Originally posted by gymrat: Does this have significant meaning? You went from being the hunted to being the hunter? Let's not ask the ladies in your life... ha!
What's up Shark???
Insightful, grasshopper.
It comes with my new mantra: mastery of emotion, mastery of self.
As you pointed out, I am striving to shift from hunted to hunter. It's a little something like this (and yes, i'm about to do one of those lame "pour my heart out to my stranger/friends on the internet" things):
Whenever I start a new relationship, I'm always fine. Faux-cocky, confident, funny... after a few weeks, I get kind of emo (aka over-sensitive). I worry. I overanalyze things.
This is a major turn-off, and only works on girls with low self-esteem. Hence: Mastery of emotion, mastery of self.
I may have, in one fell swoop, shattered the roomie thing. I'm in desperate recovery mode right now, which, ironically, entails not being even remotely desperate.
Details forthcoming. Love, prayers, advice, etc. welcome. Sorry for the cryptic nature of this post. Cheers!
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Chris, always be yourself bro and if people don't like it fuck those people...not literally, ha..sorry man. Chris isn't such a bad guy, he should be able to meet some great people and have no problems with forming relationships with people worth a damn. If I thought you were a douche I wouldn't say that stuff, and I think most people here including myself realize your potential to be a really cool guy with a lot to offer. I hope you realize your own potential.
Any good relationship whether it be romantic or with a friend has came naturally without me even planning on it. All that "I'm a ladies man, da PIMP, I be da pipelayah back breakah mack playa!, playa by nature mack by choice!" stuff is funny and I joke about it but on a serious level I consider it all crap. I don't play games or act differently around people (not implying you do, implying a lot of men do around women), this has worked for me.
Be real to yourself, be real to people, find people who are real to you, and then party hard.
Chris is going to be aiiiiight,
Nate
(p.s. ~ As for the getting too emotional too fast and that thing, I used to do that too, google codependency, it may help you out. Nothing to be ashamed of, it takes guts to look into ourselves emotinally, recognize our problems and then grow.)
It's not THAT bad by any stretch. I'm definately myself. I can't really shut that off even if I want to. But like kinda mentioned with the codependency thing, I hit a point and then start to get wrapped up way too much, way too fast. It's not attractive to anyone who has self-esteem.
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used to do that too, google codependency, it may help you out.
well, i did.
I'm very mildly codependent. I did not have a traumatic child-hood (far from it, actually). I do not have unbalanced or damaged parents (well, no more than any human is, really). I'm not addicted to drugs or alcohol.
Just relationships.
I'm literally a relationship addict. weird.
I have a tough time forming meaningful bonds with people, and when I do, I tend to cling to them with all my might. I'm not sure what to do about this.
I had a theory for a while that it was because I was over-nurtered as a child. My family (esp my mom) is really big on being affectionate - LOTS of hugs, I love you's, and cuddling when we were younger. If I got sick when I was a kid, mom would spoon me all night long.
Now, i CRAVE affection, and when I don't get it, I feel rejected. Kinda sick, huh?
Anyways, sorry for doing one of those "personal problem dumps" on the forum. Thanks for reading.
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Not so weird, Shark. After my relationship ended with my daughter's mother I went thruogh counseling and found out that I was addicted to the relationship. I would go back to her anytime she wanted, she she got her twisted kicks off controlling me that way and then would toss me aside again. After four or five times I began to see the pattern. I can't stand the bitch now, but every once in awhile out of the blue I'll think of her and almost feel the need to be with her.
Having a child with her doesn't help either, kind of like an alcoholic who is a bartender.
Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone in the relationship addistion thing.
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“Life is a headlong rush into the unknown. We can hunker down and hope nothing hits us or we can stand tall, lean into the wind and say, 'Bring it on, darlin', and don't be stingy with the jalapeños.'"
Well there is more to codependency than the causes of codependency and it is great to hear you had a loving upbringing, something to be proud of most definitely.
I don't want to analzye you or anything but I'll just use what you typed as an example. Craving affection and needing attention from someone else to make you feel happy = a type of codependency. It's not sick, it may be more common than you think.
It's important to get happiness from within yourself and not rely 100% on it from others in relationships. Relationships are like a supplement to happiness, they shouldn't make or break it. For me a lot of it had to do with being happy with myself and figuring out why I felt I relied on outside things for happiness. Self esteem is a biggie with this. This reminds me of the hard lesson learned that loneliness is not the product of being alone, it's the product of being unhappy with yourself and relying on others to make you happy.
These are my opinions based off experiences only. I have no degree or am an expert in psychology or anything like and do not pretend to be. I do have a lil' experience with it though so I thought I could help maybe atleast a little.
Good luck man and pm or email me anytime,
Nate
Edit: I noticed you said "I'm not sure what to do about this", pm me if you want I may have some things that may help you.
Good luck, Shark (I think I've always called you Shark ... hmmm, mebbe I've got more insight than I think ... ). I hope things work out for you. Life is a journey of self-improvement. You've recognized and are dealing with one of your issues. That shows an emotional maturity beyond your years. Feel free to PM or e-mail any time if I can help out. I'm here for you, man. [img]smile.gif[/img]
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"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
Chris, check your e-mail and/or give me a call 704-701-1005. Nate, more insightful and helpful to me than you can imagine. Helps explain a lot of what I'm dealing with personally. I can't thank you enough right now.
Originally posted by CLT49er: Chris, check your e-mail. Nate, more insightful and helpful to me than you can imagine. Helps explain a lot of what I'm dealing with personally. I can't thank you enough right now.
Glad I could help, pm me if you want a set of listening ears throw some thoughts on anytime, anytime.
Twins - I haven't done anything like that in a few years, fortunately (constantly taking back someone who continues to hurt you).
What I tend to do though, is idealize a woman that I'm attracted to. If she has qualities I like, but then others that I don't, that really should be deal breakers, i ignore them. I convince myself that she'll change as we get closer, or that they'll go away, or maybe that they don't even exist at all.
CTA - did you email me? And if so, where, cus I haven't gotten anything yet
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Originally posted by shark: CTA - did you email me? And if so, where, cus I haven't gotten anything yet
I have no idea what your talking about. Please explain.
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"When he was six, he believed that the moon overhead followed him. By nine, he deciphered the illusion, trading magic for fact, no trade-backs. So this is what it's like to be an adult? If he only knew now what he knew then."
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"When he was six, he believed that the moon overhead followed him. By nine, he deciphered the illusion, trading magic for fact, no trade-backs. So this is what it's like to be an adult? If he only knew now what he knew then."
You might notice when you get attached to someone you throw a huge amount of value onto that person that they often times don't even deserve. You almost, create them to be the person you need, after awhile you convince yourself "holy shit this is the one person in the world who is right for me, finally I've met them, I must have this person to survive, no one is better than this person at this point in time" type thing. People only hold he value you place on them, think about that... So try to be more careful with the amount of value you are throwing onto people, make them earn it.
rather insightful, and yet something that should be obvious, don't you think?
you ever want someone so bad that it hurts? i fucking hate and love that...
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wow. sounds like a rough time for you sharky. I really don't have anything of substance to add. Just also wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and wishing you all the best with your new look on life.
Thanks gymrat, but really guys, don't feed my mellow drama.
It's not a big deal. I need to learn not to be such a bitch, or find a woman who doesn't mind a bit of affection and neediness (i'm sure there are plenty!)
Anyways, thanks again, and keep on pluggin'!
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Renegade HR: Recruit great people. Inspire them to do amazing things. | http://renegadehr.net
"Mellow drama" .... nice play on words. You a writer or something?
__________________
"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
LMAO - you should have taken the credit and run with it ....
__________________
"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right." - Henry Ford
"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss
"Life is no brief candle to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." - George Bernard Shaw
Let's not ask the ladies in your life... ha! 
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