So I spent at least a month now, actually longer since I did NROL4W for a while and that was months ago. So months and MONTHS wanting to start a log and never having a good name. I'm a perfectionist. I needed THE perfect name. The one that is smart and witty and sums me and my journey up in one concise sentence. The one that makes everyone want to run over to my log and read all my cool ramblings. Hehe. I have had a few that almost made the cut. I had:
Once and For All
but I don't know it was dry and never felt like how I felt.
So I tried Once and For All.... I think..I hope... because it is how I really feel though I wish I wasn't so wishy washy.
But that annoyed me the more I thought about it. Annoys you too doesn't it?
Git Er Done
That was because we are backwoods country folk and my husband thinks it is hilarious to torture me with his Git Er Done ringtone. He knows I hate it. I want to crawl in a hole everytime we're in public and that phone rings, or well says Git Er Done over and over. Gotta love him. But I just couldn't bring myself to name a log Git Er Done. Honestly. We're white trash but not THAT white trash. Well maybe we are since my husband's ringtone says Git Er Done. Okay forget I said all that.
Diary of a Sad, Fat Woman
Now that makes me smile for some reason but it made me sound so utterly pathetic. I am somewhat pathetic but my log name doesn't need to scream it for all to see.
Then it hit me.
This is just a log for goodness sake. Lord Kim no one cares what you name your stupid log. It's Just a Log. I take myself WAY to seriously. I'll be back in a few to do a little intro. Gotta go take out realcdn's fabulous zucchini cake out of the oven. Actually I made them into cupcakes. 137.65 per cupcake. Nice.
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Kim. Not Kimberly, not Kimmie, and certainly not Kimbo. Just Kim. Though it was frankcassiesmom for a blink of an eye.
I played soccer my whole life so I never needed to really watch my weight. It stayed fine because hey I was training 7 days a week. I was my thinnest, too thin even, when I got married. Then I had 3 children in 4 years. I found myself at my highest ever of around 175. I watched what I ate a little and got down to 165 then my world was rocked and I found out my husband was sick. My world was turned upside down. We packed up everything in 2 weeks and moved cross country. My husband went into the hospital. Over the next 2 years of battling his illness I ate. And ATE. At my highest I was 222.
I started going to the gym, worked hard and lost 40 lbs. Then I got pregnant again And found myself over 200 again. I just ate whatever and lots of it.
So here we go again. Time to do this thing. I am so sick of being overweight I can hardly stand it. I want this to be the time. So often I read logs and everyone is so "this is finally IT". I want it to be it. I do. But I've struggled with feeling like a failure my whole life that the whole thing kind of scares me. I'm scared of letting myself down again. And my husband too. But myself most of all.
About me a bit. So I'm a mom of 4 (so far) and we homeschool. I also have a side graphic design business so finding time to workout is hard. But I've got to find it somewhere. I did NROL4W for a while, lost a little weight, saw great gains, and LOVED IT. But dude I was famished all the time. It was really really hard to get enough of a deficit to lose weight when that heavy lifting made me so hungry. I know it can be done but it isn't going to be done by ME.
So I've just been trying to eat right for a bit and now find myself at around 184. 2 more lbs and I'll be able to say "I've lost 40 lbs" (again). I decided to suck it up and buy Leigh's Fat Loss Troubleshoot and work it. I've been weighing this week for the first time ever. It's not hard, but not easy when I cook for a family of 6 as well. I've been having to weigh out everything and use separate pans for my food. Do what you've gotta do eh? Already I've lost weight this week.
Last week I had gallbladder surgery so for now exercise is on hiatus until I'm healed. So I'm just going to weigh and track until August when the Women's Challenge starts. You'll see my *gasp* Before Pictures around then. I'll be trying to post my food logs here as well as exercise during the Challenge.
Well time to make dinner has past. Ill nab my food logs for this week too.
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Kim. Not Kimberly, not Kimmie, and certainly not Kimbo. Just Kim. Though it was frankcassiesmom for a blink of an eye.
Monday - Crap knowing that I was going to start weighing tomorrow and with my belly working WAY better than it should I ate a lot of crap. It would serve me right if the Lord made me super sick tonight.
B - 1/2 an apple, and open faced grilled chicken sandwich (slice ww bread, grilled chicken breast 1 slice tomato and a slice onion) 1/2 a biscuit and maybe 3 bites of pancakes and 3 bites ice cream
L - small small bowl of mac n cheese
D - 2 corn dogs (oh yeah read that right. I didn't eat this crap when I DID have a gallbladder and NOW I do? It's like there is a crazy person living in me)
S - few handful buttered popcorn, handful of peanut butter popcorn, about 8 pieces of watermelon
Tuesday:
B - 40 grams of steel cut oats, 41 grams apple, 29 mL milk, and 1 egg (53 grams)
L - 4.9 oz perch with 86 grams of tomato diced and 358 grams of broccoli and 120 grams cherries instead of brown rice
D - 8.4 ounces of salmon, 172 grams of brussel sprouts, 98 grams brown rice
S - String Cheese, 15 grams peanut butter, 142 grams cherries, 1/4 scoop protein powder
Macros: Calories - 1534 Protein - 37.4% Carbs - 36.2% Fat - 26.5%
Wednesday
B - 40 grams steel cut oats, 6 grams flax seed meal, 20 grams of raisins, 15 grams of peanut butter & stevia
L - 7.5 ounces of salmon, 254 grams of green beans
D - 169 grams of spaghetti squash, 20 grams onions, 100 grams of tomatoes, 4.3 ounces of chicken breast, 137 grams of green beans
S - 108 grams of apple, 15 grams of peanut butter, 1/4 cup (weighed mL on scale) and 1/2 a scoop (16 grams) of ON protein powder and well ice. 4 ounces of chicken with 85 grams of tomato
Macros: Calories - 1357 Protein - 42% Carbs - 32.5% Fat - 23.5%
Thursday
B - 2 eggs (107 grams) 1 egg white, 1 slice - actually with a chunk ripped off since serving sizes are lame (43 grams)
L - 1 Lean Cuisine Chicken Club Flatbread
D - 302 g cabbage, 152 g spaghetti squash, perch 6 oz, 170 tomatoes
S - 113 grams of cottage cheese, Cantaloupe, 144 grams, Applegate Farms Soppressata, 0.9 oz, about 6 bites of the fried rice I gave everyone
Macros: Calories - 1259 Protein - 36.9% Carbs - 37.5 Fat - 25.6
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Kim. Not Kimberly, not Kimmie, and certainly not Kimbo. Just Kim. Though it was frankcassiesmom for a blink of an eye.
Oh how easy it is to fall into old habits. Somehow I realized I had been munching my way through making everyone food. A few bites of fried rice, 2 pieces of shredded cheese. Two bites of G's zucchini cupcake as I put it back on the tray, many bites of chicken as I shredded it, 4 bites of chicken quesadilla, 2 more bites of cupcake. ACK! Crap. I already didn't have a lot of calories left today. Hardly any in fact. I was sitting at 1286 without any of those bites. God only knows how many calories in all that snacking. Lame. I wanted a zucchini cupcake to eat while we watched Sci Fi Friday. Sigh. I wish this were easier
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Kim. Not Kimberly, not Kimmie, and certainly not Kimbo. Just Kim. Though it was frankcassiesmom for a blink of an eye.
And, though I am talking to myself here it seems lol the zucchini cake is really good. I made them into cupcakes and it is 138 calories per cupcake. Rockin. I can make room (except today LOL) for 138 calories for a cupcake. Oh yeah.
Recipe is here: A Recipe for Weight Loss: Chocolate Zucchini Cake
Delicious. Thanks lady for the great recipe.
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Kim. Not Kimberly, not Kimmie, and certainly not Kimbo. Just Kim. Though it was frankcassiesmom for a blink of an eye.
Well last night was sort of a bust. It's amazing how easy it is to fall into old patterns I realized at one point that I had been mindlessly taking bites of things here and there. 4 bites of the kids' fried rice, a couple bites of zucchini cake as I brought it to G and a couple more when I put half of his back, a bite of cheese when I made C dinner and 4 bites of his quesadilla he had leftover. Ugh. I already had next to no calories left by that point. And I had planned on eating a cupcake. 135 or 6 calories. Yeah yum. But I didn't. Luckily it must not have been nearly as much as I thought as I was still down this morning.
Weight this week has been weird weightwise. I had my gallbladder surgery last Thursday. So I had lots of thin homemade soup, yogurt, etc. for the next number of days. So my weight when I weighed Monday was down 5 lbs from 189.6 to 184.8. But I assumed I'd go back up a bit after I started really eating food again instead of liquids, yogurt and fruit. But I started weighing food Tuesday and watching my macros and am down to 183.4 this morning. So who really knows how much I lose this week since at one point I had gone up to 185.2. Anyways so this weighing thing is working like a charm. I'm eating more veggies now so am full and not starving and managing my deficit. Nice. If I can get to 193 by Monday I'll be a happy camper.
Ramble over. Off to help Clay outside.
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Kim. Not Kimberly, not Kimmie, and certainly not Kimbo. Just Kim. Though it was frankcassiesmom for a blink of an eye.
Hey KIMBO.... I mean Kim. I crack myself up. Just found your log... you should have told me that you have one so that you're not in here talking to yourself LOL.
Um.... I think you meant 1EIGHTY3 up above there hun... not 193. If you get to 193 by Monday you'll have had much more than a bite of cheese here and quesadilla there LOL! You are doing a FABULOUS job this week... good for you!
"As far as (healthy) eating, either do it, or don't. Same issues repeated over and over is just insanity. We either commit to the endeavor or pay lip-service to it. This is the hardest part of the whole process, and it needs to be practiced more than the actual physical training. It's mind training." ~ Matt Thorne
"The reason that most people fail instead of succeed is that they trade what they want most for what they want at the moment."
I like your log. I'm new to this forum, actually to forums in general and am still trying to figure it all out. I think you are a bit too hard on yourself, Reading between the lines and it sounds like you are beating yourself up offline. I have a few thoughts that might help.
1. There is not "it" or "last time" or "once and for all" there is only life and it is in continuous motion. You should strive for progress not perfection. Last summer I ate an ice cream cone every single night with my son. This summer, I am down to 1 sometimes 2 ice cream cones a week. Is it perfect? No. Progress? Yes.
2. I had the problem with eating my kids food. That is the worst feeling because not only is it usually crappy food to begin with [read: chicken nuggets] it is typically cold and mangled in some way. I heard a somewhat cheesy Oprah-esque idea that made me stop doing it cold. The idea is that when we eat the remains of our kids food, or finish our plates even though we are full or eat something before it goes bad we are just using our bodies as a garbage can. That food is intended for the trash and we are intercepting it. YUCK!
3. I don't want to screw up your work out plan because I know it can be overwhelming but I combine (in a somewhat erratic fashion) NROL4W with an exercise DVD called 30 day shred with Jillian Michaels (trainer from the biggest loser). On days I don't do NROL4W I either run, bike or do her workout. Though it has strength, I use light weights and basically consider it bootcamp-style cardio. The workout is 20 minutes with 3 circuits. I highly recommend it especially since you are at home and having trouble fitting it in.
Hi Kim,
I think you are a bit too hard on yourself, Reading between the lines and it sounds like you are beating yourself up offline. I have a few thoughts that might help.
I heard a somewhat cheesy Oprah-esque idea that made me stop doing it cold. The idea is that when we eat the remains of our kids food, or finish our plates even though we are full or eat something before it goes bad we are just using our bodies as a garbage can. That food is intended for the trash and we are intercepting it. YUCK!
Nicole
Sigh Nicole you've hit the nail on the head. I beat myself up something fierce. I know everyone always says to stop that but that's easier said than done. I've always struggled with it. And it's a vicious cycle for sure. One little mishap and I kick myself until I end up eating even more crap. Sigh. Sometimes I swear this food thing makes me feel like a crazy person lol.
And of course when eating and so on goes South instead of talking about it so I can move on I hide. This log (you know since I haven't been logging this is more like a blog. Maybe a (B) log? anyways) is another one of those things in which I ran and hid instead of keeping things out in the open.
I joined the Women's Challenge. Now I ate crappy for 2 days lol. What sense does THAT make? Anyways I am going to start weighing food again tomorrow, use the rest of this week to get acquainted with the OPT exercises and figure my weights and start officially on that on Monday (though this is the 3rd week I was going to officially start)
At least with all this eating my weight hasn't ballooned. I think I've learned that it takes A LOT of work to really gain weight. It takes a lot of calories to make me gain from where I'm at. Which of course does mean that with a deficit I should be able to lose at a pretty good rate too right?
So here's my challenge stats and pics.
Age: 31
Height: 5'6
Weight: 183.8
Measurements:
Neck - 14
Full Bust - 44.25
Under Bust - 35.25
Waist at Bellybutton - 41.5
Hips - 40
R Thigh - 26
R Calf - 15.5
R Bicep - 12
Ouch pictures are painful. Period.
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Kim. Not Kimberly, not Kimmie, and certainly not Kimbo. Just Kim. Though it was frankcassiesmom for a blink of an eye.
I want sleep! When will this baby stop waking up 100 times a night? He just turned 1 but he's teething and well... he's never, yes NEVER slept through the night. My other 3 I never had to "get" to sleep through the night, they just did eventually but this guy still wants to be up and nurse half the night. ACK! I haven't actually slept longer than a couple hours at a time in over a year. I'm just tired. This weekend is going to be when he learns not to wake at night. Man it's easier when they just start doing what you want without teaching them eh? Last night with his teething he was up almost all night. Then with a long day of taking the fam to the Science Center (which was VERY cool BTW) and some design work before bed (hate deadlines ugh) I just feel like I could fall over. It makes me wonder if that's one of the reasons I just keep dreading working out. That I keep putting it off. I'm just tired all the time. I never sleep. I might try to start taking a nap during quiet time instead of designing and see if that helps. I need to have more energy.
Redwifey said something interesting. "The Dr. made a good point that I always try to remember: your body gets energy two ways--food and sleep. If your not getting one (in his and your case, sleep) then food will become your energy source" I never thought about that. And with a body's need to just recover sleep is important.
Off to go get some. Sleep that is. Hey get your mind's out of the gutter.
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Kim. Not Kimberly, not Kimmie, and certainly not Kimbo. Just Kim. Though it was frankcassiesmom for a blink of an eye.
ROFL Kim at that last statement. I saw RW's comment about sleep/food too.... very interesting, wasn't it? I never thought about it that way either... but it totally makes sense.
So, you and I are in the same boat re: eating these last couple of days. I don't even want to post my food log at TBLDS... ugh. Think I'll take yesterday as a free day LOL. Back at it tomorrow... I know I said that yesterday too. Ugh. Double ugh.
Good luck with the sleeping little one.... I can't believe that he hasn't slept through the night yet. I had no idea! I hope you are lucky enough to get him to do that this weekend! I'll be crossing my fingers for you!
"As far as (healthy) eating, either do it, or don't. Same issues repeated over and over is just insanity. We either commit to the endeavor or pay lip-service to it. This is the hardest part of the whole process, and it needs to be practiced more than the actual physical training. It's mind training." ~ Matt Thorne
"The reason that most people fail instead of succeed is that they trade what they want most for what they want at the moment."
Good luck with your little one. I'm sure trying to make a lifestyle change is tough when you have to care for a child so keep your head up and keep trying. Changing eating habits is by far the hardest part and it takes time. So if you're not perfect today, try to do better tomorrow. I'm on week 4 of Leigh Peele's OPT program and I don't think I've gotten my macros perfect yet but I'm down 5lbs so really and truly it's consistent effort that delivers results.
hey kim, you're not in this alone! i find having a log really helpful - keeps me accountable to someone other than myself. and i have found nothing but support in these forums - lots of moms here and women who've been where you are. hope you're sleeping better - i am totally worthless when i don't get my eight hours. i get depressed and down on myself - way out of proportion. you've got an awful lot on your plate right now (figuratively, of course!!) so cut yourself some slack!
Hey Kim,
Wanted to wish you luck in the challenge! Try to stay strong. There is alot of support here. I am new to the forum and have been helped so much just by being able to chat with others. How have you been doing the last few days?
Hang in there, Kim. I have two non-sleepers and I so remember what you are going through. Tough stuff. Keep at it and remember it isn't about what that scale says (at least all the time) it is about learning to eat and make your body change. It is a journey that won't end but will get easier. Focus on your little trimuphs. they will turn into bigger ones before you know it!! I struggle often but life is about pushing through our failures and making them victories. We learn by falling and pushing ourselves beyond our limits.
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Vickie
Momma to Joel (6) and Sean (5)
Wife to John for 10 years
Just a Log.
And found myself over 200 again. I just ate whatever and lots of it. 
Just found your log... you should have told me that you have one so that you're not in here talking to yourself LOL. 
Linear Mode
