How soon have you known kids/babies to sleep on their own, without any effort from parents? Like no rocking, no lullaby etc.. When I read the baby sites, many of them advice to train babies to sleep on their own. I have been grossly unsuccessful . Soumil started sleeping on his own when he was 3. Before that to the minimum, I had to lie beside him, until he was fast asleep.
Spandan, now 4 months, doze off by himself sometimes, especially in the early morning hours. But rest of the day, for his naps, he wants to be carried and soothed. I can't try Ferber's let him cry it out. I don't believe in it. But I would very much like my baby to fall asleep on his own.
Oh boy Ruma mine are 4 and 6 and I still have trouble some nights. My 4 yr old I still have to sit with until he is ready to drop . I am going to follow this thread very carefully. I hope someone else has some good advice for you.
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My wife and I have been using the methods in Baby Wise and have been very successful. The book is geared to start as an infant but should work for older babies. http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-...e=UTF8&s=books
Our son was sleeping on his own through the night at about 9 weeks. We've never rocked him to sleep although some times he falls asleep in his swing during the day.
One warning though once you go through all the steps and the baby is happy and sleeps on his own and rarely cries, every single person will say how lucky you are to have a good baby. No one will notice the hard work you put into it.
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"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."
- Christopher Reeve
We had planned for ours to sleep alone but when she came home she was just at 5 pounds and was on a heart monitor (she'd quit breathing and the alarm on the monitor would wake us up). This usually happened if she got cold, which at 5# wasn't hard to do. After 2 weeks of listening to that @#$#$ alarm sound off every hour I finally let her sleep next to me - we both slept like rocks.
The bad thing about that is that once we put her into her own bed if she got cold she'd crawl into bed with one of us. She did that until she was almost 7. It wasn't every night, just some mornings around 5am. One day she said "I don't need to snuggle with you guys anymore" and only comes into the bed if everyone is awake.
I finally had Julian cry it out at like 15 months. I couldn't bring myself to do it any earlier. By 15 mos I started to worry that if the getting up once and twice a night was hard on me, it surely wasn't good for him. He cried for 15 minutes each time and it was over after three days. I slept in the room farthest from him, with the baby monitor under my pillow at the lowest setting. I could still hear it that way.
I have always blamed baby monitors for my kids not sleeping. I hear them cry and go. By my 2nd kid, Sophie, I had her in a bed at 18 mos because she kept climbing out of the crib even though I had everything out of it and the lowest crib setting. I had to sleep next to her to keep her in bed. She slept through the night just after 1 though and went back to it quickly in a real bed.
With Ethan - he has proved me a horrible sleep teacher. He was hysterical if he woke up. He still wakes up crying most of the time and he is three. He goes to bed at 9:30. I worked forever to get him to go to bed earlier but he doesn't. He just doesn't need the sleep. At least he is sleeping through the night now, at 3.
What I mean to say is that I am no help and I just shared figuring misery loves company. On a good note, my older two kids are great sleepers now.
I would challenge you to really read Dr. Ferber's book. At least in this iteration of the book, it's not all about "crying it out." It talks alot about sleep associations; what does you child associate going to sleep with? For my kids it's reading books with Mommy or Daddy, saying a prayer and singing a song. For other kiddos, it's Mommy sitting by the bed. Neither is right or wrong; some may not be what YOU want them to be, but they are not right or wrong.
If I had a 4 month old to train, I would read a book and sing a song. Rock him until he's almost asleep and then lay him down VERY drowsy. I'll bet that he'll cry around 10 minutes and then be out like a light. Just a guess though...isn't that the fun of parenting: it's all educated guessing and then re-guessing.
My philosphy is teach him now, Ruma whatever you want him to learn about sleep as RE-teaching is soooo much worse. And at 4 months he won't have the stamina to give you much of a run for your money.
Sleep can make all the difference when you are talking about little people: in their mood, in their learning, and even their sleep. This sounds CRAZY, but Jack sleeps sooooo much better at night when he's had two naps during the day, and he's 19 months old. We have tried for weeks at a time to go down to one nap and he's just restless and miserable at night. Then we go back to two and he sleeps later in the morning and better during the night. Weird!
Both our kids started sleeping through the night at just a few months age. The real trick was to make sure they fell asleep in their own bed, not in Mommy's arms and then get carried to bed. If they fall asleep in their own bed, when they wake up later they're much more likely to go back asleep by themselves. Sometimes they have to cry for a while first, though. But if they fall asleep on mommy or daddy, then wake up later they will have to have mommy or daddy's attention to go back to sleep.
If ours fell asleep we would wake them up when we put them down just so they'd fall asleep in their own bed. When they wake up later they're in the same environment they fell asleep in, which seemed to be a big calming factor.
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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." --Benjamin Franklin, 1759
Spandan sleeps through the night. But he has to be put to sleep. Sometimes he will fall asleep while nursing. Even if he wakes up while I am burping him, or changing his nappy, he still manages to fall asleep on his own. Some days are bad and he cries when he is sleepy. If he wakes up in the middle of the night or early morning, he still goes back to sleep on his own.
He naps twice during the day and once more in the evening. But, he has to be rocked to sleep during his nap times.During his nap time, I rock him in my arms for sometime, then put him to bed. He'd cry. Then I pat his back constantly until he is asleep.
Charger, I read the review of the book. Some people do not have very great experience with the book. What are your experiences? Did all the steps work for you? Was there anything that did not work?
Jamie, can you give me a link to the ferber book you mentioned? I agree with your sleep association remark. You also mentioned naptimes and putting them to bed when they are very sleepy. Now baby may not be "very sleepy" at the same time everyday. What do you do then? Do you first work on getting him to sleep on his own. Then once he is mastered that, you set up a time when you just follow the sleep routine and put him to bed to sleep off on his own? Or do you first work on setting up a fixed time every day for his naps and then when he is sleeping during that time, you work on letting him fall asleep on his own. I feel the first option would work better than the second. Which one worked for you? How did you establish jack's nap times? Do you follow the same routine that you follow when putting him to bed for the night?
Erika, Soumil still wakes up middle of the night and walks right into my bed. Sometimes, he pleads with me, especially during weekends, to sleep with Me. I let him, but he climbs on me and sleeps, makes it so much more difficult for me He was sleeping through the night though since he was 2 months.
Charger, I read the review of the book. Some people do not have very great experience with the book. What are your experiences? Did all the steps work for you? Was there anything that did not work?
Most of the people who codemn the book haven't read it. And it was pretty obvious after I read the book. People complained about things that weren't even stated in the book. Most of it seemed to be from parents who follow attachment parenting.
The main part of the book that will probably work for you is setting up a cycle. Eat-Play-Sleep. After you start this cycle off the baby will fall into it really well. Also it says you have to teach your baby to eat, walk, talk, etc, so why would you expect to not have to teach them to sleep well. If you rock them to sleep they will associate rocking with sleep and then won't know how to sleep on their own. Also if you're holding them when they fall asleep they're pretty shocked when they wake up and you're not their.
Good luck!
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"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."
- Christopher Reeve
I really liked Baby Wise too, except for the "Mommy/Daddy decdes when nap is over" comment. To my recall, it never mentioned what to do when baby wakes up too early from their nap...which happens plenty at the RedLefty's house. For instance, last week Jack fell asleep in the car and I laid him in bed when we got home. He slept for an hour and woke up...obviously not enough. So, I went in, rocked him and he fell back to sleep on me; I laid him down and he slept for another hour. When he woke up again, I went in to get him and as is our custom we rocked. Guess what...he fell back to sleep for another half hour. I get the picture that this wouldn't have been following protocol under Baby Wise (although they don't say in the book what to do) but he got the nap he needed and it was the right thing for us.
The E-P-S cyle is a BEAUTIFUL thing and it really works well and is easy to fall into the pattern. This is how baby gets sleepy at the same time every day...because his cycle is identical every day. I would work on getting this cycle set up first and I think the rest will fall in place.
My wife and I have been somewhat successful with little or no help from any books. Our oldest was sleeping through the night at about 8 weeks. We were successful with putting him to bed awake for 6 months or so right before he was a year old but got back into the habit of rocking him to sleep. We took him out of his crib and into a toddler bed at about 24 months and worked pretty hard at getting him to the point where we can go in and read him a couple books and he'll go to sleep on his own.
I think it's very much like an adult going to sleep. You have to fall into a routine, going to bed every night at the same time etc.; and creating a relaxing environment...we installed a dimmer switch so the light is dim but you can still see a little. We run either a fan or a small electric heater for some "white" noise to minimize other noises keeping him awake.
I think you just have to work with them. Make an honest effort to teach them to sleep on their own. There are nights when you have to listen to them scream for a while but at some point you have to realize what's best for them. There is no better feeling IMO that rocking your child to sleep - that feeling of complete helpless-ness when they're relying on you for everything. It's a great feeling that I think a lot of parents hold on to longer than they need to.
Our youngest is now 8-weeks and we've already started trying to put him in his crib before he's asleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes he cries out. But you can tell if he's really upset or just really tired. If he's really tired, we'll just let him cry.
Not sure if that helps or not, hope it does. Good luck!
Ted
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Two Bears Dadda? Two Bears Benno, just two. ______________________________ ___________
There are three things in my life which I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only problem - once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit. ~Al Gallagher, 1971
Interesting thread.... We haven't really read any books on this, but our approach seems to have been fairly successful (we have 5 children, so have had some practice!). Basically we create a pleasant sleep area and have a regular routine that we go through each night before putting them down. We haven't really had much trouble with extended crying, but we'd let them cry for 10-15 minutes & then try to 're-settle' them. We do try to avoid staying in the room for too long though when we do this...
__________________ Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -- Wendell Johnson
We do good at night assuming she had a couple naps during the day and she's been awake for a few hours. Lay her down, she'll cry for 10min...done. But we had her sleep by herself from day one. The things that have already been said was setting a schedule, no sleep for 3hrs before bedtime, food right before getting put down. Then we're good.
Probably the biggest help was the introduction of the pacifier. We never used one on the oldest one and she was always cool. The new one just screamed bloody murder all the freaking time...give her a binky and BLAM she falls to sleep. Neither me or my wife believe in using them...but we tried it and there ya go.
Day time can be tricky business...it's just touch and go. What amazes me is how different our kids are. It's like we had to learn to be parents twice because the old tricks don't work!
It's like we had to learn to be parents twice because the old tricks don't work!
You are telling me, Mister!!! These people are completely different! Samantha could eat the same breakfast for 10 years and NEVER complain. Baby boy, though, he needs variety. Samantha slept all through the night 8 to 8 at 6 months and did that every night for years. She still takes a nap at FOUR!!! Score one for the Mom! But Jack sleeps 8 to 7 (if we're really lucky) and didn't start that until 8-9 months.
This parenting gig is HARD work!
Here's a funny Jack story: Today it was Samantha's turn for swim class (they both swim on Wednesday but just Samantha on Monday). So Jack and I are watching her, and when he spots his swim teacher he begans to repeat: "I unt bow bubble wit Sondra" over and over. It was really cute! And at 19 months, I'll take full sentances for communication!
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I started at Brendan's bedside then moved 2-3 feet away a couple nights later, then a few more feet til I was in the hall then around the corner, but he could see my feet. It took about a week til he got use to it, then again he was about 2 1/2.
I can see that I'm in the minority here, but I agreed strongly with the family bed concept. I think it feels wonderful to fall asleep near someone, even as an adult. Children need to feel safe and loved and there's nothing superior to physical contact to convey that message. I nursed my babies to sleep for naps and bed until they didn't ask for it anymore. I laid down next to them and read a book after they weaned (at about age 2). It was never hard. It was a special time. If I was tired I just went to sleep. Sometimes I'd get back up and spend time with my husband. When the second one came along, we put a twin bed next to our king for the older child to sleep in. She was still a part. The kids went to bed at the same time.
My kids are grown for the most part. My "baby" is 16. I am still happy with the choices we made.
I started at Brendan's bedside then moved 2-3 feet away a couple nights later, then a few more feet til I was in the hall then around the corner, but he could see my feet. It took about a week til he got use to it, then again he was about 2 1/2.
That cracks me up. I can totally picture it. Ethan would scream at bed and I couldn't bear it. I never could figure out the two different cries. Anyway, I started with his crib up to my bed with my hand on his belly and, it took weeks until I had inched his crib to the other side of the wall.
I am the first to say my way with the babies and sleep is the wrong way. Crying is sometimes what they need to do.
OG why do you not want to share your success secret with us?
Rob, great tip. No other advice is as sound as yours
Lisa, My parents and all parents I know here in India are doing what you have done. They are happy parents and their kids have turned out very well. Dr. Sears has also coined a special word for this "Attachment parenting". Though I believe in it, but it did not work with my older son Soumil. He was so dependent on me for his sleep, that he'd wake up the moment I was not next to him. Moreover, with time, his sleep positions became very crazy. Now he loves to climb on top of me to get his sleep. He does not want to lie next to his dad. So I had to be in between both of them, sometimes crushed by both of them LOL. After him I have decided, I am not letting anyone ruin my sleep.
Few questions for the successful parents:
1. What do you do when you are not at home. How do you stick to your schedule?
2. When starting with this "letting them sleep on their own" which one do you do first? a. Getting them used to a specific bed time first or b.letting them sleep on their own(they may take a while to really fall asleep disrupting the usual bed time. And if you still wake them up at the specified time, they may not have had enough sleep).
3. Does your child sleep in the same place(bed/crib) in the night and in the daytime?
Did you do this on purpose??? Just kidding! Wow!!!! That's really amazing! What would the age range be?
*Laughs* - yes, we get that reaction sometimes! We have 4 boys and 1 girl - the girl is the newest (in my current avatar) & she is just over 3 months. The boys are 10, 8, 5, 2!
__________________ Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -- Wendell Johnson
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Few questions for the successful parents:
1. What do you do when you are not at home. How do you stick to your schedule?
2. When starting with this "letting them sleep on their own" which one do you do first? a. Getting them used to a specific bed time first or b.letting them sleep on their own(they may take a while to really fall asleep disrupting the usual bed time. And if you still wake them up at the specified time, they may not have had enough sleep).
3. Does your child sleep in the same place(bed/crib) in the night and in the daytime?
1. We try to make sure that the night bed time is a similar time. Naps vary due to a busy schedule, so they tend to end up catching naps in the car seat etc. if it is an out and about day. They seem to do well with the variety, & so do we! So we aren't too rigid about a schedule
2. We've used a bassinet or bed-side cradle for the first few months just to make life easier for feeding etc. When a solid pattern emerges of a fairly regular 'last feed' time, & they are going through the night we'll move them to their own room..
3. Yes, from 2. on, before that we do put them in their own room for naps for a few weeks to get them accustomed to sleeping there..
It's very true what has been said about each child being so different though - lots of thought and flexibility with ideas needed for each one!
__________________ Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -- Wendell Johnson
The biggest thing, Ruma, was making it the same routine night after night. Same feeding time, same bath time, sleeping in their own crib. If you keep everything the same the child learns what is expected of them at that time.
That, and the fact that I couldn't see letting a 6 week old be the boss. Not happening.
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"A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have."
1. What do you do when you are not at home. How do you stick to your schedule?
2. When starting with this "letting them sleep on their own" which one do you do first? a. Getting them used to a specific bed time first or b.letting them sleep on their own(they may take a while to really fall asleep disrupting the usual bed time. And if you still wake them up at the specified time, they may not have had enough sleep).
3. Does your child sleep in the same place(bed/crib) in the night and in the daytime?
1. It can vary as far as naps go, but we try to feed him on the same schedule. Obviously if he gets hungry early we'll feed him then. Rarely happens.
2. Ethan never slept with us. Always in a crib or his bouncer.
3. We don't always have him sleep in his crib during the day. It's usually whatever works out easiest.
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"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable."
- Christopher Reeve
Not sure if I qualify as a "successful" parent quite yet - it remains to be seen I guess. But I'll answer anyway...
1. What do you do when you are not at home. How do you stick to your schedule? It sounds like a cop-out answer but the honest truth is you do your best. When visiting the grandparents, we still create a similar environment that we do at home. Similar blankets, similar amount of light, similar sounds (we use a fan/electric heater at home partially for "white" noise to drown out any background noise and that works well and is portable.)
2. When starting with this "letting them sleep on their own" which one do you do first? a. Getting them used to a specific bed time first or b.letting them sleep on their own(they may take a while to really fall asleep disrupting the usual bed time. And if you still wake them up at the specified time, they may not have had enough sleep). Even when we were rocking them to sleep, we still had a routine to get a bath, get fed, etc. It's all about the routine. Then the difference is simply the location they fall asleep. We really try to minimize the amount of changes taken place at once. With our oldest we really tried to get him out of his crib BEFORE the baby came along. My wife wanted to switch his room when the baby was born but I thought it would be better to leave him where he is again to minimize the changes.
3. Does your child sleep in the same place(bed/crib) in the night and in the daytime? For the most part we've tried to get them to nap in their bedrooms. It's much quieter in there. If the baby happens to fall asleep in his swing, we'll leave him alone but if he falls asleep in our arms during the day, he'll almost always go in the bedroom. Once it gets dark in the evening (which around here is about 5pm this time of year) we'll keep him out in the living room where there's more light. For nap time we were always told to not make the room too dark so they realize that it's still daytime and this is a nap not their full night's sleep.
I was talking with my wife about this subject last night and we were talking about how lucky we've been with both boys. Then we had a hell of a time getting the two year old in bed last night - he was up screaming for almost an hour. Then he was up at 4:30 this morning doing the same thing...haven't had that happen in quite some time...go figure.
Hope this helps.
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Two Bears Dadda? Two Bears Benno, just two. ______________________________ ___________
There are three things in my life which I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only problem - once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit. ~Al Gallagher, 1971
Blackjack - isn't that just the way it goes! Can't tell how many times we **think** we've got something under control & then the next thing you know.....
And I agree with you - successful parenting is what we work towards, but hardly something we'd claim!
__________________ Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -- Wendell Johnson
Child sleep question
. Soumil started sleeping on his own when he was 3. Before that to the minimum, I had to lie beside him, until he was fast asleep.
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