Why do we need an International Talk like a Pirate Day?
Make no mistake. We do. But it's a little hard to articulate why,
especially when you've made the mistake of referring to your wife as a
scurvy bilge rat and tried to order her back into the galley.
Talking like a pirate is fun. It's really that simple.
When Sept. 19 rolls around and suddenly tens of thousands of people are
saying "arrr" and "Weigh anchor or I'll give you a taste of the
cap'n's daughter," it staggers us. They are talking like pirates -- not
because two yahoos from the Northwestern United States told them to, but
simply because it's fun.
The basics
Pirate lingo is rich and complicated, sort of like a good stew.
Ahoy! - "Hello!"
Avast! - Stop and give attention. It can be used in a sense of
surprise, "Whoa! Get a load of that!" which today makes it more of a "Check it
out" or "No way!" or "Get off!"
Aye! - "Why yes, I agree most heartily with everything you just said or
did."
Aye aye! - "I'll get right on that sir, as soon as my break is over."
Arrr! - This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the
sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. "Arrr!" can mean,
variously, "yes," "I agree," "I'm happy," "I'm enjoying this beer," "My team
is going to win it all," "I saw that television show, it sucked!" and
"That was a clever remark you or I just made." And those are just a few
of the myriad possibilities of Arrr!
Advanced pirate lingo; or On beyond "Aarrr!"
Once you've mastered the basics, you're ready to start expanding your
pirate vocabulary. Try these for starters
Beauty - The best possible pirate address for a woman. Always preceded
by "me," as in, "C'mere, me beauty," or even, "me buxom beauty," to one
particularly well endowed. You'll be surprised how effective this is.
Bilge rat - The bilge is the lowest level of the ship. It's loaded with
ballast and slimy, reeking water. A bilge rat, then, is a rat that
lives in the worst place on the ship. On TLAP Day - A lot of guy humor
involves insulting your buddies to prove your friendship. It's important
that everyone understand you are smarter, more powerful and much luckier
with the wenches than they are. Since bilge rat is a pretty dirty
thing to call someone, by all means use it on your friends.
Bung hole - Victuals on a ship were stored in wooden casks. The stopper
in the barrel is called the bung, and the hole is called the bung
hole. That's all. It sounds a lot worse, doesn't it? On TLAP Day - When
dinner is served you'll make quite an impression when you say, "Well, me
hearties, let's see what crawled out of the bung hole." That statement
will be instantly followed by the sound of people putting down their
utensils and pushing themselves away from the table. Great! More for you!
Grog - An alcoholic drink, usually rum diluted with water, but in this
context you could use it to refer to any alcoholic beverage other than
beer, and we aren't prepared to be picky about that, either. Call your
beer grog if you want. We won't stop you! Water aboard ship was stored
for long periods in slimy wooden barrels, so you can see why rum was
added to each sailor's water ration - to kill the rancid taste. On TLAP
Day - Drink up, me hearties! And call whatever you're drinking grog if
you want to. If some prissy pedant purses his lips and protests the word
grog can only be used if drinking rum and water, not the Singapore
Sling you're holding, keelhaul him!
Hornpipe - Both a single-reeded musical instrument sailors often had
aboard ship, and a spirited dance that sailors do. On TLAP Day - We are
not big fans of the capering, it's not our favorite art form, if you
will, so we don't have a lot to say on the subject, other than to observe
that the common term for being filled with lust is "horny," and
hornpipe then has some comical possibilities. "Is that a hornpipe in your
pocket, or are you just glad to see me? Or both?"
Lubber - (or land lubber) This is the seaman's version of land lover,
mangled by typical pirate disregard for elocution. A lubber is someone
who does not go to sea, who stays on the land. On TLAP Day - More likely
than not, you are a lubber 364 days of the year. But not if you're
talking like a pirate! Then the word lubber becomes one of the more fierce
weapons in your arsenal of piratical lingo. In a room where everyone
is talking like pirates, lubber is ALWAYS an insult.
Smartly - Do something quickly. On TLAP Day - "Smartly, me lass," you
might say when sending the bar maid off for another round. She will be
so impressed she might well spit in your beer.
Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day
10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your
porthole?
4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin', I'm 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?
And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a
Pirate Day is ...
1. Prepare to be boarded.
Bonus pickup lines (when the ones above don't work, as they often
won't)
They don't call me Long John because my head is so big.
You're drinking a Salty Dog? How'd you like to try the real thing?
Wanna shiver me timbers?
I've sailed the seven seas, and you're the sleekest schooner I've ever
sighted.
Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? ... Oh, wait. That's for Talk Like a
PARROT Day.
That's the finest pirate booty I've ever laid eyes on.
Let's get together and haul some keel.
That's some treasure chest you've got there.
Top Ten Pickup Lines for the Lady Pirates
By popular demand ...
10. What are YOU doing here?
9. Is that a belayin' pin in yer britches, or are ye ... (this one is
never completed)
8. Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!
7. So, tell me, why do they call ye, "Cap'n Feathersword?"
6. That's quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!
5. Aye, I guarantee ye, I've had a twenty percent decrease in me "lice
ratio!"
4. I've crushed seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!
3. C'mon, lad, shiver me timbers!
2. RAMMING SPEED!
...and the number one Female Pirate Pick-up Line:
1. You. Pants Off. Now!
__________________
“Life is a headlong rush into the unknown. We can hunker down and hope nothing hits us or we can stand tall, lean into the wind and say, 'Bring it on, darlin', and don't be stingy with the jalapeños.'"
__________________
"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
Ahoy Matey!! Arrrr...
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