If you're marketing to newbies, I'm skeptical of the term "fatloss." People want to lose weight, and proposing "fatloss" seems like a trick or technicality. We know it's what they want, but they don't. I would use the terms they are familiar with, especially since they only have a few seconds for it to sink in.
Also, if there's an area name/term that's short and sweet, you might consider that as part of line one. For instance, I live in Orange County, CA. Line one for me might be "OC Personal Training & Weightloss." Not necessarily a city name, since being in the neighboring city could scare them off, too (Oh my that's soooo far.
). But the name of (or term for) the area would seem safer. People are picky, especially starting out. Things have to be easy until you get them.
Make sure the phone number is toll free OR local to the area so it's familiar and they get that you're local. None of those weird mobile only area codes that no one knows. They'll just think you're visiting and not try calling.
The website should be easy to remember, because no one wants to
actually call and talk to you, they want to see what you charge and do before they call.
OC Personal Training & Weightloss
Gym & Home
phone
website