[niclyf]

Originally Posted by Etana

Here are some thoughts going through my head:
1. I'm not losing on the scale, so:
a. You're eating too much variety and interesting foods, maybe if you eat plainer still, just turkey or chicken or egg whites, and no more than 1/2 C vegies at each of most meals, your body will react with a drop
b. You're eating too much food, maybe more fasting and 800-1000 cal days will cause weight drop as when you were in 20's and 30's
c. I'm doing something wrong.
d. I'm a failure
e. I should drop my calories
f. Maybe my exercise level is much more light than I realize
g. OH, here's the big one: If I'm feeding myself all these healthy meals, no wonder I'm not losing weight: I'm eating 5-6 meals a day, not really depriving myself, so my body thinks it is being fed and is happily maintaining with what I am giving it (1350cal)

Oh girl .. I can SO relate to 99% of those thoughts, as I too have them on a daily basis!! In my 20s.. dropping weight was never a problem (that was in the height of my anorexia though, and it's hard not to drop weight on a caloric consumption of about 400 cals a day) .. now that I'm 33 and have re-gained what I needed to gain back (and a little more than I'm comfortable with) .. trying to restrict my eating is impossible. And due to being older now, I'm seeing the effects of the metabolic slowdown that comes with age.

I don't know if it's some form of self-sabotage, the psychological effects of not only physical but psychological deprivation of 10 years of undereating/overexercising.. but I feel like walking train wreck right now, and all of those thoughts go through my mind, what feels like every waking hour (getting to the point where I'm even having dreams about it!!). Psychologically, now that I'm eating again, I'm having a hard time viewing food as just fuel for my body, but I've found that more often than not, when I eat, I feel like I'm making up for years of deprivation, and it's reflected in my food choices (i.e., and entire jar of PB, or a half a canister of walnuts, 1/2 box of cereal). I don't necessarily feel as though my eating style as it is now is "bingeing" .. but I think I've definitely crossed over the normal threshhold into over-eating quite often. It's such a delicate area for me right now .. I'm sure the lack of progress on my part, is in response to my body fighting back and not wanting to let me lose weight again, but the psychological factor as well .. that my mind is tired of me depriving myself and my body of the foods and calories I crave. 10% of the time, I'm undereating .. 90% of the time, I feel as though I'm overeating. I canNOT find a "system' that works. Counting calories for me, seems like not only a lot of work in an area that I'm clueless on .. but also tends to result in me obsessing again about what I'm eating/not eating calorically, and puts me back in that restrictive mentality .. but by the same token, given the fact that I want to lose a small amount of bodyfat and then re-focus my goals and calories to allow me to add lean mass, I actually HAVE to count calories if I want to see the results I'm looking for. I feel like I'm constantly on a see-saw, that more often that not, is down, not up.

And sadly .. for as wordy as that was .. I can't offer any insight of my own or advice to you, other than to just let you know that you're not alone in your struggles. Truth be known, I'm sure there's a lot more people going through this than just you and I. I think women, generally speaking, are just psychologically programmed to constantly feel like we need to lose weight, in the same ways that I think a lot of men are psychologically pre-programmed to always be wanting to add mass/bulk.

Why couldn't I have been put on this earth as a dog?!?! They never think about food, weight loss, etc., and are just happy as they are! I am always in awe when I really watch my little sheltie Laddie, at how happy and content he is all the time, and how he'll go to his dish, eat until he's full and walk away often leaving some behind .. and then never gives his food another thought.