Things I've noticed over my scant 42 years here on earth that drive me bonkers. Sure we claim to be the superior being because we can reason and think, but why is it that when it comes to either death or divorce people lose all sight of those qualities that move us above the rest of the animal kingdom.
Last year two things happened to people close to me.
1. My wife's wealthy great uncle passed after a second bout with cancer. His wife who died about 15 years ago, was the one who amassed the nest egg had told the family her wishes and had her husband promise make it happen. Well fast forward 15 years. This time when the end was ineviatble, cousins popped out of the abyss and neice's and nephews who were reviled by the Aunt are bedside jockeying for handouts and so on.
2. Close friends of my wife and I are getting a divorce. She stepped out the marriage to fulfill some emotional needs. He had become detached years before...blah blah blah...anyway, now they are using the kids as cannon balls in this petty war of words, when at first they both said as they seperated that everything would be done to accomodate the kids.
SO the point to this rant....Why do people act like complete A-holes when it comes to death and divorce....and I walk on egg shells around these people, when I really should rip 'em a new one for being idiots.
OK I'm done.
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Take care of your lawn
and
the grass will be greener on your side of the fence
No matter how much we say we are not selfish, number 1 will ALWAYS be number 1. It's just how it is. Even when a parent gives themselves for their kids they are really doing it in order to keep their genetic potential going forward.
When it comes to relationships ending I have a saying...nothing ends well, because if it was good it wouldn't have ended.
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"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." -- T.S. Eliot
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit."-- Aristotle
Part of me says let it rip all over their ugly heads and then let it go. Those who will change and do better will wake up b/c of your rant, those that are incapable are...incapable and probably not worth your time.
I can't explain it... I witnessed a good friend and her (now) XH use the kids as weapons in their private war, even doing things like screaming "Your mom is a slut who cheated on me" and "Well your dad cheated first" in front of the kids... for what? To "win"???
I don't get it. I think everyone is capable of the highest - and lowest - levels of behavior, if given the chance. It's how we respond under the worst stressors that shows our ultimate strength. Not everyone is as strong.
2. Divorce... happens later than it should, and the couple have let wounds fester. I think that most people do not really want to be divorced and so they hang on longer than they should have which makes things worse. As well they know how to really goad/insult/hurt their partner and it is easy to lose perspective. It can be a very sad and terrible thing for the kids, and the situation is often made worse by "friends" who encourage them not to "give in to that bitch" or not to "let that bastard off" etc.
Very sad, indeed.
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Peter
After all, diamonds are a girl's best friend…
I never understand the people that believe humanity is inherently good.
I'm the one that will always believe in the goodness of people, because I have it within me to make that choice. I just wish everyone had a similar internal mirror to view their actions.
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I don't get it. I think everyone is capable of the highest - and lowest - levels of behavior, if given the chance. It's how we respond under the worst stressors that shows our ultimate strength. Not everyone is as strong.
True...but most choose to be weak as if being a victim is the in some way close to martyrdom...not even close.
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It can be a very sad and terrible thing for the kids, and the situation is often made worse by "friends" who encourage them not to "give in to that bitch" or not to "let that bastard off" etc.
Yeah, my friends at least for now...the guy has a new GF and an old high school friend that are toxic and he is taking their advise instead of doing what is right. He feels justified too because he let the affair go on with his knowledge and silence for two years...
Part of me wants to follow RW's advise and give 'em hell for being nothing more than dumb animals..but I may just ignore it all and move my life to where I want it to be and those who want to grow and value my friendship will grow with. It may be time to cleanse the toxic waste.
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Take care of your lawn
and
the grass will be greener on your side of the fence
I think there is something you can do, it isn't much. Let you friends know you are in pain at their difficulties, and especially for their kids, encourage their better behavior, ask if you can help with the kids. Without condemning let them know they can do better.
I've seen a couple of families come apart over the inheritance issue. Usually it's a house -- one or more of the heirs want to sell it and split the proceeds, but another one wants to keep it and live in it.
It's something I'll never have to worry about -- my mom sold her house a couple years ago and moved into an apartment -- but I've often wondered what I would do in that situation. Would I just acknowledge that the person claiming the house needs the property more than I need the money we'd get by selling it?
Or would I go by the letter of the will and insist on selling the house so I can get my fair share?
I know it's human nature to fight for what you think is rightfully yours, but at the same time it's strange to think the family unit might be nothing more than a list of assets to be divided among the ones who live long enough to claim it.
Without condemning let them know they can do better.
This I can and will do...I don't think they are in the head space to understand, let alone act on it. Thanks Rob.
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I know it's human nature to fight for what you think is rightfully yours, but at the same time it's strange to think the family unit might be nothing more than a list of assets to be divided among the ones who live long enough to claim it.
It's plunder and pilage. The entitlement mentality people have - they don't get along when they are alive because one has work ethic and integrity and the others don't and they still feel entitled to partake in fruits of someone elses labor. Personally I'd be embarassed to wait for hand outs when I know I capable getting my own.
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Take care of your lawn
and
the grass will be greener on your side of the fence
A co-workers mother passed away and she told me about her often unemployed brother who was upset that he got LESS than a third of the assets in the will. That was because his mother had bailed him out repeatedly in the past and adjusted her will accordingly. Her reasoning was that he got enough from her over the years and now it was time to even things up. He thought that his two sisters did not need the inheritance as badly as he did so they should be willing to give him a greater share (a full third). Their response was, "Too bad, you spent most of your inheritance already."
The brother is still mad at them 2 years later...
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I want to be pushing weights when I'm 70 instead of a walker in an old folk's home.
I went from brunt, to keeping my piece to myself, and am going back towards being blunt. People only want to talk to other people that will confirm their stance on whatever it is that they're bitching about. You tell them that they're being a selfish fucknut:
a: They get to hear what no one else is telling them
b: They don't come to you w\ garbage any more
The key is waiting to be asked what you think. If you just bust out with it then you're a jackass. If you wait until you're asked then you're giving honest feedback.
gobbla - let me offer an exception that I have seen, and hear about fairly frequently. Someone is alcoholic and a close friend or family member questions it (it has to done while they are at least partially sober). The alcoholic will typically deny it, but NEVER forget. It plants a seed that often bears fruit.
You tell them that they're being a selfish fucknut:
a: They get to hear what no one else is telling them
b: They don't come to you w\ garbage any more
The key is waiting to be asked what you think. If you just bust out with it then you're a jackass. If you wait until you're asked then you're giving honest feedback.
Yeah I've never been blunt with people...I will usually ignore /avoid idiots, but I feel it is long over due. I will wait to be asked and if it ends the friendship, then it didn't have the strength to last anyway.
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Take care of your lawn
and
the grass will be greener on your side of the fence
Death, Divorce and dumb animals
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