| Training Discussion Ask workout questions or share your knowledge. |
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07-20-2006, 08:07 AM
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#1 (permalink)
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Butterfly Viking General
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Norway
Posts: 1,632
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Funny "facts" about working out
HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.
Brandy is distilled wine, which means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ...
Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
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07-20-2006, 08:49 AM
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#2 (permalink)
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Oklahoma City
Posts: 1,041
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by karky
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
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Words to live by  |
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07-20-2006, 09:56 AM
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#3 (permalink)
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Prime Motivator
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Stewartstown, PA
Posts: 9,557
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Classic, simply classic.
Sad part is, some people actually live by this philosphy.
__________________
In Fitness & Friendship,
MAHLER
______________________________ __________________________
There is no light at the end of the tunnel. You carry the light with you.
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07-20-2006, 10:07 AM
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#4 (permalink)
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Butterfly Viking General
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Norway
Posts: 1,632
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agree Mahler. Luckily for me, im one of those who can laugh at it and then go off to the gym half an hour later  |
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07-20-2006, 12:06 PM
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#5 (permalink)
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Back on Track
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 3,788
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I forwarded an e mail like this to my trainer a couple of weeks ago and now they have it posted on the board in their office. Along with the picture of the this huge guy in a "I fought anorexia and won" tee shirt.
It still makes me laugh. It is almost as good as real excuses people give for not having any time to workout
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07-20-2006, 12:09 PM
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#6 (permalink)
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status pending
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 1,077
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ah yes, we are No. 1 in rationalization! lol, good stuff.
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07-20-2006, 01:29 PM
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#7 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 76
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by GG300
I forwarded an e mail like this to my trainer a couple of weeks ago and now they have it posted on the board in their office. Along with the picture of the this huge guy in a "I fought anorexia and won" tee shirt.
It still makes me laugh. It is almost as good as real excuses people give for not having any time to workout
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__________________
"Why do I keep going to the gym? Because I have cultivated this inner psychotic voice that laughs at me and the end of each and every set. It tells me I'm weak. It tells me I'm soft. It tells me I've been weak and soft all my life. And after it berates me for a good 60 seconds, I tell the voice to get bent because I'm busy getting stronger." - Me, in response to a co-worker asking me why I keep dragging myself to the gym
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07-20-2006, 02:27 PM
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#8 (permalink)
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Back on Track
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 3,788
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Thats the one! He's so proud!
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07-20-2006, 03:14 PM
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#9 (permalink)
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Butterfly Viking General
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Norway
Posts: 1,632
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i bet he has tons of women.
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07-20-2006, 05:43 PM
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#10 (permalink)
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Seņor Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 7,177
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by karky
HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
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Who wrote this? Hunter S. Thompson?
__________________
I like the baby Jesus. The eight pound six ounce baby Jesus that didn't even know a word yet, but was all cuddly and omnipotent. -- Mike Huckabee
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07-20-2006, 06:42 PM
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#11 (permalink)
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Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Charlotte
Posts: 64
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This is a quote from Michael Flocker from his terrific book, "The Hedonism Handbook". Great read... most of the stuff in it, we've already tried, and if we liked it, we tried it again!
__________________
I am not going to go stand in no stag line with old Mr. Perkins and a bunch of slumped over teenage boys. --- Barney Fife
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07-21-2006, 05:16 AM
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#12 (permalink)
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Butterfly Viking General
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Norway
Posts: 1,632
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sorry, no idea who wrote it, i got it from another internet forum.
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