My goal of not getting to this point until January 1 didn't happen. Not even close. So here we are.
I'm not big on milestone posts. At least for myself. Don't know why; this will only be my fifth.
I went back and calculated my segmental post rate (using the dates of previous milestone posts) to see when I had posted the most. And yes, the results somewhat surprised me.
Join Date: August 30, 2004
3000: November 17, 2005; 6.77 posts per day
5000: August 21, 2006; 9.26 ppd
8000: April 7, 2007; 13.1 ppd
9000: July 8, 2007; 14.49 ppd
10000: December 6, 2007: 6.62 ppd
Yes, this period is the least I have posted in my forum history. Consider yourselves lucky.
When you forum search "jizz," I am tied with stacker2ephedra with the mosts threads started with 2. "Spooge" registers with 22 threads, most of them revolving around the 2006 Summit. (Still the most I have ever laughed)
So here's a story using Forum members
The Sports Guy Goes to an Auction
So I'm sitting there the other day watching ESPN2 and I see that Jean Paul had a great game. There is nobody, with the possible exception of FlyinM, that I dislike more than Jean Paul. In the pantheon of people that 'Make the Sports Guy BFG,' these two are a 'BFG.
The phone rings. It's my friend Bish. Jruck37! Bish is always willing to discuss our mutual distaste for Jean Paul. Don't get me wrong--we respect his abilities. But he's the Kaiser of sports. Totally annoying, yet on TV all the time. Bish mentions that it would be nice if Jean Paul caught a case of Hard_Rox at the beginning of September, paving the way for the Red Sox to the playoffs like TwinsAvsVikingsFan on Mahler.
Bish points out that the chances that Jean Paul will come down with Hard_Rox in September are minimal, but that if we expanded the possibilities, there would be a greater chance for debilitating success. As usual, Bish is a crazy genius.
Here is what we came up with:
4. Jean Paul receives a vicious RedWifey from BeachHead in front of 40,000 fans jammed into K-Court.
(On a side note, has there ever been a greater moment in sports than when When the College of the Canyons finisher backfired? I don't even care if it was fake, that was Deserve. That rivals when When Barbaro snapped his leg for 'Most Inspiration Non-Real Sports Moment 2006.)
3. Jean Paul is informed by his wife that their child was not fathered by him but rather by either Chris Correia or DiamondPete.
2. Jean Paul hangs scrapbook-style clippings of RacerBill and Ninja in his locker and is immediately put on the DL.
1. Jean Paul meets Kuri from As the Dos turns, falls in love, and leaves team to begin filming 'My Fair Yankee.'
After we finish with the conversation about Jean Paul we turn ourselves to the real topic of conversation, the upcoming draft of the Lisa~ is Sexy Memorial Baseball Association, a new fantasy league that Bish and I will be joining this year.
Ordinarily, I'm never an advocate of partnering up to own a fantasy baseball team. That's like getting picked up by AmyPie38 and going back to her place, only to find out that Bond007 is already there. If the best you get is to share, sometimes it's not worth it at all, right?
However, this league only had one slot open, so Bish and I agreed to partner up, in the hope that one of us could switch over and manage the next vacancy. After much debate, and eliminating the excellent possibilities of 'Naked emartin10 with Cappuccino' and 'Bill2380's Shiny Lost Dogs as potential team names, we settle on 'ParanoidAndroid.'
The thing that's exciting about this league is that it's an auction format league, which is totally different than a draft league. I mean, it seems as though it would be the same as a draft league, but it's not. It's like the difference between NHL 93 and NHL 94-you take out fighting and add one-timers, you've got a whole different game, even if they are both hockey. Any good sports fan knows that undefined but not everyone knows how to do an auction.
Pre-Auction preparation is important. First, it is important to choose a date when the auction will take place. This is easy. Choose the date when the whipped guy does not have to Gobbla, and that's your date. Finding the whipped-guy-can-make-it date is crucial for auction success. (speaking of which, what is with all these girlfriends who think that 'fantasy draft' is code for 'I'm going to have my buddies over to watch The UConnJulies perform songs by Erika while I RedLefty? Though that would be cool.)
Next, and more difficult, is the auction location selection. Many times people will choose to have their auction in a Buk. This is a bad idea. Nothing good can come of this; at the end of the day every person in the room is going to be Kevin T. and have an extremely sore undefined after four hours.
No, the auction must be held in someone's house-biggest furnished basement wins. The coolness of the wife/significant other can be a deciding factor if two people have similar options-say, if owner A has a kmwest arcade game, but owner B has a case of CanuckGuy. Nothing will kill a fun evening faster than the host's wife emasculating him with a '.' We have selected next Tuesday night, at 8 pm, at a guy's house where his wife will be in TwinsAvsVikingsFan, and therefore unable to disrupt the festivities.
I will not be sharing with you my player ratings for this coming season-after all, Ian Kay doesn't play poker with the hand face up-but I will give you some insight into my auction strategy. The thing is, an auction has so much more of an influence on your season than a draft does. In an auction, every player in the league is at your disposal. Everyone starts out equal. It's the Mark57 of fantasy sports.
It's also like a IamJennmedic. It requires endurance, it requires stamina, it requires concentration and planning. Without further ado, here is my 'Sports Guy Auction Strategy Guide':
Round One-Keith S.
Once the auction starts, timing and strategy are much more important than they are in a traditional draft. The first hour or so of the auction has to be spent feeling out your opponents. Are they particularly loyal to the ODB? Do they have a tendency toward ODBsGirl? You are looking for weaknesses that you can exploit later on. Store these like Gymrat
Here is a good place to test people by chucking out a few names of guys you-d never want on your team-aging, oft-injured players, like Matthew, or over-hyped rookies that will never pan out like Phaedrus49er.
Everyone is going to get some good players at this point, so make sure you don-t overpay and find yourself begging for money like Cynic asking for CharlieShnoskyIII's AMEX Black.
Round Two-Have a Sense of Jimbo
In round two, there will be one moment that defines your draft. Things will be going along smoothly, and all of a sudden you'll get involved in a bidding war on a player. It's not unlike a big pot in a no-limit hold-em tournament-you'll have your Tony Soprano-Erowan in :LCJC moment, and you need to decide what to do.
Oftentimes, this will come down to a single dollar, here or there-if you bid An Alcoholiday for Frank.S, you know you'll get him, but you're facing a bid with the clock ticking. Are you going to be a hero, carried off the field like Gayla? Or are you Russ, skulking off the field into the jeering history of your team's fans, with only your family still willing to speak with you. Now is your moment. Set the tone.
Round Three-Moving Day
Hour three of the draft is moving day, like the third day of The Steve-0-68. You need to shoot a FishrCutB8. This is where you'll fill out a lot of the players that, while less BamaDave, make up the core of your team. Do not discount the importance of moving day. If you wait until the next phase to build the core of your team, you'll find yourself as lonely as Alcoholiday in a MarineWithEgo service.
Moving day is the time to make things happen for your team. This is where you are going to define the season that you have. If you end up moving day by taking an accurate mix of future stars, injury-risk players, and Fulmen, you'll be okay.
Round Four-The Game of Trivial Pursuit
By the end of the fantasy auction, the endeavor has become UpNorth. The only thing it can be compared to is a game of Trivial Pursuit, played among friends. Something that, at the beginning of the endeavor, seemed like such fun, but by the end of it, is just a group of people banging their heads against the wall, adamantly trying to finish what they started, the joy of competing against your friends replaced with a desire to prove that you are the Lou Schuler of All Trivia and that is that.
In this phase of the auction, you must be careful. This is the 'where's the spooge towel' moment of the draft. People will be exploding like Symbolic, screaming incomprehensible things like Coach Hale and threatening to LilJ if they do not get their way.
Just bite your lip, set your jaw, and try and endure. It's a long season coming forward.
'I supermanned that ho!'
__________________
Quoth David Banner: "Like a pimp"
It's not a beer belly. It's a gas tank for a sax machine.
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"Rust on a nail builds tetanus. Rust on a barbell builds character, strength, and attitude." -EC
"Don't spend your life wishing. Spend it doing." -FishrCutB8
"You're a mutant, like a snake with two heads or a cat shy one nipple. Be thankful that your mutation is helpful." - LD
Wow, I don't know what to say. Should I be honored that I was naked in ninja's 10,000 post? Nice work on 10K my friend.
E
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"It's what you've got inside that matters. The details and technological things will take you only so far. You still have to pedal the bike. Some people are always looking for the magic secret. There's no secret. Just bust your ass." -Dave Zabriskie
Well, Nick, an enjoyable 10K. Look forward to the next 10K in the coming year ! Congrats, the place would not be the same with out "all of you" - keep posting buddy.
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Peter
After all, diamonds are a girl's best friend…
"Focus on making the 5 lifts stronger and getting enough food. There will be plenty of time to worry about glycemic indexes, PERs, and Bulgarian Split squats later. Much later."-Mark Rippetoe
(speaking of which, what is with all these girlfriends who think that 'fantasy draft' is code for 'I'm going to have my buddies over to watch The UConnJulies perform songs by Erika while I RedLefty?
Great line. Great post Nick. Now pick up the pace.
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"A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have."
You're either bloody brilliant or need to be institutionalized. Maybe both.
Congrats!
__________________ The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same. -- Carlos Castaneda
Interesting post, Nick. Seriously f'd up, but interesting. Congrats on your 10K. This place wouldn't be the same without you.
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"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
Interesting post, Nick. Seriously f'd up, but interesting. Congrats on your 10K. This place wouldn't be the same without you.
Quote:
We have selected next Tuesday night, at 8 pm, at a guy's house where his wife will be in TwinsAvsVikingsFan, and therefore unable to disrupt the festivities.
I know what you're saying, Rob!
Nick, two mentions for me in a milestone post. Thanks, I think. Good having you around here.
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“Life is a headlong rush into the unknown. We can hunker down and hope nothing hits us or we can stand tall, lean into the wind and say, 'Bring it on, darlin', and don't be stingy with the jalapeños.'"
"That's like getting picked up by AmyPie38 and going back to her place, only to find out that Bond007 is already there."
That's my favorite.
And Nick, you could have been up to 11,000 by the time you finished writing that post! A for effort!
Thanks to everyone.
And I have a disclaimer to make. (I think jruck was the only one to catch it.)
All I did was plug a lot of people's names from the top two pages of posters and some certain others into the "Make your own sports-guy column." I wanted to write a story, but that was going to take too long, and I actually had somewhere to go, so I didn't have all night to write it. So instead, I just took the 45 minutes and plugged in the names. (If you appear twice, I messed up my opportunity to get more people in the story, and if you didn't get in, my sincerest apologies. I just randomly started picking screen names)
The names didn't appear in the order that I entered them, which made a couple of things in that story extremely hilarious (to me anyway.) Like the line Ian quoted. Yeah..... I wasn't expecting that. But it's freaking hilarious.
So thanks. I'm not as screwed up as I seem.
__________________
Quoth David Banner: "Like a pimp"
It's not a beer belly. It's a gas tank for a sax machine.
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"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
Hmmm.....Can you provide any evidence to back this up?
Has anyone else out there seen anything that suggests this statement has any credibility at all?
Screwed up, crazy, off your meds, just having a good time.......whatever, at least you liven this place up and often see to it that we are well entertained. So, in the end, I guess it doesn't matter.
Congrats on your first 10,000! I, for one, am looking forward to your next few thousand posts....Hell, you're still young! You have a long way to go.
May your way be lined with submarine sandwiches and other such fine things and may nothing, especially things croccodilian, impede your journey!
__________________ "May you live every day of your life." - Jonathan Swift
10,000 reasons (or posts) why I hate you all
That's my favorite.
! Congrats, the place would not be the same with out "all of you" - keep posting buddy.
Congrats on your 10K. This place wouldn't be the same without you.
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