Ex girlfriend finds me on the I-net... what to do?
I got an email asking if this was the same person she knew back in the late 70's in college. I said "it depends" but then I figured out it wasn't about paternity 'cause the kid would be close to 30 years old my now!
So, we've been exchanging emails and, yes, I have told my wife about this. I've asked a couple of times about how and why she looked me up and she mostly just says that she tried several times over the years and just got lucky the last time and that she was wondering how I was doing. I guess I have felt the same way... but this feels pretty strange! To be honest, we've exchanged some really long emails because it's not easy to catch up on 30 years. I've included pics of my family showing how happy we are all together (yes, that was a tactical move) and she sent some back.
THAT'S the part that is so weird... especially since my last name is SMITH!
A conveniently anonymous surname we share, ain't it
I've had several quasi-ex-girlfriends find me through MySpace or Facebook, which I don't mind since one of the main reasons I signed up for those sites was to reconnect with (some) people from my past. As long as there's full disclosure with the current SO/spouse, it shouldn't be much of an issue. Now, if you start "meeting for coffee" a couple times a week for hours on end, well............ j/k
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My Movember page (yes, I'm slacking on pictures)
An old ex of mine has recently come back into my life also. She is only living an hour away and we have had lunch a couple times. She is moving closer soon and I am helping her find a place. But I have been completely upfront with my wife and the friend about everything. My ex is recently divorced which can make it even trickier. But it help that my wife completely trusts me and they even want to meet each other. We have sones about the same age that will get along great.
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Stats:
38 year old coach to my 8 year old son, 6 ft tall jungle gym to my 10 year old daughter, 184 lb husband to my wife of 15 years and a 11% BF fitness addict best friend to all 3 of them.
An old ex of mine has recently come back into my life also. She is only living an hour away and we have had lunch a couple times. She is moving closer soon and I am helping her find a place. But I have been completely upfront with my wife and the friend about everything. My ex is recently divorced which can make it even trickier. But it help that my wife completely trusts me and they even want to meet each other. We have sones about the same age that will get along great.
Of course your wife wants to meet her. The ex doesn't, she just realizes it's inevitable... If she want to continue this charade.
Of course your wife wants to meet her. The ex doesn't, she just realizes it's inevitable... If she want to continue this charade.
Actually my ex is an extremely stand up girl. When we first spoke she made me promise my wife knew and was ok with it. My Ex is the one who asks more often to meet than my wife. Either way is has not been a big deal because I have not let it be. Just another friend. Most of my good friends are women.
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Stats:
38 year old coach to my 8 year old son, 6 ft tall jungle gym to my 10 year old daughter, 184 lb husband to my wife of 15 years and a 11% BF fitness addict best friend to all 3 of them.
The story can get even more interesting but it's in a different direction. My ex-WIFE came to my birthday party the day before I married the current (and last) Mrs. Q.
Aside: I figured, get married the say after your birthday, can't forget the anniversary! Usually works.
Her first time meeting with my wife-to-be, the ex goes up and gives her a big hug! Mind you, the ex wasn't trying to get rid of me (divorce) for anything I'd done... but that's another story. Later on, we went to the ex's house for a party (or two?) where she lived with the guy she was hangin out with before she and I got divorced. Everybody was hunky dory, hugs all around. They split up, she's alone now.
Come to think of it, when I was growing up (trying to, anyway), we had holiday get-togethers on a regular basis with my mother, me and my brother with her ex (my brother's father) and his new wife. I guess my thing shouldn't be even worth mentioning considering how strange the rest of my life has been.
Oh, yes, and my ex's MOTHER contacted me recently... just wanting to stay in touch. We didn't talk about her daughter much, mostly about our lives now.
Location: Philly on one side, Pittsburgh on another, the Green Between...
Posts: 5,857
I guess I can let you off the hook, now--it was me!
j/k...though it's not that bizarre, IMO. I think about HS friends and wonder what they're up to. There are a handful of people that i would think about looking for, given the time and a bottle of wine...
Wow.. Q. All I can say is.. Interesting. If I were you I'd feel pretty proud that someone dug me up from some milllions and millions of records after so many years. You must have made some impression on her
THAT'S the part that is so weird... especially since my last name is SMITH!
(Thanks for the kind words, by the way!)
If she knows your date of birth, she may have paid for a name/date of birth search through an internet locator service. It's pretty easy to find almost anyone if you know their date of birth or at least find a recent address. Adult adoptees and birthparents use these services frequently for locating one another, which is why I have experience with them. I don't have that many ex-girlfriends to stalk!
THAT'S the part that is so weird... especially since my last name is SMITH!
Hey Q, I didn't know we're related!
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"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
A great friend doesn't motivate that kind of action. She is looking for intimacy or something more. She probably knows she won't get it from you but you and memories of you probably make her feel good which is good for her for now.
I had similiar situations - my mom's ex husband's and current boyfriend being at my graduation or holidays and such.
I wasn't born with the last name "Smith," I changed it later on... but that's another weird tangent to my strange tale.
Still, maybe we are!
You changed your name TO Smith?? Man, there are times when I've wanted to change it FROM Smith, that's for sure! LOL. Well, welcome to the clan anyway, brother!
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"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
Call me suspicious, but these sorts of situations have to be handled carefully. If someone from my past contacted me I might chew the fat with them a bit and remain acquaintances but no way would I meet them alone if I'm with currently with someone. To me, the risks of it ruining a currently happy relationship would outweigh the potential benefits.
She probably just remembers that as a good time in her life and she was curious about you. You seem like an interesting person so I'd be curious if I hadn't seen you for thirty years. Still, don't let her boil the bunny!
Ex girlfriend finds me on the I-net... what to do?
but then I figured out it wasn't about paternity 'cause the kid would be close to 30 years old my now! 
We didn't talk about her daughter much, mostly about our lives now.
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