I know a lot of women have plans for kids, but I wanted to ask some of the guys here if they have gone through life knowing that they would have kids, or knowing that you really want them. If so, could you explain why you wanted them so much?
Im not talking about accidental pregnancies and how much you love kids after their birth, Im wondering how many guys here really wanted them before they were ever conceived.
If youre one of these guys, can you explain your mindset? I dont want kids right now, but I dont think Ill ever want them. I just want some understanding of the mindset that really wants them.
Follow up question: if you couldnt have kids for whatever reason, do/would you want them bad enough to consider adoption?
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Sorry mate have no interest in kids - I can barely look after myself never mind a whole other person!
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i never really wanted them and my wife i have talked about it. she said she doesnt know when it would ever be a good time with her military career to make babies so its not really an issue any time soon if ever. but if we decided we wanted them (for some reason) than i think i would be more inclined to adopt a kid than to make one. there are so many kids that don't have families that it seems socially irresponsible for me to make one for the sake of making one. and everyone says, "but it wont look like you" like i care. i am not so vain that i need a little me running around.
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My boyfriend has always wanted a son to carry on the name, since he's the last/only male in the line. So far he has a daughter, we're hoping the next will be a son.
Ill go, since my story is probaby different than most.
Im 33 and have been married for almost 5 years (happily ). Anyways, had the beautiful wife, good job, education and just bought my first house. I wasnt always this successful, and actually was involved in stuff (in my previous life) that I shouldnt have been involved in. So once I met my wife, my life changed for the better. After marriage, we decided to try to have a child. I had been wanting one for awhile, I guess more or less because that was the one thing missing in my life. I supposed I felt like that it was the one thing that would complete me as a man, and to be able to see a 'lil me' would be a beautiful thing.
Well, we tried...and tried, and after about 9 months or so, went to an RE (fertility doc) and one of my wife's tubes was blocked. He did surgery on it, and told us she could probably get pregnant, but she still didnt after a few more months. After seeing her month after month cry, and upset that she couldnt get pregnant...and after trying different fertility drugs and procedures with no luck, I got tired of seeing my wife upset. I then found out my insurance covered IVF, so we went for it. She became pregnant right away, probably because of her age (she is 24), and we now have a 5 1/2 month old beautiful son.
To be honest, its the best thing that ever happened to me. Im almost in tears writing this because it was an emotional time for me, and seeing my wife hurt month after month tore me up inside. Then, she had to be cut open twice (once after the c-section for internal bleeding), so we were in the hospital for 10 days. Probably the longest 10 days of my life, and I didnt know if she was going to make it. All is good now, but man, those were some scary and hard times.
Dont get me wrong, it will test your patience and will change your life. For some, its a burden or a bad thing, for others (like myself), its a blessing and I wouldnt change it for the world. When I walk in from working all day, even after Ive had a stressful day, seeing him look at me and smile, and truly being happy that Im home, erases any stress or problems from that day. Truly a great feeling.
Anyways, since Ive been on here for awhile and this post has to do with it, here is a link to my son's webpage. These pics are a couple months old, and I havent updated yet. He is even more cute now, and getting big Good luck with your decision and I hope you make the right one for yourself-
I'm probably in the minority at my age (22) but yes, I want children. I have a very close bond with my family and know that I will love having children to love and love me in return. In addition, knowing how much I will enjoy my relationship with my children, I want to have them as young as is practical (another crazy thing for someone my age to say). Being married with a child around 26 or 27 sounds about right.
Zach
yea, pretty much the same as Zach. i'm almost 23 and i would love to have kids. it really hit home when my sister had her boy. being an uncle definitely reformed my views on this. before that, i figured it'd probably happen, but it wasn't something that was real forefront. but now, being able to see my nephew grow and being able to play with him - taking him to the park, beach, or whereever has been great fun. i work with kids in the summer and its just pure love. its somethign i really want now - but am in no rush to do, being that i want to finish school first.
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I never wanted kids until I got older and then it was too late. Just cant see myself attending a graduation at 66 years old. Then again if I keep going the way that I am now I would most likely be healthier at that age then when I was 36.
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I didn't want any until I had my son at age 37, then I realized what a jackass I was for not doing it ten years earlier. I really didn't want a second one, especially after passing 40, but now I couldn't imagine not having my daughter around.
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I would love for my children to have as long and healthy a relationship with their grandfather as I have had with mine. My dad was 39 when I was born but luckily my grandfather is extremely healthy and mentally aware (still puts together major real estate deals) at age 90. Our relationship has been a big part of my life and how could I want to keep that from my kids by having them too late? My 24 year old friend's dad is 70, and not to take anything from their relationship, but it will surey be shorter than it would be had the father had his son in his 20s or even 30s.
My advice, don't get married and have kids right away. Make sure the two of you are really meant for each other and if you're young, do all the things that you want to first. Get the crazy partying out of your system. Once you're a parent a lot changes. Parenting and a full time job are like two full time jobs. However, raising children is not for the old. I need my sleep now at 51. I don't know how older parents do it.
I was 29 when my son was born. He wasn't a lot of fun until he turned three. From then on he has been the greatest. We played football or wrestled on the floor every night. Eventually I got a wrestling mat for the basement to cut down on the injuries, mine included. As he got older our lives really revolved around his activities. Luckily for me, he enjoyed the same types of sports I did. He wrestled, played football and baseball as a kid. I helped coach and made sure that he had fun and that the seasons had an end. We met a great group of parents who became our best friends through his activities. We always took the kids out as a group after games and tournaments. He and his friends probably spent too much time in bars/restaurants with us dads. They have since told me how much they enjoyed it.
He was fortunate to be part of some great teams in high school and we had a blast traveling and supporting them. That was a great age to be around him and his friends. They were just fun and could beat my ass if they tried.
He is now finishing his last semester in college. We saw more of him as a freshman because he was still wrestling and we were still traveling to support him. He retired during his sophomore season and really has enjoyed college since then. It's fun now to take him and those same he kids played football with in third grade out for a beer on a Saturday when he's home. Now he's looking for a job, probably out of this area. His mother will be a basket case when we officially cut the apron strings in a few months. I'm very proud of him, tearing up a little, and couldn't imagine what life would have been like without him.
I think that for most guys the infant stage is not a lot of fun but after that you can't help but have fun with them....unless you have one of those kids that play the cello. I couldn't have survived that.
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I love kids. End of story. I love playing games with them, holding them, making them laugh, screwing with their minds....the list goes on and on. If we weren't on the older side of the birth'n age, we'd probably have a third. Was never any doubt that I'd be a Dad.
Now ask the same question in 10 years when they're teenagers and I might have a different answer.
My advice, don't get married and have kids right away. Make sure the two of you are really meant for each other and if you're young, do all the things that you want to first. Get the crazy partying out of your system. Once you're a parent a lot changes. Parenting and a full time job are like two full time jobs. However, raising children is not for the old. I need my sleep now at 51. I don't know how older parents do it.
I was 29 when my son was born. He wasn't a lot of fun until he turned three. From then on he has been the greatest. We played football or wrestled on the floor every night. Eventually I got a wrestling mat for the basement to cut down on the injuries, mine included. As he got older our lives really revolved around his activities. Luckily for me, he enjoyed the same types of sports I did. He wrestled, played football and baseball as a kid. I helped coach and made sure that he had fun and that the seasons had an end. We met a great group of parents who became our best friends through his activities. We always took the kids out as a group after games and tournaments. He and his friends probably spent too much time in bars/restaurants with us dads. They have since told me how much they enjoyed it.
He was fortunate to be part of some great teams in high school and we had a blast traveling and supporting them. That was a great age to be around him and his friends. They were just fun and could beat my ass if they tried.
He is now finishing his last semester in college. We saw more of him as a freshman because he was still wrestling and we were still traveling to support him. He retired during his sophomore season and really has enjoyed college since then. It's fun now to take him and those same he kids played football with in third grade out for a beer on a Saturday when he's home. Now he's looking for a job, probably out of this area. His mother will be a basket case when we officially cut the apron strings in a few months. I'm very proud of him, tearing up a little, and couldn't imagine what life would have been like without him.
I think that for most guys the infant stage is not a lot of fun but after that you can't help but have fun with them....unless you have one of those kids that play the cello. I couldn't have survived that.
Nice post...about the partying part (Im a party person myself ). I think alot of it depends on the relationship you and your wife (or sig other) have. I mean, I dont party like I did before, or I guess I should say not as much as I did before. But, I still do go out with my father pretty much every Wednesday for drinks after work (we've been doing this for years now). I also still go out sometimes on Friday nights, and usually have my brother and/or friends over on Saturday nights to play dominos, cards, chill, etc. Of course it cuts your free time down, but if you and your wife are a good team, you make things work. If not, well then you arent going to have much of your own time at all.
Just like anything else in life..if you want it, go for it. If not or youre unsure, I would suggest holding off. At any rate, my son is only 5 1/2 months, and Im already enjoying him. I cant wait until he gets a little older and we can really bond.
I wanted kids before I had one, and I couldn't be happier that I did. My son is now a little over 4 months old.
Raymond3, cute kid! Does your son still sleep in his swing? I have that same swing and up until this week my son would only sleep in it - now he's finally in his crib.
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I wanted kids before I had one, and I couldn't be happier that I did. My son is now a little over 4 months old.
Raymond3, cute kid! Does your son still sleep in his swing? I have that same swing and up until this week my son would only sleep in it - now he's finally in his crib.
He will fall asleep in it (if we are watching tv)...or at least he did. Now, he is starting to get too big for it, and he gets bored with it quicker. We had him in the bassinet until he was around 3 months, then we moved him to his crib in his room. Oh, and thanks for the comments
I love having children (I have three). My wife and I were together for 9 years when the first one was born, so we had time to enjoy eachother before throwing kids into the mix. We just popped out three in a row, and now I really couldn't imagine my life without them.
I did want children before. My familiy life growing up was a lot less than ideal, and I wanted to find someone with whom I share my life and raise a brood. I met my wife (Erika) in college and we've been together ever since (18 years now). Children enriched my life in ways I could never put into words.
I think the most interesting part of it is that your life (hopefully) becomes so much more than just your own little universe with you at the center. When you look at those beautiful bundles of potential you just can't help but to give yourself completely to them, and when you realize that there is someone in this world so special to you that you would gladly suffer so they wouldn't, it's like waking up from a dream and waking up for the first time in your life.
My brother had a beautiful little accident, and he was adamently AGAINST having any children, ever. She melted his heart like butter in a microwave though, and he is now a smitten, devoted father who couldn't believe how beautiful life could be.
It can actually be a little scary for the same reason. All you want to do is to protect your children and give them a good life that prepares them for their future, but they are their own people with their own goals and individual personalities. The thought of bringing children into the world when it is such a chaotic place is scary. You can't protect them forever, and sometimes that fear is enough to make people not want to have any. We don't want to bring children into this world only to watch them suffer.
Fortunately children do break you in slowly. They don't come out running around grabbing fragile stuff and breaking it, or tumbling down stairs. They start off sleeping a lot. Like Bill said, for the first three years a lot doesn't happen, but the bond you make with them is real.
I would never presume to tell someone that they should have kids. If it's not for you, it's probably better that you don't. But they were the best thing to ever happen in my life. I would say that much of my drive and success is inspired by my desire to give them a stable home and secure future.
As long as it doesn't cut into your posting time, right?
Lol, yeah, cant let that happen. But honestly, I still do alot of the same things I did before, just not as often I guess. But like I said, its all worth it in the end. Kind of slowed me down, which probably is a good thing.
BTW, excellent post JP and thank you for the comment. Me and my wife were together for around 7 years, and married for 4 before we had our first, so we had some time to ourselves as well. But even with the great relatioship we still have, something always seemed as though it was missing before having my son.
Growing up, I never really saw myself in a father role one day or thought about it very much. Got married at the age of 22 and didn't really think about kids then either. Somewhere around year 3 or 4 of marriage it started to feel "right" to both of us.
After our daughter was born, we weren't interested in more kids again for a while. Then after another two years, it started to feel right again. Our son was born, it's been another two and a half years and so far I'm not feeling a desire for more. But the whole process thus far, and the mystery of my readiness for children, have been unpredictable and non-formulaic. Even though I'm an analyst in the business world I don't try to overthink things like why one day I didn't want to have kids, and the next day I did.
Then once you have them, you don't have time left to think anyway, heh. My experience has been like JPs -- fatherhood slapped me upside the face and awoke me out of a lot of egocentricity.
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Yes, always did and like others have said, I wanted to have them as
young as possibly.
My wife and I met and were engaged after a year, married 6 months later and pregnant 3 months after that.
Everyone around us was having trouble falling pregnant so we thought we should get started early just in case it was going to take a while, it was pretty easy for us.
My beautiful daughter was born and I was a Dad at 24, and couldn't have been happier. Then almost 2 years later we did it again and my son was born.
There now 6 and 4, at school and pre-school, learning heaps and are already smarter than me.
I don't know what I would do without them, they are the best kids in the world.
On a side note, it really brought me closer to my parents (my dad especially, not that we wern't close) but just knowing how much you love your own children, I realised that my parents must love me that much too and gave me a greater appreciation of them and what they did for my brother and I growing up. Now there the doting Grandparents
Im not talking about accidental pregnancies and how much you love kids after their birth, Im wondering how many guys here really wanted them before they were ever conceived.
If youre one of these guys, can you explain your mindset? I dont want kids right now, but I dont think Ill ever want them. I just want some understanding of the mindset that really wants them.
COme on GQ, you know these doting fathers could never pass up a chance to brag about their kids!!! You are just asking for it!!
In answer to your question, I wanted in an "intellectual way" as I suppose "bearers of the name" "proof of my virilty/fertility and future immortality". As well, that is what you are supposed to do, so it was "inevitable" that I would have kids. BTW, I did NOT like kids, very much especially ones with boggers hanging out of their noses. I knew I would love mine when they were born because that is the way it is supposed to work. But I was not chaffing at the bit to have kids, whenever would be fine. Does that answer your question? Yes, but because I "intellectual knew" I would/should/could, but I had no fantasies of walking hand in hand with a future child, dancing at a wedding with a future daughter, or checking out the chicks with a future son.
Now that I have given you "my time" to answer your question, I will impose on you to tell you that I have two boys, naw, not boy two "studs", and I truly believe that the sun shines out of their asses!!!! LOL.
In all seriousness though two things. 1. I never could have imagined how much I could love the and what a great thing is its. 2. I was very worried that I could not love my second son as much as the first. How could it be possible? Amazingly and thankfully, it is (I think many father's will know where I am coming from on this "worry") and THIRD (yeah I lied, not two things) 3. The most amazing thing for my wife ( she worried I would not really get into the "kid life" in spite of my assurances) is that I actually like other kids (I was shocked, too).
Anyway, there you have it (with as little doting as possible). BTW, did I mention my boys are "studs" already (at 9 and 4 )
ONe other aside.... I think you will notice that most fathers will pretty much tell you that having kids was the best thing that ever happened to them even if the were not all that "kid crazy" to start with.
Cheers
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If we couldn't have had them, I would have adopted, but only if my wife was totally pro adoption. I would never even slightly try to convince the other half to adopt. It has to be their thing, too.
I'm not a guy so I probably shouldn't be in this thread.
Neither my husband nor I have ever wanted, currently want, or probably will ever want to have kids.
If we couldn't have had them, I would have adopted, but only if my wife was totally pro adoption. I would never even slightly try to convince the other half to adopt. It has to be their thing, too.
Why?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tasinquefield
I wanted kids before I had one, and I couldn't be happier that I did. My son is now a little over 4 months old.
Why?
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"The strongest steel goes through the hottest fires."-Anonymous
"When you begin to believe nothing is heavy, all weights become light." -Rossbow
"Just remember, somewhere there is a little Chinese girl warming up with your max."-Jim Convroy
"It's a round hole, dammit. Everyone fits."--Anonymous Mod at Strengthmill
Guys: Did/Do you want kids?
). Anyways, had the beautiful wife, good job, education and just bought my first house. I wasnt always this successful, and actually was involved in stuff (in my previous life) that I shouldnt have been involved in. So once I met my wife, my life changed for the better. After marriage, we decided to try to have a child. I had been wanting one for awhile, I guess more or less because that was the one thing missing in my life. I supposed I felt like that it was the one thing that would complete me as a man, and to be able to see a 'lil me' would be a beautiful thing.
). I think alot of it depends on the relationship you and your wife (or sig other) have. I mean, I dont party like I did before, or I guess I should say not as much as I did before. But, I still do go out with my father pretty much every Wednesday for drinks after work (we've been doing this for years now). I also still go out sometimes on Friday nights, and usually have my brother and/or friends over on Saturday nights to play dominos, cards, chill, etc. Of course it cuts your free time down, but if you and your wife are a good team, you make things work. If not, well then you arent going to have much of your own time at all. 
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