I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or holidays off.
I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely, The Penis
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:
You do not work eight hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative. You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned tasks. And if that were not enough, You are constantly seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Mr P,
It looks like you're going to have to give yourself a raise again. The raise committee will be happy to provide you a couple of minutes of privacy to consider this. It's also a proven fact that if you're bigger and taller, you get more raises more often. If the resources aren't there, groveling isn't going to help. Sometimes others in your position have attempted taking the back door to upper management. We advise against this in most cases, but may be convinced if you make a good oral argument.
Originally posted by Jean-Paul: Sometimes others in your position have attempted taking the back door to upper management. We advise against this in most cases, but may be convinced if you make a good oral argument.
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Quote:
Originally posted by Anubis: I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or holidays off.
I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely, The Penis
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:
You do not work eight hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative. You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned tasks. And if that were not enough, You are constantly seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely, The Management
It still cracks me up that Terrell Owens thinks he deserves a raise.
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