1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that there
were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two-week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the Nurse told me to put on a
new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had
him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man
had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal
of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered, "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up
on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste"
the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the
surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, I had to mow the lawn." Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
__________________ In Fitness & Friendship, MAHLER
______________________________ __________________________ There is no light at the end of the tunnel. You carry the light with you.
John, those are fantastic. Big breaths. Too funny.
__________________
"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
Those are all funny, but I thought this thread was going to be a funny story about Mahler's last colonoscopy.
Now that I've turned 50, I guess I have that treat to look forward to one day soon.
__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." --Benjamin Franklin, 1759
Those are all funny, but I thought this thread was going to be a funny story about Mahler's last colonoscopy.
Now that I've turned 50, I guess I have that treat to look forward to one day soon.
It ain't pretty, but nothing compared to the way the insurance company butt fucks you post op. It's a pre-approved procedure for which they are supposed to pay 85% in my case, and somehow manage to disallow enough so that it's more like 50%. Bastards.
__________________ In Fitness & Friendship, MAHLER
______________________________ __________________________ There is no light at the end of the tunnel. You carry the light with you.
At my last checkup in December, my doc was looking over my chart and said "oh look, you had a birthday a few months ago! Guess what we're going to schedule you for?" Shit.
So today I'm on a chicken broth, green jello and water diet, and then tonight I get to enjoy my first phospho soda cocktail. Yippee!
Mahler - I checked with my insurance company, and they said they pay 100% under wellness. Unless they find polyps, then it becomes a medical procedure, which is a whole new ball game. Coverage drops to 80%, minus all the exclusions, copay, etc. etc. etc.
__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." --Benjamin Franklin, 1759
Regarding #3 -- for what reason couldn't the doctor have said "Your husband died of a heart attack."
__________________
The reason you don't have big arms is because you're weaker than a baby's fart, not because you don't do enough arm curls. -- Tony Gentilcore, via thefitcast.com
[Your] biceps [comprise] just 3 percent of the amount of muscle mass in your entire body. Remember that number: It's a good way to keep a perspective on how much you train your biceps compared with your other muscle groups. -- from menshealth.com
Embarrassing Medical Exams - Just for fun
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