The Fat Loss TroubleshootThis is your place to troubleshoot your fat loss problems from nutrition to training. This section is led by Leigh Peele, author of "The Fat Loss Troubleshoot," the ultimate fat loss manual. If your results have slowed or stalled this is the place to come for advice for all your fat loss needs.
I wouldn't get too hung up over the type of yogurt she is eating, as long as its some kind of lowish calorie, "light" yogurt...its not really a diet breaker. Maybe once she starts to see herself losing a little fat, then she will be more willing to eat some veggies. I didn't grow up loving vegetables, but when im dieting I learned to really enjoy eating broccoli, carrots, peppers, cucumbers, etc. I like grilling chicken with some Mrs. Dash Garlic and Herb seasoning, its good in tuna too.
If she is going to succeed, i think she has to be open to trying different "healthy" stuff, or at least try preparing it different ways. There are some ways to make plain oatmeal really tasty (splenda, cinnamon, and a little butter spray...yum). Im guessing she probably wont go for cottage cheese right? Try some cottage cheese with purreed strawberries and a little splenda...i eat that several times a day and its really good.
Orange juice isn't necessarily bad, but if she is trying to lose weight an easy calorie cut is to not drink any calories. Switch to eat, diet soda, etc..
Leigh's latest blog post is about the spectrum and variety of what can be considered 'healthy'. My point about the snacks and yogurt was that on the 'american diet' spectrum store bought splenda fruity yogurt is not that bad. You have to remember that fast food, soda, doritos, and microwave pizza are on that spectrum. If you were choosing between hot pockets and dannon lite how bad does that yogurt look now?
Not many people are going to leap from the food their mom buys/makes to some kind of health nut, chia seed, goat yogurt, calorie/macro controlled diet. If you look at the other threads here a lot of people started with weight watchers and points and then found Leigh when trying to 'lose the last 10' or break a plateau or something like that.
Think of the 80/20 rule. In my view switching from a HFCS-sweetened packaged granola bar to string cheese and applesauce or yogurt more of the days of the week is a win. It's the same food she's used to but the better choice.
But I have to agree with the others that you seem to be confused about the concept of 'this has to come from her'.
I feel your pain. I say find out what she wants to do, what are her real motivations, and work with that.
For workouts, try to find a "real" workout from an expert-type person that she might like. The expert-ness will lead some credence and perhaps increase compliance. Hell, might work on the diet, too.
I'm good with quality food, but I'm not a purist. If I was, I'd say no splenda, either. Plain yogurt is fine (that's what I eat), but most people don't like it, even with splenda and their own fruit. It's just not the same.
The point is that quality food doesn't get you to lose weight unless you eat fewer calories, too. Plain yogurt is usually 100-140 calories per cup. Add fruit, and you've added 20 calories if you go with a similar ratio to prepared yogurt, but most people will eat an apple (60-100 calories) or put in a cup of berries (25-50 calories). Now, it's "healthier" but more calories. ...and a pain in the ass for something that doesn't taste as good to her (probably). So, enter non-compliance.
Note that in an 8oz container of fruit flavored yogurt, some space is taken up by fruit, etc. so you're not starting with a 1/2 cup of yogurt. And most yogurts are down to 6oz these day. That's probably 6oz of yogurt. Who's going to dish out 5oz and add fruit and splenda.
I'm not trying to be a dick here. I'm serious. If a diet is too much of a pain in the ass, no one will do it for long. She would really have to buy into the need for "healthy" to go to healthy lengths and stick to them.
For most people, losing fat is the indicator that they want to see.
The quickest way to lose fat is to change the diet enough to cut calories without drastic changes to the way they currently eat.
Sometimes healthy options are far superior, calorie-wise, to non-healthy options. But, the biggest changes from non to healthy tend to come from removing the bad things. A big burrito tortilla is bad and 280-350 calories. Switch to a bowl and you've cut out a lot in one fell swoop.
Once she's counting calories and seeing changes, then she might be interested in better yogurt choices or better cereal choices. Some of which might be for health reasons and some for calorie reasons. Switching from granola to Fiber One, can save hundreds of calories, for instance.
Great advice LD, thanks a lot. I heard once the best routine is the one that you'll stick to. I guess that really applies here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AS
I wouldn't get too hung up over the type of yogurt she is eating, as long as its some kind of lowish calorie, "light" yogurt...its not really a diet breaker. Maybe once she starts to see herself losing a little fat, then she will be more willing to eat some veggies. I didn't grow up loving vegetables, but when im dieting I learned to really enjoy eating broccoli, carrots, peppers, cucumbers, etc. I like grilling chicken with some Mrs. Dash Garlic and Herb seasoning, its good in tuna too.
If she is going to succeed, i think she has to be open to trying different "healthy" stuff, or at least try preparing it different ways. There are some ways to make plain oatmeal really tasty (splenda, cinnamon, and a little butter spray...yum). Im guessing she probably wont go for cottage cheese right? Try some cottage cheese with purreed strawberries and a little splenda...i eat that several times a day and its really good.
Yeah the whole oatmeal and cottage cheese thing is largely a textural issue. In her defense, I can't stomach CC either .
This is such a stupid cliche, but she really does just dislike the stereotypical "healthy" foods, i.e. oats, CC, etc. I don't know if part of that is just the connotation that they're healthy or what...
Quote:
Originally Posted by AS
Orange juice isn't necessarily bad, but if she is trying to lose weight an easy calorie cut is to not drink any calories. Switch to eat, diet soda, etc..
Right, I've been trying to do that. I just try to keep some things she really likes so it's not as hard on her. She doesn't like diet soda either.
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Originally Posted by TheWookie
DANGER! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!
That's the thing about changes that have to come from within... they've got to come from within.
It sounds like you're doing a lot to help her. Is it possible you're going a little too far?
It's is entirely possible. She probably wouldn't even consider changing anything if it wasn't for me. I KNOW, I KNOW, that's probably the biggest problem here. But quite frankly, I'm really into nutrition and I think it is EXTREMELY important for EVERYONE to have a healthy diet and exercise, so I don't feel the slightest bit guilty for pushing this. I always tell her that I want her to do it for her, not for me, but the truth is, she probably wouldn't. I know that's part of the problem, but I don't know how to change that
Quote:
Originally Posted by gabi.k
Leigh's latest blog post is about the spectrum and variety of what can be considered 'healthy'. My point about the snacks and yogurt was that on the 'american diet' spectrum store bought splenda fruity yogurt is not that bad. You have to remember that fast food, soda, doritos, and microwave pizza are on that spectrum. If you were choosing between hot pockets and dannon lite how bad does that yogurt look now?
Not many people are going to leap from the food their mom buys/makes to some kind of health nut, chia seed, goat yogurt, calorie/macro controlled diet. If you look at the other threads here a lot of people started with weight watchers and points and then found Leigh when trying to 'lose the last 10' or break a plateau or something like that.
Think of the 80/20 rule. In my view switching from a HFCS-sweetened packaged granola bar to string cheese and applesauce or yogurt more of the days of the week is a win. It's the same food she's used to but the better choice.
But I have to agree with the others that you seem to be confused about the concept of 'this has to come from her'.
I'm not confused that it has to come from her. I'm just confused as to how to accomplish that (see above). Thanks for the other advice!
Quote:
Originally Posted by EasyRhino
I feel your pain. I say find out what she wants to do, what are her real motivations, and work with that.
For workouts, try to find a "real" workout from an expert-type person that she might like. The expert-ness will lead some credence and perhaps increase compliance. Hell, might work on the diet, too.
Thought of that. Maybe that's a good idea. She totally trusts me though, which is why I designed a workout for her. She also won't go to the gym, at least not yet. Hopefully we'll get there eventually, but I realize that will be a long way off. So I made a bodyweight workout and I tailored it to things that I knew she could do and would be effective and not go overboard.
Any ideas on a good professional routine that doesn't require a gym or equipment? Something like Death by Bodyweight
would be way too much.
Two final comments on everything:
1) Thank you so much for all the help. I know I keep saying that, but I really appreciate it because I'm having such a hard time figuring out the best way to do this, and I realize that the things I throw out there make the situation seem hopeless. That said, I'm glad you guys are all still willing to keep the ideas coming. I knew this would be a good place to ask
2) Still unsure whether I should advocate a BW workout/circuit over using the bike or vice versa, or both? She's always telling me she doesn't have time to fit it in. I know that a huge part of that is that she is not into the whole nutrition/exercise thing and is really focused on schoolwork (love that she's driven in that aspect, so I don't want to disrupt school), but it makes it very hard to advise her.
I've been helping my sister lose weight and exercise more. She also doesn't go to a gym. So far, she's lost about 16 lbs and she's doing well with the eating. For her, it was really a matter of upping her protein and being more moderate with her carbs. For working out, she's using these, and it's really working out well for her for an at-home workout:
Any ideas on a good professional routine that doesn't require a gym or equipment? Something like Death by Bodyweight
would be way too much.
Two final comments on everything:
1) Thank you so much for all the help. I know I keep saying that, but I really appreciate it because I'm having such a hard time figuring out the best way to do this, and I realize that the things I throw out there make the situation seem hopeless. That said, I'm glad you guys are all still willing to keep the ideas coming. I knew this would be a good place to ask
2) Still unsure whether I should advocate a BW workout/circuit over using the bike or vice versa, or both? She's always telling me she doesn't have time to fit it in. I know that a huge part of that is that she is not into the whole nutrition/exercise thing and is really focused on schoolwork (love that she's driven in that aspect, so I don't want to disrupt school), but it makes it very hard to advise her.
I've been helping my sister lose weight and exercise more. She also doesn't go to a gym. So far, she's lost about 16 lbs and she's doing well with the eating. For her, it was really a matter of upping her protein and being more moderate with her carbs. For working out, she's using these, and it's really working out well for her for an at-home workout:
It's a 4 week program. 8 if you with beginner and graduate up to the next level.
Awesome, that's an option.
In the event that she was passed the beginner stage, she doesn't and won't have a pull up bar. Substitutions for that? I realize I'm looking way ahead here, but just wondering.
I have those actually. I could try giving them to her. What would be a good routine to advise to such a beginner using these?
She's got a subscription to the online university at Bodylastics and is following their programs. I got so many months free when I got these and I gave her the whole thing.
I'm not confused that it has to come from her. I'm just confused as to how to accomplish that (see above).
How would YOU accomplish it coming from within her?? Setting a goal for yourself that is under her control seems kind of confused. It also seems like a setup for disappointment.
Since it's clear that you really want to do something to help maybe a first step would be setting a goal for yourself that really is under your control.
__________________
"Time and patience are the 2 elements that most people don't include in their plans."
-Alan Aragon
"The scale simply tells you how much the earth loves you on a particular day."
-Ogedei (Keith)
Reading this I'm wondering if you are pushing too hard, potentially not only driving a wedge between you and her, but also undermining her self-esteem. Until she wants to change all of your wanting her to change isn't going to make a hill of beans.
Give some long hard thought to *your* motivation in this....is it really just a desire to see her live a healthier lifestyle? If yes, maybe just focus on setting a great example for a while. Eating healthy, finding meals you both enjoy. Instead of telling her why what she eats is wrong, learn to cook the things she does like in a more healthful manner. Find physical activities you can do together that aren't just working out....long walks, bike rides. Lead by example. Quit the trying to force changes she doesn't want...in fact changes that reading she may be sub-consciously rebelling against.
However, I suspect this is a bit more around aesthetics than you are admitting. The comments about biking not changing her body are one of the many warning signs I'm seeing. If she likes that and it gets her off the couch, great first step. If this is motivated more by changing her physique, wanting to make it better, beware......and see the bit above about a wedge and self-esteem. The last thing you need is for her to get in some sort of low self-esteem, feeling guilty for not making changes to please you cycle of additional eating, depression, etc.
These might sound like odd questions but ...
What subject is she studying? Bachelor's or Masters or Doctorate?
How does she make decisions or get into things?
Is she a person that reads everything she can find when she gets a new idea or interest or does she just *do* it and pick it up as she goes?
In other areas of life, does she ask for advice? Does she take it?
Still unsure whether I should advocate a BW workout/circuit over using the bike or vice versa, or both? She's always telling me she doesn't have time to fit it in. I know that a huge part of that is that she is not into the whole nutrition/exercise thing and is really focused on schoolwork (love that she's driven in that aspect, so I don't want to disrupt school), but it makes it very hard to advise her.
Find out what she enjoys doing and focus on that. It may not be the most ideal workout for her, but if she likes it she is more likely to do it and stick to it. I bought my wife NROL4W and she says that she wants to start it, but never makes the time for it. However, she likes doing step aerobics and signed up for 3 classes a week. I have to adjust my work schedule a bit so that she can attend these classes, but I'm glad to support any exercise she decides to do.
Perhaps she might enjoy going for walks with you. It would be a good stress reliever and break from her studies and would be some quality time together. Maybe some nice walks around a lake or hiking in a state park or something like that.
Or maybe she would enjoy playing active games on a Wii. Or maybe she'd like rollerblading or dancing or swimming or biking or skiing. Find out what she might be interested in and experiment with different things.
I always tell her that I want her to do it for her, not for me, but the truth is, she probably wouldn't. I know that's part of the problem, but I don't know how to change that
I'm not confused that it has to come from her. I'm just confused as to how to accomplish that (see above). Thanks for the other advice!
It sounds like she is reasonably attractive, and although she is picky, she eats at least on-par if not better than most people on a typical western diet. She's also getting some activity she enjoys with the biking. She sounds happy with her current lot in life.
So while you're encouraging her, let me tell you that until she decides she's UNHAPPY, it's not going to work. And if you can't be with someone for whom healthy, clean living is not a priority, then maybe this isn't the girl for you.
I actually had a similar situation with my husband. I got fed up and made changes in my life, and got thin, fit, and healthy. Meanwhile, he had high cholesterol and was getting a pot-belly. I tried to encourage him to eat healthy and work out. I even took the "I want you to be here for me and the kids" approach, but what worked best was when I laid off and just worried about myself. Just seeing my commitment and progress motivated him to make some changes himself. Now he still binges on cookies and skips workouts sometimes, but at least there are workouts to skip, he eats better overall, and he's much healthier and slimmer.
It's a 4 week program. 8 if you with beginner and graduate up to the next level.
I've used this program and love it. Highly recommended. As for the pull-ups, if you can find a way for her to do inverted rows (broomstick across two chairs) I'd sub them. Otherwise, just skip them.
Since it's clear that you really want to do something to help maybe a first step would be setting a goal for yourself that really is under your control.
Like what? I haven't tried to set a goal for me. I tried to help her set goals for herself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kimikaw
Reading this I'm wondering if you are pushing too hard, potentially not only driving a wedge between you and her, but also undermining her self-esteem. Until she wants to change all of your wanting her to change isn't going to make a hill of beans.
Give some long hard thought to *your* motivation in this....is it really just a desire to see her live a healthier lifestyle? If yes, maybe just focus on setting a great example for a while. Eating healthy, finding meals you both enjoy. Instead of telling her why what she eats is wrong, learn to cook the things she does like in a more healthful manner. Find physical activities you can do together that aren't just working out....long walks, bike rides. Lead by example. Quit the trying to force changes she doesn't want...in fact changes that reading she may be sub-consciously rebelling against.
Tried this. It's very hard to find healthy meals we both enjoy, but I always try to lead by example. I guess I am pushing to hard, and I'm willing to admit that. Maybe it's just because what I tried never worked.
Quote:
However, I suspect this is a bit more around aesthetics than you are admitting. The comments about biking not changing her body are one of the many warning signs I'm seeing. If she likes that and it gets her off the couch, great first step. If this is motivated more by changing her physique, wanting to make it better, beware......and see the bit above about a wedge and self-esteem. The last thing you need is for her to get in some sort of low self-esteem, feeling guilty for not making changes to please you cycle of additional eating, depression, etc.
This, however, I don't agree with and you really have no basis for a statement like that. It's kind of disheartening. I came here with the intention to help her, not to lie about what is causing it. If I was that shallow I don't think I would make it through this amount of time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaS
These might sound like odd questions but ...
What subject is she studying? Bachelor's or Masters or Doctorate?
How does she make decisions or get into things?
Is she a person that reads everything she can find when she gets a new idea or interest or does she just *do* it and pick it up as she goes?
In other areas of life, does she ask for advice? Does she take it?
I am the person that reads everything they can find when they get a new idea haha. Anyway, she's doing her BS in Family and Child Studies right now, moving onto a Masters in Speech-Language Pathology when she's done. Yes, she asks me for advice on a lot of things and she almost always takes it. Advice on this, however, while she does ask, she does not always take. She's not big into trying really new things as far as food goes and she gets very stressed out trying to figure out what is healthy, and also trying worrying about not liking anything and ending up eating something bad so she can enjoy it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizanneh
It sounds like she is reasonably attractive, and although she is picky, she eats at least on-par if not better than most people on a typical western diet. She's also getting some activity she enjoys with the biking. She sounds happy with her current lot in life.
So while you're encouraging her, let me tell you that until she decides she's UNHAPPY, it's not going to work.
She is more than reasonably attractive. I think she's beautiful. Of course I am her boyfriend, but still.
Important note here is that I know she is unhappy. She wasn't always, but she is now.
Quote:
And if you can't be with someone for whom healthy, clean living is not a priority, then maybe this isn't the girl for you.
I know where you're going with that, but I'd rather not take relationship advice here. That's a big assumption to make after four years of a great relationship that maybe she isn't the girl for me because she doesn't eat healthy? I think you have to look a little deeper than that and I'm not looking for help in that respect. Thank you though.
Ok, we have establishe that she is unhappy but it seems that she is not unhappy enough to do something about it... Seems like she is kinda stuck and does not know what to do next...
Would she be interested in logging on to boards to do the research/ communication herself? Sometimes advice given by your friends/ family/ partner/ spouse just does not do it; it is too close to home to be "vaild".
Ok, we have establishe that she is unhappy but it seems that she is not unhappy enough to do something about it... Seems like she is kinda stuck and does not know what to do next...
Would she be interested in logging on to boards to do the research/ communication herself? Sometimes advice given by your friends/ family/ partner/ spouse just does not do it; it is too close to home to be "vaild".
Some people are into jumping in and some people do better incorporating small changes to change their 'lifestyle'. This board is mostly jumpers :-) Maybe changing one thing at a time would be the track for her? If she sees results they might be motivating. Like if she drinks caloric beverages -- change to skim milk in the lattes, drink fruity seltzer instead of juice/pop? If she is anxious about liking the food then maybe you can try buying them for her and tell her she can throw it away if she doesn't like it :-) Or maybe an approach like 'leave one bite of food at every meal' would work? Or for the stuff her mom makes the 'plate' strategy where 1/2 is veggies and 1/4 starch and 1/4 protein? Use smaller plates, etc. Other people say eat the veggies and protein first and the starch last so you won't eat as much of it. Doesn't work if you are in the clean plate club ;-) Skip dessert except for weekends? These types of 'tips' are generally well-integrated into the female mind from magazines and peers so helping her to implement those types of changes might encounter less resistance.
Some people are into jumping in and some people do better incorporating small changes to change their 'lifestyle'. This board is mostly jumpers :-) Maybe changing one thing at a time would be the track for her? If she sees results they might be motivating. Like if she drinks caloric beverages -- change to skim milk in the lattes, drink fruity seltzer instead of juice/pop? If she is anxious about liking the food then maybe you can try buying them for her and tell her she can throw it away if she doesn't like it :-) Or maybe an approach like 'leave one bite of food at every meal' would work? Or for the stuff her mom makes the 'plate' strategy where 1/2 is veggies and 1/4 starch and 1/4 protein? Use smaller plates, etc. Other people say eat the veggies and protein first and the starch last so you won't eat as much of it. Doesn't work if you are in the clean plate club ;-) Skip dessert except for weekends? These types of 'tips' are generally well-integrated into the female mind from magazines and peers so helping her to implement those types of changes might encounter less resistance.
Thanks a lot. All good suggestions. I'm going to try and put some ideas together very soon so that I can formulate a good way for her to go about this. I just have a lot on plate (pardon the pun) right now. Just got out of big surgery, still going to follow ups, school, looking for a job, etc.
I'll get back to this if and when I need to, but I just wanted to thank everyone for the input. It really helped me a lot, if just to get some ideas going, even though I haven't implemented them yet.
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