Hey guys - This is an article by another columnist in my school paper. I think it's a load of man-bashing horse shit, but wanted to get your opinions, as well. The girl who writes it uses a pen name because she puts so many personal details about herself and her freinds in her columns.
Personally, when I read it I get the impression that she just tries WAY to hard to sound like that Carrie chick from Sex in the City (whom she admitted idolizing in a previous article).
When my good friend Abigail told me of her problem last semester I thought that she was making it up at first. She told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because one night as they were about to have sex (in a somewhat primal position...), he took it upon himself to attempt the unthinkable: he tried to enter through the back door.
This disturbing and highly inappropriate scenario ended when she wheeled around and threw his sorry ass out and never spoke to him again. To be sure, I have respect for the women among us who are fans of anal sex, though I have never been interested in it myself. I have heard from my friend Erin that this form of sex is horrible and should never be attempted, but then another friend told me that it is amazing and must be explored.
Regardless, I couldn't help but be alarmed and uncomfortable at the idea of a man attempting that without some kind of verbal permission-slip. This story got me wondering, do many men expect this? And if so, what is their view on that particular situation? I took my question out to lunch the other day and got my answer.
It turns out (according to my sources), that most of the men I spoke with were "horrified" by the tale (of course I had her permission to discuss this, no e-mails please). In fact, they said that none of them could imagine breaching trust in that way.
They claimed that the incident was definitely an isolated one, and that judging the behavior of all men based on a solitary experience of a friend would not be accurate. I said "thank you" for their time and rose to leave. The guys started to talk amongst themselves. Then the truth emerged.
"Wow, did he really do that? Just put it right in? He didn't say anything to her before?" one of them wondered to me. He smiled a bit, and covered his mouth with his sleeve. Turning to one of his friends, he said, "Man can you believe that guy?"
To be sure the statement was one of incredulous admiration, not horrification: he was proud of this nameless fellow that had "gone and done it" without consent. Another guy asked me if she called him again, I told him that no, she was not interested in the vile individual.
He was clearly upset by this remark. "Why," he asked "do women date men who like it (sex) rough, and then they get angry?" I told him that "rough sex" is the sort of thing that you talk about first, and even my friends who are into S&M have code words they use for when they are feeling uncomfortable as they recognize the emotional and physical risks that accompany "rough sex."
The guy threw up his hands and said he didn't understand women.
The final man I spoke to was in the library. He commented that to be honest, he didn't date women who weren't into anal sex. "Why would I want to be with a girl who couldn't give it all up?" he queried. Our conversation ended there.
Is it just me who finds this kind of rationale repulsive and disturbing? If a woman were to insert something into the ass of a man without some form of approval, many men would be frightened, uncomfortable and truly furious. What makes these men feel that a woman is different?
I asked Mr. Marriage this, and he had no answer. He said that maybe men felt that women secretly really wanted something inserted there. I asked him if he would like it if I snuck up behind him and put Old Faithful where the sun doesn't shine. He winced.
This is my point. The ass is an amazing thing in that it is unisexual. We all have one. If a man isn't comfortable with the thought of something being shoved in there, he should NEVER assume that a woman approves either.
I went home that night livid. How could it be acceptable to men to just act on this without some kind of discussion first? Isn't honesty and openness important to them? I knew that to be fair to men, I had to try my best not to generalize and remember that there is a whole world of men who may have other opinions and would never consider doing this sort of thing without consent. I just can't help but feel sorry for the next girl that sick freak dates.
Well, the main problem with the article is that she jumps on and off the initial subject. First, she (rightly) bashes the guy who just tried to stick it in without asking. But then she starts assuming things based on facial expressions. Ever hear of nervous laughter? People often giggle at "naughty" things. I know lots of guys who smile and get pumped when they see their heroes on TV shooting people... and these guys would NEVER kill somebody.
Next, she veers off the path by knocking the guy who said he wouldn't date somebody who wasn't into anal. Ok. Did this guy say he would FORCE it on the girl? No. Did he approve of the guy who tried? No. Does this guy ask his potential girlfriends? Maybe. We don't know because she didn't say. This guy may be strangely picky, but that doesn't mean he's wrong. He's waiting for the right gal that will be into it. That's HARDLY the same thing as trying to force it on somebody.
So lots of guys want to try anal. Lots of guys want blowjobs and vaginal sex too. Doesn't mean they're FORCING it on anybody... or approve of it.
And unfortunately, RH, that's how all of her articles are. All over the place, scatter-brained with no direction, and often no real point. At least she drew a conclusion in this one - more than I can say for most of her articles!
I agree though - while it may be a bit extreme to refuse to date women who won't have anal sex, how does that make him a bad person?? It's basically just a piece of man-bashing garbage.
first saying that it is "unthinkable".. then that she has "respect for the women among us who are fans of anal sex" and then having no idea that there can be other forms of communication or priliminaries to anal sex than " some kind of verbal permission-slip."
I see it as Man-bashing as well..
the only good point she made is that if a man doesn't like that kind of stuff done to him.. then he should realize that some women don't either.
I would also be very suspicious of her "interviewing" style. I'm thinking that her negative attitude often elicits defensively macho responses from most guys.
I've actually met and spoken with her before. She's very... opinionated(?) - I wouldn't be surprised if she almost led people to the answers she wanted to hear.
Definitely yes on the sex in the city style it could be a show monologue!
be surprised if she actualy interviews any but yeh Kuri that is an ace idea (as is your new avatar btw) how about getting an interview with her boyfriend ha ha ha that would be so funny and a kinda responding article
My school paper is horse shit. I'm often ashamed to admit I write for them, and since I'm not a regular staff member (I write my own articles whenever i feel like as opposed to being paid and assigned stories) I refer to myself as a freelance writer who syndicates to the paper instead. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
There as a letter-to-the-editor just last week, actually, talking about how absolutely retarded the paper is. For example, last week they ran a review of the movie "Crash," which is saw ON VIDEO at least 2.5 months ago! No timeliness what-so-ever.
Not even taking the subject matter into consideration that is an absolutely horribly written article. She used a lot of words to say not much of anything. The stories and the interviews do nothing to help her point because I saw no other point than to wonder out loud if her friend was right to boot the guy out.
That's her style, haha. I remember telling my friend Hillary that I had talked with this that girl, pen-name Janie, real name Leah, who writes this awful articles and loves to use big words cus she thinks it makes her sound smart.
Hillary then tells me that there's this really annoying girl named Leah in one of her classes that uses big words and talks incessantly about sex, and she had just been complaining to a friend about her the same day.
Of course, they're the same person. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
ooh i love college drama!!! This Janie character and myself have been engaged in an email correspondence for the last month - commenting on each others articles. Today I wrote her this email:
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I read your column today, and I understand now why Dave said what he said in his letter. *Dave's letter: The Cigar Sucks* Your writing definately had more direction this time, and you actually drew a conclusion that you logically came to in the course of your article. However, I've come to the conclusion that you're a man-bashing moron, so I'm afraid I'm not really interested in meeting with you to do coffee any time soon. *She had invited me to meet for coffee and discuss some topics she plans to write articles about*
Good luck with the column. Perhaps you should rename it "The Misandrist"?
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To which I received this lovely little email:
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You know something? You are the most arrogant prick I know who owns a computor and I hope you and your sad little self-righteous column have a long and happy life together as I am sure you will never find a partner to put up with your bullshit. Go and Fuck yourself Chris.
Leah
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I don't understand why she's pissed off? [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]
**EDIT**
Of course I can't let well enough alone be! I wrote back:
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If I do find a partner, she better like anal! Do you think your boyfriend would be interested in meeting with me to discuss relationship topics for a future column I plan to write?
You've all heard the rodeo story? Bunch of guys go out and try to pick up. When one does, all the rest race home and hide in the bedroom. Guy who scored starts doing the deed, moves into a doggy position, grabs a hold of her shoulder and calls out "Rodeo!", all his mates leap out and start cheering and carrying on. If the guy can stay on for 8 seconds he wins.
Now when I hear that story I have a chuckle. It doesnt mean I'd do it. It doesnt mean I approve of it. I have a bit of a laugh anyway. Sounds like the author of this article would assume I approve of this kind of behavior, because I found something amusing in the telling of it, even if I tell her I dont approve. She'd be wrong. Thats the leap of conclusion she's made originally here.
She then goes on and somehow ties in the fact that because some men wont go out with a woman who doesnt do anal sex, that means those men approve of someone forcing it on a woman without her approval. I'm not even sure how she manouvered her mind around to that conclusion, but she did.
Are these writing examples typical of Uni level writing in the US, or just searching around for the worst examples?
Well I am an outspoken individual and I feel the need to say this.
I can understand posting this article and asking for opinions on the topic. I can understand analyzing the composition of the article and debating her points.
What I can't understand is the need to talk about people who none of us know, and proceed to gossip about them (gossip is a nice term to describe what is said about these people we do not know). Posting her name that she chooses to protect by pen name is rude, and posting e-mail transpondence to make HER look like a dirtbag--is infact--doing the exact opposite, IMO.
I realize I chose to read this thread and that at any point I can disengage from doing so, leaving well enough alone. I also realize that as university level people (the same people who upon graduation, if they choose to, can join the military as commissioned officers and become my platoon leader), there should be a level of maturity higher than 12th grade. That is why I care.
Maybe before we openly engage in making comments about this person, we should invite them here to defend themselves instead of basing our opinions on one person's view.
I'd apologize for sounding like an asshole if I did, but I won't, because I'm not. I've learned real quick that there is little room for "warm and fuzzy constructive criticism."
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I don't have much to add, except that she sounds pretty anal.
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haha perfect!
Beach - I understand where you're coming from. I also appreciate the very civil manner in which you approached it. I haven't divulged her full name (and in a school of 12,000 undergrads, you'd be hard-pressed to know that "Leah" is any particular Leah you may happen to know), so the penname thing isn't really an issue.
None of us know her, correct. However, anyone who writes in a public forum, myself include, is subject to public opinion, be it constructive criticism of gossip. That's why weirdo's like that Kevin fella can post ridiculous statements about my personal life in his commentaries about my columns on his webblog (http://kzhan.blogspot.com if you have no idea what i'm talking about).
But again, I appreciate what you're saying and do agree that this is insanely childish.
And BJ, this isn't typical of Uni level writing - it's just typical of the morons that they let write for my school paper (and, of course, I'm one of them!)
Actually, between the fact she wrote it for open forum, and the fact Shark sent her an email stating his feelings in no uncertain terms, I'm not sure this really counts as talking behind her back. He did give her a chance to respond.
The name thing, yeah probably should have kept exacts out of it.
i agree with you chris, she DEFINITELY sounds like a "carrie" wannabe. her writing sounds a lot like carrie's (she was a freelance journalist) ugh that show is awful!
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i agree with you chris, she DEFINITELY sounds like a "carrie" wannabe. her writing sounds a lot like carrie's (she was a freelance journalist) ugh that show is awful!
lol i think he meant sex and the city chris lol --- yeah my mom is addicted to all my children- it's amazing, i've grown up with it (going on 22 years) and i'll only catch it once in a while and i know exactly what's going on.
Shark, you kill us. [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]
Today she was watching all my children and I couldn't help but notice that something blew up but the characters managed to get out alive with lots of bruises. I just can't figure why they won't change their torn/dirty clothes for days.
The Cosmopolitan: Truth or Dare? NSFW
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