to maintain when we get to that mythical land of "there"... and live our lives "happily ever after" as fit and healthy but not obsessive people...

I think you're on the right path, for whatever that's worth. It can always be tweaked and adjusted, but you're doing great.

[jesca]

Originally Posted by marthand99

I wasn't really excited about exercising agin, either. I've gotten back into it, though. It helps that you still have to take two rest days, otherwise I think I would've tried to do to much and just totally overdone it.

If you're really struggling, maybe you should wait and see what else is wrong with you? It sounds like you maybe have issues outside of what REPAIR can fix - maybe it makes sense to wait until that's resolved and see if it makes sense to try REPAIR again? Anyway, just a thought. I hope the doc gets back to you soon!

Woo hoo on the bed!!! And the 30th birthday party! I had a much harder time with 31 than I did with 30, not sure why. I guess 30 was sort of a novelty but 31 just made me feel old. LOL

Well it's good to know that I'm not the only one who got malaise when they went back to it. I do think it will help me to do a sensible program and not focus on killing myself on a daily basis I used to think that if you could still walk when you left the gym, you didn't work out hard enough. Perhaps that's in the "over doing it" column now?

I'm feeling so much better today (I'm guessing due to a great night's sleep!) that I feel like I can do this sensible exercise thing. I think even if I take it a little slower and lower than she was suggesting, that I will be so much better than if I just sit around on my arse. If I can'g make 5 days, I can't make 5 days. Obsessing about getting the exercise in is what got me here, so I should certainly try to avoid that feeling when I'm trying to fix myself! I have a feeling (and I could be wrong) that the 4 VIALS of blood they took yesterday will lead to some quick and definitive results. I am hopeful to be working towards getting better soon. I have never been good about sitting around waiting and watching a situation go from bad to worse, so doing something about fixing whatever it is will go a long way to improving my mental well being.

I feel odd about 30 right now. I felt like I was 30 the second that I turned 29. 29 was way rough. I'm actually ok about 30 because I feel like I've been mentally prepped for it for about a year now! I literally have had to repeatedly remind myself that I'm still technically a 20-something, even if it's marginally true. I think now that I've worked with quite a few people that are younger than me (which is really a first - I seem to have always been the baby) that I'm ready to own my age. Watch out 30-something, here I come!

[jesca]

Originally Posted by Bytsi

I think we're all (or at least many of us) doing this. Second guessing, hoping to find a balanced place that isn't a struggle to maintain when we get to that mythical land of "there"... and live our lives "happily ever after" as fit and healthy but not obsessive people...

I think you're on the right path, for whatever that's worth. It can always be tweaked and adjusted, but you're doing great.

Thank you! You and everyone's encouragement is what keeps me going. I really appreciate it.

[jesca]

Day 1 of Activity - and I've already over done it. Nothing too bad, just lifted a little heavy on my squats. My quads are a little jello-y but I will be ok. I thought I was starting out light enough, but oh well. Live and learn

Activity:
Resistance Day #1

Warmup - Random bits I threw together until I was warm
Setsxrepsxtotal weight
Squats - 3x15x24
Swiss ball jack knife - 1x15xpike 1x5pike 10 knees, 1x15knees
Bent over row - 3x15x24
Rear Lunges - 2x15x16 and 1x15x10
Shoulder Press - 3x15x10
Ball Crunch - 3x15x10
Pushups - 3x15xknees
Cool-down - Making dinner

Mobility work done later in the evening.

Food: Seriously sick of food! I feel so stuffed all the time, it's gross. I remember being excited about reset and now I'm just terrified. I have no idea how I'm going to eat enough stuff to keep up. I want to be ill.
2171 calories
72g fat
233g carbs (bagel, banana and rice for starch)
151g protein wohoo, finally got it up today


Pre-workout nutrition: blueberries and Fage 2%
Post-workout nutrition: Chicken/rice/vegetables and a protein shake

Sleep: FAB-U-LOUS! Love that mattress. Don't like the smell, but that should be gone soon. It actually has been giving me migraines (we got the pillows on monday and the whole bed is even worse), but I'm willing to deal for now. I have the air purifier cranked up and the fan on. I'm hoping it will help and I'm going to take a couple of advil before bed for prevention and to help my sad little legs. I had so much more energy today, it was like I was a new person. I'm loving this!

Water/Potassium/sodium: Great. Got a good amount of water, had some banana and managed about 3g of sodium. Days that are less, I'm going to have to sneak in a gatorade. That's what Leigh reccomends, so I feel good about that.

Probiotics/enzymes/fish oil/multivitamin: Nearly perfect. I forgot to add my multi in my last logs, but I have taken one every day for the last forever, so I didn't even think about it when it was recommended.

Emotionally: Pretty awesome. I'm a little overwhelmed with all this food, and a lot worried about how my body will react, but still pretty happy. I really didn't want to work out that much, but it was ok. I feel good about having done it. I'm a little stressed about the cardio, since I've never really been into it, except when I was psycho about it I was thinking tho, that since Leigh doesn't really care what you do, just so long as you move, that I might start playing DDR (dance dance revolution) again. It's a very active and exhausting game, but it's a way for me to get exercise where I don't think about it being cardio. You can make it as tiring or as calm as you like, which is good since I'm never sure how I'm going to feel that day. I'm sure I can get some conventional cardio in too, since I have a lot of workout videos, I just get tired of those easily.
I'm just going to take it day by day and try to do the best I can with all this food and trying to work out. It's going to be tough on my not hungry days to get enough calories, but I will do what I can. One day at a time, I guess that's all it takes.

Weight: 168.6 - I would love to say I won't weigh, but I don't think I can do it!
Waist: 35.5 - this has been down a couple of days now. I guess I'm getting the kinks out

[Bytsi]

I'm glad you like the mattress - sorry 'bout the headaches though!

I love DDR - haven't done it for ages... I gotta get that out again. Guitar Hero isn't active enough unless I stand up to play (and I already look stoopid enough doin' it!).

Go easy on the squats girl!