This may seem really kiddish and silly to the ones who have more experience in life but please bare with me.
All this started out about a year ago. There was this girl, S, in college who really liked me, but i just didnt feel the same way about her. She was nice, but I was not really ready to get into a relationship at that time. Heck, I just got into college, and wanted to meet more new ppl.
This girl S decided to take it really far and threaten suicide if I dont be friends with her. At first I really didnt bother, but having a suicide case on your hands aint that much fun either. So she would daily email her friend in USA, who USED TO study in the same college as I am and complain to her everything. This girl is M.
One day, a guy friend told me what S has been contacting M and spoling my name. He advised that I should talk to M and tell her what's really going on. I agreed.
So it began. Everyday I and M would chat with each other. She was really keen bec we both are of the same cast ( think 2 irish ppl meeting in Africa) and was very glad to meet me, online ofcourse.
Months past by, S stopped being a pain, and M became a nice friend. I eventually met some of M's friends who are still in Malaysia and learnt more abt her. All I heard was praises.
After some time, she began to confide in me. She has a boyfriend, who is also still in Malaysia who used to scold her and be rude to her. Most of her friends here told me that he is a jerk and she needs to leave him. From then I relised that kind of person he was.
So months pass, and M and I became really close. Remember, I have still not met her yet. She would send me sweet msgs and e-kisses. She told me she would not mind having a boyfriend like me. All that sorta thing. She was really sweet, and all lovey dovey. I can't explain how nice she was. You could say she was leading me on in a way.
So I eventually fell for her. What can I say? She is really sweet and one hell of a looker too. Almost like the perfect package.
Now she this is all still happening while she has her bf, who she will not leave. He scolds her and calls her names. I think he is crazy. Everyone thinks so too. Yet she wont leave him, claiming the love is too strong and after being together 2 years, she really loves him.
He will be going to Austraila very soon to study, and she is coming down for holidays. She wants to meet me and get to know me better.
I feel really cheated bec how can you have a bf that you claim to love, but be really close to another guy, who you want to get close with?
I am feeling quiet bad right now, bec I don't want to loose her, but I don't want to be punked too. Any advice would be great guys.
A very sad Ash
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hey Ash, one word of advice - if she's doing this to one guy she may very well do this to you.(either now or in the future) just keep that in mind so you don't get too hurt.
I would tell her to make up her mind now. There's no sense in dicking around, and then finding out a year or two later that she was leading you on. If you have doubts now, what happens if the relationship progresses? You need to chose if you want to keep her as a friend, and friend only, or if you want to progress to bf/gf status. I don't think you can be "friends" with someone who you care about, and them not return the feelings, because you're always going to be thinking about what you can do to make them like you, etc.
i agree with alcoholiday - have her make up her mind and stick to a decision. she needs to figure out what she wants before you guys can go any further cause it's not fair to you or her other guy ( no matter how awful he might be ).
if she's sticking around with a guy that abuses her, you don't want to deal with it. tell her she's great and if she yanks her head clean you'll be around.
until then, clean break. entertain yourself somewhere else.
Well, i did tell her once that she has too choose. She said lets first meet up then decide. Seems logical?
no. it's not a debate. you tell her to choose and she chooses. if she isn't willing to choose then she chooses "not you". it's that easy. man up and put your foot down.
Alcoholiday- As my first post said, we have not met in person before. Trust me, I feel real stupid because it makes no sense, being interested in someone who you have never met before. Funny thing, the chemistry is just right!
__________________
Never underestimate a man. He may be slow, he may be weak and he may be an asshole but given the chance, he could put you to shame.
Most people sit around talking ABOUT God, but how many people sit around talking TO God? - A.M
Never underestimate a man. He may be slow, he may be weak and he may be an asshole but given the chance, he could put you to shame.
__________________ 2009: No races, No times. Slow year. So, now you're 96 cals short. You're now in starvation mode. Doomed. - LostDog
Blog entry: November 1, 2009, Pancakes LiveSTRONG daily plate log
Your entire situation is based on hearsay, often from indirect sources. Her bf might be the nicest guy in the world, while she's actually the psycho. You have no way to know, and haven't even had the chance to look in her eyes and let your own intuition go to work.
There are at least two possibilities here:
She's lying about everything. She's actually a hirsute call girl from Minneapolis.
She's telling the truth, and can't detach herself from an abusive man. Still, she will cheat on him by coming down to meet another guy who she's been sending lovey dovey correspondece to for quite a while, behind her boyfriend's back. But she's not sure if the internet chemistry outweighs the real, face-to-face verbal onslaughts from her boyfriend.
I'm trying to figure out a scenario where you're not getting punked... just can't seem to find it yet.
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She's not cheating on you because you're not in a relationship. If anything she is cheating on her boyfriend a bit being all "lovey dovey" in emails with you.
Don't be that dude.
You're young and there's plenty of other ladies out there.
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Odegei, so your saying that the current bf might have something more than what meets the eye?
It's your tag line dude.
But as I see it, if you stick around and try and try and let her give you excuses your giving them both the chance to put you to shame.
Og.
__________________ 2009: No races, No times. Slow year. So, now you're 96 cals short. You're now in starvation mode. Doomed. - LostDog
Blog entry: November 1, 2009, Pancakes LiveSTRONG daily plate log
Run away. Even if she chooses you...she will eventually do the same thing she did to her current boyfriend to you. As soon as you don't fufill a need she has she will look for it somewhere else.
Run away.
Danny
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Limitations are for people who have them.
From personal experience - you do not want to be THIS involved with a chick who is in a relationship already, much less allow it to move to the next level. But if you decide you DO want to be that guy, prepare yourself for that massive amount of b*llsh*t childish drama that will ensue.
Side note - unless your ready for marriage, the relationship should end when it stops being fun.
You know that "nice guy" friend that girls always seem to have. You know the safe one that they love like a brother. If you look in the mirror, you will probably see him.
sigh....i have become the laughing stock of JPfitness. Quick,Someone find me a noose.
Update: 1 - Men 0 - Women. I decided, let her come down, I shall have all the fun with her. Let her go back and live a life of misery. Seems only fair right?
__________________
Never underestimate a man. He may be slow, he may be weak and he may be an asshole but given the chance, he could put you to shame.
Most people sit around talking ABOUT God, but how many people sit around talking TO God? - A.M
sigh....i have become the laughing stock of JPfitness. Quick,Someone find me a noose.
Update: 1 - Men 0 - Women. I decided, let her come down, I shall have all the fun with her. Let her go back and live a life of misery. Seems only fair right?
i think you'd have to do more than this to achieve laughing stock status. have you not read the 500 responses to the "I need romantic advice" thread?
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Is she *cheating* on me?
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