The Fat Loss TroubleshootThis is your place to troubleshoot your fat loss problems from nutrition to training. This section is led by Leigh Peele, author of "The Fat Loss Troubleshoot," the ultimate fat loss manual. If your results have slowed or stalled this is the place to come for advice for all your fat loss needs.
Hey guys, I'm really hoping you can help me out here. I figured this would be a great forum to ask this at. I'm trying to get my girlfriend to eat better and exercise more, the whole deal. I told her she doesn't have to come anywhere near the extent that I do, but I need some basic tips for her. She always asks me if things are "healthy" and, as you all know, that's an almost unquantifiable term. "It depends" is what I really want to say, but that doesn't help
Anyway, I need some good tips that are easy to follow for her so that she will be able to make good choices on her own and, more importantly, decode menus/labels. I already told her some great food choices, but she doesn't really cook and quite frankly, doesn't have much time even if she wanted to.
I tried to think of a good rule of thumb for things with sugar in it, and I was going to tell her that it should be at least 5 ingredients down, but I don't know how useful that would be. Again, "it depends." You could run into things like ketchup, in which it might be the second ingredient, but if you use a tbsp, that's about 2g, so it doesn't really matter. This is why I'm having such a hard time. Similar issue with saturated fat - with all the new information, I think it depends where it's coming from and how much you're eating and the rest of the diet.
What I've come up with so far is: Never eat partially hydrogenated anything, avoid things with added sugar, eat more protein, track your calories.
For those willing to help, things you should know:
Doesn't like "plain" foods, i.e. just grilled won't do it
Hates oatmeal
Doesn't like eggs or omelettes
Not really a fan of fish (or chicken so much, unless it's bolognese or something)
Would do anything for dessert
Exercising makes her tired rather than give her energy
Doesn't like nuts (unless they're candied )
Loves steak
Loves fruit
Really likes orange juice and some other fruit juices
Loves bacon
Not a big fan of most veggies unless doused in olive oil or something
Never gets enough protein
Hates counting calories and doesn't know how to estimate portions
I gave her a bodyweight exercise program that I made up myself, for her to do 3x per week. She has an exercise bike that she would ride too, but I told her the workout was more important. She can do about 20 minutes on the bike, not much more. Time is also a big issue here, as I stated before. Input on exercising is also appreciated.
This sounds a lot like my wife. She has the culinary taste of a 5 year old -- loves ketchup, fried things, and hot dogs. Also loves carbs like rice and potatoes and pasta. And she likes to drink regular pepsi, saying that food doesn't taste as good without the pepsi. And she loves baked goods and chocolate. I try to make healthy meals like fish with some roasted veggies, but she doesn't like them.
I think that a simple, easy to understand approach is clean eating. Just eat fresh whole foods, avoiding processed foods, refined sugar & corn syrup, fried foods, trans fats, and processed "white" carbs. Eat lots of veggies and some fruit and quality low-fat protein, whole grains, low-fat or non-fat dairy, nuts, and beans/lentils.
Now, since she doesn't cook and doesn't like veggies or plain foods or nuts this gets a lot more difficult. Perhaps there is a salad bar she can go to at the cafeteria or a local grocery store. We have a local organic grocery store that has good salads and soups.
Also, look for healthier alternatives to the usual diet. Instead of a burger meal with fries and a coke, get a turkey sandwich (preferably on whole-grain bread) and some milk.
I think that some people get used to eating fatty and sugary foods and therefore don't like "plain" foods, either because they were raised on these foods or because of developing bad habits later on. My wife was raised on rich fatty foods, lots of fried stuff and lots of cheese. I was raised on southern cooking with meat and potatoes, fried foods, and gravy. However, I have found that if you stick to a healthy clean diet for a few weeks you learn to appreciate the taste of simpler foods. I didn't used to like coffee or tea without sugar in it, but now I can enjoy the taste of the coffee or tea itself. I now notice the sweetness in milk and nuts and grains that I never noticed before because I was eating so much sugar. I have also discovered other seasonings besides butter and salt. The problem is getting someone to stick with a clean diet for long enough to get rid of the old cravings and enjoy the new flavors.
Good luck. Hopefully others on this forum can help us provide guidance and motivation to them.
For those willing to help, things you should know:
Doesn't like "plain" foods, i.e. just grilled won't do it
Hates oatmeal
Doesn't like eggs or omelettes
Not really a fan of fish (or chicken so much, unless it's bolognese or something)
Would do anything for dessert
Exercising makes her tired rather than give her energy
Doesn't like nuts (unless they're candied )
Loves steak
Loves fruit
Really likes orange juice and some other fruit juices
Loves bacon
Not a big fan of most veggies unless doused in olive oil or something
Never gets enough protein
Hates counting calories and doesn't know how to estimate portions
To me, a person with a list of "why nots" like above, really isn't ready to jump into a big transformative diet and exercise program. Any improvement in her diet will probably go a long way towards feeling better and maybe losing weight (depending on how much she has to lose). I would give her some easy suggestions that will get her started and maybe get her feeling better. Give her suggestions for some healthy protein-rich alternatives for her meals that includes the foods she likes. Yogurt and fruit for breakfast or a smoothie with milk, banana, protein powder, strawberries. For lunch, a homemade sandwich with turkey or ham, mustard, tomato and lettuce (skip the mayo and cheese). For dinner, a lean piece of steak and some broccoli with butter or a steak salad with low cal or no dressing. Making meals at home. Limit desserts to once or twice a week. No calorie counting yet, just trying to eat less crap.
As for exercise, I would start with a 30-60 minute walk 3-4 times a week. If she follows those suggestions and gets some results, then maybe she'll come to you for more suggestions or will be more willing to try a more vigorous exercise program. Any improvement helps!
--try broiling, grilling, dry stir fries, bbq-ing, get a little inventive
--don't eat oatmeal. I eat ricotta, yogurt and strawberries for bfast
--don't eat eggs. See above (eggs make me queasy)
--use spice rubs to make grilled chicken nommy, use your spices to avoid the high salt in store rubs. same for fish, try ocean fish instead of freshwater fish (less fishy)
--fit it in the calorie budget (makes the lean meats & veg more exciting if it means yummies for dessert)
--skip intervals or other intense exercise, some weightlifting and walking won't make you as wiped out
--don't eat nuts, how about a little avocado?
--steak is awsum
--fresh fruit is super awsum! (just make sure it fits in the budget)
--eat fruit instead of juice (more nutrients, keeps ya full)
--treat?
--roasted veggies with olive oil is awsum +10!
--protein powder is your friend!
--fitday/calorie king/sparkpeople is your friend! (try it for a couple weeks until you get the hang of it at least)
Basically, get rid of the processed food and fast food and use sensible portions. That plus moving around more than she used to will give her positive results and that will spur her on to make more changes. I know from personal experience that it takes a little time for the taste buds to change.
I am not a fan of frozen "diet" entrees but since she is so picky about food they might be a good option for her. But really, for her to learn about healthy eating a good place to start might be te book "Eat Clean Diet" by Tosca Reno. It provides a good overview about eating whole foods, what to avoid etc.
I'm trying to get my girlfriend to eat better and exercise more, the whole deal. I told her she doesn't have to come anywhere near the extent that I do.
Does she want to change her diet or is this something that she is going along with because you want her to change?
Does she want to change her diet or is this something that she is going along with because you want her to change?
Quote:
Originally Posted by L'ilJ
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing and sort of alluded to it in my response.
Yeah, I got that And it's a great question.
It's a little of both, but way more my side of things. I mean she does want to change and I keep telling her how important it is to eat healthy, exercise, and be in shape. I try to tell her the aesthetics is just a plus, but behind the scenes is really more important. I think she does want to change, she just doesn't know how. I know she would definitely feel better if she cut some fat and looked better. She's not overweight, just could use a lower bf.
She could try harder, but she definitely does try. Her trying hard sometimes seems like not really trying to me, but I think that's largely my perspective coming from someone who is really into this.
Thanks for the help to those who gave suggestions. I forgot to mention, she can't do cold cuts and never has time to cook between class and work, so lunch is very difficult.
I know you posted her likes/dislikes but it might be helpful to know what she actually does eat and when she eats it - and then we could make suggestions as to how to modify that in place so to speak.
e.g. breakfast: skips it, grabs a muffin on the go, grabs a yogurt to eat in the car, or fixes toast & coffee at home -- advice might vary if you see what I mean.
I know you posted her likes/dislikes but it might be helpful to know what she actually does eat and when she eats it - and then we could make suggestions as to how to modify that in place so to speak.
e.g. breakfast: skips it, grabs a muffin on the go, grabs a yogurt to eat in the car, or fixes toast & coffee at home -- advice might vary if you see what I mean.
Not a problem! Thanks for the willingness to help
So here's an example of what might happen in a day, though it can vary based on class schedule, work, etc.
Breakfast: Most of the time (sometimes doesn't get a chance), she'll have....
plain cheerios with skim milk plus
about 1-1.5cups of blackberries or raspberries, or 1 whole mango
tea with a touch of milk and some sugar
whole wheat toast with jelly
*All of these, not choose from one
Lunch: Almost never eats lunch. Well, pretty much never. A combination of any of the following are what she might eat in the interim during class and between class/work are...[*]granola bars or special k bars[*]a whole mango or some other fruit[*]apple sauce[*]string cheese[*]occasionally yogurt, but it's usually fat free flavored (trying to get her into plain and adding splenda + fruit)
Dinner: Usually whatever her mom makes, though she does try to make it healthy sometimes. Varies a lot, but this is the main and sometimes, pretty much only, protein and veggie source
Snack: One or two of the following[*]sometime a weight watchers or aforementioned yogurt[*]maybe a scoop of peanut butter (Skippy Natural - not great, but could be worse I guess)[*]fruit if available[*]more tea, made same way[*]toast with jelly
I know you posted her likes/dislikes but it might be helpful to know what she actually does eat and when she eats it - and then we could make suggestions as to how to modify that in place so to speak.
e.g. breakfast: skips it, grabs a muffin on the go, grabs a yogurt to eat in the car, or fixes toast & coffee at home -- advice might vary if you see what I mean.
Not a problem! Thanks for the willingness to help
So here's an example of what might happen in a day, though it can vary based on class schedule, work, etc.
Breakfast: Most of the time (sometimes doesn't get a chance), she'll have....
plain cheerios with skim milk plus
about 1-1.5cups of blackberries or raspberries, or 1 whole mango
tea with a touch of milk and some sugar
whole wheat toast with jelly
*All of these, not choose from one
Lunch: Almost never eats lunch. Well, pretty much never. A combination of any of the following are what she might eat in the interim during class and between class/work are...
granola bars or special k bars
a whole mango or some other fruit
apple sauce
string cheese
occasionally yogurt, but it's usually fat free flavored (trying to get her into plain and adding splenda + fruit)
Dinner: Usually whatever her mom makes, though she does try to make it healthy sometimes. Varies a lot, but this is the main and sometimes, pretty much only, protein and veggie source
Snack: One or two of the following
sometime a weight watchers or aforementioned yogurt
maybe a scoop of peanut butter (Skippy Natural - not great, but could be worse I guess)
It's not the best diet I've ever seen, but it's far from the worst... Definitely could use more protein, but it's not like she's eating McD's and chocolate for every meal.
My main thought, in reading this thread, is that she has to be ready to make the changes. That means that she has to not just WANT to do it, but be willing - and ready - to do what it takes to lose weight / get healthier.
Until she's ready and sets her mind to it for her own reasons, YOU can want it for her until the cows come home, but she won't really do it. Which is probably why her "try" seems half-hearted to you.
Maybe if she can make a few small changes and starts to see progress, that'll be the motivation she needs to start doing more. But it's got to come from her, not from you...
I try to tell her the aesthetics is just a plus, but behind the scenes is really more important. I think she does want to change, she just doesn't know how. I know she would definitely feel better if she cut some fat and looked better. She's not overweight, just could use a lower bf.
Does she have health issues or something? If not, focus on the aesthetics, which is where you (and her) are likely to actually see a change.
If she doesn't have a lot to lose, then a simple shift to "a little less food" and walking or cycling every day or so might be all it takes.
Sit down and go through fitday or dailyplate with her. Many people have no awareness of how many calories are in some "healthy" foods. Example: My friend asked, so I told him that rice has around 200 calories per cup. He looked at his chicken and rice plate, sized it up, and said the f word. He only ate half the rice and saved himself 200 cals (at least!).
Even if it's not Chipotle that she's eating, this site/tool sheds awareness on how fast calories pile up. Go build a burrito and see how your choices add up.
After some knowledge of calories in her common foods, she might be able to make some smart choices. Some of my friends who've asked for help have:
ditched the burrito for three tacos, instead
stopped getting the combo plates, so no rice and beans (but they still eat some chips)
split an order of fries with someone
just eat 10% less of the same foods they love
switched from two yoplait to two yoplait light (that 200 calories, right there)
Take walks together, go bike riding or hiking on the weekend as a getaway (you pack the lunch).
Find an interesting cooking class and suggest that you take it together. Perhaps getting her around making food in a non-everyday context and having some fun wiht it will help her broaden her palate.
breakfast, dinner and 2 snacks seems like a good start. when you bug her about things like the yogurt i think that might be too detail oriented. mixing up your own is a lot more work than picking flavors out of the fridge. also if she is more willing to do the bike i think i would stop pushing the weights. lots of girls 'hate' them they get swollen right away and feel 'bigger'. my sister is always telling me how her arms get 'big' if she just does some pink dumbbell magazine workout for a week. there was another thread about this, trying to convince people that something they can _see_ and _feel_ isn't true is counterproductive. you lose credibility.
i would suggest going for small improvements like adding 20 minutes of the bike if she is happy to do it, more other activity like walking/cleaning/dancing anything instead of tv, and trying to add some veggies.
there was a study about putting women on a diet based on calories v. giving them a veggie goal and the women who were aiming for a certain # of fruits and veggies lost more weight. it pushed out other foods and they were more compliant. maybe one of the snacks could be baby carrots with hummus instead of a granola bar. maybe a salad before dinner. if she chooses the string cheese or yogurt more often for snacks then the protein could be fine. also you could think about breakfast subs like kashi go lean or some other higher protein cereal for the cheerios. small changes like that.
if she doesn't have an obvious weight problem it might sound like you think she's fat. this is tough to negotiate in relationships. i would watch out for that.
Thanks a lot for all the suggestions guys. I know it has to come from her, and I guess I have to find a way to make that happen. I tried helping her slowly in ways like just eating healthier foods rather than focusing on calories, and then just biking and not timing or anything. But she didn't like eating healthy because she can never find anything she likes. That's why I switched to calorie counting. I figured she would have more leeway with eating more of what she wants if the calories were controlled.
I guess that was a bad idea...
To answer the question about her health, no she doesn't have any problems. Her family has a history of very high cholesterol though - mom, grandma, and great grandma's are all terrible. I thought that focusing on aesthetics might make her feel like I don't think she looks good enough, and I DEFINITELY don't want that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gabi.k
breakfast, dinner and 2 snacks seems like a good start. when you bug her about things like the yogurt i think that might be too detail oriented. mixing up your own is a lot more work than picking flavors out of the fridge. also if she is more willing to do the bike i think i would stop pushing the weights. lots of girls 'hate' them they get swollen right away and feel 'bigger'. my sister is always telling me how her arms get 'big' if she just does some pink dumbbell magazine workout for a week.
Don't really agree here though. I mean the yogurt, yeah maybe, but I don't want to lie to her and tell her that her fat free shop rite brand strawberry yogurt is good for her. It's not.
As for the biking thing, I thought about that, but that won't change body comp at all, and that's what the point here is. I mean if she bikes all the time, she might lose some fat, but she'll also probably lose muscle, and she definitely won't gain any muscle. Where will that get her?
Quote:
there was a study about putting women on a diet based on calories v. giving them a veggie goal and the women who were aiming for a certain # of fruits and veggies lost more weight. it pushed out other foods and they were more compliant. maybe one of the snacks could be baby carrots with hummus instead of a granola bar. maybe a salad before dinner. if she chooses the string cheese or yogurt more often for snacks then the protein could be fine. also you could think about breakfast subs like kashi go lean or some other higher protein cereal for the cheerios. small changes like that.
Yeah I'll go with small changes. I have tried a bunch though. I thought maybe someone would hit me with a few that I hadn't thought of, or something I was missing. She hates GoLean, I've been there. She won't eat baby carrots, celery, or hummus either and it's hard to find other veggies that you can just snack on randomly. Truthfully, anything you would consider healthy she almost never likes. It's a real rough spot for me, and for her. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'm trying to just be honest here because that's the only way valid information will result.
Quote:
if she doesn't have an obvious weight problem it might sound like you think she's fat. this is tough to negotiate in relationships. i would watch out for that.
Right, that's what I was saying before. Definitely don't want that. That's why I thought it would be better to push the health thing over looking better, which I actually do really believe by the way. I'm all for looking good, but health is more important.
Don't really agree here though. I mean the yogurt, yeah maybe, but I don't want to lie to her and tell her that her fat free shop rite brand strawberry yogurt is good for her. It's not.
Which yogurt is it? It's hard to say it's all that bad. 120 calories vs 90 for a fat free "light" version. Two a day is only 60 calories less.
Bread, potatoes, buns, cereal, etc will give her more bang for the buck. or is that less, in this case?
How does she feel about pumpkin? What I typically do is take a can of pumpkin and put it in a bowl, add some splenda, cinnamon, and a little Vanilla flavored Sugar Free Jello pudding mix and stir it up. It tastes alot like pumpkin pie, and you can eat alot of pumpkin for around 100 calories. Some people mix in cottage cheese in with the pumpkin but I prefer to eat my protein on the side and just enjoy the pumpkin.
How does she feel about pumpkin? What I typically do is take a can of pumpkin and put it in a bowl, add some splenda, cinnamon, and a little Vanilla flavored Sugar Free Jello pudding mix and stir it up. It tastes alot like pumpkin pie, and you can eat alot of pumpkin for around 100 calories. Some people mix in cottage cheese in with the pumpkin but I prefer to eat my protein on the side and just enjoy the pumpkin.
I do vanilla protein powder and a dash of pie spice.
Ive tried different combinations of protein powder and cottage cheese to add my protein into the pumpkin, and some of them aren't bad, but I just prefer the taste of the pumpkin by itself (with the splenda/cinnamon).
Regarding pumpkin pie spice, I need to get some more, is there a brand that sells for a somewhat cheap price? The only kind i can find lately is Mccormick's brand and its so expensive for a little tiny container (like $3+ for a tiny little thing at walmart). I can't find a generic brand of pumpkin pie spice.
Ive tried different combinations of protein powder and cottage cheese to add my protein into the pumpkin, and some of them aren't bad, but I just prefer the taste of the pumpkin by itself (with the splenda/cinnamon).
Regarding pumpkin pie spice, I need to get some more, is there a brand that sells for a somewhat cheap price? The only kind i can find lately is Mccormick's brand and its so expensive for a little tiny container (like $3+ for a tiny little thing at walmart). I can't find a generic brand of pumpkin pie spice.
I really just use a dash of cloves, ginger, nutmeg, and cinnamon depending on mood.
If you want pie spice, I think you can find it at World Market for cheap. But, it seemed cheaper to buy all the spices and mix some up yourself.
How does she feel about pumpkin? What I typically do is take a can of pumpkin and put it in a bowl, add some splenda, cinnamon, and a little Vanilla flavored Sugar Free Jello pudding mix and stir it up. It tastes alot like pumpkin pie, and you can eat alot of pumpkin for around 100 calories. Some people mix in cottage cheese in with the pumpkin but I prefer to eat my protein on the side and just enjoy the pumpkin.
I think she likes it. Could try that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost Dog
Which yogurt is it? It's hard to say it's all that bad. 120 calories vs 90 for a fat free "light" version. Two a day is only 60 calories less.
Bread, potatoes, buns, cereal, etc will give her more bang for the buck. or is that less, in this case?
I don't know it's some shop rite brand that has fructose as the second ingredient. Obviously not good. She eats Danon Light N' Fit too, same problem. I don't know what you mean by the 120 cals vs. 90 cals comment.
And what are you suggesting with the bread, potatoes, cereal, etc..that she should eat those?
One of my main things I'm trying to get her to do is eat more protein. There are days she has almost none. It's tough since she doesn't do eggs and doesn't cook lunch. I guess I could get her on protein powder in the morning, but I was trying to avoid that as a primary protein source.
I don't know it's some shop rite brand that has fructose as the second ingredient. Obviously not good. She eats Danon Light N' Fit too, same problem. I don't know what you mean by the 120 cals vs. 90 cals comment.
I looked up several Shop Rite yogurts. The Fat Free variety was 120 calories for 8oz, which is pretty good. It might have some sweetener in it, but not much. Yoplait yogurt has 190 calories. An actual light yogurt might have 90 calories. Suggesting that she switch from 120 calorie yogurts to 90 calorie yogurts isn't a lot of calories saved.
Dannon Light and Fit has only 60 calories, so I don't see what's wrong with it. Don't judge it based on fructose or high fructose corn syrup just appearing on the label. Not unless you're looking to go sweetener free (no sugar, honey, agave nectar, etc.).
Quote:
And what are you suggesting with the bread, potatoes, cereal, etc..that she should eat those?
I'm suggesting that these are high calorie items. Rice and potatoes can be 200 calories per cup. Bread can be 100-120 calories a slice. People see 140 calories per serving on the cereal box but are really eating 200-300 calories in the bowl, based on how much they really pour. Cutting back on these is more likely to save significant calories than cutting back on yogurt.
I looked up several Shop Rite yogurts. The Fat Free variety was 120 calories for 8oz, which is pretty good. It might have some sweetener in it, but not much. Yoplait yogurt has 190 calories. An actual light yogurt might have 90 calories. Suggesting that she switch from 120 calorie yogurts to 90 calorie yogurts isn't a lot of calories saved.
Dannon Light and Fit has only 60 calories, so I don't see what's wrong with it. Don't judge it based on fructose or high fructose corn syrup just appearing on the label. Not unless you're looking to go sweetener free (no sugar, honey, agave nectar, etc.).
I'm suggesting that these are high calorie items. Rice and potatoes can be 200 calories per cup. Bread can be 100-120 calories a slice. People see 140 calories per serving on the cereal box but are really eating 200-300 calories in the bowl, based on how much they really pour. Cutting back on these is more likely to save significant calories than cutting back on yogurt.
Oh, okay gotcha. Good point. And yes I was trying to go sweetener free because I thought that would be an important thing for her to learn. If we're not focusing on caloric intake, you have to focus on things like less/no sugar. What you suggested is based on calories, not content. And the Light N Fits she eats are 80 calories, not 60, which is still less, but again, that's quantity not quality.
I thought to do that at first, but the response here has pretty much been to focus on better food, not amount.
By the way, the change in yogurt that I had suggested to her was to buy plain and use splenda (or other sweetener) and add some fruit in, if that is of any significance. Calorie-wise, assuming fat free plain is used, it's pretty much the same as the Danon, but much better for you, IMO. Although the added fruit would put you at more calories, so if we're not counting calories, that might not be the best option?
I'm good with quality food, but I'm not a purist. If I was, I'd say no splenda, either. Plain yogurt is fine (that's what I eat), but most people don't like it, even with splenda and their own fruit. It's just not the same.
The point is that quality food doesn't get you to lose weight unless you eat fewer calories, too. Plain yogurt is usually 100-140 calories per cup. Add fruit, and you've added 20 calories if you go with a similar ratio to prepared yogurt, but most people will eat an apple (60-100 calories) or put in a cup of berries (25-50 calories). Now, it's "healthier" but more calories. ...and a pain in the ass for something that doesn't taste as good to her (probably). So, enter non-compliance.
Note that in an 8oz container of fruit flavored yogurt, some space is taken up by fruit, etc. so you're not starting with a 1/2 cup of yogurt. And most yogurts are down to 6oz these day. That's probably 6oz of yogurt. Who's going to dish out 5oz and add fruit and splenda.
I'm not trying to be a dick here. I'm serious. If a diet is too much of a pain in the ass, no one will do it for long. She would really have to buy into the need for "healthy" to go to healthy lengths and stick to them.
For most people, losing fat is the indicator that they want to see.
The quickest way to lose fat is to change the diet enough to cut calories without drastic changes to the way they currently eat.
Sometimes healthy options are far superior, calorie-wise, to non-healthy options. But, the biggest changes from non to healthy tend to come from removing the bad things. A big burrito tortilla is bad and 280-350 calories. Switch to a bowl and you've cut out a lot in one fell swoop.
Once she's counting calories and seeing changes, then she might be interested in better yogurt choices or better cereal choices. Some of which might be for health reasons and some for calorie reasons. Switching from granola to Fiber One, can save hundreds of calories, for instance.
I need diet tips to help someone else
yeah, I figured I'd just come out and ask.
And it's a great question.
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