[WillACarpenter]

I want to be able to look back at this and remember what it was like in the beginning, remember how this all started, and remember what my motivations were and what my real focus and motivation was... But I'm getting ahead of myself.

My name is Will. Will A. Carpenter to be a bit more specific. I was born on October 6th 1984 in Melbourne, FL. I've lived in the Finger Lakes region of New York since I was about 4 years old, and my parents were 36 when I, their only child, was born.

Both of my parents had been obese much/most/nearly all of their adult lives. Sometimes less, sometimes more. I was a really skinny tall string bean of a child...until about 3rd grade. Sometime over the summer between grades 3 and 4 I slowed down on growing up, and started growing out. A LOT.

This isn't something you really understand as a kid. I was really active, and I tried very hard to keep up with my friends. In many cases I was more active than my ectomorph neighbor kids...but I still never really lost the weight, and I had a bit of a rough time because of it.

I'm not looking for pity, and I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for me...I just want to lay down the story as I see it.

When I came back to school fat...I'd lost a lot of my "friends" I was in classes with the same kids...but they didn't play with me as much at recess or they just got closer to other people. It was weird and it changed how I reacted towards people and how I found different ways to interact and get attention. (I wasn't the bad kid in school, sometimes the suck up teacher's pet...what can I say I like kudos)

One time really hurt, the one time where my fatness really made me feel terrible, one time where I was squarely kicked when I was down. I was in 4th grade and I came down with Viral Meningitis. If you know anything about meningitis you know it's preferable to have viral since A) you're not contagious (or at least not nearly as much) and B) you're more likely to live after it without some of the possible problems like nerve problems or hearing or vision loss. But that said having your spinal cord inflamed REALLY SUCKS.

To be honest I thought I was going to die. I actually asked my mother if I was dying, it hurt a lot. I was in the hospital for two weeks and spent another two weeks at home on bed rest. While in the hospital my class spent an afternoon all writing me get well cards, stuffed inside a GIANT get well card.

90% of these cards took a direct aim at calling me fat. Specifically they drew pictures of Orcas and wrote "Free Willy!" The teacher apparently thought it was just a fun play on my name being will, but I took it as a bunch of kids comparing my fat ass to that of a whale while I'm trying to NOT DIE. Many years later a kid from that class actually told me that he felt bad about writing that on his card and that it was a big joke that day about how I was fat and my name was will.

F*** you Simon Wincer and Warner Bros.

But I got over that, I grew up. I made new friends, better friends, even a couple of *gasp* fat friends.

I became my own person...who happened to be fat, instead of being my own fat person.

Over the years I did feel that I'd been held back by my weight, by my girth, by my lack of ability to do some of the things I wanted to do.

But when I compared myself to other fat guys...things just never added up. I get around better than most of the fat people I know. I am more active than these people. I have better habits than these people. Why am I so large, if I'm so much more active and each so much better than these people? Obviously it's that I do things better than them, but nowhere near good enough.

Several times, for several reasons, I tried several different methods of weight loss. The two best times were 1) when I was 16 and I wanted to be a better lacrosse player because I naively thought that if I was better at the sport I would get more game time. and 2) when I was on a serious weight training/physical conditioning/nutrition regimen for 3 months one school semester.

The problem with method 1 is that when I got results with my body and actually became better at lacrosse and actually got to show my skills and actually did great in the game...I got benched for the rest of the season...for no "real" reason...I lost my motivation, I lost my drive, and I gave up.

The problem with method 2 is that I did too much, too fast, with a lack or real planning. I was juggling too much in my head, I was over training and I just could not keep up that pace. As soon as I hit a plateau I was done. No point busting your hump for no results. So my old ways quickly set in, I gained all of the weight back plus another twenty and then you have me around May 2009...

I'll write about that later. Right now I have to get ready for a workout.