Etana
It is good that you identify these voices because you can counter them with truth. As for an ED? It is hard to know for sure. It sounds like maybe it could be a binge disorder(mild), but I am not sure. I know many who binge from time to time but they by no means have an ED. Sometimes I think many on weight loss journeys who get really caught up in it tend to neurose over it more so than the average person - especially if you are here reading/learning about weight losss and other peoples success stories. Even without an ED, it would make me feel like a failure just reading about how someone else can lose weight by being in a deficit while I do the same thing but I am stuck and scale/clothes being looser does not change. But those obsessive thoughts, if they take over your thoughts all the time (24/7), certainly would set off alarm bells for having issues.
Personally, for me, it was totally unconscious. I NEVER set out to lose weight. Looking back, it is like it never entered my mind. I just quit eating without any goal to lose weight. Then I started getting up at 5 in the morning to go walk - and I sped walked. I could do 5 miles in 55 minutes!! I HAD to do my 10 mile walk daily but I don't really remember becoming obsessed with food until someone pointed out that I was skinny and had lost weight (5'9 and 110-115 lbs and had been maybe 142). I was 16 and most of it all is such a blur but by the time I was conscious of anything, the tentacles were wrapped around me too tight and deep for me just to "get over it and start eating" like everyone suggested. Sadly, when it became conspicuous to all and I was pressured to eat - it turned to bulimia. I still struggle to this day as I was a MAJOR fat phobe and I hate eating it. I have been to counseling, inpatient, etc. but when I read Emma Leigh's articles on FLzine, it really struck me for some reason and I have been doing much better. Not cured, but much better
Like Leigh said in her first podcast, we love knowledge and learning; I "know" so many things (like how fat is good for the body) but some things are still hard to do. But I did start finally taking fish oil capsules!! I laugh now at how I could be afraid of fish oil.
But in essence, yes those are ED thoughts (and actions with binging) which to me are sort of synonymous with low self esteem thoughts (I am a failure, I am doing it wrong, etc); which basically is you scolding yourself for not measuring up. Measuring up to whom or what? Other peoples success? Your own goals/expectations in your mind? Hollywoods version of everyone being a stick these days?
So it is good you see the tricks your mind can play - it helps to read other people's mindgames because then it is easy to identify them in your own life. Posting here will help and is good accountability. An ED thought process is like a siren's call - very easy to become entrapped and very destructive. Just start countering those "I am a failure" thoughts with "I am a success" thoughts. Do you have Tom Venuto's "Body Fat Solution"? He has some good chapters on counteracting those messages. I am trying to implement them myself!!
There are SO many things to be said so I will just leave my babbling for now and say "Kudos to you" for recognizing destructive thought patterns that will hinder you in the long run.
And of course, these are my thoughts and not true for everyone. I am sure there are far more who read success stories and it motivates them - but for someone like me, it has the potential to make me feel like a failure, but I am getting past that
because it is totally about my poisoned mind, NOT the person who succeeds. I am happy for them!! Just wanted to clarify that so no one would feel bad or think they are harming anyone by their success. Make sense? It is just like me reading how Sharon Stone, Lohan, or Mischa Barton can drop to these low weights in a month or so and I am wondering why I can't do it. Mind games and more mind games........OK sorry, I said I 'd hush. If I need to make something more clear, just let me know. I am not good with getting my thoughts out in writing.
Missy