Getting my RANT on!

FishrCutB8 · 06-13-2005, 02:19 PM

Okay! I really don't rant often, so when I do, I tend to think it's warranted. Herewith, my top 10 signs it's time to LEAVE THE FREAKING FAN ON IN THE SINGLE, OFFICE BATHROOM AFTER YOU DROP A DUECE!!!!

10) The paint is peeling off the walls. And the concrete under it, too...

9) You are getting tired guys walking into the bathroom and screaming, My Eyes! MY EYES!!!

8) Someone says "Oh Crap!" and everyone looks at you.

7) Every guy in the office knows what you had for breakfast this morning...and dinner last night.

6) So does everyone in the hallway.

5) We hold it, rather than going in THERE.

4) You pick up the air freshener and it surrenders more quickly than a Frenchman in a German sausage house.

3) People give you one of THESE

2) Guys have been sprinting to the bathroom to get in ahead of you.

1)The guys are referring to you as Dr. Mengele.

It's a little thing, but for the love of God, country and your fellow man, wipe, flush, wash your hands and leave the FREAKING FAN ON!!!!

06-13-2005, 02:40 PM

What about the guy from the floor above you that comes downstairs and blows up the commode? The one upstairs doesn't work? I harbour ill will for that individual as well.

FishrCutB8 · 06-13-2005, 02:52 PM

I hate him too! But, they service people with mental disorders up there, so I am not one to say anything. In my three years here, they have had:
--a guy jump over the desk and stab one of the counselors
--a guy whip out his business in front of two of the women in my office wh were out in the parking lot having a smoke (both have since quit, so I think it might have been a good thing...)
--Another guy was arrested two weeks ago, dragged out in handcuffs by the police while he was screaming at the top of his lungs (I think he was sane when he went in, then used our bathroom...poor bastard).

Bond007 · 06-13-2005, 02:59 PM

LMFAO!!!

When I was working at our northern division, we used to have a guy walk half way across our plant passing 2 other bathrooms to invade the sweet smelling sanctity of our front offices just to "unload". The stench would typically set off the fire alarm and we'd have to evacuate the entire 2nd floor and part of the first floor. It had gotten so bad that we'd actually set up "sentries" between "his" office and the bathroom so we'd be forewarned to at least open the windows, plug up our nostrils, break out the visine and arm ourselves with air freshener! Oh, and guess who wound up pulling the short straw and being the lucky bastard to inform him that he was no longer welcome to use our bathroom???

Yep, you guessed it -- YOURS TRULY!

AND, HIS $#!^ STANK TO HIGH HEAVEN!!!!!!

So, I know exactly how you feel, bro.....

FishrCutB8 · 06-14-2005, 09:39 AM

OMG....that is toooooo funny! How do you get THAT duty...errrrrr, job?

Bond007 · 06-14-2005, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by FishrCutB8:
OMG....that is toooooo funny! How do you get THAT duty...errrrrr, job?

We seriously drew straws. There are some things that I don't joke around about. Of course, I still think that the drawing was rigged. If y'all haven't noticed this about me yet, I can be rather blunt and heartless.

Funny though, I also had the unique pleasure of telling this one grossly overweight person who worked for us that she had a foul body odor -- putrid actually. To the point that if you came within 6 feet of her and caught a whiff, you wouldn't be able to resist the "gag" reflex.

Interesting......perhaps I should ponder this new twist on this conspiracy theory.....

Bond007 · 06-14-2005, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by FishrCutB8:
OMG....that is toooooo funny! How do you get THAT duty...errrrrr, job?

Oh, and by the way, I started the whole conversation of with:

drum roll, please........

"Don't ever let anyone EVER tell you that your sh!t doesn't stink! Cause, honestly, whatever you dropped in that bathroom, must have been fermenting for at least a month!!!"

seriously. Was that too harsh?

FishrCutB8 · 06-14-2005, 10:51 AM

I am ROTFLMAOACMEO! You are killing me--I think people think I have lost my mind...more than usual.

I think you might want to turn it up a notch...people aren't used to the subtleties of your linguistic skills. I'd work on being more direct if I were you.

Bond007 · 06-14-2005, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by FishrCutB8:
I am ROTFLMAOACMEO! You are killing me--I think people think I have lost my mind...more than usual.

I think you might want to turn it up a notch...people aren't used to the subtleties of your linguistic skills. I'd work on being more direct if I were you.

Well, then, you don't want to know what I told the obese woman, then. I think it went over her head......

FishrCutB8 · 06-14-2005, 11:03 AM

I think I NEEEEEEEED to know. Let me drink my water, first, though....

Bond007 · 06-14-2005, 11:15 AM

Ok, here goes nothing....

For starters, others had tried subtlety but failed miserably. So, they sent me in for the kill.

I approached her wearing one of those surgical masks and deposited a bucket of water on her desk that also contained a bar of lye soap and an industrial scrub brush. I said to her:

"Perhaps you should try using this. If you don't know how, the instructions are taped to the bottom of the bucket."

I think she got the picture since she didn't return to work the next day. YIKES!

FishrCutB8 · 06-14-2005, 11:28 AM

OMG....you are unbelievable. Can you be in Pennsylvania next Thursday?

jruck37 · 06-14-2005, 11:35 AM

UNBELIEVABLE...

I'm glad I don't stink, or work with you. So, did the lady start washing/using deodorant/wearing perfume??

This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode with the smelly car. When the B leaves, the O stays.

Bond007 · 06-14-2005, 11:41 AM

Actually, she never returned to work. I kind of felt bad......

.......for about an hour......

.......then, the feeling passed.