[Q.]

I must confess that I secretly hoped that you would join in just because I knew that whatever you wrote would be a gem! I should also not have been surprised that it was such a LONG gem!

A few miscellaneous comments...

Originally posted by gardener:
I have very strong political views, one of which is that I devoutly wish that George W. Bush was still governing Texas and Dick Cheney still enjoying Sunday services at Highland Park Methodist Church.

By extension, I guess you also wish that Clinton was still in the White House? Probably best not to go there and stay on topic!

I just attended my niece's wedding at HP Methodist on May 17th.

Originally posted by gardener:
But just think, my friend, about what you and I are doing here now. If you were of my generation, in the waning days of your 48th year, where would you have gone with those three questions of yours?

You know, I have thought about what a sign of the times it is that a lot of my closest male friends and confidants are people who I've never met! It sounds strange but it makes a lot of sense really. In the past, the pool that we developed our friendships from was often the people that we shared interests and activities with. Because the Internet has allowed us to communicate with people with shared interests from around the globe, we group around those shared interests and friendships develop. Pretty cool, huh!

By the way, I've never been one to hold my feelings inside and, as I said, I'm big on communication! In my case, I was raised by a single mother with no father around (grand parents played a big part too) so that may have been a plus in that regard.

Originally posted by gardener:
Occasionally, as in a play by Ionesco, it may even turn out that two guys went to the same high school.

Originally posted by gardener:
I must wonder if your wife knows about your posting here, and about its content..

I'm open when it comes to communication but I also fiercely protect a portion of myself that I keep just for me, if that makes sense. I have my own study and everyone knows that it's my space. I share it but they know to respect it, too. The same goes for what I write to my friends online. That's really my business alone. No, my wife doesn't know what I write here. She knows how I feel and I've shared potions of the book with her as we've talked about this topic but I wouldn't be stupid enough to hurt her/us by telling her about a near miss where nothing actually happened other than scraring the crap out of me and causing me to take a much harder look at how I got into that situation. That's really what this is all about for me... trying to figure out what it was in me that allowed that to almost happen. It didn't, I knew that it would have been stupid and disastrous, I was still in control enough to know to back away quickly... but something there intrigued me and I wanted to explore that after-the-fact.

Originally posted by gardener:
It strikes me that the trajectory of our lives is one in which we move from having almost endless possible choices to make to gradually defining our identity, who we are, by the choices we actually do make. We may date, play the field, consider as our life’s partner Sue, Rita, Gwen, Peggy, and Elizabeth (or Sam or Bill). But then, if we make a choice, we forego all the possibilities we didn’t chose. I really do believe in “forsaking all others, in sickness and in health.”

Absolutely! You are right about how these things define our identity. I was shaken by this event but, when the dust settled, I found myself that much more committed to my wife and our life. It was like getting a glimpse of tasting the forbidden fruit but realizing that the sweetness would be very shortlived and then I'd have to live the rest of my life with the harsh reality of what I had given up.

Originally posted by gardener:
Okay, cut to the main point, my friend. To be alive, male, heterosexual, and fit means to have thoughts of forbidden pleasures, of getting involved in stuff we know would be dumb but sounds like it could be fun. If a guy is in shape, possibilities may present themselves, and they’re flattering, but dangerous.
Years ago, when I was in my twenties, a slightly older teaching colleague told me about a freshman in his English comp class, a girl named Jennifer Sane. “Oh, to be 18 and in love with Jennifer Sane, not married to the woman with whom I have produced three sons. But then I realize. This woman and I will grow old together. One of us will bury the other. And she will forgive me for the pee-stains on my underwear.”

Thanks for your response! I've very much enjoyed this conversation... with everyone. It is wonderful to have a safe place like this to share and talk about these kinds of issues. It has helped me and I hope it is useful to others as well!

Q