I just call a call at work from my wife. She went for some test results today. She had a lump removed from her leg last week. They just told her it's cancerous. Some rare form they'd never seen. They're sending it to the Mayo Clinic. They got her an appt with an oncologist tomorrow. Oh my God....
This can't be happening.....
Please, please, please.... all of my friends here.... I need your prayers now more than ever. I know I've asked for them before and we've needed them, but this is a totally new ballgame.
I want to throw up. This can't be happening.
This can'tb e happeing.
What am I going to do? How can I be strong? I feel like I'm going to fall to pieces any minute. What am I going to do?
Please, someone help me. What am I going to do? This woman is my world. My sun rises and sets with her.
Terry - you and your wife are in my prayers.
The people at Mayo are terrific - they'll take good care of her.
Take care of yourself so you can be there for her and the kids.
My prayers are for you both. Please know I care. PM me with your number if you like. I will be happy to listen.
Ray
__________________ "I'm growing older but not up. My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck. So let the winds of change blow over my head. I'd rather die while I'm living then live while I'm dead."
Absolutely you and Monica will be in my thoughts and prayers.
As Lisa said, the doctors will take good care of her. Hang in there and don't forget to take care of yourself. You've got my # so feel free to call.
__________________ The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same. -- Carlos Castaneda
You're in my thoughts and prayers. You'll find the strength because you have no other choice. You're strong don't forget it. With all the shit that has happened to me I've found that God doesn't give us things we can't handle. If you need anything let me know. Remember that you aren't alone.
__________________
Past performance is not indicative of future success.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Terry, you are both in my prayers - please stay strong.
You'll Never Walk Alone, my friend - if you need anything just ask.
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Walk on
With hope in your heart
And You'll Never Walk Alone
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There's no free lunch, especially when it's served with special sauce (lostdog)
***************************** My Log - PC Plod
Well, really what more can you do than take it one step at a time? You don't know the outcome because you haven't traveled the road yet. Not only do you not know the outcome, there's nothing you can do about it other than take care of the things you can control. So, the best you can do is take it one step at a time, remain hopeful and focused, and be there for each other.
There's 2 kinds of things in the world. Things you can control, and things you cannot. If you're faced with something you can control, there is no need to worry. If faced with something you cannot control, there is no need to worry.
Just take control of what you can do, live life in a good way that makes you happy, and let tomorrow go. We don't live in tomorrow. We live now. Today seems bad, but really it's good. We never know tomorrow. Live today. Then you won't regret today tomorrow.
And you have every right to some freakout moments here, but may I point out the language you used in your original post, where you said, "how can I be strong?"
That implies two things. First, that you're not already strong. Second, that you somehow have to become something you're not to fill some sort of perceived role in all of this.
Just be you, man. Stay true to what you're feeling and be present in the moment with your wife and with your kids. They're not looking for Conan to come in and save them. They want Terry.
__________________ Megaloi -- My Blog
"Every society honors its live conformists and its dead troublemakers."
- Mignon McLaughlin
Thoughts are with you mate - Remember the huge amount of progress they've made in cancer the last couple of years. Don't fill in the blanks with your imagination. Let the doctors do their work and stay positive.
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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. -- Sidney J. Harris
__________________ 'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. ' ~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
...Mary Stevenson
__________________
Stats:
38 year old coach to my 8 year old son, 6 ft tall jungle gym to my 10 year old daughter, 184 lb husband to my wife of 15 years and a 11% BF fitness addict best friend to all 3 of them.
Location: Philly on one side, Pittsburgh on another, the Green Between...
Posts: 5,857
There are two ways people go with this. The first is to know as little as possible and trust the doctors. The second is to know as much as possible and trust themselves.
If you're in the first category, stop reading and start praying.
Get Educated
If, like me, you're in the second group, there are some things you need to know and places you can start. The places I found most helpful were:
1) The American Cancer Society. They have resources upon resources designed to help you get educated and get strong(er). Find your disease there and read up on it. There is also a toll free number you can call to get support if you need it. I had some pretty dark days, and I called a couple of times just to make sure I wasn't losing my mind. I wasn't, but it helps to hear it from someone who has been through it.
2) The National Cancer Institute. This is the government's site on cancer and offers information on specific types of cancer, protocols (common and uncommon) for treatment, clinical trials and references. The information ranges from the very basic to the completely detailed, because it serves as a reference for everyone from patients to the best doctors in the country.
3) The Lance Armstrong Foundation. I know, the one-balled, bike-riding cancer cancer guy recommending this site is kind of obvious, but here's what I found super-helpful. The LAF Cancer Planner. It will help you and your wife manage all of the information you're going to get, keep all of the doctor's stuff in one place, keep your head straight and even give you inspiration.
GET STRONG
One of the first things I learned is that cancer is a coward. Your wife is going to have to stand up straight, walk across the school yard and bust it square in its fvcking face. It's not going to go away unless she makes up her mind that it's going to hit back, hit hard, and try to hurt her every chance it can, every way it can.
What does that mean for you? It means that you're going to be her rock. When she feels like she can't go on, you make sure she does. When she can't face one more doctor, one more medication, one more test, you tell her that she can, and you do it with her. Like that bully in the schoolyard, it's going to be looking over her shoulder to see who else is there. If she brings you, and all you have to bear, it's going to learn pretty quickly to slink off somewhere else. Don't bring a knife to a gun fight--this is war.
You are not Alone
When I went through this, I was AMAZED at the people who supported me: Friends, family, church, and anonymous strangers from fitness message boards. One of the hardest things is when you feel alone with this. Realize that you never are.
I will issue one caveat with that. People you think will support you may fade away or behave badly. It's not because they don't love you, it's because they don't know what to do. I learned more about grace than I ever wanted to in my lifetime, and while it eases the pain now, the people that left me in that time hurt me badly. Again, it's not personal--some people simply don't know what to say. Others will amaze you.
Everyone Needs a Job
People will want to help. Let them. It's humbling for you, but it let's them know you want them in their lives. People don't want to stand around kicking the ground with their toes. they want to do laundry, cook meals, cut your lawn and a dozen other things we all take for granted. Let them in.
It's a Roller Coaster...and a Marathon
Dude--there are going to be ups and downs. LOTS AND LOTS of them. Get your head on straight now. And prepare yourself for a long, long ride.
Body Work
Your wife is going to need you to be strong: Mind Body Spirit. You need to keep them in balance. That means you keep working out, eating right and sleeping properly. You can't take care of her if you can't take care of yourself.
A Note on Prayer
I follow Christ, and try to model my life after Him. This was an easy decision for me, but I think it has its place in everyone's life: prayer helps. I believe that God offers a peace that nothing else will. You're going to have dark days. Know that God still loves you and your wife, and in those very quiet, very still, often lonely hours, He is still there.
Terry, my thoughts are with you and your wife and your family. I will pray the same prayer for her that I prayed for myself: God, give her the COURAGE to face this, the STRENGTH to overcome it, and the DIGNITY to do it with GRACE.
I've got my wits about me now. I was in shock and despair earlier today when I typed this original post.
We've got an oncology appt. tomorrow early afternoon. I'll let you all know tomorrow in this thread what we learn.
Fish - wow. what a wealth of information. Thank you. And you're right, I'm going to continue to work out and eat right as much as I can.
If I've ever needed your prayers, now is the time
"I'm growing older but not up. My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck. So let the winds of change blow over my head. I'd rather die while I'm living then live while I'm dead."
Easier said than done, but try to remember to breathe and not think the worst when you don't have results yet.
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