Kicking Butt and Taking Names: jesca's NROL4W log

[Bytsi]

Originally Posted by jesca

I am going to try one more day at this level and if I don't make it, I think I will move to level 2 which is 25% of my calories - which is 1629 - a number that I've been living at lately. Now I will admit that I've been over that normally - without realizing it, but now that I have gotten a better idea about what everything weighs and how much of everything I can have. I think the most distressing thing is that the scoop that true protein sent to me levels out to be 20 grams and I've been thinking it was 30 grams. So I've been getting less calories than I thought, but also less protein Nothing like getting less protein that you were thinking in your pwo shake! Argh! Take me as your lesson to break out your scale and use it! You might get more than you were thinking a portion was.

I'd like to say that I've been at around 1700 calories, lately, but I think that would be wrong. I've been kidding myself about a lot of what I eat, and we eat lunch out every day at work (obviously need to prepare foods for the coming weeks). To be honest, I'm just not sure any more. I'm trying to put some practices of each of the books into play. The thing is that I've done most of what it usually takes to lose weight over the last couple of months and it worked before I started the program (for about 8 lbs) and then I got to lifting and eating better (I was about 1500 calories before I started NROL4W) and I started gaining weight. So, then I cut back and freaked out and started feeling miserable. I think I needed rest, since I've been feeling progressively better of the last week, but I'm just not sure about the food. I'm hoping to find a jive with my body where I can not starve, and lose weight - and then work in the exercise. That's really part of what this program is about to me. I want to know what maintenance really is for me. What does it take for me to make it through a day with my slightly physical job (ton of walking) and eat healthy (which I do, but just too much I guess?) and not gain or lose weight. That's why I'm sad I can't get myself to the right calories. It's hard because I went on NROL and boosted my calories - to probably too much, when I had been at the right level (maybe) and managed to gain weight. I am buffer than I was, so hopefully I can figure out my middle ground, not lose too much muscle, and be all the better for it.

As you can see I'm really, really struggling with a lot of issues. I'm constantly questioning if this is good or not. Too many calories, not enough, do I feel like crap because my allergies suck, or that I need food. How much fitness will I lose? I need to have faith, but when you've been on every diet out there, and none of them work (probably because I didn't really commit), how do you trust another? The only thing that ever worked for me was weight watchers, and that was eons ago. Also, I was slightly heavier, living alone, and it wasn't easy, either. I remember being this hungry all the time. I can be sure that those calories were low low low too. I always shot for the lowest I could eat and no extras, but it worked. The thing is that that was points and I don't know what they translated to. I'm not sure I want to know. I doubt it was healthy and it might only encourage me to be stupid again.

Hey Jessica - we are so similar, aren't we? First - I measured my protein powder on the scale and SAME THING! To get my serving, it's a HEAPING scoop! Yeah, of all the things to cut, protein powder wouldn't have been my first choice!

Other than that... reading Leigh's books has made me more honest about what I was eating. I was tracking, but I REALLY had a mindset (for years and years) that if I was basically good, a little extra, a few bites here and there were fine (and I never really tracked them). It worked for a while because I had been eating so much more (and so much worse) when I was fat. But eventually that kind of thing catches you. Thus my slow creep of weight over the last five years (YIKES).

I don't think I have time to post in my own log before I hit the gym (I was just skimming but your post made me stop), but I've been MUCH better this week, especially the past few days, and -- the scale started dropping again. I know it won't be a linear straight-down drop, but at least it's not creeping up or stalling out for once...

I probably need rest. I'm working on my new schedule because I LOVE lifting heavy and hard cardio... I just need to be sure I do the recovery part too... My "off" days were days when I had karate, and that has to change. I'd rather workout on a karate day and then have a full day off - I think my body will do better with that...

Keep posting - we are in a similar place here, and hopefully we can support each other in figuring it out.

(I want to keep typing but I have 15 minutes to get to the gym!!!!)

[foodfromafar]

Jessica, it sounds like you are juggling so many different things. You might want to focus on one or 2 particular areas and make those into habits and then tackle others one at a time. It took a while for you to get where you are and it's going to take a while to get to where you want to be. You'll get there if you keep making good choices and moving in a positive direction. Following the R.E.P.A.I.R. program may be just what you need to get back on track.

[marthand99]

Hi Jes!

I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time. It sounds like you're struggling with a lot, frustrated, and in a lot of pain. I wish that I could give you a hug or something!

Hang in there. Stick it out through Rest and see how you feel. The fact that you even decided to do this is so brave - I know how scary it is to stop exercising!

Have you thought about emailing Leigh, or talking to someone about what you're going through? I know Leigh helped put Andrea's mind at ease, and I have really been helped by my therapist. I'm not sure if those are options for you or even something you'd be interested in, but just wanted to throw the idea out there.

One last thing - I do not think it would be a big deal at all to switch to level two. I was trying to decide between the two and decided I wanted that 10% more calories, even if I gained weight.

[marthand99]

Also - I'm jealous of your strawberry picking!!! I love, love, love strawberries! How fun!

[jesca]

Originally Posted by Bytsi

Hey Jessica - we are so similar, aren't we? First - I measured my protein powder on the scale and SAME THING! To get my serving, it's a HEAPING scoop! Yeah, of all the things to cut, protein powder wouldn't have been my first choice!

Other than that... reading Leigh's books has made me more honest about what I was eating. I was tracking, but I REALLY had a mindset (for years and years) that if I was basically good, a little extra, a few bites here and there were fine (and I never really tracked them). It worked for a while because I had been eating so much more (and so much worse) when I was fat. But eventually that kind of thing catches you. Thus my slow creep of weight over the last five years (YIKES).

I don't think I have time to post in my own log before I hit the gym (I was just skimming but your post made me stop), but I've been MUCH better this week, especially the past few days, and -- the scale started dropping again. I know it won't be a linear straight-down drop, but at least it's not creeping up or stalling out for once...

I probably need rest. I'm working on my new schedule because I LOVE lifting heavy and hard cardio... I just need to be sure I do the recovery part too... My "off" days were days when I had karate, and that has to change. I'd rather workout on a karate day and then have a full day off - I think my body will do better with that...

Keep posting - we are in a similar place here, and hopefully we can support each other in figuring it out.

Thank you for taking time to post. I think we're pretty much in the same boat with losing weight, having it creep on and then trying to lose it the right way. It's a difficult process, and I hope you can strike a balance between calories and work and rest. Remember muscles are made while you sleep!

Originally Posted by foodfromafar

Jessica, it sounds like you are juggling so many different things. You might want to focus on one or 2 particular areas and make those into habits and then tackle others one at a time. It took a while for you to get where you are and it's going to take a while to get to where you want to be. You'll get there if you keep making good choices and moving in a positive direction. Following the R.E.P.A.I.R. program may be just what you need to get back on track.

Yeah, I'm pretty focused on the program. I am mostly struggling because there's no exercise. It's a weird thing to wrap your brain around when you've been exercise obsessed for the last 7 years.

Originally Posted by marthand99

Hi Jes!

I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time. It sounds like you're struggling with a lot, frustrated, and in a lot of pain. I wish that I could give you a hug or something!

Hang in there. Stick it out through Rest and see how you feel. The fact that you even decided to do this is so brave - I know how scary it is to stop exercising!

Have you thought about emailing Leigh, or talking to someone about what you're going through? I know Leigh helped put Andrea's mind at ease, and I have really been helped by my therapist. I'm not sure if those are options for you or even something you'd be interested in, but just wanted to throw the idea out there.

One last thing - I do not think it would be a big deal at all to switch to level two. I was trying to decide between the two and decided I wanted that 10% more calories, even if I gained weight.

It's ok. Thanks for the virtual hug I'm doing much better today. I stepped on the scale today and it was down two pounds. Even when I'm dehydrated I don't see any changes in the scale. It's been the same for weeks, so for whatever reason that it changed, it's huge. Just that alone, has helped a lot.

Thanks to everyone for your encouragement. It's been really helpful
I am sticking with it, I've just decided to go to level 2. It's way more realistic and I think I'm beginning to get used to the lower calories, and I should be fine for the rest of the week and half or so.

[jesca]

Rest: Today was a little vigorous. We had a lot of yard work to be done, but it was mostly mulching and pulling a little bit of weeds. I took a break in the middle and I tried to keep it under wraps. I can tend to get out of control with yard work, but I was good

Food numbers: Have upped myself to level 2. It's 1629 now, so I did really well. I would have been able to go lower, but I figured since I worked a good amount today, I should just go above a little. I'm trying to be mindful of that sort of thing. We'll see.

1699 calories
32g fat
132g protein

Sleep: 9 hours

Water/sodium: NOT good with water. I went out and sweat like crazy and am definitely dehydrated. Currently working on fixing that. Sodium - pretty much spot on.

Emotionally: Very happy today. Woke up feeling kinda icky, but some tylenol and breakfast helped.

Weight: 169.0 - I can NOT believe that this number went down. I am sure that that this is not fat, but it really doesn't matter to me. My scale number does not budge easily, so the fact that I have sat on my arse for a week and half and I lost is amazing. If it's still down tomorrow it will be a miracle and seriously help my motivation with the program.
Waist: 36

All in all, good three days. Hopefully I can make through work without blowing it. That will be the true test!

[Bytsi]

Weight: 169.0 - I can NOT believe that this number went down. I am sure that that this is not fat, but it really doesn't matter to me. My scale number does not budge easily, so the fact that I have sat on my arse for a week and half and I lost is amazing. If it's still down tomorrow it will be a miracle and seriously help my motivation with the program.

YAY!!!!

I know exactly how you feel... we KNOW it's not like 2# of fat just jumped ship, but still... it's encouraging... I'm down 2# since my meltdown over the weekend (1/2# Sun, 1# Mon, another 1/2# today!) and it's just... so motivating. I know it won't be linear, but at least it's not going up or stuck!!!

Keep up the good work (or non-work )

[marthand99]

Originally Posted by Bytsi

YAY!!!!

I know exactly how you feel... we KNOW it's not like 2# of fat just jumped ship, but still... it's encouraging... I'm down 2# since my meltdown over the weekend (1/2# Sun, 1# Mon, another 1/2# today!) and it's just... so motivating. I know it won't be linear, but at least it's not going up or stuck!!!

Keep up the good work (or non-work )

x2 - I know exactly what you mean. It just helps!!

Glad you had a good day yesterday, Jes!

[jesca]

Alright, first day at work on the program and I did pretty well. Today is the day we always all go out to eat together (small office) and I went with the guys, but I got Grilled Tilapia and veg, which was pretty great tasting and pretty healthy, so that totally worked out. I went out to dinner too and had fish and veg and it was also good. I even managed to come in exactly on my macros and 100 calories UNDER my numbers, which is amazing. I think I'm finally getting the hang of this

Rest: I was pretty lazy today. I drove to work because I had to go somewhere afterwards, and I didn't go to see any clients, so I pretty much sat at my desk and worked.

Food numbers: Great!
1527calories
47g fat
164g protein

Sleep: 8 hours

Water/sodium: Much better with the water today and I was under with the sodium. I'm starting to wonder if I'm not getting enough sodium. I'm not sure what a good number is tho. I'm getting around 1500mg a day on average.

Emotionally: Pretty good today. Didn't want to go to work this morning, but I managed to get up and get motivated. I got breakfast and lunch together and got to work at a reasonable time. I did have a couple of anxious moments today, but not full on attacks. Both were quelled pretty easily.

Weight: 169.8 - a little up from yesterday, but AF is here and I think I let myself get too dehydrated yesterday, so this was the aftermath of that.
Waist: 36

My true protein order just arrived today so I got to try my custom mix. It's a little thicker (which I like) but a little more bitter than the regular whey I'm used to. It's good tho, because this is a casein mix that is meant to keep me full and give me slow acting protein, that I will use mostly in the mornings and as an occasional meal replacement. Sometimes a shake is all I can muster, and this mix is pretty good, I think. I just need to figure out what flavoring to put in it to get it to be tasty. 1 tbsp. of nesquick doesn't cut it in this the way it does with the whey. I'm thinking the pudding mixes will be better, but we'll see.

In case anyone is intersted, my mix is below. There are no flavors or sweetners in it, and tonight I mixed it with milk, but it may be fine with water. I'll give that a go next time, because sometimes with milk is far too many calories for what I have left in the day.

FORMULA
	Egg White Protein	10%
	Micellar Casein	30%
	Hydrolyzed Whey Protein High Grade	20%
	Complete Milk Dairy Isolate	30%
	Branched Chain Amino Acids (BCAA's)	5%
	Essential Amino Acids (EAA's) by the Pound (1lb)	5%

Aminogen (Protease Enzyme)

[marthand99]

Yay! That's how I felt after a couple of days, like I was finally getting the hang of things. Nice!

Wow - I had never heard of true protein before. How cool! So it's totally unflavored? Do you know what the calories/macros are for your mix?

[jesca]

Originally Posted by marthand99

Yay! That's how I felt after a couple of days, like I was finally getting the hang of things. Nice!

Wow - I had never heard of true protein before. How cool! So it's totally unflavored? Do you know what the calories/macros are for your mix?

Yeah, it's trueprotein.com. You can get flavorings without sweeteners and vice versa. Plus you can put in additives and other things. Like I added the enzymes, since I tend to have some issues with too much protein at once.

The macros on the mix that I can remember are
105 calories
24g of protein
and about .5 grams of fat and the rest carbs.

Considering that's out of a 30 gram serving that's a pretty good ratio.

Since it's so low in fat, though, I should consider a little PB in there (maybe during eat, since I don't have so many cals right now), just to help with the satiety. I did feel really full after drinking the shake last night, I just need to find a flavoring that works. I'm even thinking half that shake and half some of the BSN I have leftover, just for the flavor since it was kind of bitter. I have 3 lbs for now, so I can experiment a bit.

[jesca]

Rest: Good. I had a bunch of work to do at my desk today, so I was pretty much trapped. I did walk to one of the further office buildings today, but I didn't fly down there at light speed like I usually do, however I don't think I could have if I wanted to. On my way back, I was totally dragging. I couldn't believe how hard the walk was. I guess it's the low calories. That was definitely a struggle. I like to "save" my calories for the end of the day so I can have a treat, but I think I'm going to have to put the kibosh on that until I get to next week because I have to make it through the day!

Food numbers: Great!
1636 calories
34g fat
156g protein

Sleep: 8.5 hours

Water/sodium: Both good

Emotionally: Really up and down today. I'm guessing/hoping it's cuz of AF and my hormones are off, but I was getting irrationally upset about the dumbest crap today. I had a little anxiety, but it was in my worst situation where I'm most prone - in the car stuck in traffic with no outlet available. I remember the first panic attack I ever had and everything about it - what I was wearing, where I was, everything around me, I can still get worked up thinking about it - and it was in a car, stuck at a light in gridlock. Not sure what it is about that situation, but if I can get through this and those attacks go away, I will know I'm on the right track. And I will be eternally grateful.

Weight: 169.0 - Back down today.
Waist: 35.5 - I was rushing this morning and I was already dressed and wasn't going to measure, but then I put on my belt and went to fasten it and I tried to close it where there were no holes! I settled on the last hole and it was loose, so stripped enough to measure my waist and it kept falling between 35.5 and 35 instead of 36 and 37, which was awesome. I feel compact, I think is how Marty put it. It's a very cool feeling, because even when I was on Weight Watchers and even at my slimmest, I think I was retaining water, like Leigh says you can, and i always felt bloated. To be free of that water is awesome!

[foodfromafar]

Great job on the waist loss!!!