So I just talked to Leigh.
She is so nice and so helpful, and great about answering all my questions. I have about a page full of notes that I took!
Most of my questions centered around "okay, what to do now?" She told me to go ahead and exercise more, but keep it more moderate, at least until I get a period. Like avoid supersets, and get the rest in, but don't be afraid to lift weights and go for a run.
We talked about what kind of macros I should shoot for in maintenance (45%ish carbs and split the protein and fat). Also about learning to listen to my body and understand where I'm at in terms of energy balance - I have to say that REPAIR has really helped with that, because in 8 weeks I've eaten at 6 different calorie levels and now I know how they all feel.
What she said that really surprised me that was I can be in a deficit, safely, if I want to. She said that if I'm not happy with my body, if I wanted to look like Jennifer Aniston (that's the example I gave her of my "ideal" - sort of a yoga instructor meets runner), then I should just get in, lose a little fat, and get it over with.
So now the million dollar question is am I happy with my body?
Here's the thing. When I started trying to lose weight, at let's say 180 pounds, my goal was to get back to my "normal chub" weight of 165. When I hit 165, I was like, hmm. This is great! But you know what would be greater? 10 more pounds! So I lost 10 more pounds. And so on and so on until 135. The question I need to figure out for myself is, is it ever going to be enough? Is there really a spot I'll hit where I'm like, damn, bitches! I'm fiiiiine! If so, then I think she's absolutely right. Or is it always going to be a liiiiitle more that I need to lose to be "perfect"? Because I used to be happy right where I am.
So I just need to decide whether my head or body needs to be "fixed." LOL Good thing I have a therapy appointment tonight!