New Blog - My first article, critiques wanted!

[Jason B]

Warning, it's 11 pages, I tend to easily become long-winded, hopefully it's not boring though, the last 5 pages are a program anyway. That's why I started a blog to post it, I didn't want to post something that long here, and I figure I might as well jump on the blog bandwagon. Any advice/critisism (good or bad) is greatly appreciated, be brutal please. I want to train athletes and own my own gym, but I'd like to reach a bigger audience with website and magazine articles as well, so I try to work on my writing skills. And of course, if anyone wants to try this program, I'd love to hear that too, let me know how it goes and I'll help you out.

http://jasonbtraining.blogspot.com/

Thanks people!

And normally I wouldn't make an article for a mag or website that long, but for this I just write as much as I can.

[Frank.S]

That was a really good read! Long, your right, but good.

That program looks very solid. Ive ran stuff similar to that before (.. but easier haha) and have had excellent gains.

[Big_D]

Loved the article. I might have to be your guinea pig once track is over .

[K Manley]

Alot of good ideas in that article, and the program looks solid too. My only criticisms are on the flow of the article itself.

• The article is a little long, but really not much more so than an average t-mag one. I think a little more editing could help clarify some points though. It is always tough to edit stuff down but I think if you were able to drop the word count by 10% your ideas would shine through even better. Maybe some font changes for titles or some pics thrown in would help break it up a bit.

• It does become a little tough to figure out exactly what the promise of the article is. I’m not sure if you’re selling a program, a training methodology, an anatomy lesson or results. You cover all of those but I think that bringing the results to the forefront might open you up to the widest audience. If you want someone to buy this program (with 16 weeks of their life if not cash) it’s a lot like selling anything else 1.identify their problems and 2.show them how to solve it. It gets covered to some degree but I think the opening paragraph should have some stronger focus on the results trainees aren’t getting now and the results that this program will provide- rather than focusing on methods. The majority of people would happily juggle soup cans if it got them ripped, results will sell the best. If you can really get the reader fired up that you are going to solve a particular problem that is standing in the way of their goals in the first paragraph you’ll have them for the rest of the article.

• Some of the ideas do get repeated a few times, and the neural talk does pull focus away from the main meat of the article. Maybe cut the nervous system stuff by 50% and save it for another article. I think the 50% remaining would still be more than enough to explain and reinforce the concepts in the article.

• I’m fairly sure it should be without further ado (meaning fuss) rather than adieu (French for goodbye)

Overall though I must reinterate that I did like the article and all these points are just offered to hopefully help those ideas get through to a wider audience. Good job man!

[Jason B]

Thanks very much K. Good comments, well noted. I toyed around with completely cutting out the anatomy section, guess I should've just shortened it up a little, thanks!

[Steve-O-68]

Good stuff. OG should add yours to the list of blogs.

I actually did start singing the Rocky song... now it's stuck in my head. Thanks...

[Jason B]

Thanks Steve. That song get's stuck in my head easily too, it's good motivation though.