Have any of you ever had a real life, honest to God panic/anxiety attack?
I hope not.
I and my family haven't been feeling all that well the last two couple days and I haven't remembered to take my meds. Paxil being one of those. I know better, but I digress.....
Anyway, I woke up this morning not feeling "right". I had a lot of weird dreams last night and just wasn't "right". I was blowing my nose and couldn't get a free flow and that little thing sent me over the edge. I was sure I wasn't able to breathe. That took things to another level and my breathing went crazy. I couldn't stand still, I felt like I had to be doing something. I couldn't think straight. I was sweating. I couldn't calm down. It is the worst feeling on earth. You're not yourself and you can't do anything about it. I can't even begin to explain. I used to have those feelings before I started my meds. The only way I know to make it stop is to kill myself. That is a literal statement.
Fortunately my wife was home and was trying to talk me down. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. I can't explain it.
This was about an hour ago. I'm better now, but still not exactly "right".
I had to "talk" to someone so I came here. I had to type it out. Had to explain it.
I'm doing a horrible job. Most of you are going to think I'm crazy. Literally. I'm not. I don't think so anyway. The attacks just happen. I've never been able to control them. I wanted to kill myself to make it stop. I didn't really want to die, I wanted to make it stop.
DOES ANYONE OUT THERE UNDERSTAND THIS FEELING??? I'M SO ALONE RIGHT NOW..... God. It feels like I'm going crazy when it happens. I'm working myself up again just typing this. Calm down.
I took my meds this morning. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please....... don't think bad of me... Oh god........... I'm crying.
You are my family. Please don'tthink bad of me. I'm not crazy. I just have those horrible, horrible horrible panic attacks. I'm crying.
Breathe. Breathe.
I love all you guys. Please don't think bad of me. Please.
Gymrat....I DO UNDERSTAND you. Been there before, though maybe not quite as bad. Never wanted to kill myself.
If you want to talk, pm me yor phone number.
__________________ "I'm growing older but not up. My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck. So let the winds of change blow over my head. I'd rather die while I'm living then live while I'm dead."
Terry, we're here for you, bro. RW is right - call your doc. And no one thinks badly of you - get that right out of your head now. We love ya, big guy.
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"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
I started having Panic/Anxiety attacks 13 years ago after I got married (no joke). I just got it into my head that no matter what I did I could not make anything right. I thought it was a medical condition or something but after 6 months of torture a specialist suggested that I might want to see a shrink. Looking for any help I swallowed my pride and I did. Thank God after a few months of sessions they became controllable without medication. That was truly the scariest 6 months of my life.
__________________ -50# by 4/1/10 2 down 48 to go.
Have you and the doctor talked about meds to take when you have the attack? A preventative med like Paxil is the cornerstone, but a benzodiazepine is usually prescribed for use as needed for attacks. Your doctor may be willing to call in a few for you until your blood levels of Paxil become therapuetic. Take care.
last two couple days and I haven't remembered to take my meds. Paxil being one of those.
when I was on EffexorFX I was told that not taking them can be very dangerous.. and I think that it's in the same family as Paixl with all kinds of reactions.
I've never had panic attacks, but when I was on Zoloft the mail order pharmacy screwed things up and I ended up not taking it for a few days. That had me pretty well messed up, so I can sympathize a bit.
Hang in there. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
__________________ The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same. -- Carlos Castaneda
RW isn't just talking theoretically. I had panic attacks all through high school and college, turning into full-flown agoraphobia by my freshman year. My first few years with RW were shadowed by this, although she knew little of it until later.
We don't think bad of you, and we're here for you.
__________________ Megaloi -- My Blog
"Every society honors its live conformists and its dead troublemakers."
- Mignon McLaughlin
Thoughts are with you mate - you'll come out the other side ok.
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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. -- Sidney J. Harris
I'm better right now. So far. I'm shaking like a leaf though. Monica has to go to work tonight in about 2 hours. I called my dad to come over and babysit me. How embarrassing.
I didn't call the doctor. I'm sure it was because I didn't take the meds. I don't know why I didn't. Got busy, didn't think about it.
My legs are like rubber now, but I'm better. I did have some anti-anxiety pills I could take when an attack hit years ago. They were like an automatic thing. I tore the cabinet apart looking for them but they're all gone. I managed to make it through without them.
I think part of it was that I've been stuck in the house for almost 3 days, it's cloudy and I was getting a little claustrophobic. I think I'll be better tomorrow when I get back to work. Having a purpose/ working/ doing something other than walking around shaking really helps.
Thank you all for being here and giving me someone to 'talk' to. It really does help to type this all out. Kinda therapeutic.
Thank you all again for not thinking (or at least admitting) that I'm crazy.
Terry you aren't alone. It really hard to sit here knowing there isn't anything that we can do. I hope that your wife has called for medical back up or that you yourself have. You can't go through this alone. I truly hope you are safe right now and that nothing has happened. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know first hand how utterly terrifying panic attacks are, I just hope you are OK.
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"My darling," she said at last, "are you sure you don't mind being a mouse for the rest of your life?"
"I don't mind at all," I said. "It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like so long as somebody loves you."
ugh. I should apologize for doing this to you all. That was highly unfair of me. Laying that horrible post on you and then taking off. Very unfair and I apologize.
ugh. I should apologize for doing this to you all. That was highly unfair of me. Laying that horrible post on you and then taking off. Very unfair and I apologize.
No apologizing!! This is what friends are for. Friends worry and nothing will change that. I am so glad you are ok. I have sat with my mom through this more often than I can count, its damn scary thing to go through. I would go see your Doc and see if you can get some loresapam to have on hand in the event of an emergency. But Terry you made it through this with meds and god that takes so much strength. You aren't crazy, far from so no need to let that thought cross your mind. Please keep us updated through the evening though, just so we know you are doing good.
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"My darling," she said at last, "are you sure you don't mind being a mouse for the rest of your life?"
"I don't mind at all," I said. "It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like so long as somebody loves you."
apologize for what?!? no apologies are necessary at all! we care a LOT about you!! why don't you and your dad go for a walk? i know you said your legs are kinda rubbery but if your dad's like my nonna he might walk slow- and it'll probably do you some good to get out of the house some. please don't do anything to hurt yourself, please? oh, and don't apologize for coming in here for support!
Haaated iiiit!!! (who knows where THAT comes from???)
That really sucks, Terry. Glad to see you're getting past it, though. Ask Jenny there to read you a story on the phone. I heard she's got a great phone voice.
I feel for you, man. I have struggled with panic attacks for a long time. The first one I remember was at a camp when I was about 15. Up until the last few years, they have been a struggle for me. The bad part for me was that almost nothing made them go away. They would go away, but they pretty much had to run their course.
Definately see the Dr. I know a psycho therapist helped me quite a bit, also.
If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know.
I almost killed myself this morning. Literally.
"I'm growing older but not up. My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck. So let the winds of change blow over my head. I'd rather die while I'm living then live while I'm dead."
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