Summer relationship advice

[Faraz421]

My girlfriend Jess, although our relationship has never been verbally formalized is on vacation for a bit. She'll be back in a few days, and I leave for college Aug 27.
My question is, what to do until then? - I don't think i'll be staying with her after i leave, although i have every intention of calling and visiting when im back in town.

Some background:
-In past conversations, she's spoken about missing me when im at college, how it sucks I have to leave, and how she's going to visit and stuff, which is awesome, but she's definately saying all of this from a perspective of more than a friend.
-I recently found out that im her first guyfriend/ boyfriend. I had no idea. So this makes the situation a bit more fragile- it'd be horrible to have a bad end to a first relation.
-Although its cute that shes never had a bf(infact awesome), it is kind of disheartening to know, because honestly, I had a different outlook entering a 'summer relationship'. But I do really like her, and respect her, so no worries about being a jerk.

So how exactly do I keep a relation with her, with out extending a 'relation' into college and with out hurting her? Break it off and maintain friendship from when she returns until i leave? Keep up our relation, cautious not to go too far(physically and emotionally), and then talk about it a week or two in advance, continue, and then break it off when I leave?
^^Theres where i need a females opinion.

Thanks

[ninja]

You're 18. How old is she? Going to be a senior?

How far away is school? Why are you going to break it off?

If you really like her, you would find out that you miss her when you are with college girls.

IMO it's not that hard to do, but you both would have to realize that you would only see each other once a month. (Depending on how far school is away from home.)

K knows where I'm coming from.

[chris_f]

Gotta disagree with Ninja on this. Lots of people definately make long term relationships last, but personally, they suck. It's basically like having a friend you never get see, but you're not allowed to date/hook up with other chicks.

The best bet is to be honest. Tell her what your intentions are, and let her decide. If she wants to wait til you leave to call it off, great. If not, that works out ok too. Hopefully you can still be friends, maybe you won't be. You're young, and it will all work out.

[TrainingGirl]

First I have to say you are being very mature about this. I know guys older than you that wouldn't think twice about how to end it even though you are her first real bf. Really shows what kind of guy you are [img]smile.gif[/img]

Now, if you really know that you will not continue the relationship when you leave for college, I think you should tell her now. At least talk to her about it and see if she still wants to see you the rest of the summer. Just be up front with her about it. If you wait, you are just letting her get that much closer to you. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally.

If you are not totally sure you want to break it off when you go to college, then I would hold off and see what happens after you go. Try it out and see if long distance will work.

[Faraz421]

Thanks TG, I needed the push to be upfront with her about it sooner. I do like to avoid things tell neccessary.

NinjaBookey, I understand what your saying, and i like her, but not enough to persue that kind of relation. We'd make great friends, its just theres more to it now, thats all. Plus, along with what sharkbait said, entering college in a relation can really hamper the experiance. Socially, alot will revolve around things ill have to exclude my self from. A personal thing too, an ex spent her first year in a relation, with me, so i understand whats involved in a long distance relation, but it wasnt fair to her.
Ill be 4 hours away from here, going to DC, forgot to mention.

Thanks everyone.

[Faraz421]

Oh and thanks for the compliment about the maturity TG, sitting around I would have sounded like a panzy, which is why i didnt exactly talk to my friends =-)

P.S i just ate 5 cups of mixed frozen fruit, thats gotta be alot of fiber, but it was sweet!

[PaPaLoAdS]

from my own experience:

Long distance relationships SUCK, especially when you have the pacific ocean between you and your girl.

i say cut her loose ASAP and start off fresh your freshman year.

(a plus is that you can do whatever you want while your at college and if you keep in touch with her then on your vacations you'll still have a little something something to come home to )

hope you have a bunch of fun at college!

[Phaedrus49er]

Having been in your exact same situation my freshman year of college--and I mean EXACT--we tried to maintain a relationship with only an hour's drive between us. She was a high school senior; I was a college freshman, and though we tried to maintain the relationship, it ultimately didn't work out.

You'll be at college seeing and experiencing a lot of things for the first time. I know you're thinking, "well, there may be a lot going on, but we can make it work." You're going to get involved in a lot of stuff, whether it's getting sucked into classes, going to weekend parties (which she'll really start to hate if she's not with you), or whatever. If you truly want a full college experience, you won't be going home more than once a month, if that, unless it's a quick three-hour turnaround for mom to do laundry, which you'll ultimately get tired of doing.

Your girl won't be there, either, therefore she remains in the world of home and high school. Sure, she'll romanticize the fact that she's dating a college guy, but she won't be able to understand what will be a significant change in your life: staying up late, cutting classes, partying, drinking, doing body shots, co-ed naked baby oil Twister, and so on (unless high school was the same for you; if so, I'm jealous). You'll have no curfew, you might get involved in a frat or some other time-consuming organization, and you'll make a ton of new friends that, at least in my case, made going home a chore: "Aw, c'mon, man, don't go home. There's a mixer at the Delta house. Five dollar cover, all you can drink, and everyone gets laid." Temptation's a bitch, no?

Ultimately, of course, it'll be up to you. I made the now-obvious mistake of trying to keep up something for the entire year when it was pretty obvious things weren't working a month into the school year. To make matters worse, she applied for and went to college the following year--to my school, essentially following me (her words) and was dead-set on her first two weeks of freshman year with me and only me "to make up for lost time" *shudder*. It sucked because we broke up the day she moved in (down the hall from me; are we creeped out yet?). Don't get me wrong--she was a good person and all but had no perspective on college life (I don't think she ever developed any since she stayed in her room most of the time and went home every chance she got).

If I had to do it all over again, I would've set her up for a breakup at SOME point, something like saying things were going to change for me, I wouldn't know when I'd be home, no I'm not going to talk to you on the phone every day, and distance might be an issue (trust me, it can be, regardless of how little it really is; there's a chasm between the college world and the home world). That let's you go to college with a safety net of sorts (I'm big on contingency planning), and though you won't officially be broken up when you go to college, at least that'll soften the blow that comes a couple weeks or months down the road. Again, you say you'll call and visit when you're home, but you'd be surprised how easily that might not work. Be careful doing that because if you break up, she might see that as an opportunity to try to get back together. Bad things, man. She's going to miss you. You may end up NOT missing her. FWIW, she and I were each others' first real relationship, too.

As for what to do for these next couple weeks, I'm a pig, so I'd say get what you can out of it

[gobbla]

come on man...you said you know what you want\need to do. you don't need us to confirm it for you.

[Ogedei]

Well for what it's worth, cause I'm not exactly mr. expert when it comes to the girls. I am gonna side with TG on this one.

Despite how much long distance relationships suck, this is not the issue. The issue is you do not see it going further than the summer. If you know this and she dosen't it is a recipe for disaster. She needs to know where you stand, and how you see the relationship so she can decide for herself whether she wants to see you as more than a friend when you visit.

My last relationship was nothing more than a summer fling, and heck I am 30. We both went in knowing it was a summer fling and when it ended there was no hard feelings on either side.

C'est la vie.

Do not lead her to believe it is more than it is and the drop her like last weeks trash though, that's mean and a recipe to get murdered if you watch the forensic shows on TV at all

Og.

[Charger]

I agree with what most everybody said on here.

My advice is to never try to take a gf to college. If she's in high school or going to a community college near home, you two are going to be living entirely different types of lives. When I was in college I've seen many of our pledges have gf's and it never worked out. The gf's were always this hassle they had from back at home.

The funny part was the girls that came to college that had bf's back home usually ended up being the craziest. Always felt bad for "that" guy, but I felt better because I didn't know him and would never meet him.

[Faraz421]

Do not lead her to believe it is more than it is and the drop her like last weeks trash though, that's mean and a recipe to get murdered if you watch the forensic shows on TV at all

Hah Og, well yea, youre right, the issue isn't staying together or not, its how soon to tell her this. Im thinking right away, in our first or second time together when shes back, but not force it on the first if it doesnt seem appropriate to spring it at her right away.
Thanks everyone.

[chris_f]

co-ed naked baby oil Twister

God, i miss freshman year!

[Faraz421]

All i've gotta do now is get in shape to reap those benefits . Come to the right place huh, solve all my problems.

[Phaedrus49er]

It's still up to you to get laid, no matter how much we try to help

[ninja]

Let me tell you, that's a major factor.

[Faraz421]

You're right, it is. After getting a bit more in shape, the same girls paid more attention. They still fell for the same guy, it was just a differnt body that gave that guy a chance. A-Men to lifting weights. hmm, no that isnt right. A-men to girls.