This is more or less aimed at a college-age, 20-something audience, but hopefully at least some of you will get a good chuckle out of it.
Stuff: The Playlist Problem
The date went great! There’s so much spark you’d think it’s the fourth of July, and she eagerly accepted an invitation to go back to your place to “have a few drinks.” Three martinis and you-forget-how-many playful slaps on the leg later, you’re on your way to the bedroom.
Breath-mint? Check. Candles? Check. Condoms? Check. Check. (Hey, why stop after one?) But don’t forget one of the most important hook-up enhancements – music!
Music is often an after-thought of the hook-up world. You throw on a CD when things start heating up to mask loud noises – for the benefit of your roommates, of course! Or you throw on an old standby to “set the mood.” And while mediocre music won’t make-or-break a hook-up if you’ve got the right moves, it will take something away from all your hard work. So what does your hook-up music say about you?
The R&B Guy
Babyface, Ginuwine, Usher… and Boyz II Men. If these are your hook-up staples than you’re “The R&B Guy.” What’s wrong with being “The R&B Guy?” you might ask. I mean, it’s got everything you need: a mellow, soulful beat; tender, loving lyrics; and a smooth, seductive melody. Funny, that’s what her ex-boyfriend thought, too, when he put on all the same songs to make love to her. Unless you’ve got some weird fetish, I’m sure the last thing you want to do is remind her of an ex.
The Classic Rock Guy
You know what I’m talking about: “Always” and “Bed of Roses,” by Bon Jovi; Aerosmith’s “Angel”; “Everything I do, I do it for you,” by Bryan Adams. What’s wrong with being “The Classic Rock Guy?” you might ask. I mean, it’s got… eh, I’ll spare you the sermon. See: “The R&B Guy.”
The Cliché Guy
Marvin Gaye, Al Green, and Barry White – Let me guess, you pull out the scented candles and massage oil every time, too? Ever seen Van Wilder? Remember what happened to Taj? Sure, cheesy romance is great, but pull this rabbit out of your hat too often and soon enough it’ll lose its mystique – and she’ll start looking for another magician.
The Hip-Hop Guy
Look, I love Jay-Z and DMX as much as the next guy. Sometimes, it’s just what you need to get you pumped up, and when you’re in the mood to get a little rough, maybe that’s what you need. But blasting “Big Pimpin’” the first time you hit the sheets is a sure-fire way to get labeled a player. If that’s what you’re going for though, well, “it’s all good, it’s all right…”
The Techno Guy
I’m not really a techno fan, so I’m a bit hesitant to make any hard-line statements about it. I have friends who swear that sex to electronica rivals no other. I pray to God they’re not talking about DJ Sammy style techno, though. Techno is for white people who don’t know how to dance. I’d imagine that in the sack, it’s also for white people who have no natural rhythm. You get my drift…
What you should listen to
So what should you have on your hook-up playlist? Actually, any and all of the above… sort of. The problem with all of the aforementioned categories (minus “The Techno Guy”) is that they’re all cliché, predictable, and implicative. Whatever your style is, go ahead and use that kind of music. But rather than use the traditional, stock-in-trade songs, throw in some more obscure stuff.
This has a few advantages. First, you’re a lot less likely to remind her of her ex (again, unless you’re into that sort of thing). Second, you avoid the “you’re-not-that-good-in-bed-and/or-I-have-ADD-and-get-easily-distracted-so-I’m-going-to-sing-along-to-the-music” problem (For the record, any time this has happened to me, I’ve been the one doing the singing).
Instead of “I’ll Make Love to You,” by Boyz II Men, include Alicia Key’s “Diary.” Don’t listen to LL’s “Doing It” – try “All Night Long” by Bryan McKnight, featuring Nelly. “The Cliché Guy” and “The Classic Rock Guy” might find this a bit more difficult, but if that’s the music you really like, then you should be able to find some more obscure selections.
So what about “The Techno Guy?” All is not lost! Scrap your TJ Tiesto CD and opt for some mellow, jazzy house music instead. Dig around Amazon or iTunes for some good selections.
Now that you’ve got an awesome playlist, there’s only one thing left to do: Make sure you’ve got the moves to match!
One of those "talk about it with your buddies in college only" ideas we always had:
Playlist:
1 - some Boys II Men (set the mood)
2 - some Barry White song (funny but still sexy, loosens things up)
3 - some light but favorite song of hers (kissing gets heavy here)
4-7 - generic popular radio love songs... doesn't matter much cause you're really getting into it now
8 - light hip-hop with a steady beat - it's on!!!
9 - Dismember's "Skin Her Alive" - this is when you pull out the digital camera from under the covers and get a quick pic of her face when she first hears, "Skin her fucking alive!" screamed in Swedish-laden English.
10 - NOW you play "Big Pimpin" in the background as you're emailing the pic to your friends for a big laugh!
Not 20-something, but that was great Shark. I face the same problem creating playlists for the spin classes I teach. Depending on the gym and the time of class, I have to pick music for the group that will be there. So, for the country club with 40-60 year olds, no rap, no swearing, no Rob Zombie (all of which I use in other settings), but put in some 'oldies' and even some opera ("Time to Say Goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman is a natural climbing song!). The music I pick has to go along with the routine I am working in class (kinda like a date, I guess) and has to motivate (kinda like a date, I guess) and be rhythmic (kinda like some dates, I guess). [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
RH - That's brilliant! I've actually used "Let's get it on" in a playlist before and started laughing when it came on!
[img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]
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1. Let her make up a playlist while you get the drinks.
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"I'll get the drinks. What would you like?"
"Ooo! What do you have?"
"I've got green tea, water and MetRx BerryBlast Night Blend."
"Oh God, you're soooo hot!"
"I know, baby. I know."
Sorry Nick! I'm writing for the Northeast! We're not country fans up here, and I just started listening within the last month, so I'm not familiar enough with it yet. Also, it's all cheesy anyways, so what's the difference? [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]
Shark, Bossa Nova is a style of music. "New thing" literally. There is the older acoustic Bossa such as "Girl from Ipanema" (I would suggest others though such as Joao Gilberto & Vinicius Cantuaria).
There are also some electronic-influenced artists such as Bebel Gilberto and Suba that are perfect for your purposes.
Never hurts to have some more moves in your repertoire yeah? Keep surprising 'em.
Oh, classic DK. And to tie this together Bebel Gilberto's tour manager (when I worked with her) was the original bassist in legendary punk outfit Stiff Little Fingers.
Fine, the great Ninja will make a country playlist.
Track 1: The One- Gary Allan
Track 2: You Can't Hide Beautiful- Aaron Lines
Track 3: I Melt- Rascal Flatts
Track 4 (Only if it is raining): There's Something Sexy About the Rain- Kenny Chesney (One of my favorite songs)
Track 5: Save a Horse Ride A Cowboy- Big and Rich. This should get the message across.
Track 6: 99.9% Sure (I've Never Been Here Before)- Brian McComas. Because one of the mainstays of a relationship is honesty, you don't want to lie to her on the important night do you?
Track 7: Rock My World (Little Country Girl)- Brooks and Dunn. If you relate to track 6, your world was rocked before you got to track 2, but she needs to know anyway.
Track 8: I Breathe In, I Breathe Out: Chris Cagle. You know, to help with the pacing.
Track 9: Wrinkles- Diamond Rio. You need to tell her that those wrinkles ain't nothing to be scared of.
Track 10: What Was I Thinking- Dierks Bentley. What were you thinking? She has wrinkles!
Track 11: Ode de Toilet- Brad Paisley. Odds are that one of you is going to have to use the bathroom after you do the deed, and this song will express how you really feel about her.
Track 12: Honkytonk Badonkadonk: Once she knows she has it going on like Donkey Kong, it will be time for round 2.
I could probably make a 10 cd set, but that should get you laid in no time.
Kuri, bossa nova is my turf. I'm surprised that you mentioned some names I thought that only Brazilians would know about. Joao Gilberto kicks ass. Let me see if I can upload some of it.
I can't remember the last time a man used a playlist on me. Does that make me old? Does turning off the TV count as song #1 on a playlist? Shark maybe you should branch out from the traditional radio play music and search some ethnic/world/classical music instead-chances are the girl isn't paying close attention anyway and if she is you'll seem "cultured" cause you aren't listening to radioplaycrap.Nice facial hair by the way. Much better than the classic baby face hat pimpin picture. Damn I need a new avatar.
I uploaded a couple of bossas, open the link and wait until the link is ready to download. The first is Jobim and Sting singing Insensitive and the second is Joao Gilberto. If you can wait to get past the Brazilian part on the beggining the rest is in english.
I'm trying to remember where I've read about this music before. I actually want to say it was "National Geographic Adventure," which periodically ran highlights on internation music. It's brazillian meets jazz, correct?
Stuff: The Playlist Problem
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