Fat & Happy?

[Lost Dog]

This last week, my ex and I were talking. In the conversation, I asked her whether I should shave my head (I'm considering it). When I'd had very short hair, in the past, she would call it my mean hair. Said I looked mean, so she didn't want me to do it. This time, she said to go for it. Obviously, being the ex, it means she doesn't have to see the mean hair, but she said that that's not it. Apparently I just scowled a lot in the past and the shorter the hair the more obvious the scowl. She said I don't scowl anymore.

I do remember that feeling, which has been long gone. When I think back to those days, I'm reminded that I was fat back then, too. Not fat and happy. Fat and sad. Sad about all sorts of things, but I always remember thinking that I would be happy if I just wasn't fat. A sandwich would make me feel better, though...

This week, I've also talked to a friend of mine about this. We compared stories and we both came to the conclusion that the desire to fix our bodies to make ourselves happy always failed. Always. You might do better for a little while, but things mount up and you can't sustain your progress. Too many reasons to quit, so you do.

We both noticed, in retrospect, that the decision to be happy (with ourselves, with our lives, with our bodies, etc.) was the secret our fitness success.

I clearly remember the day that I decided to he happy. It was a conscious decision. In fact, I firmly believe that we can trick ourselves into being happy, just by acting happy. Granted, if you've got issues, get help, but still be and act happy.

We can probably all relate to the vicious circle that occurs when we are sad. Sad lets us wallow. Sad justifies overeating. Sad lets us feel better about skipping the workout to watch some rerun on tv. Sad means that the eating the whole ice cream container is reasonable. Sad can lead to fat. We all get that. And, of course, if we just weren't fat, we'd be happy? Nonsense.

So, try to reverse the vicious circle. Try to be happy and you will be happy, eventually. Stick with it. At the worst, being happy inspires and influences those around you. You want them to be happy, right? Be happy yourself, and spread it around. It will come back to you and help your own mood. Another reverse vicious circle, right there.

The "jolly fat man" is a myth, by and large. There may be some exceptions, but thin people know he's using "jolly" as a cover. He's kidding himself at best. But, get yourself happy and you'll be on the road that you want to be on. Your own little reverse vicious circle.

It's still not all easy. It took me many happy months of counting calories to lose the weight, but I did it. And, you know what? I was hungry, but it WAS easy. I wasn't fighting binges and cravings like I had in every previous diet. But, the diet was no different. No magic. I just wanted it, that time. Still do because I'm still happy.

I remember my calorieking.com days, where I would get messages asking me the secret to "not binging." I had the rep for no binges, I guess. I didn't know what to tell people. I didn't know why. I just didn't binge. Now, I know why. I had decided to be happy.

Here are a couple of thoughts that don't exactly fit in the flow, above.


Dennis Prager

Dennis Prager is the author of Happiness is a Serious Problem. I got my copy at the bookstore. Amazon works, too.

Full disclosure. Dennis is also a somewhat conservative talk show host. Not conservative like your typical conservative talk show host. And, by and large he talks about people issues, not politics. But, he was one key to my decision to being happy. You can download his podcasts at townhall.com. Every Friday, he has a "happiness hour" where he talks about he importance of being and acting happy, for your own sake and the sake of those around you. It's your responsibility.

It's an excellent book.


Depression Medication

Why do people who go on depression meds gain weight? I'm not sure doctors know. My doctor's theory is that depressed people don't usually eat. The wallow. They get better and suddenly they aren't wallowing anymore. Food looks good again. They eat.

Apparently, his fat patients don't gain weight on the meds, but usually they take the meds and then stick to their diet and exercise plans better than before the meds. Paraphrasing, of course.

If you're depressed, you'll have to decide for yourself. I think you get better and then use your new found mental state to be happy and focused on how you can make yourself better.

Will newly awakened taste buds make it more of a challenge? Inconclusive. I think happiness and the desire to succeed trumps the taste buds. Dieting is hard, either way. But, while you may be wishing you could eat the delicious foods, you're also less likely to blow it on a sadness induced binge. Does that even things out?


Happy vs. happy

Be a Happy person, but don't sweat the times when you will still be sad. There are still good reasons to be sad. Even Happy people go to funerals and cry. They just recover and go back to being happy, just sad about the loss. There's a difference. I like to use upper and lower case "H" when I describe the mentality vs the current mood. Yes, even in my head...


Googling "fat and happy."

If you google "fat and happy," you get a bunch of crap. It includes sites that tell you that you can remain fat (and happy) and stay healthy. Perhaps this is true. Personally, I think it's a justification. You may be healthy and fat. Good blood profile, etc. But, you're telling me that you actually WANT to be fat? No? Then why did you click on that link? Move on.

If you're contributing to a philosophy that justifying staying fat and being healthy, you have happiness issues. I notice that you're also contributing attempts to lobby governments to legislate how we treat fat people. Get yourself happy and move on from that website. You're only kidding yourself.

[Ogedei]

Thanks LD. timed very well for me.

[RobLL]

LD - that was really good - lesson for all of us.

[gregl515]

That was excellent for me! I was addicted to being angry and that is part of what made me sick. I could not, or would not, let go of my anger. It led me to depression and affected my health to the extent that medication would not work.

Anger was so addicting that it colored my moral code and my view on life. I became so angry that I could not have normal discussions with certain people and I would get enraged and nauseous at just the thought of dealing with them.

When I got sick, I was able to let go of my anger, because I had to concentrate on getting better and learning to walk. If I had been smart enough to find other important things to concentrate on other than anger, I might never have gotten sick.

[RacerBill]

Nice work linking a lot of things that really needed to be linked.

I think you're dead on. An unhappy person won't become happy just by losing weight. Otherwise, liposuction could be used for therapy. Losing the weight, keeping it off, and remaining motivated are all related to one's outlook on life. And I will say that once you get exercising, it CAN change your outlook on life and the way you feel about yourself.

Re depression medication, I can say when I was on it that it messes with your impulse control. It's very difficult to put into words if you haven't experienced that feeling. The meds didn't affect my weight much at all (this was back in my fat days), but I can see how they can affect someone, especially one who was either too depressed to eat or was so depressed that they were attempting to self-medicate through comfort food.

Greg -- absolutely right. Internalized anger is a (perhaps THE) source of depression.

Thanks for some reflections on a tough topic. I'm going to have to think on this stuff for a while.

[Chris Correia]

Interesting topic. Thanks for getting it going, Roland.

I'll have to reflect more about this. Part of what I'm unsure about is the notion of what defines unhappiness. Insecurity? Feelings of inadequacy? I can relate to those, but I don't necessarily strongly identify those as related to being unhappy, but they certainly can be.

I was a fat kid, and I've been a fat adult. A lot of my previous and current feelings of inadequacy are tied up in that -- though not solely in that.

Something to think about.

[sidonia]

Originally Posted by Lost Dog

Googling "fat and happy."

If you google "fat and happy," you get a bunch of crap. It includes sites that tell you that you can remain fat (and happy) and stay healthy. Perhaps this is true. Personally, I think it's a justification. You may be healthy and fat. Good blood profile, etc. But, you're telling me that you actually WANT to be fat? No? Then why did you click on that link? Move on.

In terms of my own battle with my weight,(female currently 299-300lbs 5'9) I found that my whole life, the extra pounds always held me back. So it directly affected happiness from a physical standpoint then leading to an emotional one.

I wasn't a lazy kid either, not in high school & not in college...I hated the fat & lazy stereotype...and refused to let it be the case with me. I was active & always played sports - swimming, volleyball, softball, soccer...but I was still bigger than everyone else.

In 6th grade they discovered that I was hypothyroid. For those who may not know what it is..it's easier to google it...but the easy version is that it slows down your metabolism, and everything else in your body...an makes it easier to gain weight, and far harder to lose it. I had been told forever that it wasn't my fault, so I continued to eat the way I did, and just got bigger and bigger. Until 2003...when I started doing something about it.

Weighing in at about 345lbs at that point, I was miserable. The funny part is, yes I have lost weight...down to around 299-300...and I am SO much happier. I'm still not small...but I am at this point, "fat & happy" I am mostly at peace with it because I am healthy, no diabetes, low cholesterol, no high blood pressure...etc except for the hypothyroidism. Which is out of my control. And part of the reason that the weight loss is slow...and frustrating.

Going to the gym gave me such a sense of strength, and I guess belonging to a community of "healthy" people that I finally began to feel normal. I stopped feeling like that "fat girl" inside and it made me happy. I love being a strong woman...and showing off my 410lb leg press...and though I would like to continue to lose the weight because I can only imagine I will continue to be happier and happier...I have accepted who I am at this weight...at this point in my life, because if I don't...I'll surely go backwards again!

Ultimately, everyone has to choose their own path to happiness, and figure out what will get them there!!

Thank you for this post...as always your posts are thoughtful and full of insight!

8) Kris

[kingkop182]

LD - that was an excellant read. Your writing has a style that really resonates within me

[RobLL]

Sidonia - nice post and continued success

[diamondpete]

lostdog, your willpower thread linked me over here. While I have never more than about 10 kg overweight, I think there is a lot of wisdom in this post. Now I am not superhappy (and I usually am), primarily because I can exercise/train/do MA/ and the worst, can't even pick up my kids (not even the little 4 year old). It is a temporary thing, but I have been eating like crap, things I almost never eat. I had donuts (I don't even like them, and I don't think I have eaten one in more 3 years), and a bunch of other crap that I don't like.

Basically I have just been letting myself go and eat things for no particular reason other than they were there. Weird- in light of your post perhaps not so weird, but then again I have never, at least consciously used food for solace.

Anyway, an interesting post (well written, too)

[stingo]

I think it's a question of where your horizons are set. when I was in the 300's my ideas about happiness were a lot more circumscribed than they are now. Much like the people in Plato's cave, watching shadows on the wall and thinking the shadows were real. If I recall correctly, the watchers were chained to the cave wall either literally or figuratively - which I feel is my/our preconceptions of how life is and how it should be. One person breaks those chains and gets out of the cave into the light of the real world, and returns to tell the others what he's seen. Sadly the other cave dwellers don't want to hear this and end up killing the guy, so as to preserve their notion of the way things are and ought to be. Why be content with shadows?

[Lost Dog]

Originally Posted by diamondpete

lostdog, your willpower thread linked me over here. While I have never more than about 10 kg overweight, I think there is a lot of wisdom in this post. Now I am not superhappy (and I usually am), primarily because I can exercise/train/do MA/ and the worst, can't even pick up my kids (not even the little 4 year old). It is a temporary thing, but I have been eating like crap, things I almost never eat. I had donuts (I don't even like them, and I don't think I have eaten one in more 3 years), and a bunch of other crap that I don't like.

Basically I have just been letting myself go and eat things for no particular reason other than they were there. Weird- in light of your post perhaps not so weird, but then again I have never, at least consciously used food for solace.

Anyway, an interesting post (well written, too)

Pete, I hope you can pull out of this (and feel physically better, too). I've had some similar feelings lately. A hurt shoulder derailed my workout plans, bummed me out, and I just sort of went half-assed for a bit.

I'm a bit better now, but only because I admitted it and got some support from my friends. They helped me pull out of it.

Originally Posted by stingo

I think it's a question of where your horizons are set. when I was in the 300's my ideas about happiness were a lot more circumscribed than they are now. Much like the people in Plato's cave, watching shadows on the wall and thinking the shadows were real. If I recall correctly, the watchers were chained to the cave wall either literally or figuratively - which I feel is my/our preconceptions of how life is and how it should be. One person breaks those chains and gets out of the cave into the light of the real world, and returns to tell the others what he's seen. Sadly the other cave dwellers don't want to hear this and end up killing the guy, so as to preserve their notion of the way things are and ought to be. Why be content with shadows?

I'll have to read that again. I read it a long time ago, but that was Before Happiness. Some things read and look differently now. I think that's part of the point, right?

[RobLL]

Will power is OK for getting us through the crunch, but long term happiness seems to be the answer. This is somewhat the Declaration/philosophical definition of happiness, which is not so much pleasure as it is satisfaction with what you are doing with your life. It fortunately does bring pleasure when that is possible, but it also brings about the virtues akin to heroism when it is not.

[diamondpete]

Originally Posted by Lost Dog

Pete, I hope you can pull out of this (and feel physically better, too).

Roland,

Thabks, it is not really a serious issue, I am just mildly annoyed by this bump in the road and it makes me lazy on what crap I put in my body. Not a real issue, more a bitch. but that thanks for the concern.

[fengshway]

thanks roland. I experienced a similar realization, and that is when the binge eating stopped. I was not happy with myself 70 pounds ago. but I had to change my mindset first, the weight came off later. it was hard for me to be happy in an overweight body, because I did not spend my teens and twenties overweight.

now in my forties, I am more fit than I was even in my twenties. all of the hard work was worth it. and for me, losing weight was tough. I did it very gradually, because I hate feeling like I am on a diet.

I am struggling a bit with that now in the challenge. part of me wants to go full bore, restrict calories more and really lean out, but I hate that diet feeling.

[stingo]

Originally Posted by fengshway

thanks roland. I experienced a similar realization, and that is when the binge eating stopped. I was not happy with myself 70 pounds ago. but I had to change my mindset first, the weight came off later. it was hard for me to be happy in an overweight body, because I did not spend my teens and twenties overweight.

now in my forties, I am more fit than I was even in my twenties. all of the hard work was worth it. and for me, losing weight was tough. I did it very gradually, because I hate feeling like I am on a diet.

I am struggling a bit with that now in the challenge. part of me wants to go full bore, restrict calories more and really lean out, but I hate that diet feeling.

But that's the thing you won't lean out so much as stunt your progress, because your body won't have enough fuel to do what it needs to do (and repair itself).

[sg516]

LD I have a psych degree. i used to work in a residential facility for adolescents with behavioral and emotional diagnoses. when i read your post it made me think about a lot of the kids i had the most progress with. One of my professors used to always talk about the "doing is being effect." I used to try to instill this in my patients. But very often it is a hurdle that most people can't leap. years of being caught in a cycle of depression is a hard thing to just change. the thing that helped with a lot of them was what the same prof called "the saying is believeing effect" basically you say something enough you can internalize it and from there you can "do" it and then you can "be" it. if that makes sense.

well to get to the point, it worked and you are on the money for the most part. barring serious psychological impairment, or physiological imbalance most people can over come sadness by making the conscious decision to be happy. if i could get a patient to actually start their day and say something like "its going to be a good day" or start their day and say i am going to be happy" and when they met difficulty in the day just say to themselves "i am going to be happy" eventually you would see many of their dispositions improve and eventually it wasnt something they needed to say that often. bc they actually started being happier. of course this is simply anecdotal. i don't know how much evidence based research their is to support this idea but it is somethign that anybody can try.

[misstenacity]

It was all so easy to rationalize the idea that transcended weight levels... and accepted the non-happiness as defacto. This is obviously not the best way to do things.

When:
1) I do not like how I look, or I think that I need a bit of improvement.

...then, why not be skinny and miserable than not skinny? At least you're skinny!

This was/is my not so great thought process. I know others that go the other way - "if I'm going to hate my body, I might as well get to EAT, at the same time."

[RobLL]

Glad you bumped this Miss T, this has been a great thread, I liked rereading it.

[Bytsi]

Just a note: LD mentioned psych meds and weight gain, and that his doctor thinks the weight gain is because depressed people "wallow" and then start to eat again once they feel better...

There is a chemical process associated with anti-depressants that causes the increase in weight - it's not just eating more because they feel happier. Two anti-depressants (wellbutrin and effexor) are not associated with weight gain because they work on a different pathway.

The main cause of the weight gain (particularly with older tricyclic antidepressants) was their histamine binding properties which led to increased appetite. SSRIs (like prozac and paxil) are better, but still have varying degrees of anti-histamine activity (depending on which one you take) which is a direct physical cause of increased appetite and weight gain.

Just FYI - it's not as simple as eating more because you're happier.

[Lost Dog]

Originally Posted by misstenacity

It was all so easy to rationalize the idea that transcended weight levels... and accepted the non-happiness as defacto. This is obviously not the best way to do things.

When:
1) I do not like how I look, or I think that I need a bit of improvement.

...then, why not be skinny and miserable than not skinny? At least you're skinny!

This was/is my not so great thought process. I know others that go the other way - "if I'm going to hate my body, I might as well get to EAT, at the same time."

For a while, I had all sorts of stupid sounding tricks, like putting a note in the fridge. It said something like "Remember how sad you were after the last time you ate too much?" I also had a sad face on the fridge.


Not this one. But about as good.

Originally Posted by Bytsi

Just a note: LD mentioned psych meds and weight gain, and that his doctor thinks the weight gain is because depressed people "wallow" and then start to eat again once they feel better...

There is a chemical process associated with anti-depressants that causes the increase in weight - it's not just eating more because they feel happier. Two anti-depressants (wellbutrin and effexor) are not associated with weight gain because they work on a different pathway.

The main cause of the weight gain (particularly with older tricyclic antidepressants) was their histamine binding properties which led to increased appetite. SSRIs (like prozac and paxil) are better, but still have varying degrees of anti-histamine activity (depending on which one you take) which is a direct physical cause of increased appetite and weight gain.

Just FYI - it's not as simple as eating more because you're happier.

Just to be fair to my doctor... He was simplifying a lot for me. He said a lot of "maybes" and "in additions." He gave me some examples based on some personality types. That was one of them. The already overweight person who didn't gain any weight. The emotional eater who actually lost weight.

I'm sure you're right about the physiological side of things, but personality, how active you are, how you've been dealing with your depression, etc. plays into it, too.

I think if we know what to expect, we can deal with the weight gain possibilities more easily. I lost 10lbs on prozac because I continued to control my portions, calories, etc.

[JMann2380]

I didn't get a chance to read all the responses yet, but LD you hit the nail on the head for me. I am no expert and am just setting out on my journey of changing my life but man your post hit home. I have never had success losing weight because I was just trying to "lose weight"... given some circumstances in my life, I was sad and angry and lazy and I just had to make a choice one day to pick my self up; dust off my jeans and GET BETTER. Better in mind, body and spirit. I bought a journal and started writing in it; about the person I wanted to be... educated, always learning, reading, healthy (NOT skinny or buff), but a healthy weight where I could ride a bike for 20 miles or hike 10 miles, I wanted to find joy in my life again and live life to the fullest. I started setting goals and accomplishing them..

Not until I decided to change the way I approached life did the weight loss come easier.

-Josh

[Bytsi]

Originally Posted by Lost Dog

Just to be fair to my doctor... He was simplifying a lot for me. He said a lot of "maybes" and "in additions." He gave me some examples based on some personality types. That was one of them. The already overweight person who didn't gain any weight. The emotional eater who actually lost weight.

I'm sure you're right about the physiological side of things, but personality, how active you are, how you've been dealing with your depression, etc. plays into it, too.

I think if we know what to expect, we can deal with the weight gain possibilities more easily. I lost 10lbs on prozac because I continued to control my portions, calories, etc.

Glad to hear that you did well - Prozac is one of the better SSRIs for not causing weight gain, but you still have to be motivated to watch your food - and obviously motivation is a significant issue in all areas when someone is depressed.

I just didn't want the oversimplified version from your doc to be the only info someone might read - there are real physical causes to weight gain with antidepressant treatment (as I said - some drugs much more than others)... As you pointed out though, that's only one part of the picture. Careful portion / nutrition and activity can compensate even for meds that increase appetite .

Psychiatric meds and treatments fascinate me because they are so far from cut-and-dried. Human behavior and reactions play such a big role in treatment - it's not as simple as "patient has disease, treat disease, cure disease". I once had a prof who joked that he'd never be out of a job because human behavior will never be simple to "fix" like the diagnose/treat/cure model of some other "conditions" .

[maggieandmommy]

I love that first post, Roland. Well said!

I've got a disease that involves chronic pain (arthritis). After my initial diagnosis at 24, I had the typical sadness and depression that comes along with chronic pain and the idea that that pain may be around forever. Fairly quickly, though, my generally optimistic and Happy nature returned and I realized that I might not be able to control my joints, but I sure as heck can control how I look at the world. That outlook--that Happiness with life and appreciation for everything that life offers, joy and pain--has saved my life time and time again. I have learned to slow down and appreciate all of the little beauties that there are in life, and that helps me get through the rough times and the pain.

You're right--being Happy, deciding to BE Happy--is the key, I think. It has certainly been the key for me!

[fengshway]

roland, I missed this post the first time around. this is a fabulous post!! I will respond when I have a chance to think on it more, but I think you nailed it.