Let me start by saying I am a regular at my gym, have been for YEARS (I was even on the pre-opening construction tour). I've been in the "big boys" area for the majority of my time (along with cardio, etc) - never been a big one for the machine area.
And the vast majority of men treat me fine, are at least polite. I've made friends, I've had run-ins every once in a while, but nothing bad... but today's run-in made me think about the whole issue of women and how some men act.
There is one bench that is slightly lower than most of the others, and it has uprights to do bench press. We also have THREE other racks that you can use to bench, and 2 of these were free. I like the bench I picked because it's also nice and stable for step-ups, which is what I was about to start, and hardly anyone uses it since the racks are nicer.
I put all my stuff on the end (log-book, pen, phone, water) under the rack and went to pick up my db's. This idiot guy (wearing a weight-belt for benching, throwing db's down hard onto the ground after each set) came over and said "are you using this?" (DUH!!!) and I said yes. So he picks up a 45# plate and starts to put it on the bar. So I repeated "I'm using this" and he gets all annoyed and starts humphing and complaining, like I have no right to be there because I'm a woman??? He'd NEVER have asked a man, or tried to bully a guy off the bench, ya know?
I tried to point out the TWO other open benches, but he didn't want to hear it and he stormed off to throw db's around even more loudly (I was hoping one would land on his foot, he was slamming them so hard).
But it all made me wonder - do women who lift run into this attitude from men that we don't belong, that we should give up our equipment if they want to take it? I have noticed the "macho" crap is worst around 5pm (I'm almost never there at that time) when the hs kids are in along with the after-work crowd and it's very crowded. But I do run into it other times too - once had a guy refuse to let me work in because he was "in a rush" and couldn't share... while he sat there for 3 minutes between every set.
I know some women, especially beginners, can easily be intimidated. For me, this is my home turf and I get mad and don't back down... But is this common? Do you women run into this crap too - haven't men figured out that we have just as much of a right to the weights as they do?
P.S. This is NOT a dis on ANY of the wonderful men who accept women and would never be rude. It's just a rant about the macho idiots who haven't evolved yet.
What makes you think it had to do with you being a woman? Seems like the guy is just an asshole. Let him go off in a huff and don't spend another second thinking about it. Some people are just assholes.
I too have noticed that the people in the gym during "after work" hours tend to be more annoying...we get a lot of high school/college kids at the Y around that time, and a lot of them don't know what they're doing, or are just plain screwing around. I also see more guys around that time primping and flexing in front of the mirror.
Personally, I go at 6 a.m., and people tend not to screw around that early in the morning. I see the same people on the same days, and have friendly relationships with most of them. I've never had a guy act like I didn't belong. I HAVE been annoyed by an apparent lack of sense on some guys' parts - like, do you really need to do shrugs right in front me doing lunges? Or are you too weak to carry those 60lb dumbbells two feet away so I don't have to look at your sweaty back?
I don't necessarily know if it's a guy/girl thing. I mean, I definitely was intimidated when I first started going to the weight room because of the gender inequity. But nearly all the men I've encountered have been supportive and impressed that I even bother to show up that early. I've even gotten a few compliments on the weight I was lifting, and not in a condescending way at all.
Sounds like that guy was just a jackass. And maybe it's just that we see men as a threat in the weight room because there are SO MANY more of them. It's at least five-to-one when I'm in there. So guess what? There's 5x more of an opportunity for a man to be a dick than a woman.
Don't be afraid to be confrontational. Seems that's how men do it. Women have this whole code about being nice and stuff...but if that happened to me, I'd be really tempted to just be like, "Back the hell off and use another bench, okay?"
It's like dogs, you know? You have to show them they don't scare you. And if they attack, just poke their eyes out.
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"Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths." - Lois Wyse
He'd NEVER have asked a man, or tried to bully a guy off the bench, ya know?
How do you know? Maybe he's just an ass and would be to anyone. Or anyone he perceives as unable to kick his ass.
Some people are just rude, period. Or, they've had bad experience that have turned them into asses making everyone else have a bad experience.
But, usually my standard reply has to do with something they lack. Plus, I like point out how bitchy and childish people are. Things like, "well sheesh, ya didn't need to be such a whiny little bitch about it, just cuz you can't carry your weights all the way over to the other bench" etc. People tend to not like that, though. Truth hurts I guess.
I've never been somewhere in a gym where someone has treated me badly because i'm a woman. I've been plenty of places where people are just generally rude buttholes to everyone around them though. *shrug*
edit:
Now that i think about it though, I don't tend to look like a target. I'm usually the person people think is a total bitch who's royally pissed, or just really concentrating. Maybe a woman who tends to be more .... passive seeming ... catches more flack from people because they think they can get away with it. hmmm...
What makes you think it had to do with you being a woman? Seems like the guy is just an asshole. Let him go off in a huff and don't spend another second thinking about it. Some people are just assholes.
yup. I wouldn't assume it was because you are female or that he wouldn't pull the same crap with a guy.
I typically workout in the morning after dropping my son at preschool and it's 90% women like me at that time. Weekends of course are different, weekends are crowded, and its 50% men too. Yesterday I had my first 'incident', and I've been working out there for a year. I was doing my walking lunges and got a step or two past these two guys who were working out together and I heard one of them say, "Is it cold?" I found this rude in a different sense than what you described above, and it didn't really impede or impair my workout, but still... I was pretty self-conscious after that . And I couldn't really do anything about it either. Bah.
I typically workout in the morning after dropping my son at preschool and it's 90% women like me at that time. Weekends of course are different, weekends are crowded, and its 50% men too. Yesterday I had my first 'incident', and I've been working out there for a year. I was doing my walking lunges and got a step or two past these two guys who were working out together and I heard one of them say, "Is it cold?" I found this rude in a different sense than what you described above, and it didn't really impede or impair my workout, but still... I was pretty self-conscious after that . And I couldn't really do anything about it either. Bah.
Oh my god, totally random, but I found the same thing happened to me when I did lunges. Not someone commenting, but the whole "cold" phenomenon...yeah...I just noticed that the other day. Made me pretty self-conscious. Just another reason to hate lunges!
Someone needs to design an impenetrable sports bra for just this reason.
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"Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths." - Lois Wyse
Nope--all of the guys at my gym have been very nice. I have noticed them watching me, especially when I follow them on the lat pulldown or the seated row and add weight to what they were already pulling (happened yesterday morning--pretty COOL!). I've had several ask if they could work in between sets or if I was using a piece of equipment, but they've always been really nice about it.
Of course, I'm 5'10" with firey red hair. Maybe they just know better than to mess with me. lol
I know some women, especially beginners, can easily be intimidated. For me, this is my home turf and I get mad and don't back down... But is this common? Do you women run into this crap too - haven't men figured out that we have just as much of a right to the weights as they do?
I agree with the other comments that this guys sounds like an a-hole. But I also have to support your feelings because I wonder if he would have tried to intimidate you if you were a guy.
So it's good you stood your ground and refused to be intimidated. The 5pm crowd at my gym is the worst! I have started going late >8pm but I think this is bad for my sleep and I will try to start mornings.
The only thing I would say I've had to raise my eyes at was a guy who decided to help me remove a 45lb plate from the bar at the squat machine. I had already done one myself and he got to the other one before I could get around the bar. I've seen guys help each other de-rack but they seemed to be working out together.
Maybe he was just getting ready to use that rack after you, Botgurl? Or maybe he has an overdeveloped sense of Southern gentleman. You're in Texas, after all.
Maybe he was just getting ready to use that rack after you, Botgurl? Or maybe he has an overdeveloped sense of Southern gentleman. You're in Texas, after all.
Yes I'm thinking he was just being nice, you never know down here . I hadn't yet used the rack and he'd already been at the one next to me.
10 years ago it wouldn't have been strange if some guy was being courteous, but it just doesn't happen as much as it used to. Men opening doors for women still happens here but much less than it used to, unless the woman is HOTTT so the guy can get a peek at her glutes as she goes through the door.
Women envy us, men fear us. At least that's how I see it at the place where LisaC and I work out. It's a community center with a brand new gym facility. The only issue we have had is one older gentleman, who actually works/volunteers there, will park a bench in the only rack and do about 6 sets with at least a 3 minute wait between. He reads the paper for pete's sake during sets! Makes it difficult to even try and squeeze in a set during his rest period. We've had people, women and men alike, ask if we were done with a certain apparatus and when we say no, they are fine with it. I do make a point to tell the person when I'm done with the machine or ball or what-have-you.
I do have to say that I think the mentality at the CC is so vastly different than a Bally's or 24Hour or whatever. I've worked out in those places and to me, those are worst than a singles bar.
__________________ “We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Munchkins home alone - have to be accessible for emergencies... I never "chat" on it at the gym though!
I do think it was at least partly a woman-thing - he didn't try to move anyone else (men) off of any other equipment. I've seen guys try to intimidate women off of equipment at a number of different gyms - it's usually women who are insecure to start with, beginners - and I hate it. I'm pretty short too, so I do find that some jerks are more likely to try stuff with me than with someone taller (or male)...
As for the "is it cold out" - I haven't had comments on it, but it happens to me too - don't know what I'd do if someone was rude enough to comment!!!
Women envy us, men fear us. At least that's how I see it at the place where LisaC and I work out. It's a community center with a brand new gym facility. The only issue we have had is one older gentleman, who actually works/volunteers there, will park a bench in the only rack and do about 6 sets with at least a 3 minute wait between. He reads the paper for pete's sake during sets! Makes it difficult to even try and squeeze in a set during his rest period. We've had people, women and men alike, ask if we were done with a certain apparatus and when we say no, they are fine with it. I do make a point to tell the person when I'm done with the machine or ball or what-have-you.
I do have to say that I think the mentality at the CC is so vastly different than a Bally's or 24Hour or whatever. I've worked out in those places and to me, those are worst than a singles bar.
true - no one really interacts with velogirl and me much at all at the CC. I've actually been a little surprised since we're the only women there with a set plan - and we look so damn silly doing those jackknives!
Since it is such a chill place, I did feel a little snotty hogging the one 65 cm swiss ball when we were doing alternating sets yesterday. This woman came up and asked us about it - I may have invited her to work her sets in with us if she wasn't talking on her damn phone during her workout! Even the really polite guys who totally keep to themselves were staring incredulously!!
Ha, I had one guy who got all upset when I asked to work in with him to do some hanging legs on the roman chair. He complained becuz I was sweaty. I told him I would use my towel and wipe the equipment off between sets so he could keep his pristine little body clean while he was doing calf stretches . . . . sheesh. Otherwise most guys have been great but then I'm not afraid of asking for what I want.
I've never had any issues with that at any gym I've been to. Usually people are pretty nice and considerate, regardless of gender. The only time I can think of someone being rude was when I had my stuff at a lat pull down machine - water bottle and towel on the bench, and I had to run over to grab a dumbbell for the next exercise since it was a superset. Was gone maybe 10 seconds and when I came back, a guy had put my stuff on the floor and was using the machine. I could see that being reasonable to do if someone was gone for a long time, but I certainly wasn't. So I stood 6 inches away and glared right at him while he was on the machine. I never assumed he did that because I was female, just because he was probably a jerk. In contrast, today there was a really nice guy who let me get my last set in on the back extension (our gym has lots of fancy equipment, but only one of those) in between his sets when he saw I was waiting for it. That's definitely more of what I see, people tend to be very considerate.
BTW at my gym, there is a clearly stated rule that DBs aren't to be dropped. So whenever anyone does that, I immediately go up to the desk and complain about it. Not when someone does it once of course, just when it's obvious that they are doing it over and over, like the high school kids the other day who were goofing around. I guess they thought that's what you're supposed to do, in spite of the sign right in their face saying not to. I also complain when people bring in their kids (younger than 12 aren't allowed on the main floor.) Apparently some people think the weight room and cardio equipment is ok for their kids to use as a playground.
Love it! I feel an unspoken camaraderie with any woman who comes into the free weight room. But I also respect the guys who are there just like me, three times a week at 6am. [/quote]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bytsi
As for the "is it cold out" - I haven't had comments on it, but it happens to me too - don't know what I'd do if someone was rude enough to comment!!!
I would say, "Why, does your wiener feel small?" and then give them a sad little pouty face.
Yep. That would probably shut them up.
I find there are lots of guys who will dish it out, but can't take it in return. Especially when harassing women.
Hear that ladies? Just give it right back to them. Or just dangle a thirty-pound dumbbell over their head when they're doing bench presses later..."Oh, am I too weak to hold this? I guess we'll find out."
Hee hee.
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"Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths." - Lois Wyse
Okay, I have to delurk just to say you're my hero. I'm almost hoping someone gives me flak just so I can use this line, except my version will probably be a little bit more...um...blunt. Heh heh.
I agree with the comments about maybe the guy just being a jerk to everyone. In general I feel more negativity between the men in the gym, a little strutting and competition, whereas nobody really pays attention to me. I like that.
You don't happen to work out in Northern VA do you?
I swear you were talking about a guy in my gym who was a total doosh on Friday. He muttered something like 'effing blondes in the gym...doing weird sh#$ with the weights...go back to step class' Whatever. I think he is on too much juice. This is the same guy that was following me around last year asking me if I needed help with things or telling me that I was doing a lift incorrectly- I wasn't. I finally told him that he was creeping me out and to get lost.
I have also experienced the same thing with the 'is it cold in here?' It's very embarassing and if it ever happens again I'm going to say, 'Gee, I don't know, did your di*k shrivel up?'
Sorry if that offends any guys reading this but what gives anyone the right to say stuff like that?
So, without NROL4W you chicks would never have noticed that many men are pigs and asswipes? Chock up another plus for the book!
As to the a-hole wanting to kick you off the bench. He was just an a-hole. Because even if he doesn't think you should be there, that's not a polite way to handle things.
However, it's more likely that he thought you were wasting good space doing that crap on the bench that is meant for benching. If a smaller guy or young kid was doing that stuff there, he'd probably have acted the same way.
From a sheer percentage standpoint, women are likely to run into this stuff more because they seem more likely to do non "bro" lifting activities than guys. Only a small percentage of guys is doing step ups and lunges. A much larger percentage on the women's side.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rixatrix
I would say, "Why, does your wiener feel small?" and then give them a sad little pouty face.
Bytsi, congrats on standing your ground with a bloated douche bag. I hate guys like that.
I've gotten into arguments in the gym on issues related to etiquette (including one bizarre incident I wrote about on these forums, when a woman who was blocking two benches without using either one went ballistic when I asked if I could use one of them). But what you described is in a completely different category. When that guy tried to bully you, he crossed the line from rudeness to pathology.
When you do workouts like the ones in the NROL books in public gyms, especially crowded ones, you're going to have some friction over the gray areas of weight-room etiquette. I confess I once got into a shouting match with a guy because he didn't understand that I was alternating between two exercises -- he made a pointed remark about me not stripping my weights off a Hammer strength machine, I said I was still using the machine, he said something else that escalated the hostility level, and we traded pissed-off remarks for a lot longer than we should have.
So, yeah, shit like that happens to you no matter how many years you've worked out and no matter which gender you happen to be. But, again, there's no place for flat-out intimidation; nobody should ever have to put up with that.
Bysti - I've had similar experiences, I think men in general are just more pushy and aggressive with women because they think they can push us around in general and that we'll defer to them.
I rarely encounter this type of behavior at my branch of NYSC (new york sports clubs) but once a guy came up to me while I was smack in the middle of a set (actually it was mid-lift-- with my ipod on, no less) to ask me something (if I was almost done). This was extremely rude, selfish and unsafe behavior-- never bother someone mid-lift. What a jerk. I doubt he would have done the same thing to a man. Lack of fear of physical violence or confrontation seems to be why men feel they have "carte blanche" to act however they like.
And regarding the "is it cold in here" comment- -that is blatant sexual harassment.
I had a woman yell at me about re-racking my weights when I was in the middle of a super set. When I tried to tell her I wasn't done she then yelled at me I was "hogging" two different pieces of equipment (the squat rack and a flat bench).
The funny thing about it was that it was Sunday mid afternoon and it was me, her, and some older gentlemen lifting in the weight room.
Some people love to just try to piss in your cornflakes if you let them.
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Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
And regarding the "is it cold in here" comment- -that is blatant sexual harassment.
I have to disagree here. 1) it was not in the workplace. 2) They were two [rude] guys talking to each other in a way that another could hear but the remark is double entendre at the worst - not sexual harassment 3) Even if the remark was said directly to another person - as a one time occurrence it is still just a little sexual innuendo and could also be construed as a general "is it cold in here" question.
(sorry for the hijack - but tossing around charges of sexual harassement for all rude behavior is a pet peeve of mine - to me it is like crying wolf where it diminishes the proper and contextual use of the term. )
but that's just MHO.
OTOH - a reference to shrinkage is a great comeback.
Dude, I so can't imagine what size her balls were if she was yelling at you...could she see your arms?!
You're right, though; some people just wake up pissed off and are determined to share the joy with everybody around 'em. I just endeavor to piss them off even more by refusing to let them bug me.
I have to disagree here. 1) it was not in the workplace. 2) They were two [rude] guys talking to each other in a way that another could hear but the remark is double entendre at the worst - not sexual harassment 3) Even if the remark was said directly to another person - as a one time occurrence it is still just a little sexual innuendo and could also be construed as a general "is it cold in here" question.
(sorry for the hijack - but tossing around charges of sexual harassement for all rude behavior is a pet peeve of mine - to me it is like crying wolf where it diminishes the proper and contextual use of the term. )
but that's just MHO.
OTOH - a reference to shrinkage is a great comeback.
I agree and moreover men will make comments towards each other in the gym (or on a basketball court) that they wouldn't make other places. That is the environment. It sounds like some women want men to simultaneously treat them differently and the same as the treat other men. You probably won't get what you want without adopting a more consistent set of expectations.
How men treat women in the weight room
So I repeated "I'm using this" and he gets all annoyed and starts humphing and complaining, like I have no right to be there because I'm a woman??? He'd NEVER have asked a man, or tried to bully a guy off the bench, ya know?
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