Okay so had a MAJOR freakout yesterday and last night. I cannot even begin to name what triggered it but am okay now (somewhat).....
I just had a rough day I guess. Work at Intel exploded on me and I had over 100 emails with 3 hot fires to work. I then did some training after work at Intel and finally my own workout. I got home at 11:30 PM. I had more work to wrap up at Intel and then I had to do my daily compliance report to Alan before heading to bed.
At some point in the gym I looked in the mirror and just totally freaked out. My gut is getting so HOOOOYYYGE! I look like a keg now (where's Tom?) Seriously I am so bloated and big. In the past I would just have gone off the diet for a day or two until the bloating went down, but now that I have to do daily compliance reporting that option comes with more consequences than not. I felt a little bit trapped and so I stuffed all the food in my face that I was supposed to eat for the day and then wrote to Alan that I want to turn it around now!! It was 1:00AM.
When the alarm went off at 6:45AM I knew that email was a mistake and I knew that my phobias were just taking over. I also suspected what was coming from the other side so I quickly composed another email telling Alan to disregard that last one. I was okay. He confirmed later that he would have requested pics of my "big fat pig-ness" had I continued being silly.
That is so unfair. The camera doesn't seem to catch what I see in my own eyes. LOL!!!
I also took a bit of time this morning to do my monthly measurements with the local natural bber and trainer. He has one of those really expensive calipers and has been doing this for 15 years so pretty steady. I put on .5 inches in my biceps and 1 whole inch in chest. (Lats are just getting crazy) Alas I also put on an inch in my middle. he told me to just chill out about that because that will drop fast. He plugged in all the numbers and it turns out I am gaining LBM (or other) at a rate of .25lbs a week. I was a bit disheartened by that but he put things in perspective for me.
* He said that he did a full year bulk last year and ended up with 6 lbs.
* That is 12lbs a year of LBM!!
* He kept reminding me that I am female and that it was an awesome gain. He has a number of male clients who cannot gain at that rate.
Overall he said I was doing everything right as far as he could see and tell and better than most can manage.
So for now I am okay. Not happy at all with how I look right now but it's winter so I can cover it up mostly.
Today I weighed in at 135.8 lbs!!