He knows he needs to but will always have excuses. After asking him couple times I start sounding like nagging. So I have stopped.
We have a nice walking track where we live. So I asked him to take a morning walk. Now he wants me to wake him up at 6:00 so that he can catch up on his walk. That's complete insane.. but still I do my bit. Wake him up at 6:00 (like an alarm clock )and all he does is turn around and say -- Not today, I did not have a good sleep last night.
I wish he would log on here and read all the MMMMs.. but he is TOO Busy for that.
What would you have done for your spouse if you felt they lacked the will to make it happen?
Let him come to it on his own. Encourage him when he does, but don't ride him when he doesn't. If someone doesn't see the value of it on their own, no one is going to be able to convince them otherwise until they are ready. Just make it as easy for him as you can.
If he wants to go, he'll do. The will to do anything has to come from inside, only he can decide to get some exercise.
Why doesn't he walk during lunch or after work? My first exercise foray started that way, there was NO WAY I was crawling out of a nice warm bed at 5am to hit the gym or walk. Gym is one thing, walking down the road near me at 5am is scary (no street lights, lots of trees).
I go along with what JP said. I've got the same issue with my wife. A couple years ago we got a membership at a gym. I went 4-5 times per week all year and she went for a month and a half. So I ended spending $80/month on a membership for myself. She actually gets on my case for working out as much as I do. I think its because she knows its something she should be doing but doesn't want to. It's almost like she's jealous of my motivation.
To echo JP's comments. Not much you can to for external motivation. It needs to come from within a person. IMO
Good luck and don't nag him...it'll make it worse.
Ted
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Two Bears Dadda? Two Bears Benno, just two. ______________________________ ___________
There are three things in my life which I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only problem - once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit. ~Al Gallagher, 1971
I get motivated by listening to people in regards to fitness. I say print the MMMM's. For me, it helped to read some of Lou's stuff about how I actually needed to raise my heart rate and work my muscles to get health benefits. I thought working my butt off chasing kids, cleaning, walking a lot and rarely sitting for long periods was enough.
Of course, be subtle so you don't seem to be nagging.
Compliments go a long way with both men and women. Pic a part of his physique you like (or don't hate) and compliment him on it. Also if he thinks working out is going to give him near term "benefits" from his wife, he may be more likely to excercise. Also make healthy meals and try to do outdoor activities. There are alot of fun things like hiking and sports that are really just exercise in disguise.
Nagging does no good, whether it's the man nagging the woman or the woman the man. My life's history is one of long-term bad habits. Started smoking at 13, quit cold turkey in 1998. My wife didn't nag me, since she smoked too. I was the heavy duty smoker, about 4 packs a day; she came in between 1 and 2. Quitting was easy for me, since I had surgery for lung cancer in 1998 and then almost bought the farm during a long hospital stay with pneumonia.
I seldom got much exercise, except during a 9 month stay in Europe in '70, when we walked a lot. I resisted my wife's frequent suggestions that I walk. Finally, I decided to get serious about exercise in a systematic way. Joined a gym. My wife said I wouldn't last a week. That was probably a reasonable judgment based on experience, but I've kept at it for 5 years now, the last 4 with a trainer 3x a week.
I also walk much of the year and go kayaking frequently from May to October (although 2005 was a light year because of weather). I've reversed my long slide towards vastly reduced strength. And this morning when I shaved there was bad news and good news. The bad news was abdominal, ten extra pounds put on since Halloween, T'giving, and Christmas. The good news was shoulders, chest, arms, all in much better shape than at age 18, aeons ago.
Oh yes, cigarettes are now ca. $6 a pack in my area. If I'd kept it up, I'd be spending $13,000 per annum. Well, not actually. I'd probably be dead.
This is a tough one. Been dealing with it with my husband for a couple years. I do believe the motivation really needs to come from inside. Almost like when someone quits smoking..which I also went through with my husband. I always asked him to quit, and he just couldnt't do it until he was ready. But when he was ready, he stopped and was able to not go back to it. He sees the results I have gotten from training, and he'll do a little of it, then drop off and stop, then go back. I know when he is really ready, he will pick it up and stick with it. I do mention it from time to time, but until he wants to do it for himself, I can't force him to go.
I can't imagine my wife lifting more often than me. I think I would take that as hit to my manhood.
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"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."
- Christopher Reeve
He needs to set more realistic goals. Forget the 6am walks, how about whenever you guys wake up? or maybe a late afternoon walk? Go to a sports store and buy new sneakers. Like TrainingGirl mentioned, his motivation has to come from himself. All you could do is give it a little push.
Quite a number of good suggestions I must say. I will try all the suggestions. One of them should work.
Yes, I agree motivation needs to come from within him like all of you pointed. So no point asking everyday. I am planning to take a print out of MMMMs ( hope Mahler would not mind [img]smile.gif[/img] ) and stick it up in his study. As for the external motivation, I can send him links about benefits of sports/exercises/links we get here in this forum. Even if he reads 1% of them he is sure to be motivated. But I will not ask him if he read them.
Charger..LOL.. I will try your trick too. May be exercise in front of him and get his male ego hurt [img]smile.gif[/img]
Will try positive re-inforcement as well. Shower with compliments if he gets his exercise.
Motivation, support him when he does it, encourage him (not nag) when he does and make him see the rewards. Compliment him on the change, his increase "energy" and crerate some artificial rewards aside from that health stuff (a sexaul bribe is not out of line).
Peter
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Peter
After all, diamonds are a girl's best friend…
keep showing him the example.. and how much fun it is to be fit..
I'm not for sexual bribes.. but be more active (atletique lol) having sex.. maybe he'll realize that he'd "better shape up.. " (ref.. Olivia's song in "Grease" )
I have found that I sleep better when I am getting some form of physical activity. I also know that some people have a harder time with working out in the morning than afternoon.
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Today's mighty oak was once just some nut who held his ground!
Peter and Marykaa.. "sexaul bribe" will not work with him. But I wish it worked LOL..
Joe you are right. He complains of not getting enough sleep, feeling stressed out at work, having in-digestion problem.. to all these nagging issues there is just one cure "Exercise". He has to decide on his own when he will have the time and energy to work out.
Next time he says he didnt sleep well, when he's awake and more receptive point hi to the numerous articles that state the healthy benefits of exercise and the fact that it reduces sleep apnoea and snoring(not that he does) to say the least). Sya to him humour me for a week have a walk everyday. At the end of that week you have tried and I will be happier with that and will not persist.
Motivation can be gained externaly you just need to find what makes him tick, maybe he secretly loves the thought of being a white water rafter but didnt want you to think he had gone insane. So turn it around, say look I really care about you but the lack of exercise concerns me. If there is one thing that you would really love to do fitness wise no matter how silly what would it be?
Then be prepared to fork out for whatever it is it may inspire him to do what he wants and again you have tried; if that dont work then its timne to sit back as it could make him more steadfast in his determination not to comply.
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BFG
"The time for talking has passed, actions are speaking louder than words."
What does he like to do? Is he interested in anything that you could turn into excercise?
I have always had to have a reason to lift and get into shape. When I stopped playing raquetball because of a move, I gained nearly 60lbs. It wasn't untill I began mountain biking that I found a reason to lift again.
Just get him moving first. Hikeing, A lazy bike ride, throwing the football around, maybe even a kayak or canoe trip, there are hundreds of options. Once he finds something he really likes, help show him how more structured excercise can improve his enjoyment of these activities.
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We don't know all the answers. If we knew all the answers we'd be bored, wouldn't we? We keep looking, searching, trying to get more knowledge. Jack LaLanne
If sexual bribes don't work, you may want to have his testerone levels checked out. I've never known a guy that wouldn't spend an hour in the gym if he knew he would get a happy ending.
If sexual bribes don't work, you may want to have his testerone levels checked out. I've never known a guy that wouldn't spend an hour in the gym if he knew he would get a happy ending.
Tennesse,
Good point. It may just be a Southern thing.
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"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."
- Christopher Reeve
)and all he does is turn around and say -- Not today, I did not have a good sleep last night.
from his wife, he may be more likely to excercise. Also make healthy meals and try to do outdoor activities. There are alot of fun things like hiking and sports that are really just exercise in disguise.
Maybe I missed the memo?
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