Naysayers & support systems

[littlered]

I showed a coworker my NROLW book b/c she recently started working out and she commented on the "manly-looking woman on the cover" and laughed at the subtitle saying "lift like a man, look like a man hahaha". I also have a friend who tells me I'm going to die of a heart attack b/c of my high-protein diet. I realize these mindsets are caused by lack of knowledge, but it's still annoying to hear this stuff and I don't want to sound "preachy" by correcting them (although most of the time I do anyway).

Do you tell a lot of people about your goals? Are there any naysayers in your life? Who is your support system?

I don't have a lot of support b/c I don't really tell a lot of people about my goals. My husband is a huge support though...we support each other and I'm so grateful for that. And of course, people who are on the program...this forum is fabulous! =o)

[missjane]

Here's a good thread talking about this very thing.

OFFICIAL WOMEN'S CHALLENGE: Weekly Motivation etc Thread 6/26

[GinaKina]

My brother laughed at that subtitle on the book too, let's be honest, it could seem silly to someone. I will say I'm surprised anyone thinks that woman looks manly though.

I actually have a fair amount of support. My dad used to lift a lot and is always asking me how I'm doing (and he seems to think I can lift more, which is encouraging), my brother lifts a lot and is always asking me questions, my husband got me into lifting and is hugely supportive, the trainers at my gym are supportive, and I belong to a military spouse forum and the girls on there are supportive also.

The naysayers? There are always going to be people who are misinformed. My best friend told me she doesn't want to lift to get in shape for her wedding because she doesn't want to look even more bulky. We were running when she said this, and I stopped, rolled up my sleeve and flexed, and asked her if it was bulky, and she said, no, it was beautiful...but she still doesn't think that SHE should lift...like I am some freak of nature or something. But I tend to not really tell people who I am close to about the lifting. I told a guy in my class recently because we were talking about veg'ism and getting in protein, and I mentioned that I need more because I lift, and...well I'm pretty tiny, so he just looked at me like I was crazy.

The woman who scoffed at your book is probably just jealous. I know that's the kind of thing that gets said a lot to make people feel better, but I really think it's true here.

[beach_plums]

I've found that most people I talk to about it are skeptical at first. They tend to come around though.

My mom told me not to become too manly. I tried telling her that I don't have enough testosterone for that. She didn't get it. So I told her that she can be the judge when she visits in the summer.

My boyfriend was afraid that I would become bulky, like a man. That was until I pointed out a woman in the gym who was super fit and strong. He liked it, and now is a full supporter. We workout together all the time and he's always interested in my progress and to see what I do next. The front squats/push presses really impressed him. He's more excited about the chip up part than I am, and sets of chin ups is one of my goals!

My sister laughed at my goal to be able to squat my bodyweight. She's starting to come around and is slowly introducing heavier weights into her cardio-heavy workouts.

Let the woman who scoffed sit back and watch your transformation. You'll show her!

[Phaedrus49er]

Ever since I changed shapes from round to, well, not-so-round, my mother constantly nags me about how I "just don't look like her son anymore" (uh, it's called puberty, aging, etc)--good thing we don't talk that much. I obviously can't speak from a female's perspective, but I imagine that women face more scrutiny over exercising, especially when weights are involved since weights are, as some people around you have put it, "manly" (I didn't know inanimate objects possessed gender). Like BP said, shut them up with the results you achieve, and always feel free to vent here. Goodness knows I do

[rixatrix]

I think sometimes people don't even realize when they're being unsupportive. As I see it, here are your options:

1. Ignore them, do your own thing and don't be swayed off track.
2. Be frank, say something like, "Look, this is what I've chosen to do, and I'd love your support, but I don't need your blessing."
3. Be REAL frank, and say something like, "Go #$%& yourself."

Okay, maybe just say that last one in your head. =o)

Honestly? These boards are the biggest form of support for me. My boyfriend is incredibly supportive, but he doesn't share my goals - I have him trained to know that I take most of my "free" meals on the weekend, so he shouldn't tempt me during the week with candy or junk food. He knows I prioritize my workouts and doesn't say things like, "Well couldn't you do that later so we can hang out first?" I've had boyfriends like that, who haven't been as supportive.

And one of the biggest things that keeps me revved and passionate about my goal of being lean, muscular, and functionally strong is showing off. Sort of like, "You think I can't be a strong woman and still be attractive? WATCH THIS."

I try not to preach. But if someone asks about my program, I'll tell them. I don't think you can really change someone's mind when they're not open to new ideas.

[prof41]

You know, I don't talk about it too much, only to people I know are informed and interested in weight lifting.

I figure if people notice improvement and ask me what I've been doing and then I'll say something and they won't be able to scoff, since they have proof (moi) in front of their eyes.

Lets face it, we all bought into the cardio thing, the low-fat diet, low carb diet, whatever. The fitness/diet industry is a bit like fashion...what's trendy, what's in....

So although I really believe in this type of program and in weight lifting, I'm carefull about taking a ''this is the only thing that works'' attitude.

But I do bite my tongue every once in while, when I hear a friend saying she logged 45 min on the treadmill and caught up on her favorite novel at the same time

[nutbar]

Originally Posted by littlered

Do you tell a lot of people about your goals? Are there any naysayers in your life? Who is your support system?

I tell no one (other than the folks here), so no naysayers and no support. Being an antisocial bitch, I've never been the type that wants, let alone needs, a support system anyway.

Originally Posted by prof41

So although I really believe in this type of program and in weight lifting, I'm carefull about taking a ''this is the only thing that works'' attitude.

Exactly.

[marygrace]

Honestly? These boards are the biggest form of support for me. My boyfriend is incredibly supportive, but he doesn't share my goals - I have him trained to know that I take most of my "free" meals on the weekend, so he shouldn't tempt me during the week with candy or junk food.

My thoughts exactly. While my boyfriend definitely supports what I do, he's not really into exercising at all so doesn't really know what any of my accomplishments actually mean, or how to gauge them. That's where this board comes in! Also rix, it took a while before my boyfriend got to understanding that we weren't going to be eating pasta much anymore, and that I wasn't up for downing a pint of soy ice cream with him multiple nights of the week. But now that he gets what I'm doing and has gotten used to it, he looks forward to my weekly treat and we usually plan (and eat) it together.

I think there is a difference between people simply being supportive of what you do and actually being helpful. Most of the people in my life that I've told about this program haven't put me down for it, but they don't know a lot about it and can't offer much else beyond "Sounds good! Good luck!" The great thing about this forum is that it offers constructive criticism and guidance that will help me in furthering my goal.

[maggieandmommy]

I find that I'm pushing my DH because of my progress. He's been doing lots of SS cardio and after I was on NROL4W for a week, he asked me to show him the exercises in the book. He lifted when he was in high school and wrestling and playing football but was afraid to do it now because he doesn't have a spotter (he works out before work). I pointed out that he didn't have to lift that heavy right now and that when he works up to it, he can always get somebody else in the gym to help out.

Now he's working to stay ahead of me so that I'm not lifting more weights than he is! LOL He's got me on squats and DLs so far, but I can do more on all of the other weights. I suspect that'll change fairly quickly, but it's fun to have him to compare with.

My mom is nervous about me lifting since I have arthritis, but I told her the dr said that it would be helpful as long as I'm careful about my form and make sure to get my rest days, etc. in, and now she's excited about it, too. She's already seeing the results after 3 weeks, and it's hard to argue with results, ya know?

[LaraT]

The woman on the cover is hardly manly IMO! My husband is supportive but always saying things like "don't get too bulky or big". When I used to workout at home and bought a pair of 20 lb DB's he just couldn't imagine WHY I would need such HEAVY weights LOL

[Bytsi]

My husband is very supportive, but that's partly because I've spent years educating him about exercise (and nutrition)... I talk to quite a few people about it - but only people at the gym. Since I've worked-out at the same place for close to 10 years, and I also work in a medical-fitness facility, that gives me quite a few people to talk to! I don't find a lack of support from most people - I just find that they aren't necessarily willing (or they don't think they're capable) to work this hard. So they won't see results like these, right?

I do get asked, though, about some of the exercises I'm doing. Especially by people who see me working out and also know what I do for a living... I'm always willing to share my thoughts on workouts, even if they don't take my advice

As for the woman who said the cover model looks like a man - HUH!?!?!?!? She's gorgeous! But if your goal is look like Kate Moss or Paris Hilton, then whatever...

[feralBoy]

Originally Posted by Phaedrus49er

Ever since I changed shapes from round to, well, not-so-round, my mother constantly nags me about how I "just don't look like her son anymore" (uh, it's called puberty, aging, etc)--good thing we don't talk that much.

My mom actually said to me, "you are too young to eat healthy, and workout." I was like, I don't even know how to respond to that. She also thinks going to the gym is "unhealthy." Being from an italian family, i'm expected to be fat, and because i'm not, I have to hear about it constantly. When I told my mom I liked brown rice better than pasta, she almost cried.

[marygrace]

I don't find a lack of support from most people - I just find that they aren't necessarily willing (or they don't think they're capable) to work this hard.

Its funny though, sometimes you can be explaining the program to someone who say, does 45-60 minutes on a cardio machine every day, but then they say NROL4W is too much work. Personally, I think slogging it out on the treadmill every day is a lot MORE work (not to mention less enjoyable) than 3 days of good lifting!

[rixatrix]

Originally Posted by LaraT

The woman on the cover is hardly manly IMO! My husband is supportive but always saying things like "don't get too bulky or big". When I used to workout at home and bought a pair of 20 lb DB's he just couldn't imagine WHY I would need such HEAVY weights LOL

I just leave copies of Oxygen magazine lying around - the cover models are always in bikinis or skimpy workout outfits. And they've got boob implants. I guarantee if your husband thinks you're on your way to looking more like that, there will be NO complaints. And you can work out in peace. =o)

[MuscleMom23]

My daughter 7 yo hates when I read on T nation ( she is not supposed to be looking!) But I had to talk with her about how just a teeny layer of fat makes all the difference and how athletic women look. Now she is all for mommy working out LOL!

The woman onthe cover stirred conversation during a family gathering last weekend. They thought she was too muscular in the shoulder and I said, well, YOU have that! And there were like OOOOooooohhhhhhhh. I do!

But basically I don't say anything to anyone except online because I have failed so many times, they expect me to fail again and it is a real bummer KWIM?

[A H]

I come from a little different outlook i guess. I have always been skinny but have been very stict on my workouts and at points in my life it has become a problem. It would get to the point where I was embarrased to tell people how long I was at the gym.
My boyfriend actually gave me the book becuase he hated the way I worked out. He is actually in a profession that working out and nutrition are the number one things he needs to focus on and so he has heard and read everything and taken all the supplements. He looked at the book and told me this is what I should be doing and he would support me no matter what. Now I am proud and excited to start the program and I like to share with people that I am starting to lift and eat more. My boyfriend and I share ideas on good tasting shakes and he tells me to " go pump some iron" when I talk to him before going to the gym.

He keeps me honest too, if I'm not home from the gym in an hour he is on my case
I expected this from him since he is so support