Hi Hazel,
Welcome to the forum.
As far as the engagement, if you do not want to rush- then don't. I think that it is very wise to get your bills a bit in order before getting married. Money does not buy happiness but not having to worry about it everyday makes life much easier.
As far as the big wedding, I would urge restraint. That being said, my wife and I (now 13 years) had a very costly wedding. We certainly could have used the money for other things, but I do not "regret" the wedding. It was/is a great memory. So do as I say, not as I did.
LOL
I think that if you are prudent when spend money on wedding, you will not regret it. Make a budget with your fiancee, stick to it and enjoy.
Cheers
peter