How can I get everyone to like me for who I am & help me? How can I be normal?
I am made fun of everywhere I go because of my learning disability and now I have trouble trusting everyone. I have not gotten that in college at all (I hardly talk much and plus everyone is grown up and mature), but I have been picked on in K-12 with people backstabbing me, talking about me behind their backs, etc. I have always wished I was never in special ed classes and never knew why I was there. When I got to college, I made the change and got out of the special education program for good because of K-12 experience and it got me so behind and basicially screwed up my learning life. I have always felt like that if I was never in special ed and went to regular classes (my mom has been trying to get me in them since middle school) that I would not be behind, not have the grammar I have now, have confidence in myself, good self esteem, and have good reading comprehension/vocab. I am done with all my general education classes now and I have always used ratemyprofessor.com to get all my teachers that I know I could pass with.
Now that I am done with my general ed, I have no clue what I want to do for a major. I am thinking Psychology or Child Development. I was going to do ART (graphic design), but I am not very good at drawing by hand at all and I am fine on the computer, but not advanced like I see on websites and stuff. I have never won any online contests on this one contest mb that happens every week, so I know that I am not very good. I want to pick a major that will suit me, something I can handle and not struggle to get through. I can study hard for my classes and pass the tests, but once the test is done, my brain forgets mostly all the information and I don't know why that happens. I of course get the basics of the classes I take, but I won't remember definitions or whatever. I am also a visual learner.
On the other hand, people online don't really think I am a real person and make fun of me just like people in person K-12 did and didn't think I was real, which I am a real person. I also go to music boards for my favorite artists and go to concerts and meet people and hang out at the shows. None of them think I am fake or make fun of me because of my learning disability and they see me in person to at shows. Only on exercise or softball boards where we don't know anyone in person are the people who do this to me and I don't know why exercise/sports fans would do this and music fans don't. If I was not real, would I be online right now? would I be posting this topic right now? I never do anything to anybody and I am a type of person that just needs friends that are willing to help me and be there for me. I have met people in my college that I talk to sometimes, but not where I can actually trust and hang out with yet. No one ever invites me anywhere or to any party's or anything. I am always by myself and I have hardly any trust in anyone anymore. I thought the internet would be better, but its the same K-12 kids that think they are adults and are willing to pick on me and make fun of me because of my grammar, reading comprehension, writing, the way I talk, etc.
What advice do you guys have for me? How can I be normal like everyone else? I am afraid that if I trust the wrong person at something, I am going to get screwed up even more (if its exercising or whatever). Is there some pills I can take to be normal and not be like this anymore? I really want to be normal! I am taking an assessment next week at my JC to see what kind of learning disabilities I may have and to see what to do to get rid of it (or mostly all of it) and be normal again without always struggling and worrying all the time.
I am 21 years old by the way and I should be what any other 21 year old should be and know what other 21 year olds should know. I want to be NORMAL!
Hi Mon. I'm certainly not qualified to answer your question: How can I feel normal?
But let me just be one of the first to say I am so sorry for any ugly comments that you were subject to throughout you life in K-12. Children can be brutally cruel at times. So it is understandable that you may need some support getting past the feelings you have.
I think it is very courageous that you are not afraid to ask for help.
I also want to congratulate you on the tone of your post as well as the good job you did in expressing yourself. I have to say you expressed yourself better than many I have read on the boards.
Asking for help to feel better is the right thing to do. If you are not seeing a psychologist you may need to in order to wade through the feelings you are dealing with. In that regard, you are perfectly normal Mon. Every one of us have "baggage" in our hearts but most of us do not deal with it at all. We carry it around and it colors our response to the world around us. So you are better and smarter than most for seeking to improve. I'd say you are better than normal in that regard.
There will always be cruel people who say ugly things. It's just a fact of life. We all have to find a way to focus on the words and encouragement of those who are positive and loving towards us. Feed the good part of yourself.
May you find the peace you seek. Best wishes to you friend.
While I doubt I have the answer to any of your questions here are just a few of my thoughts on some of them.
Quote:
How can I be normal like everyone else?
Normal is boring, and why you may think you want to be like everyone else if that is not you then you most likely won't be happy with the change. Just be yourself and eventually you will fall into a group of people who appreciate you for who you are.
Quote:
I also go to music boards for my favorite artists and go to concerts and meet people and hang out at the shows. None of them think I am fake or make fun of me because of my learning disability and they see me in person to at shows.
I have found that artsy people tend to more accepting of people because of their own differences. These are people that have often been ridiculed because of their creative nature so they see the differences in people as interesting and not bizzare.
Quote:
I have met people in my college that I talk to sometimes, but not where I can actually trust and hang out with yet. No one ever invites me anywhere or to any party's or anything. I am always by myself and I have hardly any trust in anyone anymore.
Trust takes time and that goes both ways, your past bad expierences with people may be making you less open then you need to be with others to make true friends. Give the people that you get along with a chace to get to know who you really are and some (maybe not all) of them will surprise you and most likely will make a few good solid trustworthy friends.
Good Luck and keep posting so we know how you are doing.
__________________ -50# by 4/1/10 2 down 48 to go.
Then go get real help instead of ignoring the advice given to you. Pretty soon you will start getting the same responses to your posts that you get on softballfans.com. Enough already. Go get some professionla help. You dont need to try to find acceptance in a forum. The longer you keep this up the longer you will not make the changes you so truly need. Good luck, and follow through on the advice given to you for once. It will make your life so much better.
You need to seek professional help in person from a psychiatrist or psychologist. Do not go looking for help on a message board.
I was talking to my parents about this last night and they keep telling me that it will cost 100 or 200 bucks to see someone and blah blah blah. They keep talking about money and stuff. I don't think it even cost that much to even see a psychiatrist or psychologist. My parents keep putting money before everything and I hate it
While I doubt I have the answer to any of your questions here are just a few of my thoughts on some of them.
Normal is boring, and why you may think you want to be like everyone else if that is not you then you most likely won't be happy with the change. Just be yourself and eventually you will fall into a group of people who appreciate you for who you are.
I have found that artsy people tend to more accepting of people because of their own differences. These are people that have often been ridiculed because of their creative nature so they see the differences in people as interesting and not bizzare.
Trust takes time and that goes both ways, your past bad expierences with people may be making you less open then you need to be with others to make true friends. Give the people that you get along with a chace to get to know who you really are and some (maybe not all) of them will surprise you and most likely will make a few good solid trustworthy friends.
Good Luck and keep posting so we know how you are doing.
Thanks. I do have a hard time communicating with people and things. I can have a convo with someone and than a few min later, I run out of things to talk about and we become quiet.
Then go get real help instead of ignoring the advice given to you. Pretty soon you will start getting the same responses to your posts that you get on softballfans.com. Enough already. Go get some professionla help. You dont need to try to find acceptance in a forum. The longer you keep this up the longer you will not make the changes you so truly need. Good luck, and follow through on the advice given to you for once. It will make your life so much better.
I don't ignore advice given to me and I don't think anyone ignores advice given to them. First of all, its always better "SAID THAN DONE". Second of all, its not easy. Third of all, things take time. I always tell my mom to stop smoking because its bad and stuff, but its better said than done. I finally got her to think of a goal and her goal is at the end of this month to quit. I do not think its hard to quit smoking at all and I think its easy. It's all psychological. Everythings always better said than done is what I am trying to explain here.
Hi Mon. I'm certainly not qualified to answer your question: How can I feel normal?
But let me just be one of the first to say I am so sorry for any ugly comments that you were subject to throughout you life in K-12. Children can be brutally cruel at times. So it is understandable that you may need some support getting past the feelings you have.
I think it is very courageous that you are not afraid to ask for help.
I also want to congratulate you on the tone of your post as well as the good job you did in expressing yourself. I have to say you expressed yourself better than many I have read on the boards.
Asking for help to feel better is the right thing to do. If you are not seeing a psychologist you may need to in order to wade through the feelings you are dealing with. In that regard, you are perfectly normal Mon. Every one of us have "baggage" in our hearts but most of us do not deal with it at all. We carry it around and it colors our response to the world around us. So you are better and smarter than most for seeking to improve. I'd say you are better than normal in that regard.
There will always be cruel people who say ugly things. It's just a fact of life. We all have to find a way to focus on the words and encouragement of those who are positive and loving towards us. Feed the good part of yourself.
May you find the peace you seek. Best wishes to you friend.
I really want to see a psychologist, but the first thing that comes to my parents mind is "money, money money,". Money is not important when it comes to something like this!
I really want to see a psychologist, but the first thing that comes to my parents mind is "money, money money,". Money is not important when it comes to something like this!
How much would it be (usually parents have to pay for some of it like when I see the chiropractor, its 50 bucks each session, but insurance only pays 30 of it and we have to pay 20 (when insurance ask us to pay whenever its time to pay the insurance bills) and how can I convince them I really need help?
How much would it be (usually parents have to pay for some of it like when I see the chiropractor, its 50 bucks each session, but insurance only pays 30 of it and we have to pay 20 (when insurance ask us to pay whenever its time to pay the insurance bills) and how can I convince them I really need help?
You are an adult now. Start making your own decisions. Maybe your parents should not be a part of the decision making. Go see a school counselor maybe they can get you started. Get help stop making excuses.
I am not making any excuses and when it comes to money, it has to be my parents being apart of the decision making because I do not have a job yet (I also don't have the confidence and such). It's my parents making the excuses saying that I am fine and that I just need confidence in myself, and everything else. When I do have confidence in myself, everything ends up going wrong. If I got help a long time ago, I would not be in this situation now. My parents don't understand my pain.
Monica, you need to talk to someone face to face about this. Like the counselor at your school. Rehashing this sort of thing on the internet isn't going to get you where you need to be.
I know, but I am more comfortable talking on the internet than in person because I am not using my voice and I am more open online than offline. Online, I have time to think. Offline, I don't really have much time to think and I forget to say things. My mind works better on the computer.
I know...I will get a job. I am waiting to see on softball yet to see what my schedule would be before I apply for a job. I'll find out after Thursday. I want to work at school.
I know, but I am more comfortable talking on the internet than in person because I am not using my voice and I am more open online than offline. Online, I have time to think. Offline, I don't really have much time to think and I forget to say things. My mind works better on the computer.
No, I think you're more comfortable because the internet grants anonymity. You're there, we're here, we've never met and and probably never will so it's easy to be more open because there is less chance of anything coming back to you.
You definitely need to talk to someone. If you have insurance, use it!
I say forget the softball. Work on your life first. Life issues MUST ALWAYS take precedence.
Softball is a game that lasts nine innings, life is the real thing lasting, well, your whole life. Focus on that and that only for now. Remember what I said, start with the mind, then the heart, then the body, then your home and on and on...work from the inside out.
Thanks; however, I can't forget softball right now because I have tried too hard to get this far. I am 21 and in a few years (if I actually stop practicing and such), I will lose my speed and everything. I played basketball in 9th grade and was really good (at 3 pointers mainly), but because of my disability or whatever I had a hard time remembering all the plays I needed to remember, so I stopped. I only played freshman year. After a while of not playing basketball and just shooting around for fun sometimes, I lost my skill I was at in 9th grade. For Softball I am in tryouts right now (will find out Thurs if I make it or not) and when it was winter break (I tried out all fall and then there was an invite back for 2nd set of tryouts that is going on now), the only live pitching I was able to do was my mom's slow pitching. I did not really go to the batting cages (I dont like the cages balls much and have to use a diff bat) and then when the 2nd set of tryouts started up again and we were tested against live pitching one practice (so far only one practice for hitting), I could not judge the pitches right and such. I don't know why my brain is like that. Its like if I do not continue everything and if I take even 2 weeks off from something, the timing suffers. When I have not done something in a while if its a sport or at school, its like "what do I do? what happened to my skill?" "didn't I learn this in class and should remember it"? etc.
I am taking 2 psychology classes next semester because I am thinking about majoring in psychology (trying to see if there is something other than graphic design I can do because I cannot draw well and I do not want to spend all the time on the computer). I don't think I ever told anyone that yet and I was not thinking about school classes until now. I am done with my GE and am figuring out what I want to do with life. Psychology classes will help me with my self esteem, confidence, and such, but it may not be the right major for me. I need it though to help me. Its a cheaper way of taking the classes and I can always talk to the teachers after class or doing office hours.
The Psychology classes I am taking are....
"Sports Psychology" and "Effective Living"
I am not just taking it just to decide on my major; however, I am also taking it hoping it will help me get going with my life, encourage me, help me, and such. I may change my classes closer to feb when I find out Thursday on what is happening with Softball if I make it or not to more the evening so I can work during the day.
Do you know why after even 1 week-2 weeks of not doing something (at least wanting to take a break), my body acts like it has not done something in a long time. I really don't know why thats happening. It's hard for me to get better at anything if I don't practice over and over and stick to it. If I stop doing something for 1-2 weeks or even a month, its like I am back to where I started from.
I know that if I stop softball and take a break from it, then I will lose everything I tried hard to get this far. Last year in softball, I did not even make it to the 2nd set of tryouts and the cutting was at the end of the semester. The year before that, I did not even make it more than a week without being cut. This year I made it to the second set of tryouts. I am hoping to at least redshirt this year (I just want to be apart of the team and continue practicing and I don't really care about playing the games this year because I know people are still better than me). I am hoping next year (my final year at JC and hoping I have my for sure major and everything) that I make the team and play. I cannot give up for all I worked hard for. It's like I wasted my time doing all this practicing and everything for nothing.
Monica - See your school councilor. Type up what you want to say if you need to. You certainly articulate well on paper.
Again..I am not qualified to offer real advice..but what IF there was a chemical imbalance or something causing some of your issues? What IF a psychologist could help you feel "more normal"? Would you talk to you councilor and seek help?
Sometimes parents can be really afraid of "psychologists" messing up their children and will avoid getting any help even when it really is needed. My wife wanted to see a psychologist specifically hoping to put my son on meds. She thought he was ADD..on the other hand I thought he was a normal 9 year old boy and was deathly afraid of any meds being put into my sons body affecting his brain, etc. I still stand by that decision. He is 13 now and, outside of being too caught up in video games and friends, he is a pretty good kid doing okay.
But you are much older. You should take the initiative to do what is right for you. If you speak to a councilor you may find help that is low to no cost..but you wont know without asking.
That's what the councilor is there for. Just start by saying.."I need help" That will get their attention. Good luck Monica.
Thanks. do you think taking these 2 psychology classes I am taking in the spring semester will help?
Sure if you plan on continuing to self diagnose yourself, like you do with your training. I.E. getting rid of your trainer after like 3 sessions "because he couldnt teach me anything". Again I think this is part of your problem, you are looking only to yourself, instead of learning to trust someone qualified. I really dont think you should take the classes. I think it will make you "thinK' you have this or that disorder. Maybe after you get some real help the classes would help you understand more about what is going on.
I never had a trainer before and I do trust qualified people, but the only qualified people I have talked to are ones online that cannot see me in person. I do trust the ones on this board, just not on the softball one. If I had the money, I would defiantly see one in person. It seems like its easier to find one around online than find one around in person.
What I need to do is stop being lazy and get motivated and go to my school (even though I am taking no classes this winter semester until the spring) and see if they have any testing I can take and talk to a counsolor to get help. I also need to go back to church.
It's all better said than done though. I say I am going to do something, but then the lazy part of me stops me. Taking classes is what motivates me to do something. When I am at home and have no registered classes or whatever, I don't go to school and I get lazy. I have dumbbells and barbells and high cable at home and I can workout at home until gym opens in the spring semester again, but I get lazy. I am so lazy at home and I am trying to figure out how to get rid of the lazyness
]I never had a trainer before[/b] and I do trust qualified people, but the only qualified people I have talked to are ones online that cannot see me in person. I do trust the ones on this board, just not on the softball one. If I had the money, I would defiantly see one in person. It seems like its easier to find one around online than find one around in person.
What I need to do is stop being lazy and get motivated and go to my school (even though I am taking no classes this winter semester until the spring) and see if they have any testing I can take and talk to a counsolor to get help. I also need to go back to church.
It's all better said than done though. I say I am going to do something, but then the lazy part of me stops me. Taking classes is what motivates me to do something. When I am at home and have no registered classes or whatever, I don't go to school and I get lazy. I have dumbbells and barbells and high cable at home and I can workout at home until gym opens in the spring semester again, but I get lazy. I am so lazy at home and I am trying to figure out how to get rid of the lazyness
If you really want help and support stop the lies. Your posts from SBFS
we do that at velocity sports performance and I am starting to get pretty good at the lateral slide training. I can go at a good speed back and forth.
I learned the hip power at velocity sports performance.
went to velocity sports performance
Heres another.
today did workout at velocity sports performance..
we worked on back pedel and crossover step together (focusing on an object) and then use the crossover step to sprint.
also for the weightroom part..we did a circuit (2 times around)
10 of each...
altnernating lunge
alternating split squats
push ups
v-ups
chest pass (women used the 3kilos ball)
back extension
facing opposite of the wall overhead pass
facing the wall overhead pass
I love that place...a lot of awesome explosive stuff=)
C'mon if you want help at least begin by being honest.
I am not lying because velocity sports performance is group training and not 1 on 1 training unless you have a lots of money. its expensive there. Velocity Sports Performance is group training between 5-10 people per trainer. No one works by themselves. That's why I said I never saw a personal trainer before. A Personal Trainer is 1 on 1. Also at velocity spots performance, my parents never wanted to pay an extra 100 to get a full body exam like I wanted...so I never got a 1 on 1 there. My parents put money first before anything.
Noone is normal. People just pretend at it. People act on the outside the way they think they should and society tells them to. There is no such thing as normal. There's just being yourself or not.
Lazy is cured by just getting up and doing whatever needs to be done. The more you tell yourself you're lazy, the more you believe you're lazy, and the lazier you are. Just do. Not "motivated"? Too bad. Do. Just get up, walk out the door, and do what needs to be done. Life isn't lived, nothing is accomplished, while you sit on you ass. That goes for everything. Anything you want to do has to actually have you DOING it.
Do what you can do to get the help and information you need. It's your responsibility to take care of yourself. If you don't receive help or money or support or whatever from your parents, oh well. Do what you can do to help yourself. At 21, unless you're lucky enough to have parents with enough cash and time and energy to devote to you, you're on your own. Whether or not you live with them. So regardless of what you think their reasoning for not doing what you want them to do to help you is, the point is that they're not and you need to take care of yourself.
So go and grab your life. If you think something is holding you back, do what you can to fix it. In the end, the only thing that holds us back are our own selves... our fears, our doubts, our negativity, our laziness... great feats are not accomplished by those that sit on their ass and complain that people aren't doing shit for them.
(I'm not trying to be mean or sound nasty... I'm simply saying that you DO have the power to change your own life... so take control and live it.)
Thanks Aiofe. Good advice! We had softball practice today in the basketball/volleyball gym at my school because of the rain, but when I was walking to the gym passing by the health center, it said on the sign that there is free services to see a psychologist, so I am going to sign up to see one for free (have to sign up a week in advance). I am hoping I can write online in microsft word how I feel, things I do and what others think of me, etc...and then print it out and have the psychologist read it and then help me from there. From writing online, I can not forget to say anything, but if I try to actually talk it without even writing it, I will forget a lot of things and freeze.
The more I think about something, the less something will get done and the worse things will get. My butt is flat from sitting all the time, so I need to unflat it somehow as well and not sit on it so much.
Every city has a low income clinic where you can get free or low cost medical help. Make an appointment and ask for a referral for a psychiatrist. Most towns also have low income or low cost counseling centers where you can see a counselor or psychologist. hth -- Toni
From writing online, I can not forget to say anything, but if I try to actually talk it without even writing it, I will forget a lot of things and freeze.
Just so you know, most people are like this. Our brains aren't meant to hold vast amounts of info in short term memory.
When you go to an interview, talk with an attorney or handyman or contractor or sales person or anything, ya write down bullet points before hand that you want to cover. When you give a speech/presentation/whatever you have note cards of what you need to cover.
It's not being slow or stupid, it's completely normal and everyone has to do it. Some people are more or less forgetful, need more or less help and support, but everyone needs something... we're not designed to be able to recall everything about something at a moment's notice.
How can I get everyone to like me for who I am & help me? How can I be normal?
Taking classes is what motivates me to do something. When I am at home and have no registered classes or whatever, I don't go to school and I get lazy. I have dumbbells and barbells and high cable at home and I can workout at home until gym opens in the spring semester again, but I get lazy. I am so lazy at home and I am trying to figure out how to get rid of the lazyness
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