The set looks cool and having an army helmet around the house for awhile has to be useful for something. Sorry buy I can't pick you out of the pic to comment. I've never been the observant.
__________________
Past performance is not indicative of future success.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Hey - you - knock it off!!!!!!! You look great, you do NOT look 40# (or even 20#) heavier than the other girls - you fit right in and I had to look closely with my tired old eyes to pick you out (front row, yes?)... so...
This was the good pic. my uniform is too big, so it's cinched in places, giving me a nice volumnising effect, what with the oversized shirt tucked into it. In person I look like I'm about 8, everything is just too big.
In this one I'm the only person who knows how to look cute blowing a kiss. (Gabe, in the front wearing a watch (which "covers" my tat).) I don't get to keep costume at home. Guess I'll have to stick with the fencing mask for fun and games requiring headgear.
Bytz… I didn't say I LOOK 40# more, I said I AM 40# more. These girls are tiny. Tall and thin and then they complain about the little boobiez… and I laughs at them. I grant you, the uniform doesn't really do ANYONE justice, really.
I'd managed to avoid all previous pub photos, and I was really hoping for the same this time, but no dice.
I do feel fine about me, and the pics just don't look like me. It's a bummer. That's true about when I'm in the 120s too. I have LOTS of bad angles.
NEwai…
must get in workout today. haven't for a couple.
In this one I'm the only person who knows how to look cute blowing a kiss. (Gabe, in the front wearing a watch (which "covers" my tat).) I don't get to keep costume at home. Guess I'll have to stick with the fencing mask for fun and games requiring headgear.
That's what I was thinkings!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aoife
Bytz… I didn't say I LOOK 40# more, I said I AM 40# more. These girls are tiny. Tall and thin and then they complain about the little boobiez… and I laughs at them. I grant you, the uniform doesn't really do ANYONE justice, really.
Some of these girls are hopeless.
I don't get it, really. I mean, I had one of the butchest moms ever, who made me keep my hair short because she didn't want to have to worry about combing my hair for me… and yet I managed to figure this stuff out before highschool.
I'm not surprised they can't do 40s hairstyles, but we're talking can't use a curling iron or bobby pins.
Some of these girls are hopeless.
I don't get it, really. I mean, I had one of the butchest moms ever, who made me keep my hair short because she didn't want to have to worry about combing my hair for me… and yet I managed to figure this stuff out before highschool.
I'm not surprised they can't do 40s hairstyles, but we're talking can't use a curling iron or bobby pins.
Well, I'm not particularly good with bobby pins or curling irons.. but my mom has never worn makeup a day in her life and doesn't own a hairdryer. I do wear makeup (usually) and dry my hair, but... hmmmm... especially in theater, you'd think they'd pick some of that up!
It's not even whether they know it already that is troubling. It's that after showing and explaining they still aren't able to take the thing and simply curl their hair. After showing, explaining, moving their hands for them and forcing them to do it…
It's more about not really listening, I think, than anything else. They're doing other things in their heads and hoping I'll just do their hair every night.
eh, I have to admit, I'm hair challenged. Always have been.
__________________ It all starts with the mind, but the thoughts, the intention aren't enough. Action needs to come next. Dream it, believe it, plan it, execute it, celebrate it. - Wendy
But I'm pretty sure you'd manage to follow some very simple, easy-to-do directions to make someone's life much easier. You may not do it well, but you could manage to DO it.
All I'm asking is for them to listen and attempt and make the corrections as I talk them through it. Everything else, like everything else in life, takes time and practice.
That does sound pretty mom-ish. No fair when you don't have any of the good stuff that goes with it!
I know what you mean. My mom was/is hopeless with hair and makeup and never taught me to do any of that stuff. But I learned by other examples and by asking questions at the hairdresser's. It's more like they are so lazy that they don't want to be bothered to actually learn it themselves. Pffft. Kids these days...
nothing really this weekend. Some walking around shopping looking for shooz, jeans. Still need to get a pair of combat boots for costume, maybe a pair of Docz. If all else fails, there's army surplus.
1. Hyperperfectionism is the enemy of productivity. You know this. Stop it.
2. Awesum pic on the production. You look hawt.
3. If you fling poo, just wear gloves, K?
Last night we started Tech rehearsals. Ugh. There till 1045 and still hadn't finished all three acts. This isn't going well, hope we can pick it up soon. So, between that and having crap due, there's been not much time for other stuff. Will see about getting a bit of a lift in, maybe. I'm exhausted. Not so much sleepy as just very, very tired.
I ended last night being told about a half dozen dead/dying deer stories, so that I can better visualize what I come from every time I come on stage. Dead and dying guys in triage and the makeshift OR. ugh.
Trying to keep healthy with people sick all around me (instructors, classmates, costars) because I will fucking KILL someone if I end up with a 103deg fever on stage pushing through a lost voice sweating up a storm. Just sayin.
Well at least if you kill someone then you'll have witnessed the visual carnage that will be useful to channel into your state presence. And also the person who was bothering you will be dead.
Silver linings all over the place, home skillet.
__________________ Megaloi -- My Blog
"Every society honors its live conformists and its dead troublemakers."
- Mignon McLaughlin
got in some kind of something in the other room…
1 leg db rdl bent over row 10x15#ea
ng db incline bench press 12x20#
clam shells with band 3sec hold x10
glute bridging 60s holds
lying leg lift (no set down) x10
lying hamstring stretches
lying twists
mucho kitteh pettin
I'm really beat. Rehearsal in 2 hours, leaving in 1. Time for some homework.
I'm afraid of success.
I'm afraid of failure, but I can accept it.
Mostly, my big problem is that I'm afraid for other people.
I'm mutable. I'm a chameleon. I rise or fall to the level of the people around me. Not because I worry what they'll think of me, but because I worry what they'll think of themselves.
With smart people, it's ok to be smart. With confident people it's ok to be confident. With happy people it's ok to be happy. With talented, creative, energetic people, it's ok to be such.
I stopped losing weight when other people got resentful of how I looked. Not cuz I looked good, but because they felt they didn't.
It's easy to not care about what people think of me. I'm just worried about their own selves in comparison. It's why I don't take compliments well. The "you're so smart" is followed with the unspoken (or sometimes spoken) "I'm dumb." "I'm not as smart as you." Whatever.
My mom always for some retarded reason compared my sister to me. And she never came out ahead. I was a leader, she was a follower (well, as kids she WAS 6 YEARS older than me, so no shit), she wasn't as smart, or responsible, or whatthefuckever as me.
I try. You know? I mean, I do. I try to just be me, do my thing, and help others to be the best they can. But then there's the bitch who thinks I'm arrogant for not having a huge amount of false humility… And I'll note here that it's almost always a fucking woman, it's why I prefer the company of men…
I mean, granted, this sounds retarded. Because how fucked up is it that I think other people are soooo damn envious or have such fucked up self-esteem or whatever?
But seriously, can you tell me you've NEVER, EVER, had, at any point in your life, someone make you feel badly because you were good at something? Cuz maybe you were better/thinner/harder worker/smarter/whatever than them? Didn't try to call you out for being so good?
Except, that I've never ever ever been boastful except in the most general and joking contexts (you know, that I'm totally awsome, or that I'm the BEST procrastinator in the world)… But that in general in this society if you don't take your compliments humbly and with suitable protestation, if you seek to excel and are not surprised by your success, if you are perhaps proud of your fucking accomplishments, you're an arrogant bitch. (It is often ok if you are a man, however, women love arrogant men, and men understand that arrogance usually follows ability. Usually.)
Uncle Vanya was tough. It was the first play I did that wasn't in grade school. But, except for a couple bit parts, I was the only non-pro, pretty much. Everyone else was really good. It made being good a good thing, something to strive for, and others would give pointers if neccesary, and led by example. It also didn't hurt that, as a newb, I was rough around the edges and didn't know a few things. Except, of course, with the older diva in the show, but I've already made my point about the difference between women and men here.
The others, not so much, and were/are harder for me to really do well because I let others' discomfort and struggle hold me back. Not their fault, but it's automatic and not even noticed now.
I'm a product of years in childhood of being told not to act so smart, not to act like I'm better than everyone else, to stop using big words. When I was learning how to read in school, we came across the word "aunt" and I was told it meant the sister of your parent and that it was pronounced "awnt." That "ant" was the little bug that tried to ruin your picnic. I understood that was the case, it was AU, and that's like gaunt and haunt. You don't have your house "hanted" by a ghost. So I said "awnt." And my family told me I was being pretentious and uppity and trying to act smart.
I'm a product of years of people proud to tell everyone how "smart their niece/daughter was" but apparently felt threatened because I might have been smarter than them and didn't let that be a good thing to me, but something to be ashamed of, like I was trying to be better than them to make them feel bad.
There. I said it. I self-sabotage because even though I'm generally misanthropic, I care enough about the people I care about to worry that my success may somehow manage to make them feel less.
#1 -- As always, get out of my head. Seriously, it's freaky.
#2 -- You surely know this quote already. But here it is anyway:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -- Marianne Williamson
I think the trick is to change your perspective to see it as actually serving others to be your best self. By weighing things on the scale and seeing that the impact of your example is bigger than the burden of their insecurity.
I'll let you know when I actually manage to get there.
__________________ Megaloi -- My Blog
"Every society honors its live conformists and its dead troublemakers."
- Mignon McLaughlin
wow. You know, I have some thoughts on this and quite a bit of empathy - but I'm at work and this will take some thinking to articulate - but wanted to respond now and say you're not alone in this and you it isn't your fault and you can pronouce aunt how ever you want (we're "ant" people in my family for the most part) and it's OK to be smart and "blow the curve" in your classes (my fav)
Screw it...be YOU. You cannot fight who you are...in all your smarts and wit and funniez. If you fight you...people will never be able to experience all that you are. In a good way. If others have issue with you...think you're a bitch, think you are somehow not being humble enough...TOO BAD. That is their insecurity. You are not responsible for their insecurities...the general public will just need to get over it. You shouldn't have to apologize for being smart...and you should NEVER have to apologize for being who you are.
Smart and powerful men are praised and smart and powerful women are bitches...I'd see it as a compliment. Just my opionion...everything is easier said than done...everything!
I stopped losing weight because my wife got pissed that I could lose weight faster than she could so I know what you mean. After several diets and weighing in with her, I learned that it would be a miserable evening if I lost more weight than she did.
If you always rise to the level of those around you, become better when challenged by those who are themselves competent or even talented, then return the favor. Others around you might rise above their current level when you allow your gifts to shine in their presence. Inspire, don't stifle yourself just to fit in or make others feel more adequate than they actually are.
(yeah, easier said than done!)
My SIL has ALWAYS resented me because I got married younger than she did, stopped being obese (she just keeps getting bigger), have more money (because my H and I both got more education and thus better jobs in slightly more marketable fields)... even because I have a daughter and she had a son... And there were times I felt bad or guilty, especially with the weight thing. But I won't sabotage MY life and hard work and success just to make her feel better about herself.
I do. A lot. It's been something I worked on. I'm perfectly ok most of the time to be fucking fabulous. To lead by example, drag people along with me, and show them how to be more.
And then there's just something, someone, that fucking needs to put me in my place, apparently. And I fall back into the old habit a little, and usually without realizing it. It's not the fault of anyone but me. My problem is prolly that the fucking idjit isn't someone I can just tell off, ya know? Even in a completely un-rude kind of way. And it's the kind of person, this time at least, that I don't have to deal with too often, I just have to "be good" around for short stints here and there and it's much easier to ignore it and let it go. I don't ever seem to get along with certain kind of women. I'm ok with that. The stick is so damn far up their ass they walk funny, and I kinda can't help laughing anyway.
It's mostly just that by the time I realize what the fuck happened, I'm back in a bad place (relatively, because I'm actually in a really good place most of the time) and it really fucking pisses me off. Really. Like, really.
And then there's the people that you can't give enough to, they keep asking for more from you, and you know that it's because they see it there and want you to see it too. And they want you to do it for yourself as well as others, and it's fucking frustrating as hell because I WAS and then I'm not.
and this play is fucking hard. And really fucking dark, actually. Way darker than I can go comfortably. Prolly darker than I can go period. I know, full well, how incredibly awful people are/can be. But if you dwell there, you think humanity is fucking doomed. That there's no point. Because I think most people can be somehow pushed to that point of "evil." I think they can be pushed toward horrendous acts easier than they can be pushed to honorable ones.
And then I see the correlation. The people who think the former problem I have, that people shouldn't shine, are the same people that then become the latter category of people… those that can commit those horrid acts.
I loathe conformity. I loathe sheeple. I fear them.
Because there's never a mob committing random acts of kindness.
my uniform is too big, so it's cinched in places, giving me a nice volumnising effect, what with the oversized shirt tucked into it. In person I look like I'm about 8, everything is just too big.
(Gabe, in the front wearing a watch (which "covers" my tat).) I don't get to keep costume at home. 
Guess I'll have to stick with the fencing mask for fun and games requiring headgear.
Linear Mode
