Bytsi, sounds like you have a great plan going-I'll be interested to see how you do and what is effective for you. I think I'll have to go look up that thread to get the gist of the conversation, but it seems really logical.
Anyway, good luck, and glad you had such fun weekend!
Hey Celeste - I hope my plan works... one thing I'm learning is that I'm going to have to be completely flexible. Set a plan - can't just wing it - but adjust the plan constantly - keep on fine-tuning...
Quote:
Originally Posted by kfisherx
Bytsi to answer your question from a purely Mathmatical point of view a 1000kcal overage one day could easily result in 10 days of no loss if you are only in a 100cal a day deficit. If you are at a 400 cal a day deficit and you do a 3000 cal cheat one day then it could wipe out the next 7.5 days of dieting and being hungry. You really have to ask yourself if that is worth it when you start doing the Math. That is why I never cheat. It is not worth blowing away the work that I have put in and will have to put in to make up for that cheat.
And if you are getting PRs in your lifting and feeling strong as you are lifting that is a good indicator that you are not eating at a deficit. I feel like shit in my lifts right now and only am losing a lb a week.
Hi Karla - you're right, mathematically it was STUPID to cheat. I'm eating around 500 kcal deficit (but of course that varies based on activity for any given day). I know the shake was a big stupid cheat mistake, and I paid for it in calories and nausea . I plead exhaustion in my poor decision... that's all I got!
I do wish that hormones and water and all the other stuff wouldn't play into weight-loss - I'm nowhere near as fine-tuned as you are in my science experiment - but every screw-up is a chance to learn more, right? (Not a natural optimist, but every once in a while I give it a half-hearted try )
Continuing with recovery week. Nothing but karate planned today, and of course NEAT. Sitting on my exercise ball as I type, gonna go walk a couple laps and then maybe even come back to the computer and do what I'm paid for .
Don't be so hard on yourself! The work you are doing is making you hungry!!!! I have totally been where you're at and gotten so down on myself. I think your idea to cut back to two lifting days a week is a good one. Maybe just do 2 days of lifting and karate and see if you are able to be more compliant in your diet.
I love lifting too, and I was getting a little depressed this weekend because I was thinking how lifting and running had transformed my image of myself from a fat chick into an athlete. When I was walking on Saturday morning and thinking I'd rather run because I feel like a wimp just walking, I reminded myself - an athlete does what their coach tells them to do.
You are still strong and still and athlete even if you decide you should push yourself a little less hard.
Don't be so hard on yourself! The work you are doing is making you hungry!!!! I have totally been where you're at and gotten so down on myself. I think your idea to cut back to two lifting days a week is a good one. Maybe just do 2 days of lifting and karate and see if you are able to be more compliant in your diet.
I love lifting too, and I was getting a little depressed this weekend because I was thinking how lifting and running had transformed my image of myself from a fat chick into an athlete. When I was walking on Saturday morning and thinking I'd rather run because I feel like a wimp just walking, I reminded myself - an athlete does what their coach tells them to do.
You are still strong and still and athlete even if you decide you should push yourself a little less hard.
Thanks Leah... what you said is helpful and makes a lot of sense. I'm kinda afraid to cut even to 2 days/week lifting, but really it does make more sense for me. So I think I'll wait til Friday to lift (I was deciding between W and F) and then I'll lift M/F instead of M/W/F. Still cardio (ss, no HIIT for now) and karate... and when there's a choice between 3 or 4 sets, I'll choose 3 (I hate even typing that!).
Food is back on again... doing ok today with kcal and macros... have about 100 kcal left, just back from karate. Not a great workout (I got stuck with a new girl for half the class, so no intensity at all, then stuck in a group of lower-ranks for a multi-man attack. bleh. I was mad cuz Sensei grouped us by -- HEIGHT. Ugh! I'm short. All the tough advanced people were taller than me ). I guess non-tough workout is ok though, since it's supposed to be my rest-ish week...
Hi Karla - you're right, mathematically it was STUPID to cheat. I'm eating around 500 kcal deficit (but of course that varies based on activity for any given day). I know the shake was a big stupid cheat mistake, and I paid for it in calories and nausea . I plead exhaustion in my poor decision... that's all I got!
I do wish that hormones and water and all the other stuff wouldn't play into weight-loss - I'm nowhere near as fine-tuned as you are in my science experiment - but every screw-up is a chance to learn more, right? (Not a natural optimist, but every once in a while I give it a half-hearted try )
Continuing with recovery week. Nothing but karate planned today, and of course NEAT. Sitting on my exercise ball as I type, gonna go walk a couple laps and then maybe even come back to the computer and do what I'm paid for .
Hey Bytsi sorry if I sounded abrupt but I was just answering the question you asked me. Perhaps I did not pad the answer well enough. Yes, it is all a learning experience and as such it is all good. You are doing well.
The water and all the other stuff doesn't really have to factor in so much either in my experience. If you keep yourself hydrated every single day and keep the food in check there is very little up and down I am noticing on the scale. Some but not much. Certainly week by week you will see a trend in the right direction. My friend (Brentv) is noticing this same thing. I think it really all has to do with being honest and consistent each and every day. For some people this works and for others the pain of doing all that figuring is not work the results. It is a choice thing. No right answer. Only a right answer for you....
Of course the other factor here since we all workout is how to balance the energy thing versus the deficit thing. As I get smaller and smaller this balance will be harder and harder for me. I am already backing WAY down on the lifting and only doing ss cardio and some HIIT on top of that. I suspect by the time I am at 10% bf that I will barely have the ability to lift at all. That is just the way it goes though. I am prepared to deal with the weakness to see the result.
__________________
The BIGGER I get the smaller you look
Silly Bytsi, did you not already know that short people are inferior? Just kidding! Don't hurt me with your itty-bitty hamster fu!
Hang in there. It seems a lot of us are trying on different workout loads these days, rearranging things as needed. I'm going with the whatever-makes-me-happy route as long as it doesn't fall too far on the side of either lazy or crazy. Anything in between, in the land of sanity, should get me to where I'm going. I hope.
Hey Bytsi sorry if I sounded abrupt but I was just answering the question you asked me. Perhaps I did not pad the answer well enough. Yes, it is all a learning experience and as such it is all good. You are doing well.
Ah no Karla - not abrupt, and I wasn't mad at you - I was mad at ME!!! SO mad at myself for being that dumb. Again.
Quote:
The water and all the other stuff doesn't really have to factor in so much either in my experience. If you keep yourself hydrated every single day and keep the food in check there is very little up and down I am noticing on the scale. Some but not much. Certainly week by week you will see a trend in the right direction. My friend (Brentv) is noticing this same thing. I think it really all has to do with being honest and consistent each and every day. For some people this works and for others the pain of doing all that figuring is not work the results. It is a choice thing. No right answer. Only a right answer for you....
I do stay hydrated, but I still see some weird variability... maybe haven't been consistent for long enough to really see the pattern that may emerge? Scale didn't move again today BUT I'll take it, I guess, over being up from the weekend. I hate going to bed hungry, but I'll do what it takes to lose this damn fat.
I think, for me, I am bringing out my OCD tendencies - but this is a good thing. I need to do this. Other methods don't work for me. When I did WW 11 years ago, I counted points obsessively. Didn't measure, but of course at my starting weight, any change was for the good. As I've tried to be "normal" and not think about food / exercise - that's when I've slipped and gained.
My weird rationale here: I used to obsess about food - when and where I'd get it, who would realize how much I actually was eating (I knew it, it was embarrassing). I knew where every drive-thru was and who served breakfast til what time, etc etc... at least if I "obsess" on food / exercise now, it's in a healthier direction.
Quote:
Of course the other factor here since we all workout is how to balance the energy thing versus the deficit thing. As I get smaller and smaller this balance will be harder and harder for me. I am already backing WAY down on the lifting and only doing ss cardio and some HIIT on top of that. I suspect by the time I am at 10% bf that I will barely have the ability to lift at all. That is just the way it goes though. I am prepared to deal with the weakness to see the result.
I can't imagine (yet) being at 10%. My goal is in the 18-20% range. I know I'll have to balance the deficit with being smaller... but I also want to maybe consider a clean mini-bulk once I get the fat off. I dunno... I honestly need to just think about my fat loss for now, and also still loving what I do.
Bottom line is I enjoy lifting and karate and feeling healthier, and even sometimes doing some cardio. I also like eating, but I'm doing better finding higher-volume cleaner foods that I enjoy - and that aren't so rich and calorie-dense that I get sick from them. Whatever I do toward getting to my body-composition goals has to balance with also enjoying myself and being able to do what I love.
Right now - I'm working on finding balance, learning what I REALLY want and what is and isn't worth sacrificing to get there in whatever timeframe it may take...
Silly Bytsi, did you not already know that short people are inferior? Just kidding! Don't hurt me with your itty-bitty hamster fu!
Hang in there. It seems a lot of us are trying on different workout loads these days, rearranging things as needed. I'm going with the whatever-makes-me-happy route as long as it doesn't fall too far on the side of either lazy or crazy. Anything in between, in the land of sanity, should get me to where I'm going. I hope.
You and Randy Newman, eh? ("short people"). Bleh. Don't hit your head on the doorframe on your way out
Thanks for the encouragement... and yeah - my long-winded post (that I was typing while you were typing ) pretty much came to the same conclusion you did - stay happy and don't be insane (lazy/crazy - ) and we'll get where we're going one of these days. Hopefully sooner than later.
ETA: Forgot my workout from this morning!!! 40 min SS on stairmaster, HR ~ 70% for the majority of the time.
Thanks Bytsi for replying. It seems you and I both fight our respective demons this week and lost. I too am mad at myself right now because I have to go face my trainer with my mis-doings. It is so embarassing to stand there and try to explain why I am not eating when there is no good explanation. I hate it. But that is also why he is in my life right now. If I did not have that medicine to face I would tank my body again.
The scale goes up and down for me on a daily basis. But on a weekly basis you should see movement downwards. And yes that is only if you are consistent throughout the week. If you have cheat meals or days then it could do whatever. And by cheat meals I mean meals where you don't really factor in what you eat or make up for it any other way. For me the big numbers are all in my weekly averages. My goal for this week is to eat 1700 cals a day average. I can have a 2000 cal day if I want provided that somehow I make that up before end of week. I can eat cake or brownies or whatever provided I can fit it into my macros for the day. It is actually a pretty liberating way to diet.
And YES the fiber and filling foods are a BIG deal to me as well. If I eat empy and dense foods during the day I am starving all the time. Not cool.
__________________
The BIGGER I get the smaller you look
Right now - I'm working on finding balance, learning what I REALLY want and what is and isn't worth sacrificing to get there in whatever timeframe it may take...
Balance is key…if you can’t live and have a fun and rewarding life in the meantime and you feel tortured then you can’t be consistent like you need to. Everything is down to personal choices…what works for you! Keep it up tho…sometimes I think when we have a bad day/week is only makes our resolve stronger the next time we’re in that situation. I look at it like a 401K…if I looked at every statement and watched it go up and down and freaked out every time I’d make myself miserable. I’ve learned that it’s going to go up and down…but in the long run…it will be where I want it to be. I know…weird analogy…but it works for me…lol
"Let your freak out" moment of the day - dinner at my parent's for Father's Day. Dad grilled flank steak. I took my serving and weighed it on his food scale before I ate it. For whatever totally warped reason, he didn't think I was being strange!
This made me laugh.
I totally hear you on the hunger issue, especially today.
Dumb question here, but you are measuring in grams when possible right?
__________________ It all starts with the mind, but the thoughts, the intention aren't enough. Action needs to come next. Dream it, believe it, plan it, execute it, celebrate it. - Wendy
Thanks Bytsi for replying. It seems you and I both fight our respective demons this week and lost. I too am mad at myself right now because I have to go face my trainer with my mis-doings. It is so embarassing to stand there and try to explain why I am not eating when there is no good explanation. I hate it. But that is also why he is in my life right now. If I did not have that medicine to face I would tank my body again.
The scale goes up and down for me on a daily basis. But on a weekly basis you should see movement downwards. And yes that is only if you are consistent throughout the week. If you have cheat meals or days then it could do whatever. And by cheat meals I mean meals where you don't really factor in what you eat or make up for it any other way. For me the big numbers are all in my weekly averages. My goal for this week is to eat 1700 cals a day average. I can have a 2000 cal day if I want provided that somehow I make that up before end of week. I can eat cake or brownies or whatever provided I can fit it into my macros for the day. It is actually a pretty liberating way to diet.
And YES the fiber and filling foods are a BIG deal to me as well. If I eat empy and dense foods during the day I am starving all the time. Not cool.
I need to look at my weekly averages a bit more... although I'm being so anal lately, my daily numbers are pretty much dead-on (except for Saturday). Seems like it doesn't matter which side of the coin we fall on - this is hard. I have noticed that allowing myself a fudgesicle (60 kcal) or some other treat in the evening helps me from feeling too deprived... as long as I leave room for it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by sidonia
Balance is key…if you can’t live and have a fun and rewarding life in the meantime and you feel tortured then you can’t be consistent like you need to. Everything is down to personal choices…what works for you! Keep it up tho…sometimes I think when we have a bad day/week is only makes our resolve stronger the next time we’re in that situation. I look at it like a 401K…if I looked at every statement and watched it go up and down and freaked out every time I’d make myself miserable. I’ve learned that it’s going to go up and down…but in the long run…it will be where I want it to be. I know…weird analogy…but it works for me…lol
Your analogy works too well! My DH tends to check his retirement funds way too often... it's almost like his version of the scale - if they suck, he's cranky. If they're doing well, he's in a good mood...
Quote:
Originally Posted by SpacecityPaula
This made me laugh.
I totally hear you on the hunger issue, especially today.
Dumb question here, but you are measuring in grams when possible right?
I measure in grams whenever I can, but on a few items I have ounces for my basis. But my scale is digital, so I can get to 3.0 ounces on those few things... Sorry you're hungry too .
Today is my 19th wedding anniversary... part of my stress is the desire to go out with DH after work, but not having the calories left to do so. I already blew it so badly on Saturday that I don't want to "cheat" today... I'll figure it out though. Somehow.
What about a salad with a piece of grilled chicken?
__________________ It all starts with the mind, but the thoughts, the intention aren't enough. Action needs to come next. Dream it, believe it, plan it, execute it, celebrate it. - Wendy
I need to look at my weekly averages a bit more... although I'm being so anal lately, my daily numbers are pretty much dead-on (except for Saturday). Seems like it doesn't matter which side of the coin we fall on - this is hard. I have noticed that allowing myself a fudgesicle (60 kcal) or some other treat in the evening helps me from feeling too deprived... as long as I leave room for it!
Your analogy works too well! My DH tends to check his retirement funds way too often... it's almost like his version of the scale - if they suck, he's cranky. If they're doing well, he's in a good mood...
I measure in grams whenever I can, but on a few items I have ounces for my basis. But my scale is digital, so I can get to 3.0 ounces on those few things... Sorry you're hungry too .
Today is my 19th wedding anniversary... part of my stress is the desire to go out with DH after work, but not having the calories left to do so. I already blew it so badly on Saturday that I don't want to "cheat" today... I'll figure it out though. Somehow.
I bet you can figure out something to make it up to him!
I read something from you in someone else's log earlier today (can't remember whose log, though) about eating several times each day and handling "real" hunger better than emotional hunger. I wanted to reply there but got distracted and figured I'd be better off doing it here.
Anyway...
I don't mind most hunger pangs -- those real ones, growly type. Mind cravings can drive me up a wall, though. When I was eating a bazillion times per day, as is usually recommended here, it was horrible! Now I've gone back to my usual 3 (bigger) meals a day, sometimes a snack added on, I'm doing much better. I get real hunger pangs but I can handle those, no problem. My cravings, though, have gone way, way down and that's a good thing. (All of the aforementioned does not apply to my don't-want-to-eat days. Those are a completely different animal. LOL)
Just a little different experience for ya, if it applies in anyway...
I read something from you in someone else's log earlier today (can't remember whose log, though) about eating several times each day and handling "real" hunger better than emotional hunger. I wanted to reply there but got distracted and figured I'd be better off doing it here.
Anyway...
I don't mind most hunger pangs -- those real ones, growly type. Mind cravings can drive me up a wall, though. When I was eating a bazillion times per day, as is usually recommended here, it was horrible! Now I've gone back to my usual 3 (bigger) meals a day, sometimes a snack added on, I'm doing much better. I get real hunger pangs but I can handle those, no problem. My cravings, though, have gone way, way down and that's a good thing. (All of the aforementioned does not apply to my don't-want-to-eat days. Those are a completely different animal. LOL)
Just a little different experience for ya, if it applies in anyway...
I kind of agree here. I can get really obsessed with food to the point that it's all I think about. Yes I need to check on my food, but I have recently gotten so wrapped up in it that it's made me miserable. I let it go for a day and found that my natural eating will put me in about the right place, now that I've sorted out where that is. Sometimes thinking all the time about what you're depriving yourself of makes you so crazy for it that when you get the chance for you, you feel you must have it. I find as soon as I "allow" myself anything on the menu, I'm just not interested. I guess it's the psychological you have to figure out for yourself.
Also, don't be too hard on yourself (takes one to know one here! ) I know you're trying, you know you're trying, if you kick yourself too hard when you've messed up, you're going to hurt yourself. There are too many people in this world trying to get your down, don't be your own worst enemy. Accept the mistake and move on. If there's anything I've learned in all this dieting mayhem, that's it. It's not easy, but it's important.
Just my two cents
I have been really interested in all the discussion going on here and in the FLTS thread in the training forum. I am VERY tempted to purchase FLTS. At the same time, I feel like Jes in that all this obsessing and over thinking is already starting to drive me nuts. Bytsi, don't be too hard on yourself - I also need to live by this mantra. I have acquired quite a few from this board already, add it to the list. I think you, like me, find the working out part of it the easiest and for the most part enjoyable. I also love lifting, and if it is something you enjoy than there is no reason you can't fit it into your plan.
Just really having a rotten day. Started with a fight with my 16yo DD, which left me quite unhappy on the way to work. Made the mistake of calling her from work to try to hash it out, ended up crying at work . Lost a good hour to the phone call and subsequent locking myself in the bathroom to try to recover / look presentable (which failed miserably). She's a great kid, but she's 16. Really knows how to push my buttons .
Now I feel like shit and can't really concentrate. Eyes are red and puffy... The discussion isn't over - I have to deal with it when I go home, and I'm not looking forward to it.
What happened to the sweet little girl who thought I was wonderful and loved to give hugs and kisses?
Crap.
Was going to take my first-ever spinning class at lunch, but that started 10 minutes ago and I just have no desire, even though it prob'ly would've helped with stress.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SpacecityPaula
What about a salad with a piece of grilled chicken?
Ended up having small (1/2-size) salad with grilled chicken (about 2 oz) on it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gregl515
I bet you can figure out something to make it up to him!
Quote:
Originally Posted by realcdn
I think he's got a point there.
I was gonna do a cute reply, but I'm just... so... bleh... can't even come up with one at the moment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nutbar
I don't mind most hunger pangs -- those real ones, growly type. Mind cravings can drive me up a wall, though. When I was eating a bazillion times per day, as is usually recommended here, it was horrible! Now I've gone back to my usual 3 (bigger) meals a day, sometimes a snack added on, I'm doing much better. I get real hunger pangs but I can handle those, no problem. My cravings, though, have gone way, way down and that's a good thing. (All of the aforementioned does not apply to my don't-want-to-eat days. Those are a completely different animal. LOL)
Hmmmm... I will keep that in mind as something to try in the future. Maybe I'm getting myself TOO used to eating frequently, firing up the hunger???
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesca
I kind of agree here. I can get really obsessed with food to the point that it's all I think about. Yes I need to check on my food, but I have recently gotten so wrapped up in it that it's made me miserable. I let it go for a day and found that my natural eating will put me in about the right place, now that I've sorted out where that is. Sometimes thinking all the time about what you're depriving yourself of makes you so crazy for it that when you get the chance for you, you feel you must have it. I find as soon as I "allow" myself anything on the menu, I'm just not interested. I guess it's the psychological you have to figure out for yourself.
Also, don't be too hard on yourself (takes one to know one here! ) I know you're trying, you know you're trying, if you kick yourself too hard when you've messed up, you're going to hurt yourself. There are too many people in this world trying to get your down, don't be your own worst enemy. Accept the mistake and move on. If there's anything I've learned in all this dieting mayhem, that's it. It's not easy, but it's important.
Just my two cents
Thanks... I know I'm probably hard on myself sometimes, but I just want to see progress. I make stupid / weak mistakes and it's hard to forgive and move on because I knew better. If I would just do what I've planned, I wouldn't even be in this situation at all! I lost the damn weight already, swore it'd never come back - and while it's not 100% regained, I'm NOT where I was or should be. I bought gorgeous new thin clothes that I can't wear and will probably be out of style by the time I ever get back into them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beesknees
I have been really interested in all the discussion going on here and in the FLTS thread in the training forum. I am VERY tempted to purchase FLTS. At the same time, I feel like Jes in that all this obsessing and over thinking is already starting to drive me nuts. Bytsi, don't be too hard on yourself - I also need to live by this mantra. I have acquired quite a few from this board already, add it to the list. I think you, like me, find the working out part of it the easiest and for the most part enjoyable. I also love lifting, and if it is something you enjoy than there is no reason you can't fit it into your plan.
Thanks Bree... I am not going to quit lifting. I'm just going to be more careful with it - lift hard, but 2/week instead of 3, and no HIIT for now. We'll see where that gets me, and tweak the plan as I go...
I should just stop. I posted in Jes's log about pessimism and venting and being seen as negative... and here I am, doing exactly that. I also want to address what Karla brought up in a reply to me in her log - about emotional eating, about what foods make me feel full or hungry... but I'm not in a place to deal with it right now. Just not a good day. Hopefully I can rebound and be more sociable later...
Just really having a rotten day. Started with a fight with my 16yo DD, which left me quite unhappy on the way to work. Made the mistake of calling her from work to try to hash it out, ended up crying at work . Lost a good hour to the phone call and subsequent locking myself in the bathroom to try to recover / look presentable (which failed miserably). She's a great kid, but she's 16. Really knows how to push my buttons .
Now I feel like shit and can't really concentrate. Eyes are red and puffy... The discussion isn't over - I have to deal with it when I go home, and I'm not looking forward to it.
What happened to the sweet little girl who thought I was wonderful and loved to give hugs and kisses?
Crap.
Bytsi I'm sorry your day started so bad. I don't have any kids, but Shawn's daughters are 12 and 14 and sometimes I just can't put in words how hurt we are by the things they do and say. And no, they don't hug us anymore either, or just a pathetic side hug with a don't touch me vibe to it. I know just how you feel. It seems like we are constantly remembering something that we did together a few years back, simple stuff like going to Home Depot together to pick out flowers, and saying - that's when they still liked us.
My sister is having a really terrible time with my neice right now (she's 14) and my sister is wondering the same thing you are.
__________________ It all starts with the mind, but the thoughts, the intention aren't enough. Action needs to come next. Dream it, believe it, plan it, execute it, celebrate it. - Wendy
Aw, sorry you're having a sucky day. My oldest is 14 but, yeah, we have similar days with him and our 11-going-on-17 year old. Bleh. Just get through the day and worry about everything else tomorrow or the next day.
Aw, I'm sorry about the fight. Being an adult sucks. I realize now that some of the things I said to my mother (when I was a teen) were incredibly hurtful, but it never really sunk in until I was older that her feelings were just as easily hurt as mine were.
That doesn't really make it better, I guess. Anyway, I hope your day gets better.
Your sweet little girl is still in there. Metamorphosis into lovely young woman just comes with some angst. I feel you, been where you are, and come out the other side. Definitely understand your misery having to sit with these feelings while at work. Is this a discussion you could start back up with a hug first? That's how my daughter and I began our discussion of our arguments just to help the feelings settle a bit. {{{BIG HUGS}}}.
__________________ Just because your mother thinks you're special doesn't mean I do
Bytsi,
I'm sorry you're having a bad day...I'm not there yet with my kids but I can identify with relationship issues and sucky communication. Hopefully the day will cool things off a bit so you two can resolve things this evening.
On a lighter note, wasn't it Dr. Dobson who said that we have the discomfort of third trimester of pregnancy so we're willing to go through the pain of labor, and we have the emotional roller coaster of the teen years so we're willing to let go of our kids when it's time? Of course, I just threatened to shoot my 13yo son the night before his birthday unless he promised not to be distant, rude, uncommunicative, drink, do drugs, or date girls...
Bytsi I'm sorry your day started so bad. I don't have any kids, but Shawn's daughters are 12 and 14 and sometimes I just can't put in words how hurt we are by the things they do and say. And no, they don't hug us anymore either, or just a pathetic side hug with a don't touch me vibe to it. I know just how you feel. It seems like we are constantly remembering something that we did together a few years back, simple stuff like going to Home Depot together to pick out flowers, and saying - that's when they still liked us.
I hope you feel better soon.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SpacecityPaula
Bytsi:
My sister is having a really terrible time with my neice right now (she's 14) and my sister is wondering the same thing you are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nutbar
Aw, sorry you're having a sucky day. My oldest is 14 but, yeah, we have similar days with him and our 11-going-on-17 year old. Bleh. Just get through the day and worry about everything else tomorrow or the next day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amblus
Aw, I'm sorry about the fight. Being an adult sucks. I realize now that some of the things I said to my mother (when I was a teen) were incredibly hurtful, but it never really sunk in until I was older that her feelings were just as easily hurt as mine were.
That doesn't really make it better, I guess. Anyway, I hope your day gets better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DanceDiva
Your sweet little girl is still in there. Metamorphosis into lovely young woman just comes with some angst. I feel you, been where you are, and come out the other side. Definitely understand your misery having to sit with these feelings while at work. Is this a discussion you could start back up with a hug first? That's how my daughter and I began our discussion of our arguments just to help the feelings settle a bit. {{{BIG HUGS}}}.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Celestialmom
Bytsi,
I'm sorry you're having a bad day...I'm not there yet with my kids but I can identify with relationship issues and sucky communication. Hopefully the day will cool things off a bit so you two can resolve things this evening.
On a lighter note, wasn't it Dr. Dobson who said that we have the discomfort of third trimester of pregnancy so we're willing to go through the pain of labor, and we have the emotional roller coaster of the teen years so we're willing to let go of our kids when it's time? Of course, I just threatened to shoot my 13yo son the night before his birthday unless he promised not to be distant, rude, uncommunicative, drink, do drugs, or date girls...
Quote:
Originally Posted by marthand99
I'm so sorry you're having a bad day, Bytsi. Sending virtual hugs.
Thanks to all for the virtual hugs and words of wisdom and commiseration...
We talked for a long time when I got home, and it wasn't easy but... it was a glimmer of hope? I don't ever want her to be afraid to talk to me or be honest, which means I have to sometimes listen to hurtful things and try to be human... admit I'm not perfect and make mistakes and being a mom doesn't automatically turn you into a "grownup" and I have feelings too, etc etc... it's not easy. Communication is SO hard... and my DD is a private person who doesn't trust or open up easily to anyone - me or her girlfriends... but she's also an awesome kid - good student, good athlete, not into drugs or sex or any of that crap, so I'm blessed. Of course she gives me credit only for the bad, never the good
So - we're ok for now, she even gave me a half-hug (at my request) at the end of it all... and talked a little about something else she was upset about which probably contributed to the blowup.
I can't stay on now, taking her to soccer (she's concerned about finding the field at rush hour, among other things)... but I'll try to be on later or early tomorrow... but THANK YOU a million times over for letting me vent about off-topic stuff and all...
And the one good thing? I haven't eaten a lot today, so I can actually have dinner without obsessing later
Well, I planned to go to karate after DD's soccer scrimmage, but never made it. It was nice to watch her play though - it was the first high school team practice since the end of last season (she plays year-round, but the hs season is summer/fall), and it's always fun to see all the girls coming back together again. Plus she was in a better mood and we actually chatted on the way there and back .
No exercise at all today. Minimal NEAT, since I was upset and felt like crap most of the day. Food is low-ish calories (around 1330 if I don't eat anything else) but macros suck -- over 50% carbs, only 17% fat, only 85g protein.
I was gonna sleep in tomorrow, but instead I'll probably be getting up to do some cardio since I blew off karate tonight (if I'm TOO tired I won't, but it's my plan). But the blown workout was for a good cause. DD needed me and I really think she actually was glad I came and stayed the whole time (versus her usual "whatever" attitude).
I will get back to my figuring out hunger and food and exercise and all our other regularly scheduled programming tomorrow
I'm a little late to the party, but I feel for you. I remember some times when I hurt my mom when I was younger and I didn't know what I was doing. We were all we had for eachother for a while there and I still feel bad about those things some times. I think you get very self involved in those years trying to sort out who you are and you lose track of everyone else in the world and their feelings.
The other thing I can think is that my Mom was trying to hide some of the things that were going on to try and spare my feelings and keep me from worrying and I didn't realize what I was happening. I don't know if that's what's happening with you guys, but I guess you both need to remember you don't know everything about eachother's lives.
I'm glad you sort of worked things out. I'm sure they will even out over the next couple of days. Just take some time for yourself tonight to recenter. And have a kickin' dinner!
Bytsi, another understanding shoulder here! Great job on hanging in there and making your rel. with your daughter top priority. You can exercise any time...
I'm a little late...but I'm sorry to hear your day started so rough yesterday...the sweet little girl will be back eventually...but she'll be a slightly older one, who will realize that what you did for her growing up was awesome! My mom and I fought like CRAZY when I was sixteen...she used to ask me what aliens abducted her daughter and when they were bringing the other one back!
Just read a little further... glad it worked out...sometimes a blow up is necessary to get to the good stuff!
. I plead exhaustion in my poor decision... that's all I got!
)
.
). I guess non-tough workout is ok though, since it's supposed to be my rest-ish week...
) pretty much came to the same conclusion you did - stay happy and don't be insane (lazy/crazy - 
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