How To Shower Like a Woman:
>
>Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
>lights and darks.
>
>Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the
>way, cover up any exposed areas.
>
>Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more
>sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
>
>Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide
>loofah and pumice stone.
>
>Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
>
>Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
>
>Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
>
>Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
>
>Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
>
>Rinse conditioner off hair.
>
>Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower.
>
>Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
>
>Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
>
>Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
>
>Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
>
>If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>
>
>How To Shower Like a Man:
>
>Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a
>pile.
>
>Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at
>her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
>
>Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
>
>Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
>
>Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
>
>Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
>
>Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
>
>Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
>
>Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
>
>Rinse off and get out of shower.
>
>Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was
>hanging out of tub the whole time.
>
>Admire wiener size in mirror again.
>
>Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
>
>Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
>
>If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the
>'woo-woo' sound again.
>
>Throw wet towel on bed.
>
>If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this,
>there is something so very wrong with you.
You laugh, I have been accused of that. Well, at least dropping the clothing on the floor and leaving the wet towel on the bed.
The part about women is true. We have this huge medicine cabinet...3 cabinets...and I get one shelf. The rest is full of such crap as "spring flower apricot facial moisturizer with avacado jelee".
Ladies and gentlemen, watch ruth!
All through this film
Ruth has been thinkin’
What can I possibly do
That will amaze everyone?
I think she’s come up with the answer,
Just keep your eye on her!
Frank Zappa circa 1974
thank you
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Working "hard," or the perception of working hard, doesn't really mean anything. Sweating, vomiting, and breathing hard could be a good workout or a tropical disease kicking in.-Dan John
What's up with men leaving wet towel on the bed and clothes all over the floor. All the men I have known in my life does it. GRRR now I am angry!!
Simple. Men can only think of one thing at a time. So we think:
"Take clothes off"
"Get in Shower"
"Dry"
"Take towel off"
"Put next clothing on"
The putting stuff away properly is a detail that most of us forget, its not deliberate. I rarely say "hahah, I'll leave my wet towell on the bed, Mel hates that", infact on my way into the bedroom I often think "got to remember to put my towell away" and yet as if by magic after brecky I head back to the bathroom to brush my teeth and there my towell is on the bed.
I chuck my clothes where ever i dam well please now. I used to habitually put my dirty clothes in the hamper until my girlfriend yelled at me for making all the other clothes in the basket dirty and smelly.
I chuck my clothes where ever i dam well please now. I used to habitually put my dirty clothes in the hamper until my girlfriend yelled at me for making all the other clothes in the basket dirty and smelly.
That doesn't even make sense to me. Aren't the clothes in the hamper supposed to be dirty and smelly?
Hmmmmm, I dunno, gang. My dirty clothes ALWAYS end up sorted by color in any number of the 4 clothes hampers we have in our bathroom and my wet towels always end up being hung back up on the towel rack to dry properly before their next use. That's probably because I ALWAYS make sure that happens. I can't stand having dirty clothes or wet towels laying around. UGH!
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Gifted SmartAss Master Class Graduate
Have you seen the commercial where the woman showers to freshen up and the guy changes his t shirt. It could be worse!
Gobbla, who's to say they aren't lucky neighbors?
Hmmmmm, I dunno, gang. My dirty clothes ALWAYS end up sorted by color in any number of the 4 clothes hampers we have in our bathroom and my wet towels always end up being hung back up on the towel rack to dry properly before their next use. That's probably because I ALWAYS make sure that happens. I can't stand having dirty clothes or wet towels laying around. UGH!
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"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
I can buy a lot of that stuff, but peeing in the shower? C'mon, who does that? Yuck.
__________________
"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
__________________
"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
My wife is pretty tomboyish, but even she has all kinds of stuff in the shower. I was putting all of our "shower stuff" back in there the other night. Mine = soap, shampoo. Hers = 6 or 7 bottles of God-knows-what. Night Blooming Jasmine this, exfoliating that. Then there's stuff all around the tub as well. Three squeeze tubes of something for the feet. Yuck!
Keep in mind gang, I am a little on the "metro" side. I normally do the laundry on the weekends and there are 8 loads for just the 2 of us every week. Jeans/sweatshirts, darks, reds, brights (we don't want the reds bleeding into those brights now do we?), lights, whites, sheets & towels. There are 2 exceptions. The cleaning lady does sheets & towels every other week for me!
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Gifted SmartAss Master Class Graduate
Showering!!
but its tru lol esp the farting thing well ok the weiner woo woo thing too ... plz smile 
I think my boyfriend and I come from a different planet..
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