Mahler’s Monday Morning Motivator # 64 – In the Beginning (The First Fitness Weekend).
Good Morning, Guys,
Today, I thought I would pull out an old piece I wrote after returning from the first ever Fitness Weekend in Little Rock, Arkansas. It’s a little long, but I think worth the read. For those of you who have never attended, the third one is this weekend and there is still time to get involved.
MAHLER’S MOST EXCELLENT ADVENTURE
The Arrival
My plane departed, lifting into a cold, rainy Baltimore sky. A brief plane change in Charlotte provided some much needed cardio since I had to get from concourse B to concourse E in about 10 minutes to catch my connecting flight. My determined gait seemed to shout, “step aside” as I wended my way through the crowded airport with its quaint touch of white rocking chairs for sitting and relaxing. There was no time for that, however. I boarded the plane, which was a commuter jet and made a comment about it being made by Fisher-Price which drew some laughs from passengers and crew. My overstuffed gym bag barely fit under the seat but I was determined not to check any luggage. Both legs of my flight were uneventful and I ate more pretzels than I had in the last two years. Flying into Little Rock was an eye opener for me with farms and rice paddies littering the landscape from horizon to horizon. My God, I thought, when I lived in Pittsburgh my backyard had more variation in height than this entire state. The place was flat, even boring, I thought. I was soon to find out that just the opposite was true of its people. We landed at an airport that frankly, in the east, would pass for a municipal airport. It had 12 gates and we walked from the plane to the terminal. What a walk, though. The sun was shining and the temperature was as warm and as friendly as the people. From the very first person I asked for directions, my preconceptions and, yes, prejudices about rural, southern America dissolved. I found my way to the shuttle desk and asked about getting to my hotel. The clerk, an amiable black lady, said the driver was not available and then immediately followed with, “I’ll lock up the desk and drive you there myself.” Going out to the limo she asked me if I was there for the “fitness thing” that was going on. I thought, wow, this must be bigger than I realized or else nothing much goes on in Little Rock. For the brief 15 minute ride from the airport, this delightful lady told me all about the area and we talked about our favorite vegetable, broccoli. At the Raddison, I soon found out that there was a band convention in town and waited in line to check in. While standing in line, with my gym bag, my Men’s Health binder and my copy of a biography of (you guessed it) Mahler, there was a tap on my arm, I turned and there he was. His face literally shone with a big grin as he said, “Mahler?” I returned, “J.P.?” Then a firm handshake ensued. J.P. was solid looking, fit and radiated health. He was energy in human form and bore that description out in the following days. His mannerisms and style epitomized the word, “welcome.”
The Awakening
Most of what follows: the meetings, the greetings, are a blur but I do remember this. As we stood in the lobby with those already there and as each person arrived, they seemed to step out of a cyber world and into reality and, to a man, I could truly say, this is a friend. Any misgivings I may have had; any concerns about how this weekend would pan out, dissolved. After all, these are, yes really are, my friends. I know these guys.
As we stood in the lobby, the sun was bright outside so as people entered they were awash with backlight and difficult to see until they were very close. Two arrivals in particular I do recall rather well. The faceless man in the mask took shape out of the flood of light as he walked into the lobby. Who was this? It’s vuduchyld. Holy shit! It’s vudu! Will had a grin on his face from ear to ear and a casual manner that put you at ease immediately. I remembered thinking that he reminded me, just a little bit, of Ray Romano. He certainly proved to be just as funny. The other arrival, the real mystery man, had traveled with vudu and was, quite honestly, the one I wanted to meet the most simply because of the mystery that surrounded him. Josh (cuvermodel) always made excuses for not having posted pictures and I often wondered what this young man would look like. We had chatted frequently via IM and had e-mailed each other a number of times. He had put together a challenging ab routine for me and introduced me to the dreaded Dragon Flag. His contributions to the Men’s Health forum belied his posted age of 19. His posts were intelligent, witty, confident and he seemed to have more understanding of fitness and nutrition than anyone that age, or any age, should have. This was a man I wanted to meet. He had always joked that he was 19 but looked 17. I was not prepared for this “kid” who to my much older eyes looked 15! He emerged from the light behind him and finally took shape. What stood before me was a handsome, blond young man with a face and smile that imparted warmth to those around him. And, as I firmly clasped his hand, I felt young again, myself.
The Prelude
More arrivals, handshakes and introductions followed. It wasn’t long before the circle of friends included Greg (buster) who had been the first arrival, Steve (Menshealthguy), Chris (CMASPE99), Mark (MRAINOSEK) JP’s workout partner, & Ryan (mitsuman). As a prelude to the weekend, we went over to J.P. Fitness Center and were immediately presented with gift bags with Men’s Health tee shirts, J.P. Fitness caps, and some nutritional goodies. Have to say thanks to Lou Shuller and the guys at Men’s Health for the shirts which J.P had additionally printed on the back to read, I Survived “The Game.” The challenge had been made. There was no turning back now. J.P. knew what he was doing and now I wanted to earn the right to wear that damned shirt. The fitness center is in a high-rise building (TCBY Center) and has a spectacular view, which includes the state capitol. It’s not large but well designed and frankly one of the cleanest places to workout that I have ever seen. We all just kind of hung out for a while and played like children with vudu leading the mischief by curling in the squat rack. Many of us made our first tentative attempts to mount the Swiss ball whereupon, I think it was Josh, started the catchphrase of the weekend, “If he is here, who is running hell?” So perceptive for one so young.
Playtime was just beginning, we found out, as JP took us on a stroll to the riverfront area of Little Rock, which is dotted with some of the greatest places to eat and drink. It was at this point that I realized that my cutting routine would, over the next few days, transform into a bulking one. Man, we had a great meal and you would have thought we were all lifelong friends looking at that table. Words began to creep into my vocabulary that I use sparingly, like “dude”, “kick-ass”, “mofo”. And they felt so good and so natural. For those of you who know Fitday, you know that it gives you a pie chart of your intake. Protein is red, Carbs are blue, Fat is green and Alcohol is purple. When I got home and entered what I could remember, the purple was a big mofoing chunk. We moved on to a nightspot for more drinks and I became a father. No, please do not tell my wife I was fooling around. In order to get the 19 year olds into the place, a couple of us posed as their parents. I became Ryan’s father for the weekend. To their credit there was no underage drinking. Both Ryan and Josh drank soft drinks and water. Ryan took to calling me “paw” and I promptly threatened to kick his ass. Ryan is tall, dark haired, slender and definitely poised to break many hearts. It was almost laughable to think that we expected people to believe that I was his father. By the way, by the end of the weekend between Ryan and Josh, I have a renewed faith in the youth of this country. They represent what is best and brightest. A big thanks to JP for dinner and drinks. You are too generous. And thanks are due all around for the laughter and good times. When we returned to the hotel and I went to my room I knew I wouldn’t sleep. I never sleep in hotels. I slept like a baby.
The Retreat
On the morning of the retreat, JP had planned breakfast at the hotel. I came down to the lobby in jeans and a tee shirt, thinking that I would change after breakfast. Holy sh*t! Was I ever wrong. Most of the guys were already there and dressed to workout. These guys were serious dudes. Since we were still waiting for a few more guys, I went back to my room and changed into a white, sleeveless top and black workout shorts. We had a great breakfast and, once again, JP, thanks for your generosity. What a sight to see this group of guys lined up at the buffet, all obviously in good shape and chowing down for the day ahead. The looks from the people around us were obvious and our conversations about getting plenty of eggs, bacon and sausage for the protein seemed so unreal. An added treat at breakfast was the pleasure of meeting JP’s wife Erika and his perfectly adorable children. You can just sense the love that is there and it was a privilege to be a part of that.
After breakfast we went to the fitness center and the day began with Josh putting us through a warm-up that told me one thing, I do not warm up as aggressively as I should. He had us all sweating like Florida election officials on voting day. Note to self: learn to jump rope better. The day’s activities were aggressive and challenging. I won’t go into detail about each except to say that at some point each of the presenters were recipients of the comment, “If he is here, who is running hell?” I was delighted to learn that my squat form and good mornings were pretty good. I also found out that my Romanian deadlights resembled stiff legged deads. No excuse next time. JP, Josh and Mark helped me tremendously with my overhead squats. My foot placement should take care of that now.
Kevin (volliefireman) joined us for a while and showed us an intense exercise known as “The Bear” a fluid combination of lifting, squatting and pressing. Jamie (Bond007) also joined us for a while even though it was a two-hour drive for him.
It was incredible how much was packed into that one day, a day that we all approached with purpose and intensity yet found to be so much fun. Jeff Strain worked our butts with isolated stretching moves. Josh Davis amazed us with his flexibility. He actually drew blood from me. He was showing us manual resistance trainer assisted exercises and I made the mistake of volunteering for the hamstring routine. This guy straps me to a bench face down and pulls on my heels while I am trying to keep my legs bent. I was determined not to let that happen. My face was several shades of red and before long a few drops of blood fell from my nose. I didn’t quit. Some of the guys were real concerned but I explained that I have the worlds worst sinuses and it happens frequently. My main concern was that there were three drops of blood on JP’s rubber mat.
A big boost for me was that I actually was able to get up on the Swiss ball, albeit for a short time and play the game. I think vudu was giving me a little assist here and there as he spotted me. Thanks, Will. I had no intention of wearing that Men’s Health tee shirt until I earned it. I wore it to dinner that night.
Mark and JP had shown us some amazing feats of balance and strength on the Swiss ball but, for a first timer, I was happy just to get on the damned thing. Vudu, Josh and Ryan proved to be real naturals and inspired us all.
Greg, who was coming off a shoulder injury, was fantastic in going the distance wherever he could.
During the course of the day, some of JPs clients came in to workout. It is his policy to give them 24-hour access to the facility. One “babe” drew a lot of our attention away from the person who was talking to us. As we looked past him to the girl with her most beautifully formed derriere sticking up in the air, I leaned forward to vudu and whispered, “So, are we all doing front raises?” I think we were.
We broke for lunch around 2 PM and had another great time at the Flying Saucer. After lunch we continued until almost 8 pm. One of the most fiendish encounters was with a gentle looking man named Dale Swesey. He is 53 and has cannons, not guns. My arms look like spaghetti compared to his. He put several of the guys through short routines that would have been rivaled only by the Iraqi Olympic dungeon. Chris did a shoulder routine that made his already impressive shoulders explode. Ryan did a biceps routine that made his guns fire, big time. He had trouble putting his arms down for a while. Steve, Will and Josh did leg routines that bordered on pure physical abuse. Dale’s theory is that if you don’t have time, then pack an hour into 7 minutes. And, you know what? He did. Just ask his victims.
During this entire time, it seemed so ridiculous that this was called a retreat. Webster defines a retreat as “a process of withdrawing from what is difficult, dangerous or disagreeable.” No one, at any time, for any reason, held back. To a man, I saw intensity, purpose, and determination. You will see it in the faces when JP puts up some pictures. In those faces grimacing with pain and struggle; bathed in sweat from pushing harder; flushed and red from devoting every last ounce of strength; I saw my friends. I saw people that I would like to be. I saw qualities in each one that I admired. And I was humbled that they, in turn, would call me friend, as well.
Work Hard, Play Hard
We broke up around 8 and went back to our rooms for a quick shower and regrouped for dinner. What a night! We went to a place called the West End and I had one of the best tasting steaks in my life. Of course, it could have been shoe leather and it would have tasted good after the kick-ass day we had just had. We were all ready and pumped up for a real party. Most of us had on our tee shirts and as we walked through the restaurant a table started to cheer “Men’s Health, Men’s Health.” It was like we were celebrities. We ate, we drank, we talked, we joked. The single guys got a chance to pose for pictures with the most excellently built waitresses and JP started comparing tats with one. It was a night that just rocked. Thanks to Will (vudu) for the great meal. We went back to the hotel and took the party up to my room where Mark had me stash some wine and Glenfiddich. JP brought his guitar and amazed us with his playing. Is there nothing this man can’t do? Later he passed it to Will (vudu) who proved to be damned good and a singer, too. Steve rounded it off with his guitar playing as well. I hate talented people. Josh, Steve and I got a chance for a real good chat and Josh continued to impress me with wisdom beyond his years and a glimpse into his life.
We partied well after midnight and when it broke up, I found that this night, I could not sleep. I was so pumped up that it was damned near impossible to close my eyes. I lay there in bed running all the day’s activities over and over in my mind. Who needs sleep?
The Farewell
The next morning, I got up in plenty of time to pack and get things ready to leave. We met in the restaurant for coffee and one by one said our goodbyes each leaving me with memories I will treasure. Handshakes were simply, no longer, enough as we hugged one another with ease. In the short space of the last 40 some odd hours we had become more than one could have hoped. The words and pictures from our computer screens had taken shape and had become as real as they would ever be. The bits and bytes streaming through cyber space had materialized into …………..brothers.
Thank you, brothers, one and all!
Have a great week.
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In Fitness & Friendship,
Mahler
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