Considering Withdrawing from the Challenge

[rem1956]

Feb has been a very rough month for me personally. There has been many hardships to overcome. Bad weather, freezing rain and black ice caused me to miss many workouts, along with some family sickness and depression. Depression has been a major issue this month. I'm usually able to keep the beast on a leash, but many times it became loose, and caused me to loose much time from the gym and from my life.

My family life is tough. I have a wife who is morbidly obese, sets bad examples for my son, takes absolutely no care of herself and is unable to do the simplest of task around the home. This leaves everything around the home on me. We live in a two story home, and she is barely able to climb the stairs. I get absolutely no support nor encouragement from her. If anything, she feels threatened by me wanting to get healthy. Hell, she doesn't even know about this challenge I started. I never told her since I know she wouldn't support it.

At times, I feel like giving up. Depression hits real hard. Lots of extended periods of just sitting and crying. the problem is too much responsibility and never any fun, and always coming in last in the race. My self care gets put on hold while I take care of her and my son, do the household chores, work a day job, and teach at a night job.

I've considered divorce, but basically, for reasons I really don't uinderstand, I love my wife. And I love my son. A divorce would probably destroy him, and wouldn't help me in the long run either.

All day long, all week long, month after month, all I ever do is take care of them and ignore myself. My life has no fun! No freedom, nor any solitude. It consist of getting up in the morning tired as I was when I went to bed, and every day is just one big re run of an unhappy life.

I get no encouragement form her regarding weight loss and health. We both have gym memberships, but she never uses hers, and has little subtle remarks to make if I go to the gym. Guilt trips since I'm not spending time with her, with my son, doing something that needs to be done around the hosue, etc.

Bottom line is I don't know what to do anymore. A life of depression is no life. A life like mine is no life.

I should be posting new pictures soon, but I have to ask myself why bother? Absolutely nothing has changed since the last photos, since I've only been to the gym 5 times in Feb. there is no progress to report on.

My lifestyle makes me feel sad and miserable. A crummy day job that I absolutely hate; a marriage that is all take and no give, and if that isn't enough, then add a huge financial debt on top of all that. I haven't even mentioned the debt yet. That could keep me going on for another long thread.

Bottom line is I may decide to withdraw from the challenge. There is way too much on my shoulders right now for me to keep trying to balance so much. something has to give, and it can't be family and jobs.

This morning, I woke up tired. So tired that I just laid there not feeling like moving. I was to go to the gym. March was going to be Balls to the wall and make up for Feb. But I just didn't have it in me to get out of bed. The fight has left me. I feel defeated.

Well, enough for now. Long rant. Thanks for listening folks.

This may be good bye. This may be my withdraw from the challenge. Hell, I don't even know what this may be. I just know I can't go on much longer like this.

Ray

[missjane]

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. Have you considered talking to someone and reaching out for some help? There are times in everyone's life when it can't hurt to have someone help us out.

I think it's brave of you to WANT a fitter lifestyle. And, I think it will ultimately be a very good thing for you and your family. I encourage you to continue on this journey, even if it's baby steps for awhile.

Please don't leave us......you are amongst friends, and we care.

[GG300]

Hey I had a crap February as well. I didn't miss any workouts ate great on the on days and horribly on the 8 party days that I knew I was going to have. So by the end of it all I lost 1 whole friggin pound. SO WHAT. I get up every morning get back to the gym and I will attempt to be better than the last month. Fitness isn't about some external challenge it is about getting and staying healthy so you can fend of an occasional bought of depression or whatever else life might throw your way. Plus setting a good example for your son is necessary to counter the negative example that yopur wife is setting. Quit the challenge if that is what is stressing you out but don't quit on yourself. NO PITY PARTY HERE, fitness isn't easy all the time but its necessary.

Now get away from the computer and go do something healthy.

[gobbla]

The challenge isn't really relevant to anything. I never signed on with the genuine thought that I'd win, it's simply a declaration that I'm going to "try" to do what I can to be a better me physically through diet and exercise. The better I do personally = the greater the odds of my kids learning better habits.

I don't know how old your kid is, but can you take your son to the gym\for a walk\basketball\ANYTHING?! If he's a teenager, you might have him be a lifting buddy OR you can ask him to be active "for you". Let him share in the experiance.

Diet = "just do better". You're making an attempt not to die early or create a situation where your kid dies early because you didn't teach him better. Don't worry about being perfect...just do better than you did yesterday.

Diet\exercise (or lack of) isn't really something that you quit on. It's how you choose to live your life every day. If you want to quit the challenge then that's your right, but you can't quit making decisions on what you're going to eat or how you spend your free time. Life isn't something that you can quit. Press on and do the best you can. Please consider your reasonings for wanting to take a more active control in the first place, and choose if it still matters or not.

[SpacecityPaula]

Ray:

Don't make quitting an option. So you only worked out 5 days last month. That's five days that you took care of yourself and that's a start. I only worked out 11 days this past month. But I did it because it makes me feel better.

You're at the point where the pain of remaining the same is greated than the pain chainging. And You know the change is necessary or your son is going to have a lot of problems. I think Gobbla idea of taking your son to the gym is a good one - you'll be modeling good behavior for him. And I think you going to the gym is a good start at the self care you say is missing in your life.

Miss Jane is right in that you need help. You need help for the depression and I think your marriage needs help too. Being the only mate who is responsible sucks - been there done that with my ex-husband and it's not fun. It may be time for marriage counselling.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[Willie]

Ray,
I too, think you need to speak to a professional. This is no way to continue; you deserve to be happy, even if it feels like work.

Your son needs you, and he needs you to be healthy. If an hour away from him every day means that you'll be on this earth for another 20 years, then make that commitment, if not for you, then for him!!! Think of the wonderful example you'll be showing him. When he gets older, he can join you on this journey.

I've been your wife, or close enough anyway. She makes those comments because she's insecure and she knows that you're making good choices. Hell, she probably wants desperately to make those choices with you, but knows that it will be work. DO NOT COMPROMISE YOUR NEED TO BE HEALTHY. I cannot stress that enough.

Please speak to someone, a professional, and don't leave this place. These people are good people, and you'll find support here. I'll be thinking of you.

[rem1956]

Thanks everyone. I'm hanging in there. I'll keep posting.

It means so much to know that people do care.

[Leigh P.]

Keep going for it and change your life.

» Blog Archive » The Wagon Rider and The Pedistrian

[RobLL]

Rem - good advice in previous posts for you. why not stay in the challenge, and the challenge is just to see how much you can do.

res job - as a responsible man you cannot just quit your job. but it does not have to be a life sentence. maybe part of your challenge over the next few months is to come up with some plans for a better job. not make the switch, but start the planning. folks here would enjoy being part of that planning, more in terms of cheering you on than advising.

[PowerManDL]

Stop your Commie propaganda, Leigh.

Dude, you've got way more patience than I do. I'd have long since been out of that situation. Good luck.

[rem1956]

PowerMan....and leave your son??? hmmm....thanks for your prespective.

[hard_rox]

Hang in there, Ray. Go speak with a professional to help you manage the lows. You're leading by example and a few weeks of not hitting the gym is nothing to worry about in the grand scheme of things. Get back to the gym for your own time/benefit and hopefully with a little assistance the rest can be remedied.

Originally Posted by rem1956

You know...it's a funny thing about this challenge....at first I just wanted motivation. Then I wanted to win. Now....I don't care so much about winning. I just want a healthy lifestyle change that becomes permanent. And I'm thrilled that I have motivated so many to do something positive for themselves.

[Leigh P.]

Originally Posted by PowerManDL

Stop your Commie propaganda, Leigh.

My Army Will Rise.


The Army of Commie Clowns Against Obesity!


But seriously, Rem, if you have the heart to post this, it means you have the desire for us to stop you from letting yourself fold. I for one think you can keep going, and keep making that change. Believe in yourself and remember that winning this challange is winning a battle against all of it.

Good luck.

[kfisherx]

Originally Posted by rem1956

PowerMan....and leave your son??? hmmm....thanks for your prespective.

Been there done that. We all say that we are sticking with it "for the children" when in reality we stay in crummy relationships because we are too chicken shit of what will happen to us if we leave or otherwise insist on change. It really isn't about them at all when we really dig deep. The hardest part about making a change is making the commitment to do it. Once you make the commitment the landing is always quite nice in the end. You are not doing your son or your wife any favours by staying around and being the whipping boy in this relationship. By doing nothing you are enabling your wife's bad behaviours as well as your own.

Make the decision to change. I am not saying to leave but go seek professional help and talk through what your reasons are for being in the mess you are in. Also make it a priority to find a way to deal with your depression issues. I have plenty of friends who were helped tremendously by medications and homeopathy and other things. One of the symptoms of depression is exhaustion so that is all playing into your issues. Make an appointment today to get with a financial advisor as well. Start laying out plans for change.

Stick with the challenge. It isn't about winning any sort of silly contest it is about doing the best that you can do with the deck of cards that you were delt. You are doing that and that is far more respsectable than not doing at all. Your job now needs to be to see if you can get dealt a new hand.

Good luck with all this.

[Bill2380]

Sorry I don't have anything new to add, Ray. I just wanted you to know that I do care about you and your family.

[rem1956]

Thanks everyone.....