I miss my dad a lot today. Totally random, and I have no idea what prompted it. He died 6 years ago (Lou Gehrig’s disease) at the ripe old age of 51. Anyway, so I’ve been meaning to get this VHS tape he made for me converted over to DVD. When I went off to college, my family moved to Germany and my dad sent me home videos a couple of times. I think my mom has one he made for me, but I have the best one (which he named “Cheezy Winter Scenes”). I can’t even really remember what was on it, but I do remember that he set it to his favorite album at that time, Alice in Chains’ “Jar of Flies.” So, I downloaded the album today.
It’s making me feel better. I’ve wanted to pick this album up for a long time but just never got around to it.
I think maybe the travel was it. My dad loved traveling and being in a European-style city reminded me of him. I remember him dragging us all over the place, map and videocamera in hand, just wanting to see “one more” thing. We’d walk around cities for like 12 hours, rarely stopping for a rest.
He never got to see me lose my weight (I was around 200 when he died) or get my MBA, not to mention get interested in weight lifting (an occasional hobby of his – I remember him taking me to the gym with him on several occasions while he lifted weights). It took me years to stop feeling like my sense of self-worth was tied directly to his approval/pride in me, and the remnants are still there. I still want to tell him about my accomplishments and share them with him.
Bleh. *sniffle*