New Habits: The Myth of 21 Days

[Lost Dog]

Warning -- Long, self serving post!

Can you change your habits in 21 days?

I suppose you could, but you probably won't. Turns out this long standing timeframe is just a myth. A myth established by one study done on amputee therapy. So, while we may have one lucky member who can feel confident in a 21 day timeframe to a new habit, the rest of us aren't so lucky. The rest of us have to wonder and worry and struggle to keep on track as we don't eat that delicious thing and, instead, eat that other thing that's a lot less delicious. 21 days was somewhat comforting... despite the repeated failures of our new "habits" after that 3 week time period.

So, what do we do? We want our hold habits gone. I do. I really don't have too many old habits that lean toward the positive side. I used to be fat, so I ate too much and exercised too little. I liked to sit and I still do. Luckily, I like to exercise now. A lot.

I was talking to my best friend about this, just the other day. I really, really like to exercise. When I'm done at the gym, I come home, and I sometimes take a walk or run around the lake. It's fun. I don't want to sit so much. My old habit is gone, replaced by a new one.

Contrast this habit swap for another habit that I'm having more trouble with: Eating. I eat right most of the time. But, when I don't, whoa. Lookout! This is a problem for me. It's not a huge problem, today. But, what about the future?

Right now, I have time to workout a lot. It's balancing out my eating. I've got the math right, apparently. I do not gain. I don't really lose, either. So, today, my lifestyle is working well for me. I get to indulge (or overindulge) periodically, and still maintain this level of leanness.

What if I get hurt or sick? What then? I'll have to eat less and I'll have to eat better. Or, I'll get fat again. A sad realization, but one that's hopefully come early enough for me to do something about it.

Most of you are aware of my "high" weight of five years back. I was 235 pounds. Well, embarrassingly, if you go back twenty years, there was a brief point where I was 275. That's a bit more, huh?

I forget about that period in my life, since it was brief (six months) and a long time ago (stretch marks are forever...), but thinking back to that point scared me. It took a lot of effort to be that heavy, so I don't think I could do that again, but still. I was that heavy once, and never want to be that heavy again.

I wish that the "21 days myth" wasn't a myth. I'd love to go 21 days with perfect eating and feel confident that I'm in like Flynn, but that won't happen. I've gone a lot longer than 21 days without screwing up, and I still screw up, here and there.

So, I look to my biggest lifestyle change, from sedentary to very active, as a good sign. I don't know when it became a habit, it just sort of happened. I need to learn from that habit change to establish a consistent eating style that's maintainable over a very long term.

New habits obviously don't get ingrained overnight, or in 21 days, or maybe not even in a year. It might always be an effort, and I'm okay with that. My new habit might not be unconsciously eating right, but instead might be consciously managing a system to keep my eating on track. I'm not sure yet.

I didn't set out to develop an exercise habit, but here it is. Originally, I forced myself to go to the gym so I could see progress in my body. I did and was constantly motivated by the continued changes that I saw. Along the way, the habit formed. During that time, I also ate virtually perfectly all the time. Why then, and not now? It seems like it was the constant positive changes/reinforcement that I saw in the mirror. Eat right and exercise, and the changes happened. That's not happening so much now. Changes aren't so obvious as I get leaner. Sometimes, weeks of perfect eating changes nothing on the scale or abs. It's frustrating to the point of infuriating. And, that's when I cave to my cravings. I'm also an emotional eater, and sad or lonely leads to no good.

So, it's time to look deep within, to what I want and what I need, and stop using the things that aren't working. Maybe the last two of the six pack won't happen, so time to stop getting ticked about that and heading to the freezer for my kids' ice cream carton.

So, maybe I should have changed my motivational focus to general health or something. I'm not really sure. Lately, I've enjoyed getting my work capacity up. More calisthenics, sprinting, bodyweight exercise. A bigger variety of activities, instead of just weight training.

Maybe "health" or being in better shape or condition is what I can focus on. I'm not sure, and I could use some help. Ideas. Stories about your own focus for motivation. You all inspire me, already. But, it's mostly in the admiration dept. You're good people, by and large, and good friends. If you have ideas, stories, anecdotes, tips, etc., please post away.

I'm sure that most of us have these problems. If we didn't have bad habits, we wouldn't be (or have been) fat, right?

Not that you haven't read enough, but when you have the chance, take a look at this blog entry on the 21 day myth. It's an excellent read, with some solid tips on forming habits. Can You Change Your Habits in 21 Days?

[Victoria]

Thanks for sharing, Roland, great post.

Ugh....I'm loaded with bad habits. I mean, I lead a perfectly highly functioning life, I take care of business, I'm responsible, I have no problem doing the things that are for other people, etc. But it's the habits that would make ME feel better or happier or more entitled that I just can't seem to master. There are several areas of my personal life that I want to focus on and I realized I had to take each one, one at a time. I chose to start with my health and fitness. And, I guess when I feel like I have it mastered, or at least somewhat under control, then I can tackle the next one. That's just how it works for me.

Originally Posted by Lost Dog

It took a lot of effort to be that heavy....

This reminds me of something someone once said to me. My first semester of college....far from home, not wanting to be there...I was taking a sports physiology class and was flunking badly, as was the case with all my other classes. Toward the end of the semester, my professor tried to get through to me, though I was not willing to listen. She said, "You know, it's a lot harder to fail this class than it is to pass." Huh, I had know idea what she was talking about. I was having a blast partying with all my friends, skipping classes, not doing any work of any kind, and she's trying to tell me that THAT was harder than studying and doing the work? It took me several years to realize what she was saying. It's the feeling of failure, disappointment, lack of effort that is the hard part to endure, not the work that breeds success.

I get it now, but that doesn't mean I easily jump up and get to it with these things I want to work on. It's still a struggle. Sometimes it's just plain easier for me to feel bad than do the work, and I don't know why. Heh...I need a lot more than 21 days to change my habits!

[kingkop182]

Very nice read Roland.

It makes me think about changing many small habits which then leads to a lifestyle change - bit by bit. Perhaps the thing many people struggle with (I know I do) is when you are just forming new habits (such as eating right) getting all of the positive reinforcement - fat loss, remarks from friends etc but then get comfortable and slip again.

It's getting so far but then hitting a brick wall - once you burst through then there's no looking back; it may take many attempts to get through however. In the example of eating right I don’t mean cheat meals, moreso cheat meals leading to cheat days, leading to cheat 3-4 days.

[Lost Dog]

For those that might be interested, I've started a thread in the log section.

21 days or ∞: Making New Habits Stick

Join us for the first 21 days of habit forming, but feel free to stick around longer. As long as it takes, right?

[SpacecityPaula]

It's funny you post this Roland, because when I started exercising a year or so ago, I made a commitment to myself to do something for 20 minutes every day for 21 days... It helped get me on the way to moving. Honestly, I'm not sure what really kept me on track despite foot problems. My boyfriend was very encouraging (and still is) with my change in life style. But I've long suspected that it takes way longer than 21 days to change a habit.

If you listen to Dave Ramesy at all, he says it takes 3 months from the time you start working with a budget to get it tweaked to the point where its liveable. So that kind of blows the 21 days right out of the water when it comes to money. I still haven't quite gotten to the point you are at with exercise though. I don't necessarily miss it if I don't do it althought I'm getting there.

[rgv]

I guess from my own perspective the problem was always just that it was a reflection of how I felt about myself. Like you I worked out to see the change and the difference on the scale or in the mirror. Yet at a certain point those progressions take a long time to keep up. It's easy for the first few months, especially when you start from being very overweight. Like you I started at 250 (280 was my max) and the changes came fast and easy (at least in comparison with the other changes). It was enough to eat sort of clean and see the pounds go away. Then I needed to lift heavy. Then I needed to eat real clean. Then I needed to do more cardio. Then I needed to add supplements. At the end of the day it became a little too much for me to handle. I realized that my life was completely run by my health at the expense of my personal life.

So for the last 2-3 months I've been doing more eating out with friends and drinking some more, but still keeping a regular workout regime. Yes I have put on a little bit of weight, but for the moment that isn't my concern. I've also discovered as well that I absoltuely love to cook so while I still cook healthy I don't count the calories or consider the macros as intensely as in the spring. It lets me cook things that taste great, but are still far healthier than what I would find at a restaurant or in a microwave.

I still have my goals for fitness. Since when I first started working out wanted to do a triathlon. It's the sort of thing that I have just always wanted to do. With my groin and foot problems behind me now I suspect that this spring will be the time to do it, but that's in the spring. For now I am just content with lifting some and actually enjoying my state of fitness. Most of the last month I spent moving people (parents, myself, roommates, girlfriend) into their respective houses/apartments and I've realized just how much better condition I am in than the average person. Yet I also realized that I don't really enjoy it as much as I could. So my goal for the fall is to get back into kayaking regularly. In other words, I want to find ways to live an active lifestyle in addition to living a fit life.

I guess my suggestion is to find balance for your life. Yes it is very hard to bring back some of the old habits of eating not perfectly all the time. Going to a restaurant for me is the equivalent of walking a compulsive gambler down the main strip in Vegas and seeing if he has to walk inside to play a few hands. Eating will always be somewhat of an emotional thing for me (and I suspect you as well), but that doesn't mean we should need to be the completely opposite nutrition guy to be happy with our lives.

As for other things to do. I suggest you try a goal that isn't scale or weight lifting related. For me it is doing a triathlon. To get there you need to be fit, not necessary huge or completely cut. Other options though could be flexibility (certainly something most people have problems with), running a marathon, taking a long hiking trip, taking up rock climbing. You've done an amazing job going from unhealthy and overweight to lean and fit. Take some time and enjoy your health by doing some of the things you couldn't have done previously, it just might be that the most progress to be made isn't physical at this point.

p.s. I apologize if this doesn't answer the initial prompt. I think it does (at least the final few comments you made).

[GG300]

LD I totally agree. How can you wipe away a lifetime of bad habits in 21 days. I also lost a bunch of weight and consistently fight with my inner demons to keep most of it off but sometimes they win. The important thing for me is that I never give up, never say "what is the use". I still like to cocktail with my friends and will most likely do so for the rest of my life. The thing is now I balance it out with working out, healthy eating and hopefully some moderation. For me the biggest thing is keeping my head in the game and always setting new goals for the future but taking time to enjoy my accomplishments in the present. Never say Die.

[tkinsley]

I'm in.
My plan: get the foodie part of my life back in place. I do best with one cheat MEAL, max of two, per week. This needs to mean that I eat something I want--not just a little extra oatmeal or what have you. If I want three pieces of pizza and a cookie, cool. But that's it. No cookies later. No chinese take out the next meal. Etc, etc. I like this!

So, I'll repost this in the LL thread I guess, but my goal is 2-3# weight off my keister in 21 days, with 1-2 cheat MEALS per week, and dietary compliance otherwise.

Great timing, Roland. Thanks!


And although I agree that truly changing habits doesn't happen completely in three weeks, it's that building block thing that occurs with one successful day upon the next that really sets the stage for change. When I quit smoking 8 years ago, it was a one day at a time thing... but now it has been years with no desire (after the initial phase) to light a cigarette--and I smoked for 15 YEARS, so it was a hard habit to break.

Tina

[BFG]

there are several issues with the 21 days theory

1) People take it too literaly and if they cant see their mindset or habit broken within that period its way too easy to give up and make excuses

2) Unlike all other aspects of our behaviour we dont break the plan down with 21 days ie I will have achieved this by day 7, sio its this tangible goal with lots of pressure to achieve everything by the end ( a good recipe for disaster in my books)

3) Its a rule of thumb, you cant expect to change some aspects of your behaviour over a small time frame of 21 days some take a life time fo commitment and reserve.

Now dont you go bailing on me for gettin that full on 6er, it just means you need refocus not a new target!

[Chaney Weiner]

The 21 day theory may or may not change habits. It can change instantly if you experience a major traumatic event in your life. Out side of that, there is a lag time. As mentioned in another thread, to change your habits it is the sub conscious mind that needs to be re programmed. In other words, you need to retrain your brain, that has been programmed your entire life and even while your mother was pregnant with you. Since most of us here are in our 20's, 30's, 40's, etc...that is how much programming we have been given. Do you really think repetitive programming that we have been given for that long a time will be undone in 21 days?

Here are some other threads on this topic...

Your Self Image - don't sabotage yourself

Mental Programming

How to Program Your Subconscious Mind

Chaney