How long is too long?

[RedWifey]

So is he wanting to get married right now and you're not? Or is it just pressure your feeling from sources outside your relationship? This quote is making me question where your pressures are coming from:

Originally Posted by hazel2009

If he really loves me, he will wait for as long as he has to right?

My answer to that is "No". He has no guarantee that you'll ever be ready for marriage, and if he's ready, how fair is it of you to string him along for a couple of years while you make up your mind?

[Willie]

We were engaged exactly one year from our first date, and married 9 months later. However, I knew I'd marry him within the first few dates, and he pretty much moved in after 2 weeks!

I agree with RedWifey, that maybe he shouldn't have to wait for you to make up your mind. If, in three years, you decide that you do NOT want to be married, you've done him a horrible disservice. He deserves to know what is going on in your mind.

A wedding *should* be a celebration of your love for each other and your commitment to a life together. You don't owe anything to anyone else... as long as you are paying for it. If you allow someone else to pay for your wedding, they get a say in what goes on. And, it might take much longer to plan.

[LisaS]

I've got to say that I've got to agree with RW & Willie on the whole

Quote:

item.
I get what you are saying and why you think it is OK to feel that way.
But it can also read very differently.
Consider the flip side, he writing in MH or some place

If she loved me, she'd want to get married tomorrow, right? Why does she want to wait - is she not sure? How do I know she'll ever be sure?

[Aoife]

I guess it's about what is actually going on between them and in the relationship now. If the formality of a marriage is relatively meaningless to the both of them, that's different than if either or both feel that being married adds a certain validity to the relationship that is otherwise lacking.

I could have uttered the phrase and it would be completely true… neither Otto or I thought the paper meant anything to us or did anything for our relationship, outside of the legal rights and entanglements it presents, and therefore either of us could wait indefinitely for that legal document.

Others mean more like what people here have taken the statement to mean… a change in the relationship to a more official, permanent, and lasting status that says something about the level of a relationship and the level of commitment the partners have for each other… in which case that's a terribly selfish way to look at the world, and will often get you hurt in the end when people stop putting up with your crap.

*shrug*

[hazel2009]

Originally Posted by RedWifey

So is he wanting to get married right now and you're not? Or is it just pressure your feeling from sources outside your relationship? This quote is making me question where your pressures are coming from:



My answer to that is "No". He has no guarantee that you'll ever be ready for marriage, and if he's ready, how fair is it of you to string him along for a couple of years while you make up your mind?

Well lets put it this way, he is ready to get married whenever...it's not that important to him whether the date is 2 days, 2 months from now or 2 years. So it really comes down to me to pick the date, but at the same time I still talk to him and try to discuss what month/season/etc would be better for the both of us because I do not want to make all the decisions on my own. I really want him to have a say in the planning process too. As far as the whole "He'll wait for me as long as he has to.." maybe I should have phrased it better (lol)...I don't want it to seem as if I'm dragging him along and making him wait, it was supposed to be a comparison to how much he loves me , meaning he loves me enough that it doesn't matter to him when we will get married because he knows eventually we will get married

p.s. Thanks for the replies to all you guys!